Unspoken Words (Unspoken #1) (28 page)

I get up from my stool and exit the kitchen. Taking the stairs two at a time, I knock on Cami’s door. “Open up, Camryn. I’m not going away until you do.”

Silence greets me as I stand in the hallway. Knocking again, louder this time, “I am going to count to three. If I get to three and this door is not unlocked, I am going to take it off the damn hinges. One . . . two . . .” I hear the lock click and the door opens. A disheveled Camryn turns before I can see her face. I walk in her room, and spot the flowers I sent her on her dresser. Camryn climbs back in her bed and pulls the covers up under her chin. Seeing how she looks crushes me into a million pieces. A suffocating sensation tightens my throat. The pain in my heart becomes a sick and fiery gnawing. I’ve never seen her look so destroyed.

My feet lead me to her bed without even thinking. Sitting on the side of the bed, I brush a piece of hair away from her face, placing it behind her ear. It breaks my heart when she flinches and then I realize the last man to touch her, other than the plastic surgeon, was that monster. “I’ve respected your wishes for as long as I can, I can’t do it any longer. Camryn, please don’t push me away. Let me be here for you. I don’t know what it is I can do to help, but please don’t push me away.” Tears streaming down my face, my emotional pain just as prevalent as her physical scars.

Camryn looks up at me. Her eyes have a burning, faraway look in them. Raw hurt glitters in her hazel eyes. “I don’t know what to do, Jamie. I thought pushing everyone away was for the best. I want everyone to remember the fun, energetic Cami. Not the broken, beaten Cami. Everyone knows I was raped. You know I can’t handle that, Jamie. I just want my face to heal, then maybe I’ll be able to face everyone. But right now, I know what I look like,” she says with a wavering voice.

“Okay. Whatever you want to do, I’ll respect, but please don’t shut me out. I need to be here with you before they commit me.”

She throws the covers back and climbs out of her bed. “We need to talk about you and me.”

My heartbeat picks up.
What does she mean we need to talk about us?
I stand from the bed walking to her. I take her hands in mine, intertwining our fingers. “Look at me, please,” I ask.

She brings her eyes to meet mine. “What do you mean we need to talk about us? What are you getting at, Cami?”

Tears form in her eyes. She looks up at the ceiling and when she meets my eyes again, the tears trail down her face.

“There is distance between us now. I know I’m to blame for that. I’m pushing everyone away. The thought of you touching me . . . scares me. I need you so badly. I yearn for your comfort. So many days that you were outside my door, I wanted to beg you to hold me, to make the memory of his touch to go away. But at the same time, the thought of having your hands on me terrifies me.”

I pull my hands away from hers and gently wipe her tears away. She closes her eyes when I cup her face and tilt it up. “Please, look at me.”

She opens her eyes to meet mine. “You are my girlfriend but you are my best friend. I will always be here for you, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you, we will get through this . . . together.” I say, my voice breaking.

Her chest rises and falls. I know this is not easy for her. With everything she is going through, our relationship should be the furthest thing from her mind.

“I can’t promise you that. He robbed me of all my power and humanity that night. I struggle every day to try and figure out who I am now.” She shrugs her shoulders, and tears puddle in her eyes.

With my voice barely above a whisper, “Do you need more time? Tell me what you want.”

“I don’t know what I want or even what I need.”

Cami pulls away from me and paces the room. I don’t say anything as she continues to wear a hole in the carpet. She turns to look at me, and my heart breaks. The pain in her eyes tells me everything I need to know.

She sits on the end of her bed and pats it for me to sit next to her. Her cold hands take mine. Her face clouds with uneasiness. She becomes more uncomfortable as the minutes grow.

Pain seethes in her eyes and I can’t be the cause of any more pain she has to endure. “We just started seeing each other, Jamie. This is a lot to handle. And this is my burden to bear, not yours. It’s not fair to you. I don’t want this to end, but I understand if you do.” A few tears run down her cheek. She ignores them and picks at the bed of her nails.

“Look at me, Cami, because I’m only saying this once. You are not a burden to me. You are my girlfriend and my best friend. Nothing, and I mean nothing will change that. No matter how long it takes you to recover, I will be by your side. Do you hear me?”

She simply nods, but I continue on.

“Please, stop with the ‘I deserve better’ bullshit. I want you and only you.” I lean in kissing her forehead, then her nose. She doesn’t pull away, thank God.

A pained smile teases her lips. “Just please don’t ask me to talk about it, Jamie. I can’t do that yet. Not with you at least.”

I lean down to look Cami in the eyes. “What do you mean you can’t talk to me?”

The hurt and longing lay naked in her eyes. She looks away from me. Taking my finger, I gently place it under her chin. “Talk to me.”

She bows her head, her body slumps in despair, unshed tears about to erupt from her well of sadness and pain. “I can’t talk to you about what he did to me. Imagine the worst, Jamie. You know what condition I was in when Lincoln found me. If you knew what he did to me, you would never be able to look at me the same. Everything . . . would change.” She wipes the tears away.

When she tries to speak, her voice wavers, “I can’t handle that right now. I’m barely hanging on. I struggle with how you look at me now already. I can’t promise you I’ll ever be ready to open up to you.” Her expression is grim as I watch her.

A suffocating sensation tightens my throat. How could she think that? I try to push my anger away, to see Cami’s point of view. To see why she would say this. I take a deep breath in before I speak. My hand moves gently to stroke her cheek. “Nothing you say will change how I feel about you. Nothing.”

My mom, Gwen, and Christian sit around the island, their eyes fixed on me as I come down to grab some snacks. “So . . . I’m assuming she let you in?” Christian says with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah, she let me in after I threatened to take the door off the hinges. She told me she can’t tell me what happened yet. She’s taking a shower. I told her I would grab some snacks, and head back up to hang out for a while. I figure I can work on the new piece with her and maybe get her mind on something else.”

“Let me make the two of you a sandwich.” Gwen digs through the refrigerator, placing the lunchmeat and mayo on the counter.

My mom pats my arm. “Be patient with her, Jamie. She will talk when she is ready. Don’t push her.”

“I know, Ma. I just want to spend time with her. Help her get through this. I just got her as mine, I refuse to lose her.”

A huge smile emerges on her face. “I always knew the two of you would end up together. It just took you kids some time to figure it out.”

Once Gwen finishes with our sandwiches, I grab my guitar, and throw it over my shoulder. The door to Camryn’s room is still open, so I just walk in.

Camryn startles, standing with the towel tightly secured around her body, revealing the bruises on her chest above her breasts. The bruises are now a shade of light green with a yellow tint to them. I can only imagine what they looked like ten days ago. She stands frozen, surprise siphoning the blood from her face. As if she realized what I’m seeing, she lifts her arms to cover the marks on her chest.

Dropping my guitar on the bed and the tray of food on the nightstand, I break the distance between us. Taking her hands in mine, I gently pull her arms away from her chest and hold them out in front of me, noticing her arms are red with scabs I hadn’t seen before. Taking my hand, I gently move them up her arms. She tries to pull her hands away, but I tighten my hold on her arms.

“Let go of me, please,” she speaks in a suffocated whisper. I immediately let go. I don’t want her to fear my touch.

“Cami, what did you do? Why are your arms bright red with sores on them?”

She averts her eyes so she isn’t looking at me. “You wouldn’t understand.” Her voice barely above a whisper.

“Try me.”

She lets out a sigh before she continues. “I need to scrub him off of me. I can feel his touch and smell him. I need that to go away.”

I rub my hands up and down her arms. “Baby, you are clean. He isn’t on you. He will never touch you again.” I dip my head down to hers. “Do you hear me?”

“Baby. Come here.” I pull Cami against my chest, caressing my hand up and down her back. Leaning down, I place a soft kiss on the top of her head. My heart swells with joy when she allows me to comfort her.

Cami stiffens and pushes me away. Her eyes wide. “Take your shirt off. Now!” She yells. Her hands shake as she lifts them to cover her mouth.

Not knowing what the hell is going on, I do as I’m told. With one swift pull, I grab the shirt from behind my neck, yank it over my head then toss it on the floor. Camryn’s chest is heaving as she tries to breathe. She slowly walks over to me, leaning in to smell my chest. She pulls back, pointing to the bathroom. “You have to take a shower. Now.”

I look at her dumbfounded, raising my hands in the air, questioning her, “Why do I need to take a shower?” She doesn’t answer my question, rather she screams with tears soaking her cheeks, “Now, Jamie! Go take a shower!”

“Please?” When she says the word please, that was my undoing.

“I’ll do it, I just don’t understand why I have to.”

With eyes wide, she takes a deep breath. “You smell like him.”

Without asking anything else, I head to the bathroom, stripping off the rest of my clothes. I turn the shower on and jump in before the water is even warm. I grab the sponge lathering it with shower gel, then scrub my body down.

Camryn has the fight of her life ahead of her. She’s been violated in a way no one ever should be. That bastard took something from her that she will fight to get back. My girl, my Tink, is a fighter. This will be the fight of her life, and I can only pray that she comes out the winner. This can’t break her. I won’t allow it to.

I can only stand by and support her anyway I can. Do whatever I have to to ensure she feels safe again.

I wash myself at least four times making sure the scent is off of me. She said her attacker smelled like me. Bile rises in my throat. I’ll never wear that cologne again. Every time she smells it, she’ll connect it to him. Camryn has always joked and said I smelled like home. Home is where we’re supposed to feel safe. Will she ever feel safe again? Will she feel safe in my arms?

My fingers pull on my hair as I wash it. My body begins to shake uncontrollably. I lean down, placing my hands on my knees. Fury almost chokes me. My own anger and hurt can no longer be controlled. Tears are falling from my eyes. I’ve been holding it all in trying to stay strong for Camryn. I’m not sure how it’s even remotely possible but in this moment I feel as helpless as she does.

Minutes pass, after I straighten, sighing loudly, I slam one fist against the other. I just got my girl, I can’t lose her. I won’t lose her. I couldn’t be there for her then but I will damn sure be here for her now.

Once the water runs cold, I exit the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist.

Returning to Camryn’s room, her step falters when she sees me. Drops of water are running down my chest still. Her eyes are wide as she stares at my chest. I see her eyes glance down at my abs, then work their way back up to my chest where my colorful tattoos are. Her cheeks have a tint of pink to them. My girl is embarrassed. She extends her arm out to me without looking me in the face. “Here, these are my dad’s, but they should fit.”

Taking the clothes from her, I return to the bathroom to dress. When I walk back in the room, Camryn is already in bed propped against the headboard with pillows behind her. She has the comforter pulled up around her chest, tucked below her elbows.

She pats the bed next to her. Walking over to the bed, I stand next to it. Tears fill her eyes and stream down her face. “Are you sure?” I murmur.

She nods her head. I climb in with her. I let her lead this dance because I don’t know what will cause her to feel panicked. She lays her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her, pulling her against my chest. She leans in, takes a deep breath, inhaling my scent.

“You smelled like him just now. That’s why I thought it was you behind me in the hallway. When he came up behind me, he put his arms around me. He started to kiss my neck, then he nipped my ear. I didn’t pull away because I thought it was you, Jamie. He smelled like you. He had the same cologne on.”

Cami looks away from me before she continues. She looks down at her hands, then begins to pick at her fingernail. “He led me toward the storage room. That’s when I put two and two together and knew I was in trouble.”

She looks up at me. “I’m sorry, Jamie. When I left Lindsey upstairs, I told her I was going to let you and Christian know we were upstairs. But when I came down and saw you, I was pissed. I didn’t come up to the table because I saw you there with a girl. I didn’t know it was Tabitha. I thought some random girl was flirting with you and you were letting her touch you, so I headed to the bar where Lincoln was at. I had a drink over there and talked to Lincoln for a little bit, then headed to the bathroom. If I would have just walked over to you and Christian, this never would have happened.”