Unspoken (9 page)

“Oh, Jackson, you sad man,” I said smiling and shaking my head “here, try this one.” I gave him a red mini cupcake. He took a bite of it.

“It’s delicious, Mar, as always,” he said smiling while trying to get another bite of the cupcake. “What are we exactly looking for?” he asked.

“I still don’t know,” I said staring at the cupcakes “I think I know what I want to do for the first contest but I need a good looking cupcake,” I nodded

“They are all very handsome,” he said smiling and I smiled back
Ass.
He laughed out loud. “No, really, what are you looking for?”

“Hmm something pretty,” I said looking at the variety of cupcakes I’d baked early in the day.

“Pretty won’t win you the contest. You need original.” Said Jackson as he went to grab the binder where I had pictures of every work I’d done in the past 5 years.

“This isn’t too bad,” he said looking at a picture of a bee cupcake.

“That’s the very first cupcake badge I made,” I said going closer and smiling to myself “they were for a birthday party.” They were really bad; completely flat chocolate cupcakes with yellow stripes, tiny eyes and wings made of white fondant “This won’t make me win.” I shook my head.

“Ok,” he gave a quick nod and went to coffee machine and brewed two cups “what will make you win, then?” he asked as I stared at the coffee machine.

“Something more like this,” I said opening the binder on a page a bit further from the bee cupcakes. I saw Jackson’s expression change in a second and he looked up to me.

“Did someone actually ask you for this?” I had the option of lying but I decided, for whatever reason, not to.

“That’s what I did for my final exam on my fondant class,” I looked down at the binder and tried really hard not to look at him. It was a complete KFC menu made into cakes and cupcakes with fondant. It looked pretty cool; I had been praised in class by my teacher. I finally looked at him. He was smiling a bittersweet smile,
You loved me.

Did you ever doubt that?
I smiled back. He took two steps forward and put his hands on each side of my face and kissed me really quick and then took a step back.

“You’ll win this damn thing,” What? He just kissed me after 6 years. My mind was somewhere else; all I could do was nod and take a sip of coffee. That kiss as cast and pure that it had been meant so much more for the two of us. My hands were shaking and I gripped the coffee cup harder.

“I have an idea…” I said and went on to show him what I could do for the contest leaving the kiss behind us or under the rug, anywhere but in that room.

Seventeen

“Why aren’t you with your parents?” I asked Jackson in between kisses as we danced. We were at a party at someone’s place. I had no idea whose. Most of the locals were back from college for Thanksgiving, including Connor.

“Because I’m with you,” he said grabbing me by the waist. He had come down with Connor and that had completely caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting him to come for Thanksgiving but yet here he was.

“Where are they?” I asked as I felt his hands going for my ass.

“Back in the city,” he smiled grabbing my hand and walking me out to the beach where we sat down on the sand me in between his legs resting my back to his chest.

“Are you going back tomorrow?” I asked knowing very well the answer.

“Yes,” he said and I felt him nod.

“Well, let’s take advantage of the night,” I smiled,
I’m thankful for you.

“And I for you,” he wrapped his arms tighter around me. “Oh I almost forgot,” he said moving a bit and taking out his cell phone. “There was this fancy baking sale in campus and I saw this woman selling those cupcakes you made last time but look…,” he showed me the picture.

“Oh My God, Jackson, that’s beautiful,” I said as I turned around and sat on my heels looking at the picture. They were red apple cupcakes; it was the first time I saw a decorated cupcake that actually looked like art. The top part was completely red and smooth and it looked like an actual apple.

“I know. I immediately thought of you. I even bought one,” he smiled,
I ate it.

“Was it good?” I asked. I wanted to know everything about the cupcake.

“Not as good as yours but yeah, it was good,” he nodded and I hugged him. I was so moved that he had actually thought of me on a random day. I thought about him all the time. He had to know that.

“I will make you some apples some day,” I said going back to our original position as we both looked at the ocean.

“Apples? Hell no, I want a whole KFC menu in cupcakes,” he said and I laughed out loud.

“I’ll see what I can do,” he kissed the top of my head and I daydreamed of the day I would be able to feed him some KFC cupcakes without having the shadow of him leaving again. I knew that day would come and all the time we’d been waiting would be worth all the happiness we would have. I sighed content to be in his arms for one more night.

“What are you doing this weekend?” I heard Leonard ask on the phone.

“Depends on the day,” I said, packing the last badge of low fat strawberry cinnamon muffins for a brunch that very same day.

“Friday and Saturday,” I heard him say while I walked around the kitchen getting ready to deliver the 40 muffins. How many women are going to this brunch? I’ve never brunched but if I were to, I would go with Alexa and maybe Connor and Lauren and now with Jackson. Why the 40 muffins?

“I have to do the photo shoot for the contest. Jackson is helping me with the pictures,” So far I’d managed to keep Jackson away from Leonard. Leonard had in his mind a picture of Jackson being this pathetic human being that crashed on my sofa, the one in the living room, not in my bedroom obviously, and moped all day around the bakery.

“Can you do that on Sunday? I was wondering if you wanted to go to the city, have dinner, catch a show… spend the night…,” oh… sex. He wanted sex. We hadn’t had sex yet and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I did, I really did. Leonard was a great kisser and I wanted to get Jackson out of my system, so to speak, but he was always traveling! Sometimes I only caught him at the bakery before he left for the airport so sex had been a distant goal.

“Oh, that sounds great,” I said grinning. “I can definitely do the shoot on Saturday or Sunday afternoon,” I said turning around only to find Jackson leaning against the door frame in the kitchen. Arms crossed and feet crossed at the ankles.

“Ok, then,” I heard Leonard and smiled again. “It’s a date,” I nodded.

“It’s a date.” I confirmed. We said our goodbyes and hung up.

“Ready?” Jackson asked and I nodded. He was taking me to deliver the muffins just because he was bored and had nothing better to do. “Was that Leonard?” he asked as I gave him a tray with 20 muffins.

“Yes, he wants to take me to a show in the city on Friday,” I said smiling. I couldn’t help it. I took off the net I had been wearing and grabbed the second tray with muffins.

“You know he wants sex, right?” said Jackson opening the door to the backseat of his car so I could place the muffins safely.

“I know,” I said with a nonchalant tone. I climbed on the passenger’s seat and saw him do the same on his side. I was trying to adjust the seat belt and when I looked up I found his face extremely close to mine.

“You know he won’t make you feel the way that I do, right?” What was I supposed to say? I looked down and tried to do something with the seat belt.

“I know,” that’s all I could say because it was true. I’d never ever felt something that came close to what I felt with Jackson with anyone else. He smiled,
good.

“Good? Are you happy about it?” I asked him as I saw him start the car.

“Actually, yes because at least I know that I am not the only one that’s had lousy sex for the past 6 years.” He said while he drove and then turned to look at me. I was smiling
Good
. He shook his head and I tried to tie my hair up in a bun.

“Don’t,” he said looking at me. I just stared at him. “Leave it down, please,” I nodded.

Once we got to the house where I was delivering the muffins, Jackson decided to stay in the car because he saw that one of the guests to the brunch was friends with his mother and he didn’t want her mother to know he was there. I shook my head and took the trays into the house by myself, got paid and went back to the car.

“Really?” I asked looking at him.

“What?” he said.

“Your mother doesn’t know you are staying at her place?” I asked turning into my seat to see him better.

“Nope, she doesn’t,” he said not looking at me. “Want to have lunch?”

“Only if you tell me why your mother doesn’t know you are staying here and why don’t you want her knowing,” I said crossing my arms.

“I’ll do my best,” he grinned.

“Take me to lunch then,” I said.

We ended up eating at a tiny restaurant next to the beach where we ordered a couple of burgers and sat on a picnic kind of table.

“So,” I said while grabbing a fry from his basket he slapped my hand and smiled
Get yours,
“ You can have one of my onion rings,” I said showing him the rings basket he shook his head. “Anyway,” I finally said, “tell me. Why does your mother ignore your whereabouts?” I asked.

He shrugged and then looked up. “I don’t want her looking for me,” I stared at him “What, Mar?” he asked like a little boy throwing a tantrum.

“That’s not a good enough answer,” I took a bite of my burger and continued to stare at him.

“Ok,” he took a deep breath “my parents are close friends with Sally’s parents,”
Sally.
I loathed the name it was so cheesy. “I’ve known her all my life,” I nodded but wondered if he had something with Sally back when we met. How long have they dated? “So, if my parents knew where I was they would be here persuading me to go back to Sally or even worse, Sally would be here!” I could see the panic on his face.

“Where do they think you are?” I asked biting on an onion ring.

“Jersey,” I raised an eyebrow “they think I am staying with Ray,” I raised an eyebrow again. “You remember Ray, don’t you?,” I nodded. “he got married like 3 years ago because he knocked up his girlfriend and now they live in New Jersey.” He shrugged.

“Sally won’t go looking for you at Ray’s?” I really didn’t want to know about Sally but I wanted to know about Jackson. He was opening up and I was finally getting a glimpse of what was going on in his life and I was willing to endure the mention of Sally’s name.

“No,” he shook his head as he took a sip of the beer he had ordered. “They hate each other,” he shrugged.

“That’s got to be difficult,” I said looking at the beach. “Dating someone that your best friend hates,” I shrugged.

“It is, but it has always been like this. Ever since we were in 3
rd
grade and they had to “share,” me.” I laughed out loud at that.

“You are so full of yourself,” I shook my head.

“Am I?” he looked at me smiling,
Ray loves you.

“I haven’t seen Ray in years,” I said, as I took a bite from my burger.

“He loves you though,” he said and I nodded.

Seventeen

December had always been a busy time at Ronan’s bakery so between my job there and all the orders I’ve received for holiday muffins and cookies I was exhausted but Alexa dragged me to a stupid party anyway. It was freezing and everyone was inside the house where the party was but I wanted to enjoy the beach. Winter was my favorite season because I could actually enjoy the beach without getting burned by the sun, at least not too much; I could get away with a few layers of sunscreen.

I wrapped my favorite hoodie around me and sat while contemplating the ocean. There was a bit of snow here and there but not enough to discourage me of enjoying the fresh air for a while. I took a deep breath because I felt something shifting on the weather, I needed a bigger income of oxygen and suddenly I knew why. I turned around to find Jackson leaning against the door frame looking at me smiling,
I’m here.

I immediately stood up and ran towards him, he opened up his arms and caught me as I jumped. I put my hands on each side of his face and looked into his eyes smiling,
I missed you.

“Me too,” he said and we kissed. It had been a little less than a month since I’d seen him last but it truly had felt longer.

“How long are you staying?” I asked as I climbed off of him.

“I’m going back for Christmas and then I am coming back for New Year’s,” I squealed and hugged him.

“I already love it in here,” I heard a voice coming from behind us and saw Alexa and some guy staring at us.

“Mar, this is Ray, my best friend,” said Jackson.

“Nice to meet you, Ray,” I said smiling as Ray took a couple steps forward and I took the opportunity to inspect him more carefully. He had light brown hair and blue eyes. Unlike Jackson, ray kept his hair short and his face stubble free; he was so Alexa’s type, I looked at her and I could tell she was already planning a way to seduce Ray.

“I’m thrilled to finally meet you, Marion, I’ve heard a lot about you,” he grinned.

“I see you’ve already met my best friend,” I said looking at Alexa.

“We’ve met,” she said smiling. I turned to look at Jackson smiling,
She’ll try to seduce him
. Jackson laughed and smiled back at me,
He’ll let her
. I laughed out loud.

“What the fuck..?” Ray’s voice brought us back to the world we shared with the rest of the humans and out of our own.

“They are doing that creepy thing they do,” said Alexa disgusted.

“Do they do that a lot?” Ray asked

“All the time. Do you want to grab a beer?” she said putting his hand around his elbow.

“Lead the way, beautiful,” said Ray and they both walked away.

“Is he friend of Connor too?” I asked as Jackson and I walked to the beach.

“No, he was my neighbor back home. We eventually went to the same grade school together but we knew each other way before that,” he said as he passed his hand around my shoulders.

“Like me and Alexa,” I said and he nodded.

“Want to get out of here?” he asked and I nodded.

“Are you ok?” I heard Leonard voice as I looked out the window from the hotel where we were spending the night in New York.

“Yes,” I smiled “why wouldn’t I be?” I cocked my head to the side and watched him walk towards me with two champagne glasses.

“I know this wasn’t the way a gentleman handles things,” I grabbed the glass as he put his on the small table next to us, “but I haven’t had the best timing lately and I really, really…,” he smiled at me as he put his arm around my waist.

“…want to have sex?” I asked smiling.

“Oh god! I’m horrible right?” he said hiding his face on the crook of my neck.

“Of course not!” I said putting my free hand on his blond hair. He was so cute when he was embarrassed. “Besides,” I said reaching to put my glass on the table, “I want to have sex too.”

“Really?” he finally looked up searching for my eyes.

“Really,” I nodded.

“That’s perfect, then,” he put his hand on my cheek and kissed me.

I woke to the magnificent scent of coffee and toast, feeling rested and a bit sore; it was perfect. Leonard was a complete gentleman but when it came to sex he held nothing back which was amazing! I was happy that we had taken this opportunity to get sex out of the way and how we could just go on with our relationship because a) Sex was GOOD with Leonard b) we knew we were compatible on that level.

“Breakfast?” I heard him say and I sat up on the bed finding him on his pj pants and pouring coffee on a cup.

“I need to call Alexa first,” I said looking for something to wear. Leonard gave me a t-shirt he got out of his suitcase. Once I was semi-covered I grabbed my phone and called Alexa. I had written down a complete menu for the day with Greg’s recipes but still I was nervous. I’d never left the bakery unattended for more than a couple of hours.

“Why are you calling me?” I heard Alexa’s voice as she answered.

“Good Morning to you too,” I said pacing around the room and seeing how Leonard buttered a couple of toasts for me.

“Did you have sex?” she asked bluntly.

“Yes,” I answered confused.

“Then you shouldn’t be calling me,” I laughed out loud.

“I just wanted to know how everything is going,” I smiled towards Leonard that was drinking his coffee while looking at me.

“Everything is great, Jackson is in a horrible mood and you should go back to bed. NOW,” I laughed again.

“Fine, as long as everything is running perfectly,” I began walking towards Leonard.

“It is. Goodbye,” she said and hung up.

“Can’t believe it,” I said sitting down on the chair right in front of Leonard “she hung up on me.” I put my phone on the table and looked at Leonard.

“Good Morning,” he said reaching for my hand.

“Good Morning,” I smiled.

“How did you sleep?” he brushed his thumb on my palm and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Great,” I said.

“Good, that’s good,” Leonard said and I nodded and took a piece of fruit in my mouth. “So, I was wondering,” he went on as he ate some strawberries, “Does it bother you that I am older than you?” I couldn’t help but frown because I had no idea what he was talking about. Truth was I hadn’t asked how old was he and the topic never came up in our conversations.

“I have no idea how old are you,” I said laughing out loud, “but I don’t really care,” I shrugged as I kept on eating my fruit.

“I’m 38,”he said and I almost spit the coffee that I was drinking.

“What?” I said in between coughs. Leonard just nodded. “Wow, you sure look younger,” I said shaking my head.

“Thank you,” he said still smiling.

“I don’t care that you are older than me,” I said smiling.

“Now, may I know exactly how old are you? My mother said you were in your twenties but I have no idea exactly where in your twenties.”

“I’m 25,” I said and it was his turn to look shocked.

“That’s…,” he seemed to be doing the math.

“13 years,” I said really quickly.

“13 years indeed,” he nodded.

“Do you mind that?” I asked confused. It was my turn to worry because I was younger, way younger, than him.

“Not at all,” he said reaching for my hand.

“Ok,” I sighed and grabbed his hand.

“What time do you need to be back?” he asked as we moved from the fruit to the eggs.

“It doesn’t really matter,” I shrugged.

“Ok, then, we can take advantage of this beautiful bed we have for a couple of more hours,” he said.

“I like the way you think,” I said raising both my eyebrows.

Around 3 in the afternoon that same day Leonard dropped me at my place and ran to pack a new suitcase because he was catching a plane that very night. I felt so bad for him because he had to go all the way back to New York to catch an international flight but I was glad I got to spend time with him because he was going to be gone for 2 whole weeks. The first thing I did after crossing the threshold was to call Alexa.

“I’m home, do you need me?” I said as I went up the stairs to my room.

“Not really, everything is going perfect,” I heard her say and I let myself fall in the bed.

“Good, because I am so tired, I think I need a nap,” I said closing my eyes.

“I need to hear everything, was it good?” I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah it was very good,” I said.

“As good as…”

“No,” I interrupted her before she got to say what she was going to say. “…but better than all the others,” I said in an optimistic tone.

“That’s very good then,” I nodded.

“Yes. Anyway,” I went on, “I need to sleep, if you need anything please call me.”

“I will, boss,” Alexa said and then we hung up.

It was kind of a ritual for her to ask me if whoever I slept with was better than Jackson. The answer was always the same: no. Sometimes I thought it was because Jackson was actually a Sex God, some other times I thought it was that I was romanticizing the whole thing by giving Jackson the power of having my complete pleasure for all the eternity and some other times I thought that I thought it felt that good because I was young and naïve. In reality, most of the time I knew that it was that good because I was completely in love with Jackson and I hadn’t been in love again since him. I knew that he remembered the sex was good because of what he had said that day after he knew I was going to the city with Leonard but why was it that good for him? That was the real question.

Around 5 in the afternoon I woke up and made me a sandwich before baking something delicious to eat while watching movies. I didn’t know what to do with myself because I wasn’t used to having so much free time but I was determined to take advantage of the situation.

It was when I was in the middle of baking time that I heard someone at the door. I cleaned my hands on my
baking for me
apron and ran to open the door to, obviously, find Jackson standing in there.

“Come in,” I said as I ran back to the kitchen.

“I brought smoothies,” he said placing them on the kitchen island and then looking over my shoulder at whatever I was baking.

“So, you did have sex,” he said after seeing that I was baking carrot soufflé. I shrugged and turned around to find two piña colada smoothies and I smiled looking at him
what are you apologizing for?
He always bought piña colada smoothies whenever he screwed up something big or small.

“For what I am about to do…” he walked towards me, grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me the way I remembered he used to kiss me. It was the kiss I had dreamt about for 6 long years, the one where he let me know that he never forgot me, that I haunted his dreams and his nightmares. I let go of everything and kissed him back with everything I had letting him know that I had missed him every single day for the past 6 years.

Jackson surprised me by pulling apart before things got really heated and we ended up doing something we would regret. He took 1 or 20 steps back and handed me the smoothie.

“Accepted,” I said as I drank the smoothie as if my life depended on that and he nodded. I heard him climb up the stairs to my bedroom and then heard the T.V. I laid back against the door of the pantry and took a deep breath. I hated him; I hated him for wanting to ruin my moment with Leonard. He knew he could ruin everything with one kiss, I knew it and I couldn’t let this happen. I was having a nice relationship with Leonard and I wasn’t going to throw it away just because Jackson couldn’t make up his mind.

I finished preparing the soufflé and put it in the oven setting the timer. I grabbed my smoothie and walked up the stairs to find Jackson sitting on my bed watching nothing, just flipping channels.

“So,” I said sitting next to him “are you going to try and cockblock Leonard?” Jackson, surprisingly, laughed out loud and looked at me.

“Of course not,” he shook his head and turned to look at the TV. I hated when he had these moments of arrogance; I wanted to bitch slap him back to New York.

“Then what the hell was that for?” I need answers.

“The kiss?” he asked and I nodded “I wanted to remind you that all the sex in the world won’t come close to one of my kisses,” he looked into my eyes. Fuck. You. Jackson. That’s what I wanted to say to him for looking at me with those damn chocolate eyes, grown beard and beautiful disheveled hair.

“You are an asshole,” that’s all I could articulate without say too much.

The following week went by as if nothing had happened between Jackson and I. I had decided to let the kiss go. I couldn’t forget it because for me it meant a lot but I decided that it was just some stupid impulsive thing we did and we could go on without dwelling much on it. Of course Alexa had to ruin my logic because she said that there was nothing impulsive about that kiss, it was totally planned because Jackson had taken the apologetic smoothie knowing what he wanted to do. I stuck to my theory that it was on pure impulse. Leonard called me every day from Switzerland, where he was, around the time I was baking for the day’s menu and he was having lunch so we had the chance to talk a lot. I found myself missing him and I loved that. I told him that and he said that he couldn’t stop thinking about me. We were cheesy, corny and adorable.