Until Forever (5 page)

7

Cortland

Monnique and I didn’t speak for several days after the club incident. Judging by her silence, she was pissed at me. And obviously, I was livid with her. I felt like I was speaking to a different person. How did you argue with someone so illogical?

I wanted to turn to my family and ask for advice. But they all said I shouldn’t take her back to begin with. And I guess, deep down, I didn’t want to hear what they had to say about their relationship. Because I was thinking it too…

I finally caved and went to her apartment late one evening. She probably wasn’t home because she was taking pictures dressed a whore, but I took a gamble anyway.

After she stared at me through the peephole, she finally opened the door. “Ready to apologize?”

That was not the best way to greet me. “Excuse me?”

“You embarrassed me then you ditched me.”

“I wouldn’t have ditched you if you weren’t being so…”

“So what? What?” she snapped.

“If you weren’t being a bitch.” My words reverberated off the walls then the silence sunk in.

Her eyes widened. “Fuck you, Cortland. It was a work party and I had to be fun. I can’t just stand in the corner and disappear.”

“I thought you were modeling clothes, not acting like a model in
Playboy
.”

Her nostrils flared. “You’ll never understand fashion.”

“I understand my naked girlfriend being groped by another naked guy!”

“You told me you were supportive about this, and now you just change you mind? I can’t just walk away now.”

“I was supportive, but you’re changing too much. You’ve lost too much weight, too fast. You’re a different person. You aren’t sweet and caring anymore. You’re mean and catty. I don’t like that…”

“
It’s just business, Cortland.”

“Making a girl cry for being overweight is not business,” I snapped.

“I was drunk, okay?”

“I drink all the time and I don’t go around and act like a jerk.”

She tried to slam the door but I stuck my foot in the way.

“Monnique, you’re changing because of this job, and not in a good way. I don’t like it.”

“So you want me to go back to being a boring nurse with no life?”

“What? You were never boring, Monnique. You were perfect.”

“Do you realize that I’m on the cover of a million magazines in the country? Do you get how big that is?”

“Yes,” I said firmly. “But I’m not surprised because you’re so gorgeous. But you need to separate work from your personal life. You’re mixing the two. Honestly, I don’t want model Monnique. She’s shallow and superficial.”

“I am not,” she said firmly. “I’m just adapting.”

“All you do is work all the time.”

“I’m trying to cut back.”

I gripped my skull because I was so frustrated. “Monnique, we’re just going in circles here.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you want me to do? Quit?”

Yes, that would help.

“You told me to pursue my dream and do what I wanted to do.”

“But I didn’t know it would be like this…”

“Are you really going to be that selfish?”

I was starting to realize it wasn’t just
the job that was causing strife between us. A lot more had changed. “Just forget it.”

“Forget it?” She stepped closer to me. “Cortland, if you have something to say, just
say it.”

“I…I don’t know you anymore.”

Her eyes darkened. “What does that mean?”

“I feel like…we aren’t the same people anymore.”

She processed my words for a while, replaying them over and over. “Are you…ending this with me?” The pain in her eyes broke my heart. “You said you would never walk away unless I walked away first. You’re taking that back?” Her eyes coated with tears. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll try to be better. I’ll try to get more time off of work. I’ll stop being…bitchy. Please don’t go.” She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried into my chest. “I love you.”

Feeling her in my arms made me feel weak. She was so small, smaller than she had ever been. I felt her ribs against my arms every time she breathed. I hated
seeing Monnique in pain. It killed me every time. My hand moved down her back. “I love you too.”

“Cortland, we’ll work on this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

She sniffed. “You aren’t leaving me?”

“No,” I whispered.

She pulled away and pressed her lips to mine. The taste of salt was on
her lips. My mouth moved against hers, and all the love I felt for her since the moment we met radiated through me. I gave her my entire heart and I couldn’t just take it back. It was hard to give up on someone that was your whole world. You wanted to keep fighting even if there was no victory. You’d fail over and over again but it wouldn’t change anything. I was stuck.

We moved to her bedroom, where clothes were shed and
our bodies combined. When I felt her, I was lost. I made love to her like I had every other night, touching her heart with mine. Our hands touched, gripping tightly. And I lost myself in her, like I had so many times.

Meet me at the Shake Shack.
Ryan’s message popped up.

I was avoiding everyone lately. I just didn’t feel like talking or doing anything. I just wanted to be alone.
I’m busy.

Dude, it’s important. It’s about Janice.

I couldn’t dessert my best friend if he was going through a hard time. I’d be there for him no matter what.
Okay. B there soon
.

I headed to the small shop
where we got burgers and shakes. But when I walked inside, I didn’t see Ryan anywhere. Instead, Flynn sat in a booth, looking directly at me.

Was this a coincidence or some sick joke?

I approached his table. “Is Ryan here?”

“No.” He stared me down. “I knew you wouldn’t meet me if I asked, so Ryan tricked you into coming here.”

I felt the betrayal inside me. I couldn’t believe Ryan manipulated me like that.

Flynn didn’t move from the booth. “Can we talk?”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Take a seat.” He nodded to the other side.

I didn’t know why, but I really didn’t like this guy. Judging by the way he was talking to me, he didn’t like me either. I slid into the booth then leaned back, meeting his look. “Did you have a topic in mind?” I asked like a smartass.

He didn’t react to the taunt. “I know you don’t like me, and normally, I wouldn’t give a shit. But Hazel means a lot to me, and for some reason, you mean a lot to her. I’d like it if we could get along.”

I guess I should have seen that coming.

“I treat her with nothing but love and respect. I’m there for her for everything. When she can’t pay her bills, I’m the guy writing her a check. When she can’t afford groceries, I put food on the table. When she has a shitty day at work, I’m the guy she vents to. And I’m the guy she sleeps with at night. I’m her rock, her everything. You have no reason to dislike me as much as you do. So tell me what your problem is.”

I didn’t have a response to that. Honestly, I didn’t have much of a reason to dislike him.

“Everyone seems to like me just fine but you. So what’s your deal?”

“Hazel means a lot to me. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“She’s risking that no matter what she does. But with me, the risk is minimal. When we met, she tol
d me she’d been burned. If I were just there for kicks, I would have turned my back on her that night. But I didn’t. Because I love her.”

This guy was
a smooth talker.

“Honestly, I think that has nothing to do with it.”

That got my attention.

“You’re in love with her. I can tell.”

“No, I’m not,” I said firmly. I eyed the people in the restaurant, hoping we weren’t overheard.

“Look at me and tell me
that,” he commanded.

“I have a girlfriend.”

“And that’s relevant because…?”

“I’m not a cheater,” I said firmly.

“I’m not asking if you cheated on her. I’m asking if you’re in love with Hazel. Why don’t you just answer the damn question?”

I looked him straight in the eye. “I’m. Not. In. Love. With. Her.”

He was quiet for a long time. His scorpion tattoo was in my peripheral. “Then you better have a solid explanation for your behavior. Because if you are telling the truth, then I think you’re in denial about it.”

“I’m not.”

“Then why do you hate me so much?”

I rested my elbows on the table then gripped my skull. I didn’t realize how much I was lashing out at other people. I was either pushing them awa
y or tearing them down. I didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. “Okay. I’m going through a very difficult time with my girlfriend right now. And, I think I’m just taking out my anger and frustration on everyone around me. Hazel went through a really hard time, and now I’m going through it. I guess I just don’t want to see the same thing happen to her.”

He eyed me for a long time. “So, Monnique left you and broke your heart, and now you’re back together but it’s still not working?”

“Keep that knowledge to yourself.”

“You know what I think?”

This should be interesting.

“I think Hazel was screwed over then she found me, getting her happily ever after. When you were broken up with Monni
que, Hazel threw herself at you and you rejected her. You went back to your girlfriend instead of making the right choice. And now you hate seeing her happy with me because you know it should have been you.”

I stared at the table, noting the scratches in the surface. People shuffled around us and the cash register ran
g every time a purchase was made.

“This is how I see things,” Flynn said. “Hazel sees you as a best friend. She really cares about you and she’s blind to all of this. So, I’m not going to mention any of this to her. The last thing I want to do is ruin a friendship and break up your group. I honestly want you and I to get along. Since Hazel has absolutely no feelings for you, only wants me every night, I don’t give a shit how you feel about her. But we need to make some sort of compromise here.”

I drummed my fingers on the table. “For the last time, I don’t have feelings for Hazel.”

“Then you’re in denial,” he said firmly. “Who the fuck acts like that unless they are in love? You threatened me multiple times like you were the Godfather. The moment I met you, I thought you were
her ex. So don’t give me that bullshit.”

I raised my voice. “I can’t have feelings for someone else. It’s physically impossible right now. I’m just trying to work things out with Monnique, but every move I make is sidelined.
She’s constantly battling me, changing into a person I can’t stand. I don’t even know her anymore. I have enough problems on my plate right now to be secretly in love with Hazel, okay?”

He gave me
a sympathetic look. “I understand what you’re saying. Break ups are hard…”

“We aren’t breaking up,” I said firmly.

“Well, you should. Because your relationship is obviously hurting you more than making you happy. Sometimes it’s harder to give up than hold on, but when it’s inevitable, prolonging it is just going to make it worse. That’s just my advice.”

“I don’t need your advice.”

“I was in a relationship that lasted three years. We’d been through a lot together and spent even more time apart. When we got back together, we didn’t fit well anymore. We both grew apart, becoming very different people that didn’t even understand each other anymore. I ended it before it got really bad. If I hadn’t, we probably wouldn’t have retained the friendship we have now. If you wait too long, it could end worse—for both of you.”

My head was pounding with the words he spoke. I didn’t want to think about this right now. Monnique
was the woman I was supposed to be with. Our past flashed across my eyes, and I remembered everything we experienced together. Could I just walk away from that? Or was there anything to walk away from?

“I’m going to cut you some slack. When we walk away from each other today, I’ll pretend like I don’t know how you really feel about Hazel—”

“I’m going to punch you in the face.”

He flinched at my words. “Fine. Be in denial. I don’t care. You’re a good guy and you always shoot straight. I can tell. You play by the rules and you always put everyone else first. I can see that. You’re so devoted to your girlfriend and the relationship you’re in that you won’t let yourself have feelings for someone else. You shut them down and refuse to believe that. And that’s very admirable. But one day it’s going to hit you—and hit you ha
rd.”

“I’m not going to argue about this anymore.” I clenched my fists.

“Fine.”