Unspoken Words (Unspoken #1) (29 page)

I gently wipe the tears from her cheeks. “Cami, there is no one else I want. You have no reason to be jealous of anyone. I only have eyes for you, baby. What happened that night isn’t anyone’s fault. We can play the ‘woulda, shoulda, coulda’ game all day long. Nothing is going to change what happened. We can only make sure you get past this.” Leaning down I look her directly in the eyes. “I promise you, you will. We will. I’ll make sure of it.”

I awake with a start and jolt upright from the makeshift bed I made on the floor. My heart is pounding in my chest. Camryn is thrashing around in her bed crying for help.

I throw the blanket aside and rush to Camryn’s bed. I’m afraid to touch her. I’ve always heard not to wake a person from a nightmare, but I can’t sit here and watch this.

“Camryn, baby, wake up,” I say, hoping she hears me.

“Someone help me! Help me!” she screams.

Fuck this, I have to touch her. I quickly pull her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. “Wake up, Tink. Please, wake up,” I say softly near her ear. My hands move slowly up and down her back.

She yanks away from me. Her eyes darting around the room.

I hold my hands up. “It’s me, Tink. It’s Jamie. I won’t hurt you.”

“Jamie, he was there. He was touching me.” Her voice fragile and shaking. She hugs her knees to her chest and begins to rock.

“I know it feels real, baby, but it’s not really happening. You’re safe now. He can’t hurt you ever again.”

“Not physically, at least,” she whispers to no one in particular, unspoken meaning behind her words. She remains absolutely motionless for a moment. I reach out to stroke the damp hair from her face.

“Come here, Tink.” I reach out to touch her hand and she clutches it.

Camryn scoots over into my lap, placing her arms around my neck. She nestles her head into my neck and begins to cry.

“Shh, baby. It was a nightmare. You are safe, you’re in your room at your parents’ house. He’s not here. He will never touch you again, I promise.”

Camryn lifts her head up, wiping the tears from her face.

“Thank you for staying the night.”

“Is it okay if I stay the rest of the night in your bed with you? Just to hold you while you sleep.”

“I’d like that,” she whispers.

“You are not in this alone, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

I scoot up her bed, settling against the headboard. I hold open my arms, “Come here. Get comfortable.”

She lays her head on my chest again. I pull my phone out of my pocket. I scroll through my library, in search of a particular song. I grab the earbuds from the nightstand.

“Here, listen to this song. This song says exactly how I feel.”

She places the earbuds in her ears, repositioning herself on my chest.

I hit play on the song.
You Got Me
by Gavin DeGraw.

As the words play in Camryn’s ears, she looks up at me with a small smile on her face. I will always be there for Camryn, even when she isn’t strong enough to withstand the mind games that a trauma like this causes. Like the song reminds us both . . . when the demons try to get to her, she will never be alone.
She’s Got Me.

CAMRYN

A LIGHT KNOCK
at my door draws my attention from the romance novel I was reading on my Kindle. I open it and I’m not surprised to find Jamie standing before me with a huge smile on his face. His guitar hangs off his shoulder and he carries a bowl of popcorn.

“I thought you had practice tonight with the guys?”

He breezes by me and into my room. He makes himself comfortable by setting the popcorn on my nightstand and his guitar on my bed. “We got done early, so I thought I would stop by to see you. Maybe watch a movie or play a few songs that I have been working on.”

“Let’s hear the songs.”

“I’m gonna start with one of your all-time favorites.” Jamie nestles comfortably on my bed with his back against the headboard and his guitar across his lap. I plop down on the bed and wait patiently for him to serenade me. His fingers move effortlessly across the strings of his guitar and after a few chords I know exactly what song he’s playing.
On My Way
by Boyce Avenue. This is my favorite song of theirs . . . Jamie knows this.

I’m stunned at how graceful his fingers strum the guitar strings. The words to this song ignite goosebumps across my skin. Jamie reaches the chorus, and every word is sung with power. As though every word he sings is meant for me. A few tears trickle down my cheek. I love this man with every fiber in my body. Knowing that I have him, I’ll be okay in this world. He is mine and I am his.

The last lines of the song spill from his lips, “Cause I’m on my way, on my way.” This is one of my favorite songs and the words speak volumes. It’s funny how Jamie knows the perfect song to help me heal.

“Thank you. That was beautiful.”

“I’m glad you loved it.”

It’s been two weeks since my attack and I finally feel comfortable enough to see my friends. I’ve only texted them since the night at Redemption. My physical wounds are gone, but emotionally, I’m a wreck.

Nightmares continue to plague me most nights. A few times, my parents, Jamie and Christian witnessed me thrashing around in my bed. They comforted me when I woke up disoriented and terrified. Each nightmare is the same. Me trying to fight that bastard off. The first few nights after my attack, Christian hovered over me, watching me like a hawk after our nightly cocktail session. No matter what I try, every time my eyes shut, I’m transported to that night.

Karsen keeps insisting I should contact Claire, the rape victim counselor. But I don’t feel comfortable talking to a stranger. Instead I have opened up to Karsen a little.

I sent an email to my boss, Shelby, a few weeks back, requesting a leave of absence. She assured me that my job is secure, and to take as much time as I need to recover. Thankfully, I have enough reviews submitted to cover me for a few more weeks.

I don’t spend much time downstairs with the family. It’s a ritual of mine to head down once everyone has gone to bed. Christian caught on to my habits early on and usually he joins me at night. He’s been spending most nights here rather than at his apartment in the City. I have never been much of a drinker, but the alcohol helps me fall asleep.

Jamie has been over almost every day. He’s a light in this turbulent storm. Times that I feel I am lost, drowning in my emotions, he makes me feel cherished . . . loved. Being in his arms makes me feel safe.

I’m brushing my teeth when a light knock hits my door. Shock hits me when Shelby walks into my room. I wipe my mouth with the towel, and walk over to her.

“Hey, sweetie, I have been trying to get a hold of you the past week. You haven’t gotten back to me. I figured I would pay you a visit. I hope you don’t mind?”

Shaking my head, I gesture toward my bed for her to sit. “How did you know where my parents’ lived?”

“I went through your HR file. You have your parents’ name and number as your emergency contact. After you sent me the email advising me what occurred, I immediately reached out to your mom to check in on you. I hope you don’t think I am being too intrusive, but I was worried about you.”

“It’s okay. I’m not upset. My mom never told me she spoke with you.”

“I asked her not to. I knew I would be in town, and hoped you’d see me as I need to talk to you face to face.”

Tilting my head to the side I study her expression.

What do you mean you need to talk to me face to face? About what?

My heart rate picks up. “Oh, God, are you firing me?”

She shakes her head repeatedly, “No, no, sweetie. Your job with
Key Notes
is secure. You don’t have anything to worry about there. Take as much time as you need. I have Kara covering your schedule until you tell me you are ready to return. Until then, you focus on healing. On getting yourself better.”

Smiling at Shelby, I thank my lucky stars I have such an understanding boss. I’m not sure how many other employers would have given me this much time off.

“I don’t want to pry or stick my nose where it doesn’t belong.” She takes my hand in hers and I look at her inquisitively. “You are not alone in this, Camryn. Your family and friends don’t know what you are going through. They will never understand the emotions you are battling every day. I, on the other hand, do. I know
exactly
what you are going through.”

My brows furrow as I try to process what she is telling me. The words come out before I can stop them. “What are you trying to tell me, Shelby?”

“I understand completely and wholeheartedly what you are going through. I was raped in college. I was a young and naive freshman. Never having lived in a big city before, I left a party alone after drinking too much. A man grabbed me and dragged me into the bushes behind my dorm building. I didn’t know if I would survive what he did to me. I blamed myself for drinking, for leaving the party alone. I knew better . . . at least, I should have known better. I was ashamed of what happened, therefore, I didn’t tell a single soul. Nightmares began to plague me and I withdrew from my friends, my grades were slipping. I would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. My roommate finally went to the resident advisor. She put two and two together. My RA sat me down. Once I was able to open up to someone, I felt better. I no longer felt like I was going through it alone. My RA put me in touch with her mother, who was a therapist here in New York City. After speaking with her, I was able to tell my parents what happened. My therapist, Gayle, never looked at me with pity in her eyes. She never made me feel ashamed, that it was my fault. She helped me get through the toughest time in my life, Camryn. A time that I didn’t know if I could get through.”

I swallow the large knot in my throat. “Shelby, I had no idea. I am so sorry.”

She places her hand on my knee. “Sweetie, I didn’t tell you all of this so you could be sorry for me. You don’t want people feeling sorry for you, so don’t you go feeling sorry for me. I told you all of this so you know that you are
not
alone. Let those who love you do exactly that . . . love you.”

Shelby pulls me into a hug. “I am a survivor. You, too, will get through this. It will take time, just know that you are not alone, Camryn. Do you hear me?” She rubs my back.