Untaming Lily Wilde (34 page)

More silence.
For fuck’s sake.
“Seb? Please. If you’ve got any respect for me whatsoever, let me tell Grayson it’s off. OK?”

He sighed. “Fine. I’ll give you a couple of hours to do it. Then I need to speak to him. No arguments. He’s let me down.” This was followed by another long pause. Being the dark, brooding, silent type was all very well and good, but it sure as hell made for a tricky phone conversation. Or maybe he was just waiting for her to respond. “I miss you, Lily,” he said finally. Words which made the tears tumble thick and fast from her eyes.

They said their goodbyes, but it felt inadequate. She needed him back here, now, holding her; and the promise of his return only made the physical yearning stronger. But before she’d let herself get carried away thinking about Seb, she had something pressing to deal with. She wiped her eyes and looked at her phone. Scrolling through the numbers until she came to Grayson’s, she stole herself for a head-banger of a conversation, and pressed dial.

26

Today was going to be a good day. Yesterday had sucked like a Dyson, but today would be different. She’d finally given up trying to get through to Grayson and had left him an apologetic voice-mail around 11pm last night, asking him to tear up the contract. This morning she’d awoken to a long email from him saying how he understood completely; no problem; no pressure. She’d made a mistake and she’d dealt with it. And she felt a billion times lighter for having finally made the right decision. A billion times lighter and somehow mildly disappointed.

It was crazy. I’m depraved, she told herself, hammering her palm into her forehead, baulking at the insanity of her feelings. Seb was right; any man who fantasized about raping women had to be dangerous.
Christoph had to be dangerous.
Yet he hadn’t felt dangerous. Terrifying, yes. Thrilling, hell yes. Dangerous? No. Christoph Yale had been more in control of his desires than any man she’d ever met. It was a cool, calculating control. He was all surface, giving nothing away of the man beneath. And she was wary of that hidden self. She’d be mad not to be. He’d watched her like a shark coming off a hunger strike. She couldn’t recall ever having felt so intimidated, so simultaneously sparked with fear and lust - and going by the past few weeks, that was really saying something. But she didn’t believe he’d hurt her.

He fantasizes about raping women, she told herself for the umpteenth time.
Not. Good. Not good at all, Lily. Get your brain plugged in, moron.
Though no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t believe he’d ever have forced her beyond her limits. Right bang-smack up against her limits, maybe, but then that was his kick wasn’t it. The push. Knowing when to test, and when to ease back. And she’d liked his tests. She’d loved them.
Oh, God…

She gritted her teeth. This would have to stop. She’d made her decision.
The right decision.
End of story. And Seb was coming home. He’d emailed to say his flight would touch in at Gatwick a little after 4pm and he’d being coming straight to Lily’s flat. There’d be plenty of time to wrap her limbs around his strong hips and melt away any residual Christoph-craziness. Seb was more than enough of a distraction.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she flushed. Her juices had been flowing into her silk knickers at the mere though of Seb’s return, his power-house torso pressing into her, his cock driving deep into that space between her thighs. Her hand stroked restlessly against her collar bone, trying to quell her shuddering breath. She shook herself.
Get it together. Answer the bloody phone.

It was Grayson. “Lily, honey. Can you come over to Hatherly later? It’s about Tom. We’ll get you home after if you like, or you can stay here and wait for Seb. But we really need to get this ironed out once and for all. And Tom’s agreed to sit down and talk so…” he trailed off leaving Lily to fill in the blanks.

So… I have to sit in a room taking abuse from my ex-boyfriend until he agrees on a price. Effing fantastic.
Lily hadn’t had any intentions of going back to Hatherly without Seb. But what could she do? Then paranoia struck. What if this wasn’t about Tom at all; what if Christoph was there waiting for her? She tried to bat away the idea. It was ludicrous. But she couldn’t quite shift the worry.

“Tonight? Are you sure this has nothing to do with Christoph?” she asked. Better to lay it out in front of him and deal with her anxieties than let them drive her crazy all day.

“God, you don’t trust easy do you?! Nothing to do with Christoph, and everything to do with Seb.”

It took a moment to sink in, but when it did, the conversation began to feel a tad chilly. What had he said to Grayson last night? Nothing overly friendly she doubted.

“Seb’s coming back this evening,” Grayson continued, “and I’d like to get this Tom situation cleared up before he gets here. My way of apologizing to your boyfriend for pushing you too far with Christoph.”

“Oh God… Did he lose it? Look, you don’t need to apologize. I’ll talk to Seb.” Was anyone ever going to accept that she could make decisions, both good and bad, for herself?

“All the same, I think you should come over.”

It wasn’t a suggestion, but an instruction; and she didn’t appreciate being bulldozed into spending an evening with Tom. But sooner or later the matter needed resolving. She’d brought Tom and all his scheming nastiness into their lives and if Grayson had a way to fix things, who was she to refuse?

“What do you have in mind for Tom?” she asked, praying Grayson had some kind of plan; if he was relying on Tom being brought round to reason he was in for a disappointment.

“A deal. I’ve already talked it through with him, and he’ll more than likely go for it. We can chat it through later honey, I’m pushed for time. So you’ll come?”

What choice did she have? “I’ll be there.”

“Great. Ana and I will be back around 3, but if you want to get there sooner, someone will let you in.”

“No, 3’s fine,” she sighed. Grayson was doing his best. He obviously felt guilty for screwing up things with Seb, which he needn’t as far as Lily was concerned, but she appreciated his efforts to make things right again. She’d play along. Meeting Tom would stink. No two ways about it. But seeing Seb after would soften the blow.

As soon as they’d hung up on their conversation, Lily began composing an email. Seb was adamant that she stay clear of Hatherly, and he wouldn’t be at all impressed by the change of plan, but too bad. Maybe he wouldn’t even get the email until he landed, by which time it’d be too late to kick up a fuss. Who was she kidding? Seb would get it alright. In which case she’d just have to her argument water tight. There was no way she wanted to tell him about meeting Tom. She’d tell Seb she couldn’t see him tonight, after all. She’d say something had come up with Emma - something like that. Force him to go home to Hatherly. Then by the time he got there, she’d be there too, and she’d come clean about her little white lie. OK, little grey lie. But pale grey. She typed the email and read it back. Face to face she didn’t have a hope, but by email, by golly, she was a veritable Pinocchio.

27

Lily stood on the threshold to Hatherly under a thick mat of black cloud. The cabby who’d ferried her from St Albans Station was long gone, but she still stood on the far side of the gate. She stared down the long driveway to where Tom’s bike stood propped on its side stand out front. Grayson’s coupe wasn’t there. Were he and Ana still not back from wherever they’d been, or was the car parked up in some garage she’d not yet seen? Hopefully the latter. She didn’t fancy facing Tom alone. A cold spit of rain tapped her scalp. Then another. Time to face the music.

She pressed the smooth silver entry button. Mr Lines’ voice crackled over the entry system and the gates whirred to life. The driveway seemed more exposed in the cold grey half-light, and Lily wrapped her arms around her middle feeling skinny, snappable. She would do this thing, do what she had to, then wipe Tom from her life for good.

Marching towards her from the main door was Mr Lines; a familiar Hatherly face, though not a particularly comforting one. The man never relaxed, and as such it was near impossible to relax around him. Still, Lily was thankful for small mercies; better to have Sir Awkward by her side than walk into the lion’s den alone.

“Is Grayson here? And Ana?” She asked, lowering her voice as Lines held the door wide for her to enter.

“Both are here.” As if to confirm his statement, a brief hubbub of male laughter rose somewhere nearby, perhaps from the drawing room. If Tom and Grayson were laughing, that was surely a good sign. “If you’d like to follow me.”

She tensed, expecting to be taken to the others, but instead was led to the empty office.

“Someone will be along shortly. Can I bring you anything? Some water?”

Though Lily’s mouth felt suddenly dry, she told him she was fine. His expressionless reserve was making her deeply uncomfortable. Lines closed the office door as he left, an action which struck Lily as hostile though she couldn’t say why. Sweat gathered in the lines of her palms. She wanted to fling the door wide and run.
Pull it together.
She shook off her coat, wiped her hands on her skirt and tried to steady her breathing;
in, two, three, four, out, two, three, four…

The phone in front of her flashed red before it began to ring. Should she pick it up? She stretched out an arm then pulled back. It could be a client; better to be over-cautious with client confidentiality. Someone would surely hear it ringing and come by. She crossed her legs and clasped her hands together under the table, wishing the damned thing would stop screaming and flashing at her. Another shrill ring, then the answer-machine kicked in:
No one is available to take your call at present. Please leave your details and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

“Grayson, pick up the damn phone”

Lily held stock still. It was Christoph.

“…Look, just leave the money in your account for the time being. Keep working on her. See if she’ll change her mind.”

She couldn’t breathe. Dread, thick and heavy, crushed her lungs. Money. It had all been about money. Did Ana know? Were they both just trying to make a quick quid the whole time? She couldn’t believe that. Ana wouldn’t do that. Would she?
One way to find out…

“But call my office again, Gray-” he went on. Just as Lily picked up the phone.

“It’s me.” She spoke evenly in an effort to sound calm.

For a second there was silence.

“Lily?” She’d predicted his surprise, but where did he get off sounding so amused?!

“You were saying something about money, Christoph? Care to explain?” Could he hear the shudder behind her snappish words? She prayed he couldn’t.

“Lily Wilde.” His voice was silky as treacle. She could all but hear the smile in it.

“Answer the question. You paid him. Didn’t you? Did you pay him? You paid him to get me to -” OK,
now
the shudder was obvious.

He laughed. “You can’t even say it can you? Seb always did know how to spot the innocent ones. I should thank him for bringing you to my attention.”

Fuck you.
She managed not to say it.

“Does Ana know?”
And why do I sound like a little kid who never knew she was the butt of everyone’s joke…

Christoph seemed to consider her question. What was there to consider? Either she did, or she didn’t. “You sound distressed Lily. It was never my intention to distress you. Merely to fuck you into the submission I know you crave. Don’t obsess about the money. And don’t let your boy-toy turn you into a coward. You’re not a coward. Far from it, from what I recall.”

“What?! I don’t crave submission,” she stammered.
Do I?
She wished she could have sounded just a touch surer.

Because Christoph sounded pretty damn sure. “You nearly came when my hand slammed into your ass, Lily. Don’t lie to yourself. You’re better than that.”

“Fuck you.” This time she didn’t manage not to say it. And he laughed. He just laughed.

“I’m a busy man, Lily. If you’re finished, I’ll be going.”

And she couldn’t think of a single word to say to him. Not one word to express her humiliation without him making it feel a hundred times worse. Because that’s what he did, wasn’t it - he took her shame and told her it was
what she wanted
. So how
could
she say anything more.

Dealing with Tom was suddenly the furthest thing from her mind. She had to go. Now. She hung up the phone and carefully, as though handling a bomb, she replaced it on the desk, then pulled in a few shallow breaths before standing. The room span. She gripped the desk’s edge and gritted her teeth.
For fuck sake, Lily, just go!
Too late.
As she reached the door, it opened toward her.

“Lily.” Ana smiled at her. “Are you alright?” She stood to one side, beckoning Lily from the room.

“I’m fine,” Lily said, too quickly, her voice constricted. She needed to go. But could she? Could she walk out on Ana, leaving her reputation in Tom’s greedy hands? Perhaps. Christoph hadn’t answered her question. Did Ana know about the money? Lily’s eyes skimmed the corridor to the entrance hall, but her body lacked conviction. She had to deal with Tom.