Unknown (Unknown Series Book 1) (25 page)

“I’m not
mad
. I’m just . . .” Emotion filled my throat and I had to swallow. I wished I could tell him to keep his distance and not touch me. He was making it so much harder on me, but I couldn’t tell him that. How could this man who knew me so well, not know how I felt when it came to him? It pissed me off. And it made me angry with myself that I couldn’t get these feelings under control.

Mom, who’d been glancing over from the dining room entrance, came in and sidled up next to me. “I think we’re all just a bit overwhelmed.”

I felt his eyes on me. “I need to go to bed,” I said.

“That’s a good idea.” Mom patted my lower back.

I brushed past a frowning Rylen, past my dad, down the dark hall and into my pitch-black room.

I
had just settled into my bed and cleared my mind of Rylen thoughts when my door shot open. I sat up abruptly as Rylen shut my door hard, and his boots stomped to my bedside. He sat heavily on the edge of the bed and took me by the shoulders, squeezing.

“Why are you mad at me, Pepper? Why?”

“Stop it, Ry.” I tried to shrug away. He was too close. “I told you, I’m not—”

“Yes, you
are
.” He held me tighter. “You don’t think I can tell? Every time I think we’re okay, you start acting weird again. I hate it when you’re mad at me. I fucking lay awake at night worrying about it.”

My breath caught, and my sinuses burned. “It’s not anything you need to worry about.”

“Just tell me what the fuck I did.” He held me tighter.

“Please, Ry,” I growled, on the verge of a mental breaking point.

He let go of my shoulders and grasped my face in his hot hands, pulling me closer. “
Tell me
.”

“You shouldn’t be in my room like this,” I said. “You’re married.”

He went completely still, as if he’d stopped breathing. He dropped my face.

“We’re not allowed to be friends?”

My jaw clenched and released. “If you were my husband, I wouldn’t want you in some other girl’s room.”

“Liv knows we’re not like that.” His voice was raised, so mine rose to match.

“Liv knows that we’re a man and a woman who are very close, and we are not siblings!”

“Is this really about Liv and what she thinks?” he asked. “Or does the fact that I’m married, in general, make you uncomfortable?”

“The fact that you’re married, Rylen, makes me
sad
.” My stomach dropped.

I thought it would feel good to say it out loud, but all I felt was sick. Those were homewrecker words. I’d had so many years to be truthful with him and I’d not been brave enough. My true anger was at myself. I didn’t take the chance when I had it. It was my own fault.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just . . . I’m not good with change. And I’m selfish when it comes to the people I care about.”

“I never meant to make you sad.” His voice was thick. In my small, stuffy room, his scent overwhelmed me, made me wish for things to be different. I wanted to drink in his emotions. He was right here. I could so easily reach out and put my hands on him.

I needed him gone.

“Everything is fine,” I said. “With us. It’s fine. I promise. I just need to go to sleep now.” I had to make an effort to be nicer to him from now on. Not to flinch away when he got near. To act sisterly. It wasn’t fair to punish him because of my broken heart.

Rylen let out a deep sigh. “I’ve . . . missed you. I mean, Tater, too. Your whole family. But you . . . your letters . . . you don’t know how much it meant to me. You’re the only person who kept in constant contact with me over the years. I knew wherever I went your letters would find me, and there were times when I felt really lost. But you always found me. And I looked forward to it. I got excited every time I saw your handwriting. God, I know I sound like a pathetic fool, but I read them over and over. I . . .” He stopped and I found I was holding my breath. I couldn’t see his face, only shadows, but his words, his breathing, every sound was heightened in my ears. I heard his mouth open, and he wet his lips.

“When I met Livia, she reminded me of you.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and hot tears slid down my cheeks. I wrenched my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. The silent tears kept rolling.

“I just, I love you, Pepper. And if it had been you who showed up with a husband . . .” He gave a chuffed laugh. “I would have been sad too. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I swallowed hard. Once. Twice. Three times.

He loved me like a sister. And his words were the sweetest things I’d ever heard. His love for me might not be the same as mine, but it was real. We had a bond. It wasn’t the relationship I’d wanted, but I was glad to know I’d helped him in some small way. That would have to be enough.

“I love you too, Ry. And your letters were special to me too.”

“Please don’t cry,” he whispered. I’d been so careful not to even sniffle, but he must have heard it in my voice. I quickly wiped my cheeks on my T-shirt sleeve. I took a deep, cleansing breath and felt my tear ducts finally tighten and begin to dry.

Rylen reached out and found my wrist, running his fingers down to my hand, which he opened from its grasp. He enveloped my hand in both of his large, warm ones. Those hands. Those strong palms and able fingers. Oh, God, Rylen’s hands felt so good. How many times had I imagined those hands taking my face, those fingers trailing along my skin and cupping me, feeling me everywhere he dared. I prayed for the day when his touch would not elicit those thoughts. When holding my hand wouldn’t make me hot all over. I wanted to love him the way he loved me. This was too hard.

Finally he let my hand slide from his palms and he stood.

“Get some sleep, Pepper.”

“You too,” I whispered.

He left me and I wrapped my arms around my knees again, slightly rocking. Moments later I saw the shadow of Mom looking in my door.

“I’m okay,” I whispered.

She closed the door and left me with my jumbled thoughts and the smell of Rylen.

L
eave it to him to steal another night of sleep from me. Well, to be fair, the whole night wasn’t lost, only the first half of it. Then I woke with the sun, and I vowed to have a new outlook.

I went to work with a belly full of oatmeal swirled with strawberry jam and pressed coffee, plus a sponge bath, so my body was mostly happy. My head was still holding a grudge about the half-night of sleep.

As I pulled into the clinic parking lot and rounded the line of tall bushes, everything I’d eaten solidified into a hard lump. There were five Disaster Relief Police standing at the entrance in all black with guns, but no masks this time. I searched their faces, but creepy man was not with them. A civilian man cradling his injured arm was walking away from them. I ran up to him when I saw he was bleeding.

“Sir,” I said. “What happened? We need to get you inside the clinic.”

The man was probably my dad’s age, but really thin and in bad need of a shave. His eyes rounded and darted from me to the DRPs. One of the men stepped forward and said, “Under new law, persons injured by DRP fire cannot be helped.”

“What?” I asked. I looked at the man. He shook his head, appearing frightened. I looked at the DRPs. “You shot him?”

“I’m fine,” the man insisted in a tremoring voice.

“No, you’re not.” The towel he held around his bicep was soaked with blood. “I’m a medic, and I’m sworn to help people, no matter what. Let me look.”

The DRP who’d spoken before moved closer and said, “He’s been told to leave clinic property. He was out of his house during curfew hours and faced punishment. He’s not to be treated.”

“I’m going.” The man shuffled quickly away from me, leaving me there staring at the DRP. He looked like a farmer converted to a police with his tanned skin and shorn hair.

“Are you kidding me right now?” I asked, throwing out my arms. “A law that I can’t treat people?”

The man pointed his gun at me and I raised my hands, jumping back and shutting up as fear sliced through me. “Are you questioning the laws of Senator Navis and the DRI?” Was this asshole going to shoot me for speaking? What the hell was going on in this world?

“Whoa, whoa.” Another DRP walked up beside him. “I know her. She’s good people.” I looked at the guy’s face and recognized him as a freckled, tall boy who was in the year below me in school, Jeff Adams.

“Good people don’t question the law,” the other man spat.

Jeff nodded. “I think she was taken by surprise. Sounds like this is the first time she’s heard the law. Miss Tate, you should head on in and talk to the doctor. He’ll inform you of the new decrees.”

I slowly lowered my hands and walked past the men, keeping my eyes on the mouthy one. I wanted to flip him the bird, but he’d scared me too badly. When I got to the doorway, Jeff walked me in and whispered, “Just keep a low profile, okay? Most of these guys aren’t from around here, so they don’t know us, and they don’t care. We have to treat anyone who isn’t obedient as an outlier. If they think we’re slacking, they let us go like that—” He snapped his fingers. “And there goes our food.”

“They pay you in food?” I whispered.

He nodded and glanced back through the doorway. “Be careful.”

I gave a curt nod and managed to say, “Thank you.”

Inside, I couldn’t even relax because the stuffy DRI woman who gave vaccinations was sitting there at the main desk. She smiled big, oblivious that I’d nearly been killed for questioning a horrible new law.

“We’ve had to turn away many today who were punished,” she said. “But word will spread because of this, and people will realize we are very serious and we mean what we say. People will be more cautious.”

“Yeah, maybe, but . . .” I scanned her for a weapon before I continued. “It feels wrong to me. I’m trained to heal people, even people at crime scenes who are clearly not innocent.”

“I understand.” Fake, weird smile. “That was the past. All of our beliefs are being changed and challenged. But it is temporary. In due time all will be right, as it should.”

My lips clamped shut. I lowered my head and walked to the doctor’s office. He was listening to the radio and his eyes were glazed as he stared at the wall. I closed the door behind me.

“Morning, Dr. Persus.”

His eyes flitted to me and cleared before he reached out a hand to silence the radio.

“They’re saying most of Africa is wiped out. Did you hear?”

An uncomfortable zing itched its way over my skin. I sank into the chair across from him and whispered, “No. I’ve been trying not to listen.”

“All but South Africa, which has had half of its population spared. The rest of the continent, Amber . . .” His chin trembled. “Have you ever been—no, never mind, you’re young. You haven’t had chance yet, but I have. I took three trips to different parts of Africa for Doctors Without Borders.”

“I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this. Were they bombed?”

He shook his head and his voice was strained. “All water sources were contaminated. Every one. Those who survived the illnesses starved.”

I closed my eyes, hoping my stomach would settle. I did not want to lose my breakfast. “Dr. Persus. What are the new laws? One of the DRP acted like he was going to shoot me for trying to treat a man who’d been injured by one of them.”

The doctor’s entire face crumbled and he seemed to become frailer before my very eyes.

“Oh, Amber. I’m so sorry. Those devils. I want the Outliers found, I really do, but this.” He shook his head. “This is a sad day. Medical personnel will be killed if we treat anyone who was injured as a form of punishment. They want their suffrage to be a warning to others. I understand their determination—their need for complete cooperation—but I wish there was another way.”

“I mean, if obedience is how they’ll determine the Outliers, what will stop the Outliers from pretending to be outstanding citizens? They’re probably hiding their guns somewhere and doing their evil business during the day, in secret. It’s the innocent people who are being treated like Outliers who are getting shafted here!”

The door swung open without a knock and I gasped as I spun to see the pretty, smiling face of the DRI woman.