Unspoken Memories (Unspoken Series) (28 page)

I’M IN MY hotel room. I had enclosed
myself in my room because I really didn’t want to be around anyone right now. I
should be out there celebrating with all of them. However, I didn’t want to. I
had gotten my qualifying time for Boston, but deep down inside my body was
numb, and lifeless. I had no reason to smile right now, let alone celebrate. I
had no reason to want to drink. I actually didn’t have a reason to want to do
anything.

So here I am with a box of tissues, squeezing the life out
of a pillow, and cried out to a point where my eyes burn.

Seeing Matt kissing Laura this afternoon tore me apart. Like
he had reached inside my heart and yanked it out, without any warning, twisting
the life out of it until it died. Which is exactly what it felt like happened.

Right when I thought I should finally listen to my heart, he
gave me a reason to shut it up all over again. It forced me to rebuild my walls
against him. Why was I so stupid? I should have just listened to my gut when it
said he was going to use me and throw me aside like he did every other girl who
wasn’t her. I might not have been thrown aside just yet, but seeing him with
her meant just the same. He had made his decision when he’d followed her. I was
the ignorant one to think he’d changed.

I hear a knock at my door and I ignore it. I just want to be
left alone, in my lonely world of misery. Who knows what they’re thinking right
now, but I don’t care. I hear the knock again, this time the opening of the door
follows immediately after it. I stiffen up, hiding my face deeper into the
pillow not wanting to see who it is. I had made sure to close the curtains and
turn off all the lights when I got back. I enclosed myself in total darkness,
the equivalent to my feelings.

“Abi, sweetie. Julio told me what happened,” Kelly voices
her concern as she walks over to me.

I simply lay there, sniffling into the pillow, refusing to
give in. “I’m fine, Kelly. Go back with David and have fun.”

I feel her sit on the side of the bed next to me, and then
her hand running through my hair. I can feel the comfort radiating from her
right now, and it’s exactly what I’m craving besides Matt’s arms. His arms
always have a way of making me feel so much better, no matter what, but being
that he is the reason that I’m like this, it’s the last thing I’m going to get
right now.

Kelly stays quiet, rubbing my hair, then my back, sitting
there in silence just letting me cry my silent tears. With the motion of her
hand moving up and down, it comforts me, sending me into a deep sleep. Exactly
what my body was fighting, but it lost the battle the minute she began to
comfort me.

When I wake up again, it must be the next morning because
Kelly is once again next to me, but she’s in pajamas, and has a tray with
breakfast items on it. She places it on the bedside table and looks at me. Her
lips are flat and she has a saddened look in her eyes. She doesn’t say
anything, but she sits next to me, while I force my body to sit up. My body
aches and it feels like I have knots all over it. I don’t know if it’s from me
pushing myself yesterday or from all the crying.

“Hey, why don’t we try to feed you ok?” she whispers loud
enough for me to hear. “You didn’t eat anything at lunch after that bitch made
her comment, and I’m pretty sure you skipped dinner,” she says.

I shake my head. “I’m not hungry right now, just tired,” I
mumble.

“Sweetie, you have to try to eat. Even a piece of toast,
then I’ll leave you alone,” she begs.

I simply lie back down, turning my back to her, hugging the
pillow again.

I hear her sigh, and then feel her get up from the bed and
walk out of the room. She quietly closes the door behind her, leaving me to my
darkness once again as I fall back to sleep.

A couple of hours later when I awaken, I finally get up off
the bed and head for the bathroom. I turn on the light and the brightness makes
me flinch. I stand there with my eyes shut, slowly trying to get them to adjust
to the light.

When I’m finally able to open them again, I see myself in the
mirror and I look like shit. My face is all blotchy, my eyes are swollen,
bloodshot red, and my hair is in disarray. I lean on the bathroom counter with
both arms and let my head slump forward, not having the fight left inside me to
do anything else. Knowing that I have to leave soon, I finally push myself away
from the counter and go to turn on the shower.

I manage to get myself in the shower, dressed, and ready
very quickly. My body might feel numb, but my mind is still slightly working.
Since obviously I’m not in the mood to impress anyone, my hair goes into a
ponytail, I’ve thrown on my hoodie, and dug through my purse for my go-to hide
my eyes sunglasses. Once I’ve packed everything up and double-checked to make
sure I haven’t forgotten anything, I head to the door of my room.

As I exiting the room, I see everyone’s head whip in my
direction, and they are all staring at me. They all have a face of wonder and
you can tell they desperately want to ask me what the fuck is going on. But I
just ignore them, hand my suitcase over to Julio when he grabs for it, and head
straight to the door with my head held high refusing to show them my weakness.

I see Matt walking over to me, looking puzzled, like he
wants to speak to me, and I hold my hand up to stop him. “No, don’t. We’re
already late and I don’t want us to miss our flight,” I snap at him, as I keep
walking straight out of the door.

I lead my little entourage down the hallway, looking over to
Julio. “Do you mind if we take the stairs down? I don’t feel like riding in an
elevator full of people right now,” I say loud enough for them all to hear.

He shrugs his shoulders and nods a yes.

Trey gives me a look like I’ve lost my mind and hurries over
to me before we reach the doors leading to the stairs.

“Abigail, what’s going on? You have us all worried. What the
fuck happened at the restaurant that has your panties in a twist?” he
desperately asks.

Julio steps up in front of Trey and lightly shoves him back
with his arm. “Leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you guys about it
she’ll talk about it, but right now she needs to be left alone. Got it?” he
says, facing everyone behind us, but stopping to stare down Matt.

Knowing that this is the first time Julio has ever butted in
when it comes to my personal life, everyone nods their head and I open the door
leading the way to the stairs. Julio follows me and grabs my arm, linking it
with his. He looks at me with a smile and says, “I read how you ended up in the
hospital, and the last thing I need is you tumbling down the stairs on my
watch.”

This earns him a smile and chuckle. “I’m wearing Chucks not
heels this time,” I joke but allow him to lead me down the flight of 16 floors.
Once we’ve reached the bottom, he leads me through the lobby, guiding me
through the crowd of people.

“I’ve checked us out and the car is already waiting,” I hear
Matt say to me as I walk up to stand next to Kelly. I just nod my head and grab
Kelly’s hand with mine to give it a light squeeze.

“You good now?”

I take a deep breath. “Never better. Let’s go, I want to get
home already,” I say, walking away with Julio.

As soon as we board the plane, I immediately head to the
back of the plane again, taking the back corner seat next to the window. Matt
tries to follow, but David grabs his arms and shakes his head at him in
warning. Matt being still confounded about the whole situation, heads to the
front of the plane, and takes a seat next to Trey, leaving me to wallow in my
misery with Julio sitting next to me.

How amusing that the last time I sat in this seat, it was a
whole different situation. The way over here was when I had decided that I was
going to fight to have something with Matt, now I was fighting to keep him at a
distance all over again. As the plane starts to taxi the runway I close my eyes
as I lean my head against the window, taking in the noise of the jets.

As soon as I feel the plane climb into the air, I look out
the window and allow the clouds to carry me away. Funny how the last time I was
sitting in this seat, I was feeling like I was floating alongside these clouds,
not flying through them.

Two hours later, we are landing, disembarking the plane, and
on our way home. The car ride was just as awkward, nobody really spoke, and I
kept silent.

Upon arriving home, I practically jump out of the SUV,
running into the house, and headed straight to my room. I stand with my back
against the closed door, wondering how in the world my life was able to turn
upside down all over again.

I can hear them talking through the door and no matter how
badly I wanted to go back outside and lie to them by telling them I was fine, I
really couldn’t. I just stand there with my ear against the door, thanking
whoever built this house for not putting in thicker doors.

“What’s wrong with her? Why is she acting like this?” Trey
shouts at Matt.

“How the fuck am I supposed to know if she doesn’t let me
talk to her?”

“Leave her alone, Matt. You’ve done enough damage to her
already,” I hear Kelly snarl at him.

“Kelly, maybe we should head home,” I hear David say.

“Does this have anything to do with Laura?” I barely hear
Matt say, almost as if he is trying to keep his voice down while asking.

There’s a silence and I’m frantic for someone to speak
again, but they don’t.

Instead I hear footsteps in the hallway leading to my room.
I immediately tense up and walk away from the door, heading straight into the
bathroom instead. As I’m washing my face I see Matt from the corner of my eye
standing in the doorframe and he looks as miserable as I feel at this moment.

He’s standing there with his hands in the pockets of his
jeans, and his head hung, facing the floor. I stand there against the bathroom
counter, staring into the air of nothing, refusing to acknowledge him right
now.

“It’s not what you think, Abigail.”

Why is it that line always comes up in the emotional roller
coaster of my life? It seems ever since I’ve woken up from my coma my life has
been revolving around those six words. Do they really know what I’m thinking to
be able to say that line to me all the time?

“It doesn’t matter Matt, I saw you at the restaurant with
her. You
chose
her,” I say listlessly. “I gave you a choice, and
obviously by the way you guys were making up for lost time, you made your
decision. You must be really fond of bathroom hallways,” I throw at him.

My heart feels like it’s shattered into a million pieces as
I say it and at this point I really don’t want to bend down and pick them up.
I’d rather leave them there to be stepped all over. I’m done trying to piece it
back together. My heart might have not have been in it with Bill, but knowing
what he did hurt just as much. Now, actually seeing Matt with Laura in that
hallway, that hurts ten times worse.

I’m still staring at the shower curtain in front of me
expecting it to magically do something spectacular, so I don’t notice when Matt
suddenly moves to stand in front of me. He takes my face into his hands forcing
me to look at him. At first I try to yank my face from his hands, but he gently
continues to hold it, keeping his eyes on me.

“No beautiful, I never chose her,” he angrily conveys to me.

It pisses me off that he would lie to my face. “I know what
I saw at the restaurant, Matt. I saw you with her near the bathroom. If you
holding her…kissing her, isn’t choosing her… then I must be the biggest fucking
idiot in the world,” I throw at him.

He shakes his head. “I know you saw us, and I’m sorry about
that. I promise you Abigail, it’s not how you saw. She kissed me, I never
kissed her back, and the minute it happened I knew it was wrong. It was wrong
because it wasn’t you, she can never be you.

“I told right her right there and then that there would
never be anything between us ever again. I tried coming after you, but it was
too late, you were already gone.” His gorgeous eyes are glassy as he’s trying
to hold back his tears. “I’ve fucked up one too many times with you, but I
wasn’t going to fuck up again. When we got back to the hotel room, Julio
wouldn’t let me anywhere near your door. He was really taking his job seriously
last night,” he explains to me.

The tears that I thought were all dried up begin to stream
down my face once again. “I love you,” I say as I drop my head in submission. “I
love you so much it hurts, it’s tearing my heart apart. I can’t keep playing
these games with you anymore Matt. I just can’t,” I desperately cry.

He breathes a sigh of relief, and lifts my head back up so
I’m looking directly at him. “Oh, beautiful. I love you too,” he whispers
emphatically into my face. “I’ve loved you since that first night you showed up
on my doorstep. That night I knew you were mine and I’m never letting you go,”
he fiercely says.