Up to Me (9 page)

CHAPTER SIXTEEN- Cash

The ride to the hotel with Olivia is a special kind of torture.  Even after devouring her an hour ago, I still feel that familiar twitch in my dick when her hands stray too low on my stomach.  With my eyes wide open, I can still picture her tiny hands wrapped around my shaft, picture her lips closing over the glistening tip.

And thoughts like that aren’t helping.

The other thing that makes it torture is knowing that I’m leaving her in someone else’s hands.  I hate that.  I told her Gavin is the most capable, which is probably true from a technical standpoint.  But I feel like there is no one that would risk more for her, no one else who would care as much for her safety as I would.  As I
do.

But it has to be done.  My presence alone brings danger right to her doorstep.  And that’s unacceptable.  Until I get this under control, this is the best thing for her.

Even if it doesn’t feel like the best thing for me.

********

Olivia is quiet all the way through the lobby, in the elevator and into the room.  She doesn’t say a word as she packs what few things she’d taken out of her bag back into it.  I feel the need to lighten things up for her. I don’t want her leaving on this note.  I don’t want
either one of us
leaving on this note.

Before she zips her bag, I pull out a pair of her panties and hold them up.  

“Can I keep these?  I promise they won’t end up strung up in the bar.”

“Give me those,” she says halfheartedly, reaching for them.

I jerk them away from her grasping fingers. 

“No. I think I’ve earned at least one pair.”

“So you like girl’s underwear, huh? I never would’ve guessed it.”

“They don’t make ‘em big enough for what I’d have to put in them,” I tease.

She grins at that and replies, “Fine.  Keep them. I think I’ve got plenty to last me for a while.”

I peek inside her bag.  “Oh, yeah.  You’re good.  I mean, you won’t be changing them nearly as often without me around.”  I give her my most devilish grin and feel gratified when her cheeks turn rosy.

“That’s probably true. In fact, now that I think about your effect on my underwear,
you
probably owe
me
several pair.  I seem to remember a couple pair getting torn.”

“Mmm, that’s right.  How could I forget?  I’m surprised your dad didn’t hear all that moaning you were doing.”

Her mouth drops open and her cheeks burn a little brighter.  “Maybe that was
you. 
I seem to remember you being extremely excited.”

“Baby, I was
very
excited.  You do all kinds of delicious things to me.  Which makes me want to do all kinds of delicious things to you.”

“Um, I’m pretty sure you did.”

“Listen, why don’t you just ‘accidentally’ leave all these at your mother’s house?  If you come home without any, I promise I’ll make sure you don’t miss them for one second.”

“Commando’s not my thing.  Now Ginger on the other hand…”

“Oh, God!” I exclaim, closing my eyes and turning my head.

“What?  Ginger’s gorgeous!”

“If you’re into that sort of thing.”

“What’s ‘that sort of thing’?”

“Well, she’s just so…blond and so…plastic and so…feline.”

Olivia laughs.  “I thought guys liked that kind of thing.”

“Some do.”

“Well evidently you do, too.  Taryn is all those things, too, only Ginger has a personality.”

“Okay, then I
used to
like that kind of thing. 
Now
I like
your
kind of thing.  It’s the very best kind of thing.  Makes all other kinds of things look like shit.”

“Well, far be it for me to cause you to conjure mental images of shit without panties.”

“Can we not talk about shit and panties in the same sentence?”

“You’re the one that was talking about panties and lack thereof.”

“Oh my God! I can barely remember that far back.  Too many traumatic things have been said since then.”

“It was forty-five seconds ago.”

“Told you it was traumatic.”

She laughs again, and this time, the sparkle in her eye is back.  Just like I like it.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN- Olivia

Cash’s teasing makes it easy to forget what’s about to happen, but the sharp knock at the door brings reality with it.

“Who’s that?” I ask.

“Gavin.”

“We’re leaving from here?”

“Yes. I thought it would be safer.  On the off chance anyone followed me here, they wouldn’t see Gavin and know to look for him.  He should be parked on the next street over.  This way I know no one will see you and be able to follow you to your mom’s.  They’ll still be watching for me.”

“So you’ll be by yourself.”  Fear nips at my insides, making them quiver.

“Just for a while.  Nash and I have a plan for tomorrow.”

“Care to tell me what that is?  Or would you rather I not know?”

He eyes me with a strange expression. I’m not sure what to make of it.  My mind and my heart are all over the place.

“I don’t mind you knowing if you’re interested.”

“Of course I’m interested! I’m worried about you!”

 “Hey, I’m just asking. I don’t want to assume anything with you.”

 That sparks my anger.  How in the world could he think I’m not interested?  Granted, I’ve had some doubts resurface over the last day or two, but I don’t think I’ve ever given him the impression that I don’t care.

Have I?

The momentary uncertainty is like a wake-up call.  I can’t let all this go down with Cash thinking that I don’t care.  I couldn’t live with that.

“Cash, I’m very interested.  And I care very much about what happens to you.  I know I’ve got some…issues to work out, but that has more to do with me than you.  You’re…you’re…”  Words fail me as my throat closes around a knot of agony.  I pause to regroup before I continue.  “You’re important to me.  And I know you’re a good guy.  Deep down, I know it.  And I trust you. I really do.  It’s just hard to describe how I feel sometimes.  But please, please don’t ever think I don’t care.”

He smiles down at me, moving in to brush his lips over mine.  “Okay, okay.  I believe you.  And I know what you’re saying.  I feel the same way.”  His expression sobers.  “It’s not always easy for me to say what I feel, but I want you to know I—”

“You two all right in there?” Gavin calls from the hall, pounding on the door again and interrupting Cash. 

“Just a minute,” Cash snaps gruffly.  When he turns back to me, he sighs.  He doesn’t continue.  The moment is lost.

My heart sinks. I would give anything to hear where that sentence was going.

“We can discuss all this when you get back.  I can tell you about how our plan went off without a hitch and how I ended the day kicking my arrogant brother’s ass, and you can tell me how you explained Gavin to your mother and how she passed out in the floor.”

He grins.

“Oh shit!”

“What?”

“What
am
I gonna tell her?”

Cash shrugs.  “You’ll have to think of something, because Gavin won’t be leaving that house.  And you won’t be leaving his sight.”

“I guess I could tell her we’re seeing each other.”  As I chew my lip in thought, I see the muscle in Cash’s jaw tick.  I frown.  “What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, not nothing.  What?”

“You’re creative.  I’m sure you can think of something else to tell her.”

“What difference does it make?”

“If she thinks you two are together, she’ll expect to see some affection.”

“So?”

“So, I’d hate to have to kick Gavin’s ass.  And then kick yours.”

I can tell the last was added teasingly.  I can’t help but grin.

“Kick it? I thought you wanted to spank it.”  I’m not normally so brazen, but in the circumstances, I feel like the gloves should come off.

I see desire flare to life in his sinfully dark eyes.  It kindles heat low in my belly.

“Whatever I do to it, I promise I’ll kiss it and make it feel better afterward.  How’s that?”

His fingers are trailing lazily up and down my arms. It’s an innocent touch, but more than enough to make me wish his hands were on my naked skin elsewhere.

“Promises promises,” I purr in challenge.

“I guess I’ll just have to show you when you get back then.  And if you happen to be wearing panties, make it a pair you hate.  It’ll be the last time you see them intact.  Consider yourself warned.”

A thrill of anticipation skitters down my spine.  When Cash loses control, it always ends in us lying, exhausted, in a sweaty heap somewhere.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Duly noted.”

Gavin pounds once more on the door.  Cash winks at me before he turns and crosses the room to pull it open. 

“Damn you’re aggravating.”

Gavin’s smile is full of mischief.  “Here I was hoping to get a glimpse of something good, but you let her get dressed.”  The punch Cash gives his arm seems a little less than gentle.  Still grinning, Gavin looks to me.  “You ready?”

I heft my bag up over my shoulder.  “I guess.”

I cross to stop in front of Cash.  “Gavin can fill you in on the details since we were
so rudely interrupted,”
he says meaningfully, glaring at his buddy.

“Just be careful.  Promise me you won’t take any unnecessary risks.”

“I promise.”

Rather than the tiny peck I figured he’d give me in front of his friend, Cash pulls me into his arms and kisses me.  Really kisses me.  My toes are curled and I’m breathless when he lets me go.

“Don’t forget,” he says quietly, his eyes roaming my face like he’s memorizing it.

“I won’t.”

I don’t know what he’s referring to—don’t forget what he told me, don’t forget his promises. Don’t forget him.  It doesn’t matter, though.  It still has a ring of finality to it that makes me feel like this is the end.

I can’t stop my chin from trembling as Gavin leads me from the room.

********

Gavin is quiet as he smuggles me down the stairs—all the zillion stairs—and out a side door.  The night air is cooler than average.  It’s like a slap in the face when I feel it hit the wet streaks on my cheeks. I didn’t even know I’d been crying. 

Maybe that’s why Gavin is so quiet.  He thinks I’m about to melt down.

Which I might be.  Sometimes I feel like it.

As we strike out up the street, Gavin reaches over to take my bag strap off my shoulder.  I offer him a small smile and let him have it.

“He’ll be fine, you know,” Gavin says quietly, his accent seemingly more pronounced in the dark. 

“You can’t know that.”

“Actually, I can.  He’s a sharp guy and he’s got a good plan.  But even more than that, he’d go through hell and back to make sure you’re safe.  And when he gets a bug up his ass like this, he’s like a pit bull.  There’s just no stopping him.”

His words are bittersweet.  It thrills me to hear that he thinks I’m that important to Cash.  Cash must’ve said or done something to make him think that.  Unless, of course, he’d be asshole enough to lie just to make me feel better.  Even so, it just makes me feel sad and bereft that there’s a chance I might not ever get to tell Cash I’m in love with him.

Why the hell didn’t you tell him five minutes ago?  When you had the chance?  Oh, wait. I know. Because you’re a complete, proud idiot, that’s why.

My chest gets tight just thinking about my lost opportunity.  I slow to a stop on the street, the urge to go back and throw myself into Cash’s arms is nearly overwhelming.

“Gavin, I need to go back. There’s something I have to tell him before he goes.”

Urgency is coursing through my veins like heroine.

Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod what have I done?

Panic, sheer panic is working a fine sheen of sweat onto my brow, despite the chilly temperature.

“It’s too late,” Gavin says gravely.  I look into his handsome, sober face, and, just as I open my mouth to argue, a motorcycle zooms by.  “He’s already gone.”

I feel the tears start afresh.  “But there’s something I need to tell him, something I need him to know before he goes.”

Gavin puts his hand on my shoulder and leans down to look into my eyes.  “He knows.”

“No, he doesn’t.  He couldn’t possibly.  I’ve been such a psycho lately, there’s no way he could know.”

Gavin grins.  “Most women are, but that’s beside the point.  Trust me, he knows.  There’s no way he’d be doing all this for a girl who didn’t love him.”

If Gavin knows, maybe Cash does, too.  Maybe he was going to confess his love to me before Gavin interrupted.  Oh, if only we’d had a few more minutes…

For a second, I want to punch Gavin right in his pretty mouth. 

“Damn you!” I rail at him, stomping my foot.  “This is your fault!  If you hadn’t come and knocked when you did—”

Gavin laughs.  Laughs!  The nerve!  “I’m so sorry if my efforts to help save your life are untimely.”

I feel my lips tighten and my temper boil.  His levity isn’t helping matters.

“Don’t change the subject. It’s not helping,” I say through gritted teeth.

Still smiling, Gavin starts walking away, up the street.  “Fine.  Blame me that you were too afraid to tell him how you feel.  But you and I both know it’s not my fault.”

So smug.  So exasperatingly, aggravatingly smug.

And so right.

It’s no one’s fault but my own. 

I stand, rigid and angry, watching Gavin walk away.  The further he walks, the more my irrational irritation drains away.  I scurry up the sidewalk to catch him. 

“Stop walking so fast, you crazy foreigner!” I mutter.

In front of me, Gavin tips his head back and loud whispers up into the night, “Walk faster, psycho sheila.”

I can’t help but smile at that.

********

Gavin drives an HT3, the Hummer with a tiny truck bed at the back.  It’s solid black with deeply tinted windows.

“Good God, did you steal this from a drug dealer?”

“Watch it.  This baby might well save your sweet ass before it’s over.  She’s about as tactically equipped as they come.”

“So you
did
steal it from a drug dealer?”

Gavin rolls his eyes and shakes his head.  “Women,” he murmurs.

“I hope you don’t say things like that in front of your girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” By the look on his face, you’d think I suggested he was having sex with animals. “That’s trouble I don’t need.  All that emotional shit just messes up great sex and someone to have a few laughs with.”

Of course, I draw a parallel.  “Is that the way Cash thinks, too?”

Gavin glances over at me. There’s caution written in his eyes.  “Maybe a little.”

“You wouldn’t tell me the truth even if that was the case, would you?”

“Look, Olivia.  I’ll admit Cash and I are pretty similar.  And as long as I’ve known him, he hasn’t ever wanted to get serious.  That I know of anyway.  Until now.”

“So you’re saying he wants to get serious with me?”  Why do I find it hard to believe a word he’s saying.

“No, I’m not saying that.”

“That’s what it sounded like.”

“I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”  He pauses and I hear his frustrated sigh.  “Let me just put it this way. I’ve never seen him act like this over a woman before.  Does that mean he wants to get serious?  I don’t know. I think he does, but that’s just an opinion.  Guys don’t sit around and talk about that girlie shit, you know?”

“No, I imagine they don’t.”  I’m a little disappointed. I was so hoping he’d try to convince me or have some evidence to support his conjecture.  But he doesn’t.  Cash is just as much a mystery to him as he is to everyone else. 

Time to change the subject before I let the hands of this depressing funk pull me down into oblivion.  Before I can think of anything to say, Gavin speaks. 

“So, where does this mother of yours live?”

Actually, she lives very near Carrollton, where I go to school. It’s only about an hour from here.”

“All right, west it is then.”

As he guides his enormous vehicle toward the interstate, I think of something else to talk about.

“So, of the many things you interrupted with your persistent knocking was the plan.  Cash was just getting ready to tell me what he’s going to do.  Mind cluing me in?”

Gavin eyes me suspiciously.  “Uhhh…”

“Who am I gonna tell?  My mother?  Like she’d care, even if I did. Which I wouldn’t.  I’m just concerned.  That’s all.”

After another long pause, Gavin gives in.  “He’s going to make a couple copies of the video and keep them with different people.  He’s buying some ledgers that look like the books they want to take with him.  Once he confirms the girl is alive and unharmed, he’s going to show them the video.  He’ll explain that if they don’t hand over the girl and ensure the safety of you and his father, both the video and the books will go to the authorities.”