Unplugged (17 page)

“
What are you doing here?” I ask him and his brightness edges away at my sharp tone. “I don’t mean... I mean, I’m surprised.”

“
I made a promise to Ella,” he says. “I thought I should keep it since I haven’t done very well at keeping my promises to people recently.”

Honey.

He’s turning my brain into liquid. I have no idea what to say. The shock of his arrival and his proximity are tearing me from the world of children’s parties. I continue my dumb staring.

“
How are you?” he asks.

“
Mmm.”

“
Mmm?”

My heart thumps in my ears and I cringe at my behaviour. Liam
’s misreading the situation because he steps back. From the corner of my eye, I see the other mums watching in what can only be described as stunned silence. This situation is ridiculous.

“
Did you want a drink?” I ask, eventually. “Or something to eat? Did you come far?”

Liam surveys the remains
of the party food. With a glint in his eye, he picks up the pink-covered cupcake. “These look like they’d suit me.”

“
Really?”

“
Sweet.”

I look past him, not wanting to engage with the past. He walks through the door, bowls over my daughter with his attention
, and then immediately mentions something from the night we kissed.

He has an agenda.

CHAPTER
17

CERYS

“
The poor guy comes all the way here to see you and you leave him with your daughter, why?” asks Phoebe.

“
He came to see Ella,” I reply, pulling the cork from the longed-for wine bottle. Until everyone leaves, I don’t want to talk to Liam. I hope he realises how much the gossip mongers will love this and wonder why the hell he doesn’t care about press attention. He recently walked out on his wedding day. People will follow him. I knock back a glass of wine. The three mums remain rooted in the lounge; all the other kids have been collected but theirs, so they have no excuse to be here. No excuse apart from the man under their scrutiny.

“
Isn’t it nice of Uncle Liam to visit you on your birthday?” I announce loudly, taking the party bags to the mums.

“
Oh, is he your uncle?” asks Julie, a deceptively friendly woman with short blonde hair who I know is the centre of gossip in the mothers of the group.

Ella doesn
’t respond; engrossed with Liam who sits on the floor next to Ella, politely focusing on the new books she shows him. Again, his natural ease around my daughter strikes me as odd for someone who barely interacts with kids.

“
Anyway! It’s getting late and I need to get tidied up!” I announce, handing out the bags to nearby children with brick-like subtlety.

Once I hurry them out of the door, I turn my attention back to the kitchen
where Phoebe hovers with her glass of wine. She watches me as I shovel rubbish from the kitchen counter into a bag.

“
Ella’s not his, is she?” she asks.

“
No! Jesus, Phoebe! I’ve never had sex with the man! We’re friends.”

Phoebe sips her wine
, but the expression meeting me over the top of her wine glass is one of doubt. “Then why are you behaving oddly?”

“
I’m worried people will think the same as you. Did you see the expression on Julie’s face?”

“
The three witches? They’ll have it all over Facebook tonight. I hope they didn’t take pictures.”

“
Crap, I never thought about that.”

“
He couldn’t take his eyes off you, Cerys,” she says quietly. “When everyone was busy and you were with Ella, I saw how he looked at you.”

“
What do you mean?” I pause in my tidying.

“
I mean, this man came to see you, not your daughter.”

“
I doubt it,” I mumble.

“
I know, none of my business.” She drains her glass. “I guess from your cagey behaviour you have something to talk to him about. I’ll leave you in peace.”

Phoebe walks out of the kitchen and claps her hands, calling her son, Jordan. The brown haired boy sits on the sofa devouring the contents of his party bag. Grasping the plastic bag in his hand
, he waves at the distracted Ella and leaves with his mum. Not before Phoebe blows me a kiss and indicates Liam with her head.

This leaves me, Liam, Ella
, and a lot of unanswered questions.

I retreat to the kitchen as the front door closes and pour another glass of wine, ignoring the
remaining mess of party aftermath. Sentences run through my head of what I’ll say when he inevitably comes into the room. I’m dazed by the fact he came but also hold the frustration that he never contacted me. I need to close him out; he can’t do this.

The noise of the TV travels through to the kitchen. A few moments later, Liam walks into the confined space of the room.

The man who re-entered my life at Christmas holds a presence I’m sure affects other girls as well as me. Especially, if he looks at them with the misplaced affection I see in Liam’s eyes. I’m unused to seeing men with so many tattoos, especially across biceps like his. I don’t hold his gaze but stare at his long fingers, the ones that touched and caressed me so gently. If I look at his arms, I can avoid looking at his face and the mouth I remember on mine.

Liam
steps closer.

Crap.

I turn to gather half-empty paper plates and throw them in a white bin bag.

“
How are you, Cerys?” His Welsh accent holds an edge of American, the amusing drawl he used around Ella at Christmas to make her laugh is there.

“
Fine, thank you. You?” I place the last plate in the bag and look around.

“
Better than I was a few weeks ago.” Liam rests against the Formica counter and stretches his long legs halfway across the room.

“
I heard about that.” I want to elaborate on ‘that’ and mention his failed wedding day but the wary look on his face edges the questions away. “Been back in Wales long?”

“
Just today. I’m staying back in London,” he replies.

“
Oh, okay, are you going for a home visit?”

He picks
up a paper cup and puts it into the bag I’m holding. “I wanted to see the girl who needs to know I haven’t forgotten her.”

“
Ella is definitely happy you came.”

Liam doesn
’t respond, but the connotation behind his words is in his intense look. “Sorry I took so long to reply to Ella’s letter. It got lost in the Blue Phoenix fan mail.”

“
She’d forgotten about you.”

“
Really? She seemed to recognise me when I arrived today.” Again, the undertone of our conversation hangs in the air.

“
I don’t think you’re forgettable to a five year old, Liam. Not many men look like you.”

He grins.
“Yeah, always with the hair.”

“
I couldn’t imagine Liam Oliver without his signature locks,” I say and smile. I really didn’t want to smile.

“
How are you really?” he asks.

“
Single mum of a five year old with no life. You?”

“
Bass player for Blue Phoenix and occasional pirate.”

This space is too small, the awareness of Liam
’s presence too big. “Why are you really here?” I ask him.

“
I said I’d come.”

“
That makes no sense. Why would someone like you come to a five-year-old’s birthday party?”

“
I told you. I said I would.” He pauses and rubs his cheek. “And I wanted to see you again.”

I can
’t. I grab some cups and put them in the sink, ignoring the breath knocked out of me. He can’t.

“
Cerys?”

“
It was very sweet of you to come to Ella’s party, thank you.” My hair sweeps across my cheek and I push it behind an ear.
No, no, no. He can’t say more
. “Do you want a drink?” I ask, turning back. “Or do you need to get going?”

“
You want me gone?”

“
I don’t want you upsetting Ella. She’ll think this is like Christmas again and you’ll be around for a while. I don’t want her hurt when you leave again.”

Liam pulls himself forward and moves to the very edge of my personal space. I don
’t need him to say the next words because they echo mine.

“
I wish it
was
like Christmas again. I wish you hadn’t left. If I’d known...”

“
Known about what?”

“
If I’d known you and Ella’s dad didn’t stay together after Christmas, I’d never have gone back to my own stupid relationship with Honey.”

I close my eyes and swallow the rising lump in my throat.
“Liam, Christmas was just...a thing.”

“
A thing?”

“
Some fun.”

Liam doesn
’t reply so I open my eyes again. “You really believe that?” he asks.

“
I believe that if it was more than fun, you’d have got in touch with me.”

There
’ve been many nights wishing Liam were lying beside me in bed, dreaming about what would’ve happened if I’d made the decision to go into his room that night. What would Liam have done, what would sex be like with a man whose touch seared my skin, and who kissed me like I’ve never been kissed before? The heart skipping moments when I came across him on TV; the unwarranted tears when I saw him in magazines with Honey. All of this has eaten away at me.

“
I’ll have that drink you’re offering, and then I want to talk to you before I go.” He moves back to the counter.

I side glance him.
“Talk about what?”

“
A lot.”

Liam asks for coffee because he
’s driving, so I leave my glass of wine and pull out two mugs. As I’m making the drinks, he asks if I want him to put Ella into bed because she’s asleep on the floor. How is he like this? How can a man who lives a life of excess come to my small house in Cardiff and know not to leave her sleeping on the floor? It’s as if he’s doing it deliberately to worm his way into my affections. Not that he needs to. I tell him to put Ella onto her bed.

I place Liam
’s coffee on the table and curl up on the brown armchair with my mug. Gift wrap and trampled-in food surround us, balloons from the walls now on the floor. Liam returns and sits. He picks up a balloon and twists it around in his hands.

“
A bit different to my usual parties,” he says.

“
Yes, I bet you have women lying around on the floor not balloons at the end of yours.”

He smirks.
“In the old days, we’re not that bad anymore.”

“
Sure, you’re not.” I return his smile.

“
I’m over all that; believe it or not, that shit gets boring after a while.”

“
Is that why Blue Phoenix split?”

“
We haven’t,” he says tersely. “We needed a break after the months of crap that went on.”

I sip my coffee.
“So what are you doing on your break? When you’re not running from weddings.”

“
Why are you angry with me?” he asks.

“
I’m not angry with you. Why would I be?”

“
Cold then.”

“
Do you want me to be honest with you?”

Liam pushes a strand of hair from his face that
’s strayed from his ponytail so I can see his concerned eyes more clearly. “Yes.”

“
How could I believe Christmas meant something? You told me your engagement was off; and then two weeks after Christmas, you were with Honey behaving as if nothing had happened.”
As if I never happened
, I want to say.

“
You walked away,” he says quietly. “I didn’t think there was a chance for us. Yeah, maybe I did the wrong thing going back to Honey, but I thought she’d fill the hole you left.”

“
Wow, don’t I feel special,” I mutter.

“
You left and I never heard from you until the letter,” he presses.

“
I don’t have your number.”

“
I was surprised when I heard you’d gone back to Cardiff with your ex.” Liam pauses then adds quietly. “I heard he’s out of the picture now.”