Unspoken (4 page)

Seventeen

“Someone’s looking for you,” I heard Ronan tell me and turned around to find Jackson leaning against the kitchen’s door. His hair unruly and beautiful as always with a smile that told me is
2 days enough time to kiss you again?
I smiled him back telling him,
It was about time.

“How long till are you off?” he finally said.

“15 more minutes,” I said.

“I’ll wait for you out here,” he smiled again and went back to the front of the bakery. I sighed and went back to clean up the kitchen. My entire body could sense he was in the proximity. I finished everything I was doing in less than 10 minutes and ran to the bathroom to do something with myself. I changed my shirt for a tank top that was kind of clean before throwing a hoodie on top. I untied my hair and tried to do something with it but I knew there wasn’t a thing I could do to make it look somewhere close to normal so I just let it be. It had gotten so long, almost mid back, and it was becoming a problem for work.

“Ready,” I said walking out to find Jackson sitting on stool looking out the window.

“Great,” he said jumping down and opened the door for me.

“See you tomorrow, Ronan,” I said waving him goodbye.

“Where are we going?” I asked as we walked down the street to Jackson’s car.

“I don’t know. Where do you want to go?” he asked me and I shrugged.

“I don’t care,” I smiled.

“Ok, to the beach it is,” he said and we got into his car. He drove us to the beach where we just sat looking ahead of us. Nothing awkward or anything, just getting used to being together.

“I think it’s time we make kissing something official and normal in our friendship” he said finally looking at me.

“I agree,” I said nodding and without any further comment he tackled me and kissed me like there was no tomorrow. We kissed for a long time and I felt that I was exactly where I wanted to be.

“Your hair does things to me that shouldn’t be legal,” he said running his hand through my hair. Ok, there was no cutting it now.

“Do you want me to talk to it? Want me to tell my hair to stop being so tempting?” I said smiling. He shook his head and hid his face next to my neck.

“No, I want your hair to keep on tempting me for as long as it wants to,” he said and I put my arms around his neck.

“My hair wants to keep on tempting you for as long as you let it,” I felt him smile against my neck and there we went again on a massive make out session at the beach. Looking back, that was the exact moment I decided that I was going to give him my heart.

The day went “normal” I kept up with all my obligations; the bridal shower was a hit because I got asked for my card several times but me… I was a horrible mess. My mind kept drifting away, wondering where Jackson would be at the moment, wondering if he was thinking about me, wondering if he was thinking about his fiancé, wondering if his fiancé was an emotional wreck. I was at the bakery washing everything that I used at the bridal shower when I made the decision that I wasn’t going to think about Jackson for the night. I was going out and enjoy myself because I needed to relax and let go of all the bitterness that I was dealing with. It was exhausting and I bet not attractive at all in a person.

So much for enjoying myself,
I thought the moment I saw Jackson crossed the door of the bar we were at. Alexa, Lauren, Connor’s wife, some other girls that I barely knew and I had been in the bar for almost 2 hours when Connor, Jackson and some guys from back in the day stepped in. I wanted to crawl down the table and quietly slip out of the bar but it was impossible because the moment he stepped in the bar he located me, we locked eyes and he smiled.
This is what we do best.
He was trying to say. He was right. Alcohol, music and us was always the right combination. I took a huge gulp of the fruity drink I had to give myself strength for whatever I would have to endure that night.

“Ladies,” said Connor and planted a kiss on his wife’s lips.

“What are you doing here, Connor?” asked Alexa. She looked annoyed and with reason. We rarely went out. Maybe once a month and here they were the guys.

“I couldn’t stay away from the wife,” he said putting his arm around Lauren’s shoulders. I looked at Jackson and immediately knew that it had been him who wanted to come here. He shrugged and I smiled while shaking my head.

“We should get a bigger table,” said one of the unknown (to me) girls and everyone agreed.

“So,” I heard Jackson standing next to me. He’d chosen not to comb his hair apparently “what a coincidence, uh?” he smiled and I laughed loud enough for him to hear above the music.

“Yes, coincidence,” I said and went quickly to grab a spot on a booth. I hated those tiny stools they have at bars, “lounge” stools.

“What are you drinking?” Jackson asked me as he sat next to me. I looked at my glass and it was empty. That was fast.

“Blue Lagoon,” I said smiling and he went to get me a refill.

“Here,” I grabbed it.

“Thank you.”

“Would you do me a huge favor?” he asked getting closer to me. I just raised my eyebrows while sipping on my drink. “Dance with me,” he said putting one of his hands on my thigh. I was wearing a skater skirt so, yeah, we were skin to skin.

“No way,” I said shaking my head while placing my drink on the table.

“C’mon…” he flashed the ‘I’m challenging you’ smile at me.

“You two,” said Alexa pointing at the two of us, “separate, now!” we both looked at her confused “when you two are together you are in your stupid little world and ignore the rest of us mortals,” I laughed.

“Actually, Alexa, we were about to go to the dance floor,” said Jackson taking my hand and standing up.

“Well, that’s taking things to the next level,” said Alexa, raising an eyebrow. Few people in the table understood what she was trying to say so everyone was wondering if she’d had enough to drink.

“Come,” said Jackson and took me to the dance floor.

“Just…” I said as we got there and he began bouncing. He was never a good dancer and neither was I, but really, whatever we did in the dance floor was never in the category of proper dancing. You could call it grinding, but I always thought that “dry humping,” was a better term.

“Just what, Mar?” He asked going near me and putting his arm around my waist.

“Just.. don’t kiss me Jackson,” I pleaded and he put his forehead against mine.

“I’ll try,” he said and we danced taking that moment as the perfect excuse to have a little physical contact because I knew that our bodies were crying out to be together and we couldn’t. We wanted to but I couldn’t give away my heart just like that.

Seventeen

“What about your parents?” I asked between kisses while Jackson had me pressed against the car.

“We are not going to my room,” he said grabbing my hand and took me around the house, through the yard and then to the pool. “Pool house, they don’t mind If I stay here the nights I come back late,” he said fumbling through his keys to find the right one.

Alexa and I had managed to get some fake I.D’s so we had gone to some club that apparently was THE place to be on a Friday night. We had worn some “adult,” clothes. I thought I looked like a baby whore but Alexa thought I was fantastic. I had worn a really tight green mini dress that barely let me move my legs but apparently made me look older because the bouncer didn’t look twice at my fake I.D. he let us in immediately. A few minutes later we bumped into Connor and of course Jackson.

“Hi,” he said giving me his beer so I could take a sip.

“Hi,” I said and took a sip.

“Want to dance?” he asked and I immediately said yes. After a lot of beers and a lot of dancing we found ourselves against a wall making out and grinding. I was thankful that it was dark because I was sure some of the things we were doing would be frowned upon.

“Want to go to my place?” he asked me and I nodded. I wanted to; I wanted to be alone with him. Lately we’ve been hanging out but with an entourage around. We would bump into each other in the party of the night or we would go out as a group to a bonfire and we were never completely alone. Yes we would always be in our own little world, with our own language and always touching each other, kissing, holding hands, but never alone.

So here we were at his place and struggling to get into the pool house because we were drunk and Jackson couldn’t make the key fit the keyhole.

“Let me,” I said and kneeled on the floor while trying to fit the key. “Ta-daaa,” I said once I made it.

“Come here,” he said grabbing me by the waist and lifting me up. I squealed and laughed. Jackson closed the door behind us and smiled at me
I really want this
he tried to say.

“I want it too,” I said out loud and he put his hands on each side of my face and kissed me with an intensity that I had never known it was possible. He kept kissing me while backing me up towards the bed and then, suddenly, he stopped and looked me directly in the eyes.

“Are you a virgin, Marion?” he asked really serious.

“Yes,” I said without hesitation.

“Do you really want this?” he asked while stroking my cheek with his thumb.

“I do,” I said with complete confidence and he nodded.

I can’t say it was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me because, let’s be honest, your first time is always weird and scary and exciting and emotional but I can say with all certainty that it was the night I fell in love with Jackson. He was completely patient and thoughtful. It hurt like hell and he was always waiting for me to adjust to everything that was going on. I have to admit that looking back at the moment, it couldn’t have been better, he was everything every first time should be.

“Did you know that you wear your heart on your skin?” he asked me a few hours later while laying in bed. He was running his finger through my arm.

“What do you mean?” I asked confused.

“All your feelings are reflected in the color of your skin,” he said smiling “see, there it goes again,” I knew I was blushing. He kissed me. “thank you,” he said against my lips.

“For what?” I asked.

“For letting me be the one,” he smiled and smiled back,
you might be the only one
.

It had been close to a month and a half since Jackson came back to my life and I still couldn’t get a hold of it; every day I had to take a couple of deep breaths whenever I had him in front of me and I had to keep repeating to myself that he was taken though every day it became easier to forget because I kept on asking myself if he was ever going back to her.

“Jackson,” I heard Alexa from the front of the bakery “are you planning on staying here forever? Because really, if that’s your plan, I’m sure Marion can give you some kind of job in the kitchen washing cutlery or scraping the food off the plate.” Jackson had taken to the habit of sitting in the front of the bakery with his computer and work long hours in there while ingesting worrying quantities of coffee and eating whatever came out of the oven.

“I have a job, Alexa,” I could hear the smile on his voice.

“I know but if you are planning to stay here that job will have to disappear and then you’ll end up with cookie dough up to your elbows,” I heard him chuckle and I did too.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Shit like that was what had me on the edge.

“Well, buddy, you need to choose. Either your New York job or your Hamptons job,” Alexa! They were clearly not talking about a job anymore.

“I would gladly take the Hamptons job, Alexa. It’s just not that easy,” I heard the sadness in his voice. I wanted to drop the damn cake batter I had in my hands and hug him until everything was better. I heard Alexa saying she needed to get a new muffin batch and I quickly put my earphones on so I could pretend I didn’t hear their conversation.

“I know you heard that,” said Alexa taking an ear bud out of my ear. I looked at her with a questioning look, “You are making a cake. You only listen to music when you work with cupcakes,” She put the ear bud back on and left me to pretend that I was indeed listening to music. In reality, the earphones made me feel I was more in my head than usual and I was thinking that I wished Jackson would pick me. I remembered the words of Meredith Grey:
Choose me, Pick me
.

“There’s no way in hell I am going to taste that,” said Jackson sitting on a couch at my living room. It was trying a couple of new recipes for the bakery and he was there to taste whatever I came up with. Usually the new recipes day was on Sunday when there were less people in the afternoon so I got to go home early, knowing Alexa and Greg would be ok in the bakery, and try whatever I had come up with.

“C’mon,” I said taking a mini pie out of the oven, “you love everything I bake,” I said from the island in the kitchen.

“Still not tasting that,” he shook his head. His beard was full grown now and I loved it, it allowed me to think that we were on a new stage of our relationship that we didn’t have to be those kids that lost the chance at something.

“When have I failed you?” I asked with the avocado sweet pie I had in my hand and waving a fork in his direction. He looked beautiful in his white linen pants and orange buttoned up shirt. I was used by now to the thoughts I had about him. I was getting to be immune at my lusting after him. I even liked it at times.

“Do I need to remind you of the fig pie?” He asked and I laughed out loud and went to give him the pie and fork.

“That was indeed hideous. Here, try it,” I said and he grabbed the pie. The second summer we were together I’d gone through my adventurous phase and start trying a lot of new recipes. The fig pie, particularly, was a huge fail. I was surprised we hadn’t got some kind of food poisoning.

“I swear, Mar, it this tastes like crap….” He said taking a bit piece of the pie into his mouth. I waited for him to ponder the taste, get used to the salty-sweetness he was tasting and then I saw him nod. I immediately felt a huge smile forming in my lips.

“This is amazing!” he said opening his eyes wide.

“Is it?” I said taking a piece of it. “It is!” I said excited. “Ok,” I said fumbling into my new recipes apron for the notepad I carried in it and wrote down the full recipe so I wouldn’t forget it. Once I had it all in paper I sat next to him.

“The next one will be ready soon,” I said looking up at the ceiling. Everything seemed perfect; the way we were handling things seemed perfect. I smiled.

“Almost perfect,” he said looking at me.

“Was I thinking out loud?” I asked him confused.

“You had a smile,” he said I nodded. He had read exactly what I was thinking into this language of ours. In that exact moment I heard the oven ring and ran to get the next new recipe out of the oven. “Absinthe cake,” I said grinning.

“Bring that over here, woman,” he said and I smiled. I cut a piece and fed it to him “Jesus, this is the best thing I’ve ever had,” he said devouring the rest of the mini cake.

“You act like you haven’t had dessert in years!” I said as I prepared a couple of espressos on the coffee machine I had at home. It helped me to come up with new ways of serving coffee. I was a certified barista as well.

“I haven’t,” he said being serious.

“I know for a fact that you are a fan of desserts so I find that hard to believe,” I said as I gave him the tiny cup with espresso.

“Sally believes that desserts are evil,” and there, for the first time in almost two months I heard her name. I wanted to imagine an ugly bitch, I wanted to think that she was a vicious human being but why would Jackson be with someone that wasn’t a good person, why would he marry a person that wasn’t beautiful inside out.

“Why would you marry someone that doesn’t like desserts?” I asked in a serious tone.

“I never thought of it,” he shrugged as he drank his coffee and I drank mine from the kitchen “she is not a bad person,” he said.

“I know,” I said.

“Thank you,” he said and I smiled
For what?
I was asking “For believing I’m a good person.”

I nodded “next Oreo and Peanut Butter brownies,” I saw his eyes light up and smiled at him,
I got you, Jackson.
I tried to say.