Until Then (Cornerstone Book 2) (38 page)

“You can tell me anything. You know that. I know you didn’t have an easy childhood, and I know you regret what you did when you were younger.”

“Yes, but I’ve done other things since I became a Christian that I have no excuse for.”

His forehead creased with worry, and he looked like he was struggling to find words, as he was apt to do. “What things have you done?” He spoke so quietly, she could barely hear him.

Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to speak. This was much harder than she thought it was going to be.

“Back when Maggie was engaged to Ben …” She could barely get it out. She had never admitted it before, and saying the words out loud was more difficult than she ever imagined.

He waited patiently.

“We got into a fight. I got really stupid mad and jealous of her, so I went to Ben’s apartment, and we …” She couldn’t say it.

A look of horror crossed his face. “You didn’t.”

She was so ashamed. She wanted to hide. “It gets worse.”

“Worse than that?” He was staring at the ground now, obviously affected by what she had revealed.

“I made him call off their wedding.”

He sank against the back of the bench. “So you could be with him?”

“No! I didn’t wanna be with him at all. I slept with him that one night just to make myself feel better, which, of course, I didn’t. But when I made him break up with her, I didn’t do that for me. I did it for Maggie. He was cheating on her, and I couldn’t let him ruin her life.”

“Does she know about this?”

Michelle shook her head sadly and sniffled. “I’ve never told anyone about this.”

Sean didn’t speak.

“There’s more.”

She felt his shoulders sag deeper.

“When Simon and I were together and I thought I was losing him, I tried to seduce him to get him to stay.” She glanced over at Sean. The disappointment was written all over his face.

“So, you and Simon … you didn’t …?” He was fidgeting now.

“No!” She shook her head vehemently.

Sean sat forward and leaned his elbows on his knees.

“I knew it was wrong. I was just so jealous, I couldn’t see straight. I hurt Maggie and Simon, and I failed God and myself.”

“I’m no expert, but I’d say you could use a little counseling yourself.”

She hung her head.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” He wouldn’t look at her. “But there are reasons why you did those things. Reasons that probably have a lot to do with your childhood. You need to work through that. Counseling really has helped me and the kids. You should take your own advice and try it.”

She nodded weakly. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you all of this sooner. I was afraid it would change things between us.”

He was quiet.

“Has it?”

He shifted on the bench, clearly uncomfortable.

All she wanted was for him to tell her they were going to be OK, but his silence spoke volumes. “It has, hasn’t it? I ruined this.”

There were several long minutes of silence before Sean spoke again.

“I think you need to make things right with Maggie. It seems like you’ve been carrying the burden of that secret around with you all these years, and you need to deal with it before you can move forward.”

She wished he had said
we
rather than
you.
The tears began to burn her eyes, and her throat felt like it was closing up.

“And I need some time … to process all of this.”

Unexpected sobs suddenly hit her.

Sean wrapped his arms around her, and she buried her head in his chest. He held her while she cried. And, oh, how she cried. Sob after sob ripped through her body uncontrollably as she released all the tension over secrets held too long, disappointment in the night’s unexpected turn of events, and fear that she had lost Sean once again.

When the crying subsided, he kissed the top of her head and let her go.

She turned away from him and wiped at her wet cheeks.

He clicked the velvet ring box closed, and she startled at the sound.

A weak laugh escaped him. “Not exactly how I saw this night playing out.”

She turned to look at him just as he tucked the box back into his pocket. It felt like the end of more than just the perfect proposal.

“I should take you home.”

She stood when he did and walked with him along the sidewalk to the park exit. He didn’t take her hand, and the space between them felt like more than mere inches.

The drive home was silent. When they reached her apartment, he walked her to the door. “We’ll talk soon, OK?”

“OK.” She wasn’t sure how she managed to reply.

He started to walk away, but suddenly turned and pulled her into his embrace.

She wrapped her arms around his back and locked them together, burying her head in his chest. When he started to pull away, she squeezed tighter. If this was it, she wanted to hold onto him for as long as she possibly could.

His arms loosened. “Goodbye, Michelle.”

The air rushed out of her lungs. She dropped her arms and backed away, staring at him in disbelief. It was the worst possible thing he could have said to her.

His expression changed as realization came over him, and his shoulders sank. “Michelle.” His voice pleaded for forgiveness.

Crocodile tears slid down her cheeks. “You know how I feel about goodbyes.”

She quickly unlocked her door and escaped inside.

“I’m sorry.” His words muffled through the door.

She threw herself down on the couch cushions and sobbed until she fell asleep from exhaustion.

The entire weekend was miserable. She spent all of Saturday in the same place she had fallen asleep. Sunday, she dragged herself into the shower, but didn’t make it to church. She lay on her bed for much of the day staring at her ceiling, praying for God to give her the strength to make it through this. On Monday, she called in sick to work. She was physically and emotionally spent, but she knew this was the day she needed to drive to Hastings to talk to Maggie. Sean was right. She had hidden the truth for far too long. It was time.

When she parked in an empty space in front of Maggie’s shop, her stomach churned nervously. She didn’t want to get out of her car. She stared up at the Magnolia Photography sign.
Please help me, Lord.
She took a deep breath and went inside.

Sarah glanced up from behind her desk. A look of surprise crossed her face. “Hi, Michelle. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Is Maggie in?”

“She’s on a call with a bride right now. Do you have time to wait?”

Michelle held her purse in a death grip. “Sure.” She wandered over to the seating area toward the front of the shop and sat in a wingback chair to wait. This was the first time she had been in Maggie’s shop since her almost wedding to Ben. Had it really been that long? The space had changed a lot since she first moved in. The walls were now lined with photos of gorgeous flowers and wedding cakes and happy couples. She stared at a candid photo of one of the couples sitting together on the steps of The Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. They looked perfectly happy and in love, and it made her heart ache. She had blown any chance she had of a moment like that with Sean.

Sarah stood then and peeked through the french doors that led into Maggie’s office. “Michelle is here.”

Maggie came out with a big smile on her face. “Michelle! I’m so happy to see you.”

“Me, too,” Michelle managed as she stood.

“What brings you to town?”

Michelle didn’t answer at first.

“I don’t even care.” Maggie suddenly hugged her. “I’m just so glad you’re here.”

Michelle held onto her dear friend, more afraid than ever to say what she came to say. “I just … wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I need to talk to you about something, too.” Maggie motioned to the seating area.

“Um …” Michelle glanced over at Sarah. “Maybe we could talk somewhere more private.”

Maggie’s forehead scrunched up. “OK. We can talk in my office if you want.”

Michelle nodded.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

They walked into the office, and Maggie turned to Sarah. “Can you take a message if anyone calls?” She closed the doors behind them.

Maggie plopped down in her office chair. “I was afraid we would never talk again. And I want you to know how sorry I am about what happened with me and Simon when you two were together.”

“I know.” Michelle’s eye was suddenly drawn to the sizable diamond on Maggie’s left ring finger. “What is
that
?” She stared at the rock.

Maggie hesitantly held her hand out to Michelle. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Wow! You’re engaged? I didn’t know you were dating anyone. Who’s the lucky guy?”

“Simon,” Maggie revealed.

Michelle was dumbfounded. “Simon? I thought he moved to California.”

“Well, he was going to, but I asked him not to go.” She could barely contain her smile.

“So, he was wrong,” Michelle said.

“Wrong?”

“Last time I talked to him, I asked about you. He told me that you didn’t want him.”

Maggie glanced down at her ring. “I did tell him that. I was so afraid of being hurt again. I just wanted someone who would be faithful to me, but I thought I couldn’t trust him. I thought he slept with his assistant, so I pushed him away. But I was wrong.”

“Simon wouldn’t do that.” The memory of the night she tried to get him into bed rushed back.

“I know that now. He really does love me.”

“I know he does.”

“And I love him.” She paused. “I hope this isn’t too uncomfortable for you to talk about.”

“Not at all. I’m very happy for you both.”

“We’re getting married in March,” Maggie announced with a deliriously happy look on her face.

“That’s fast.” She thought of her six-month, long-distance relationship with Sean and the near proposal, and her heart ached.

“I know, but I refuse to go through another five-year engagement.”

Michelle’s throat went dry. “Right. Five years. That’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Maggie sat back a little in her chair with a look of confusion.

Michelle clung to her purse and fiddled with the zipper. “This is really hard. I don’t know where to start.”

“What is it, Chelle?”

Tears burned behind her eyes, and it hurt to swallow. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I regret. You know about some of the things I did when I was younger.”

Maggie nodded.

“But if there’s one thing I regret most, it’s this.” A tear slid down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away.

Maggie reached across the desk and laid her hand on Michelle’s. “Just tell me. It can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, but it is.”

Maggie continued to look at her with the tender look of a true friend, and Michelle almost changed her mind. She tried to think up a quick excuse, but a little voice whispered.
Tell her.

“Do you remember how upset I was the day of your bridal shower? It was after that terrible weekend seeing my dad, and you and I were still upset with each other.”

“Yeah, I remember that.”

“Remember how I took off that night? I was so ticked off, and I yelled at you and stormed out?”

Maggie nodded. “I remember that, too.”

“I left because I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what? Of me?”

“I was always jealous of you and your relationship with your family. Your life seemed so perfect, and everything always seemed to go your way.”

“Oh, Michelle.”

“And I was jealous because I was in love with Simon, and I knew deep down that he was in love with you.”

Maggie pressed her lips together.

“It’s always been you, Maggie, ever since college. And that was the day I finally got him to admit that he cared about you. It made me crazy jealous and so angry.”

“It’s OK, Chelle. I understand. We all get jealous sometimes.” Maggie squeezed Michelle’s hand.

“When I left the apartment that night, I went to the one person I knew I shouldn’t. The one person I knew would hurt you the most.” She paused.

Say it.

I can’t.

Just say it.

She closed her eyes. “I went to Ben’s.”

Maggie let go of her hand.

“And we slept together.” Michelle opened her eyes to see Maggie’s face turn white as a sheet. “And then I made him call off your wedding.” Her hands were shaking now.

“Wh … what? What are you talking about?”

“He had been cheating on you, not just with me. I was trying to save you from more pain.”

Maggie struggled to keep her composure. “So, was this like an ongoing thing with you two?”

“No. It was just the once.”

Tears filled Maggie’s eyes. “And that’s supposed to make it all right?”

“No, Maggie. It’s
not
all right. That’s why I’m telling you. I did a terrible thing, and I’m so sorry. You have no idea how much.” Her chin began to quiver. “I’ve been holding this in for all these years, and I should have told you the truth a long time ago, but I was scared.”

“Get out,” Maggie ordered.

“I came here to ask for your forgiveness. I know it was a horrible, unforgivable thing that I did, but it happened so long ago, and now you have Simon, and—”