Unknown (Unknown Series Book 1) (28 page)

The room was ghostly quiet for half a minute until a sob issued from Livia and she covered her mouth. Mom put an arm around her, leading her to the couch where they sat. Remy looked at me and I saw the worry in her tight brow.

“I should load the trunks while it’s dark,” Dad said. Grandpa followed him out, probably to unlock the door to his room, but he didn’t come back down. He had to be exhausted. Grandpa liked his sleep more than any of us.

I looked at Tater’s worn face. “I’ll help you dig.” He nodded. Together we went to the garage and got shovels. When we came back out, Mom’s face was so worried she looked ten years older.

“Please be careful. Hide if you hear or see anyone coming.”

“We will,” I promised.

Tater and I trudged through the silent, dark field. Even from afar I could feel the heat of the flames wafting toward us. The fire was like a raging, terrifying beast, reaching for the sky, wanting to obliterate anything that came near it. I could barely make out Len’s form on the ground in front of it.

“Let’s dig on the side,” Tater said. He pointed to their small grove of citrus trees. We made our way over and began digging a Len-sized chasm in the earth until our arms were burning and our backs were sore.

I tried not to worry about Rylen, or to think about a blast powerful enough to kill a large man like Len. Would I ever be brave enough to sacrifice my life to stop an injustice from happening? In that situation, I had no doubt I would have given them the chickens and gasoline and anything else they wanted. Did that make me a coward?

Rylen was no coward. At the moment I kind of wished he was, but what were his other options? Stay at our house? They would find him right away if he were on the suspicion list.

Dad came over forty minutes later when he was done packing the cars and got in on the digging rotation.

“Both our cars are packed,” Dad said through panting breaths. “Food, water, flashlights with batteries, cooking equipment, propane, tents, sleeping bags, all of Grandpa’s guns. I think we’re good.”

When we had about five feet in depth, we stopped and made our way silently back home.

Mom was still sitting on the couch, rubbing Livia’s back. Remy was sitting against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. The three of us washed our hands and faces. Then Tater and I sat on the floor with Remy.

Dad took the recliner, and once again we waited. The room was so quiet that the gurgling growl that came from Tater’s stomach seemed to echo off the wall. He patted his flat abs.

“There’s food in the pantry,” Mom said quietly. “Just take it easy.”

“I’m the picture of self-control, Ma.” Tater stood stiffly, appearing sore. She rolled her eyes, but grinned. I did the same, minus the grin.

Tater strolled back in with two shiny, silver packages of PopTarts. When Mom gave him a glare he said, “It’s rude to eat in front of people. I brought this one in case anyone else wanted some.” When he opened his and I saw that it was chocolate, Remy and I shot out our hands at the same time. Of course he gave it to her. She ripped it open and handed me one. In the sadness of the past hour, that stupid thing was heavenly. We savored every crumb and then shared a bottle of water.

I looked up and found Livia watching us. “Tater, get one for Livia.”

“No, no,” she said shyly, but Tater was already on his feet. He brought a package and held it out. She shook her head. “No, I cannot.”

“Go on.” He gave it a gentle shake. “
Es chocolate
. Rylen would want you to eat.”

She hesitantly reached out and opened it. I was relieved when she began to munch. She was thin to begin with, but lately she was kind of looking gaunt in the face. It couldn’t be good for her to eat so little with the baby taking a good portion of her nutrition. When Mom got up to use the restroom, and Remy and Tater were chatting again, I went and sat next to Livia.

“Rylen will be fine,” I whispered in Spanish. “He’s a quick thinker.” She gave a small nod. I glanced at the others, but they weren’t paying attention to us, so I went on, keeping my voice low. “If you ever want to visit me at work, if you’re ever feeling bad, please come. It’s good to have checkups when you’re . . .”

Her eyes searched mine with something akin to panic. “¿Ya sabes?”
You know?
Her hand hesitantly roamed to her stomach.

My hands became super interesting to stare at as I whispered in Spanish, “I overheard Rylen when he was getting his vaccine. Nobody else knows.”

When I peeked to see if she was upset that I knew, her hands were clasped in her lap and she stared away, expressionless.

I wanted to tell her it was okay, but the sound of a truck’s engine hummed outside of our house. We all leapt up and rushed to the window. Rylen climbed out, looking whole and well. His eyes went to the window as he walked up and he nodded.

Dad opened the door and let him in, quickly closing and locking it again.

“Well?” Mom asked.

Rylen rubbed his hands together and we waited, the air between our circle thick with expectancy. “I think they bought it. I didn’t see the guys who came to my house. In fact, the two DRI who were there didn’t seem to know about the incident, so maybe the other guys hadn’t made it back yet, or maybe they really were doing their own thing. They said they’d look into it, but I’m not holding my breath. I didn’t tell them about the gun. Just told them I came home to find my dad dead and my barn on fire. They told me to report back in the morning. I asked how I could become a DRP myself, and they said, due to conflicts of interest, DRP are no longer hiring people to work in the towns they’re from.”

My eyebrows shot up.

“They don’t want anyone giving special treatment to people they know,” Dad said. He looked at Rylen and cleared his throat. “The uh, the grave is ready.”

We all got to our feet. A quiet heaviness loomed over the room. Rylen shifted his stance and looked from the ground around to our faces.

“Do you mind if I do this alone?”

Oh, Ry. It had always been he and his dad against the world.

Dad put a hand on Rylen’s shoulder. “Of course not, son. We’ll be right here if you need us.”

We sat in complete silence when Rylen left. Only a single candle flickered in the room. Tater and I went to wash up and change our clothes. He came out of his room with a too-tight T-shirt, biceps bulging out of the sleeves. His old clothes were too small now.

He let out a dramatic sigh and said, “I’m gonna need some help fighting off all the women who want a piece of this.”

Dad snorted and Remy giggled, staring at him until I made a barfing sound.

When Rylen came back, he was covered in dirt, his eyes still red-rimmed, but there were no tear streaks. Tater stood and embraced him. Watching them made the rest of us cry. Even Dad wiped his eyes. I forced myself to remain on the other side of the room as Livia stood and went to Rylen.

When they broke apart, Mom said, “We should get some rest now.” She handed Rylen a pack of baby wipes to clean himself.

Tater said, “I figured you’d turn my room into a dance studio.”

“Nah, it wasn’t big enough.” Mom bumped his hip and looked toward Rylen and Livia. Tater picked up on it right away.

“You two take my old room,” he said to them. “I got the couch.” And before anyone could complain, he dove onto it, grabbing a pillow and manhandling it into a small ball under his head. He closed his eyes and grinned. I grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch and dropped it on his face.

“I feel the love,” he said from under it.

“Night everyone,” I said. I headed to my room before I had to watch Rylen and Livia disappear into a bedroom together. Remy was right behind me. I cracked my window to let in some cool night air. Sounds of crickets drifted in.

Remy and I had shared my bed too many times to count, but it had been awhile. I forgot what a snuggler she was. She had to be touching me at all times, which is exactly how Tater was. Whenever we shared a bed in childhood, I’d wake up with his arms and legs flung over me all night. Right now I was on my back and she was on her side, facing me. She had my arm in a hug, her face pressed against my lower shoulder.

“It’s weird to see them together,” she whispered. My stomach soured. “I mean, if it’s weird for me then I know it has to be super weird for you.”

“I’m getting used to it.” It was minutely true, but I didn’t want to talk about it.

“I’m sad about his dad,” she said. “I can’t believe he didn’t cry.”

The shock of it weighed on my chest. I don’t think it had sunk in that Len was really gone. It seemed impossible.

“I’ve only seen him cry once, when he was little. That’s just how he is.” In some moments he let his emotions show so freely in his expressions and his stance, and in other times he was like a steel vault. But to see his father killed . . . to see him lying there, lifeless. I couldn’t imagine the hopeless finality he must have felt.

I hoped Livia was comforting him well. I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to think one iota of what that comfort could entail.
Just love him well,
I wished.
Love him for me.

A humiliating, unexpected sob rose up and I gasped on it, my chest heaving, my eyes burning.

“Amber,” Remy whispered, sitting up. And without another word she wrapped her arms around me and I wrapped mine back. She held me while I shuddered, trying to force the emotions back down into their hiding place.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay to be sad.”

No, no, stop,
I wanted to tell her, but I was too busy crying.
Again.
Lord, I was so sick of crying. I pulled away and wiped my eyes.

“I’m all right,” I whispered.

“But it’s okay if you’re not,” she reasoned.

“No, Remy, I
need
to be all right. I can’t keep feeling like this. Too much is going on. I have to move on. I have to think about the bigger picture and stop feeling sorry for myself.”

She was quiet a moment. “You were always so much stronger than me.”

“That’s not true. We’re just strong in different ways.”

I lay back down and she slowly relaxed again too.

“I’m glad you’re here, Rem.”

“Me too. Let’s get some sleep.”

I rolled over with my back to her. Remy rolled over as well, and squished her butt right up against mine. An unexpected smile pulled at my lips. How many times had I slept butt-to-butt with Remy? So much was changing, but some things were still the same.

“L
ook at all these furry creatures,” Mom said at the breakfast table the next morning. Grandpa, Dad, Tater, and Rylen were all sporting shaggy short beards of varying color. We’d pulled up folding chairs and squeezed everyone in.

“Es oogly,” Abuela said. I snorted my coffee and everyone laughed.

Tater rubbed his face. “Abuela, I look
good
.”

“Noo.” She shook her head. Remy was dying next to me.

“Aw, come on, Mama,” Dad said to her. “We can’t waste precious water keeping up our baby faces.”

“Es okay,” Abuela said. “Use
all
the agua.” The laughter continued as Mom passed out paper plates of salt-n-pepper grits with strips of fried Spam.

“You keep feeding us like kings and queens and we’ll run out of supplies right fast,” Grandpa said.

“We have to eat,” Mom told him. “And these are much smaller portions than we’d normally have. So hush.” She kissed his head.

He shoved in a bite and said around a full mouth, “Damn, I forgot how much I loved Spam.”

Now it was Tater’s turn to nearly spit his coffee. Rylen stayed quiet, but kept a small smile on his face. Knowing him, he was hurting terribly, but glad to be surrounded by friends and family, and glad everyone was happy.

When we were finished, Mom looked from me to Remy to Livia and said, “All right girls. Time to wash your hair. I boiled a huge pot of water before breakfast and it’s cooling. Tater?”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Carry that pot into the bathroom for me.”

“Hooah.” He stood and did what she’d asked, and his tongue stuck out between his teeth as he concentrated on not spilling. Also, his biceps bulged from holding it up. Remy stared at him as he passed.

“Gross.” I nudged her.

She hissed in my ear, “When did you brother get so effing hot?”

“Ew!” I hissed back, making her laugh.

Remy, Livia, and I went in the bathroom. Mom came in and shut the door. She had spread out a row of towels on the floor in front of the tub. I took my shirt off so I was in my bra.

“Are we getting nekkid?” Remy asked.

“No, just your shirt,” I said, then I knelt in the middle of the tub.

“All three of you,” Mom said.

Remy took off her shirt to reveal a gorgeous pink lacy thing that unnecessarily pushed up her perky D-cup. They bounced when she kneeled next to me.

“Show off,” I said.

She giggled. “You’re not too bad yourself.” She poked the side of my black bra. I was more than a full B, but not quite big enough for a C. Mine looked miniature compared to hers.

“Girls,” Mom scolded. She looked at Livia, who still stood, appearing frightened. Mom told her in Spanish, “You can leave your shirt on if you prefer. We’ll give you a dry one.”