Until Forever (Women of Prayer) (11 page)

Mark smiled. “I just was making the acquaintance of this little girl. May I come in?”

Aunt Merry opened the door and let Mark come in.

“I was hoping to catch Jessi, but her daughter told me she is out running. It would seem I have missed her again.”

Mark had seen the understanding cross Merry’s face. She knew that he knew. How could he not after seeing her face-to-face?

Well, she might as well introduce the man to his own daughter. “Mark, this is Olivia. Olivia, this is Mark. He used to be a friend of your mommy’s.”

She made it clear that this was to be the boundaries of the relationship. He had no problem with that, at least for now.

“Olivia, is it? Well, that’s a beautiful name. How old are you, Olivia?” he questioned her, wanting to know how long he’d been a father to this little girl without knowing it.

Olivia smiled at him. “I’ll be six in September. I’m going to kindergarten this year. I’m a big girl now.”

Mark returned her smile, and his heart swelled. “Wow, you
are
a big girl. Almost six years old and going to kindergarten. Who would have guessed? Are you here visiting with your mommy?” He couldn’t help but ask the question. His original plan had been to speak with Jessi and somehow convince her that he was sorry and he was responsible and then walk away and let her begin healing. That was going to change now. There was no way he would walk out of this beautiful girl’s life now that he found her. He needed her love too much. And he could sense she needed his. He would have to convince Jessi; he just didn’t know how.

Aunt Merry spoke before Mark received the answer he was hoping for. “Olivia, why don’t you run upstairs and get dressed.” She was still in her nightgown.

“Mark, why don’t you and I sit down and have a cup of coffee.” Olivia took off at a full run toward the stairs. “Olivia, walk please,” Merry called after her.

Soon they heard the pitter-patter of small feet going up the stairs.

Merry placed the two cups of hot coffee on the table and sat down next to Mark. “This is going to be very hard on Jessi, Mark, you knowing about Olivia. Don’t expect too much out of her too soon. You are going to have to let her get used to the idea for a while. Even then it’s going to take persistence on your part to be able to have a role in that child’s life. You are going to have to decide what role you want that to be. She thinks her father is dead, Mark. My advice to you would be to wade in very slowly, if you don’t want a battle on your hands, that is.”

Mark chose his words wisely. He still needed and wanted this woman’s prayer and support. “I have to admit, seeing her, looking at a reflection of myself, was quite a shock. I knew she was mine. I just knew. She looks too much like me not to be. Did Jessi know before the accident that she was pregnant?”

Merry knew what he was asking. “No, she didn’t find out until after the accident. She was having symptoms but didn’t think anything of it, as she was running herself ragged between the school and the hospital. It wasn’t until she got into a regular routine that she realized something else might be wrong. It was what saved her, Mark. I don’t think she would have continued on if it hadn’t of been for this baby. Her life revolved around Ethan. She needed something else to love desperately enough that it gave her back her will to live.”

He shook his head. He knew exactly what she was talking about. While God had become the driving factor in his life, Olivia had replaced Ethan as Jessi’s. “I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I can tell you I won’t be able to walk out of Olivia’s life. If that is what Jessi is expecting, then she will be let down. I will take her to court for visiting rights if necessary, although I hope it won’t come to that. Knowing her hatred for me, though, it is a possibility.”

Olivia, fully dressed, chose that moment to walk back into the kitchen. “Aunt Merry, can I have some cereal? I’m hungry.”

The three of them sat together at the table, making small talk, while Olivia was chomping on Cap’n Crunch. All three of them heard the front door open and shut.

“That would be Jessi.”

Merry closed her eyes and said a quick prayer just as Jessi walked through the kitchen door. She started to say good morning, but the words got caught in her throat. As she looked at the scene before her, she suddenly felt lightheaded and fell to the floor. Aunt Merry and Mark rushed to her side. Mark helped to get her to a more comfortable chair in the living room then returned to the kitchen to sit with Olivia. Aunt Merry washed her face with a cool washcloth while quietly beckoning her back to consciousness. Jessi slowly opened her eyes and drank from the glass of orange juice that her aunt was offering her. She questioned Merry with her eyes. Aunt Merry nodded her head, and Jessi closed her eyes while a few tears slipped down her cheeks. She knew she should have left last night. None of this would be happening right now if she had.

Once Aunt Merry figured Jessi was over the worst of the shock, she voiced what Jessi already knew to be true. “He knows, Jessi. One look at her, and he knew. How could he not? She looks just like him. We knew this would happen if he saw her.”

Jessi sighed. “I should have packed up last night and headed home. I had a feeling this was going to end up badly. I never listen to my gut. What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you, Jessi. You are a normal human being created by God to be just who you are. I love you. Olivia loves you. And whether you want to hear it or not, God loves you. As far as Mark knowing he has a daughter, it is best to be open and truthful about these things, anyway. He does have some rights as far as she is concerned. You need to listen to him, Jessi. He would have found you anyway, even if you had left. He would have come after you. I have talked with him now a couple of times, and I believe this to be true. He wouldn’t have given up until he found you. Deal with this now. Come to some agreement with him, or you may not like what the courts have to say if it comes to that.”

Jessi could hear what her aunt was saying, but she just couldn’t comprehend it. Mark having a part in Olivia’s life? How had it come to this? Jessi looked up at her aunt. “Could you put him off for just a day. It would give me a little time to think and come to terms with this. Let him know I will meet with him tomorrow morning at the park around the corner at eight. We’ll talk then.”

Jessi picked up the glass of juice and headed upstairs to her room. She should have checked in on Olivia, but she knew Aunt Merry would have everything under control. Things would be okay. She just had to believe that.

Mark had been waiting in the kitchen, talking with Olivia, while Merry was tending to Jessi. He had learned that Jessi and Olivia lived in Wisconsin and Jessi was teaching there at a local elementary school. That was the one bit of information he had been hoping to learn: where his new home was going to be if he was to remain in Olivia’s life, which he fully intended to do. The rest of the time they talked about Olivia—what she liked to do, what her favorite foods were. She took horseback riding lessons, a convenient hobby, as they rented a house on a horse farm. She loved pizza and fruit. Vegetables ranked pretty high on her list as well. She seemed to be a well-rounded kid. Jessi had done a good job with her. They were just talking about her horse, Mr. Ed, when Merry walked through the kitchen door.

“Are you finished with your breakfast, Olivia?” she asked as she started putting away the cereal and milk.

“Yes, I know. Go and brush my teeth.” Olivia looked at Aunt Merry with concern. “Is Mommy okay now? Mark said she is tired and needs to rest.”

Merry gave Mark an appreciative glance. “Mark is right. Your mom is tired, and she went to her room to lie down. Why don’t you go and give her a kiss before she goes to sleep?”

Olivia looked to Mark before leaving the room. “Will you still be here when I come back down?”

Mark looked to Merry for some indication before replying. She gave a little shake of her head.

He looked at Olivia and frowned. “No, I will have to say good-bye for now. I have an appointment in a little while, and I would hate to miss it. But I hope to visit with you again soon. Is that okay with you?”

The corners of Olivia’s mouth turned up. “Yes, I would like that. Maybe I could show you my new doll and playhouse. Bye.” She turned and again ran up the stairs.

Mark looked at Merry, afraid of what Jessi’s response was. “She said she will meet you tomorrow morning at eight at the park down the street. Try to be understanding of why she did what she did. It will help you empathize with her feelings and be more open to a solution that will satisfy both of your concerns. And, Mark, remember to pray tonight. Pray like you’ve never prayed before.”

“I will.” Mark stood and headed through the living room and out the front door. He said his good-byes to Merry and walked to the bus stop that would take him to his appointment in the city. If everything worked out, he thought to himself, he would be looking for a job in Wisconsin pretty soon. He’d never been to Wisconsin. Other than getting pretty darn cold in the winter, he didn’t know too much about it. But he was more than willing to find out.

Chapter 13

Mark arrived at the park fifteen minutes before Jessi. He was nervous and didn’t know what to expect, even though it was he who had requested this meeting. He knew what he originally wanted to talk with her about, but once again a wrench had been thrown into his plans, albeit this time it was a good twist. He had spent most of the night praying and asking God for direction and wisdom. He didn’t feel any more knowledgeable regarding the whole situation, and he wasn’t given some great words of peril to share with her. All he felt was to share his heart; be honest with her for once and let her see the difference in him for herself. It would take time to win her trust; he knew that. But in the end, if he had a relationship with his daughter, he would be the happiest man in the world and that would make it all worth it. The only thing that could make it better was if he actually was able to reestablish his place next to his wife as her husband. He wasn’t sure at first if that was what he had wanted. Now that he’d glimpsed into her heart and had seen all the love she was capable of giving, he knew he wanted to be loved by her and to return that love as a husband was supposed to love his wife. Mark sat thinking and praying while waiting for Jessi to enter the park.

Jessi started jogging at seven thirty. She took the long way around the block to the park but didn’t care that she would leave Mark waiting on her for a few minutes. She still needed more time to think, and running always helped clear her head. She knew from her conversation with Aunt Merry that he wanted to be able to visit with Olivia. He wanted to spend time with his daughter. She also knew that she didn’t want him to have anything to do with Olivia. They would have to find a happy medium that she could agree with if she was going to be able to control the outcome of all this. The courts would probably grant him shared custody with visitation rights if she couldn’t come up with a plan that would suit both of them. She was hoping that her living in Wisconsin would ward him off. He was never fond of cold weather. Maybe he would be happy with seeing her for a little while when they visited Oklahoma. She would start there and work her way up. One thing she would never permit was Olivia riding in a car with him. That was out of the question. She had jogged around the back entrance of the park and approached him from behind. He had figured she would come from the direction that faced Merry’s house. He didn’t pay any attention to the steps he heard from behind him until she spoke his name.

“Mark.” She approached him cautiously. Besides yesterday morning, the last time they had faced each other was in Mark’s hospital room, and that meeting hadn’t gone so well. She didn’t think this one would go too much better. “So you met Olivia, I see.”

She sat down next to Mark on the bench, keeping as much distance as possible between the two of them.

Mark spent a moment in prayer before he answered. “I understand why you didn’t tell me about her. I would have done the same thing if I were you.”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice, Mark. I couldn’t take a chance of something happening to her. After Ethan, I didn’t dare put Olivia at risk. I don’t think I would have survived if she weren’t part of my life. She means the world to me. What is it you want from us?”

“I’m not sure I deserve anything from you. At first, my only intention was to apologize to you for all I have done, but now I also have Olivia to consider, and my relationship with her. And I do apologize from the bottom of my heart. I don’t expect you to forgive me, at least not yet. I was so wrong, and I treated you horribly. I accused you of being a poor wife, and nothing was further from the truth. I lied to you. I did have a drinking problem. I still do if I rely on myself, which I have learned I can’t do. I have not touched alcohol in over six years, not even since getting out of prison, and I never will, not even a sip of wine. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to live with me for all those years. Always providing for our family because I couldn’t keep a job long enough to bring in a decent paycheck would have been more than enough stress, let alone everything else I put you through. You have nothing to feel guilty about, Jessi. I take full blame for everything—our failed marriage, my drinking problem, the sadness that I always found in your eyes, and mostly, Ethan’s death. I was so stupid. I don’t want you carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders anymore. When I was in prison, I realized what kind of burden I put on you. It wasn’t fair of me. I was trying to justify my actions instead of taking responsibility for them. I won’t be doing that anymore. If I am going to change, it has to start with accepting myself and changing as God gives me strength.”