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“Nicholas”, dad chided, quietly yet with enough authority to have me halt my pacing.

"Don't dad. It's not my freaking fault this time. Don't Nicholas me. I came here two weeks ago, two bloody weeks ago, when all my college friends are out gallivanting god knows where, I come here, because she won't stop calling me to sing jingles in my ears, and remind me of my lost Christmas spirit. I come here to celebrate it with my family. I had plans, damn it, plans that included her. And that's ruined now because her father is feeling lonely one day before Christmas."

"Come on Nick, don't this to her, she has to travel today", begged Kate, rubbing salt on my wounds as she held a tearful Beth in her arms.

“Listen up”, I reached her in three strides, forcing her to look at me, “Do what you want to, you always have. But don’t expect me to be okay with it. Your father may be lonely and in want of his daughter’s company, but he does not deserve this holiday with you. I do”, I finished, just as she broke out in a sob, with mom rushing in to shush her and dad throwing disappointed glances my way. Whatever, I was done appeasing everybody.

"Also, I have to study for my finals, so don't expect me to come drop you off at the airport. Ask your father to make arrangements; I'm sure he'll manage. He's particularly proficient with last minute arrangements", I jibed and walked out on her and her group of fraternizers without a backward glance.

Now

You're headed to Hamilton's?" Beth asks from underneath layers and layers of woolen clothes that cover her delectable body from head to toe. She's sitting beside the fireplace, her favorite hangout these days, and nibbling on a fudge brownie. Watching her eat is one of life's sweet pleasures.

"Yeah. They invited you too, you know. Come with me, Beth, it'll be a nice change I promise." I search for a spot on her face to touch and reassure myself. Beth wasn't her old self, she probably never would be. But she was in a happy place right now, and I was going to make sure she'd stay there. I tap her nose, the only muffler escapee on her face, and watched her small smile bloom.

"I don't think I qualify as good company. Papa and I have a game of scrabble to catch up on, anyways. I think I'm going to let him beat me this time." She replies with a smirk on her lips and mischief in her eyes.

"Why aren't you good company?" I ask, rubbing my knuckles on her lower lip, watching them part in anticipation as she begins to blush.

"Everybody knows now. It's going to be awkward. I don't want to spoil your evening", she whispers through parted lips, looking dazed and a little dazzled, I think. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part.

"Beth. No one will talk about it. Uncle Luke especially asked me to bring you along, it'll be nice you'll see. A lot of our friends will be there too. No one is callous enough to gossip at the expense of a friend", I reply in a murmur, equally dazzled at the sight of those rosy lips. It was a daily struggle not to attach mine to them permanently.

"Maybe, but everyone is human enough to throw embarrassing glances and speculate about the complicated love triangle", she grimaces before turned her face away.

"What is that supposed to mean? "I demand, turning her head to face me once again. Her expression is a strange combination of guilt, remorse and a something else, something akin to regret.

“Beth, do I have to shovel every nugget out of you?”

"Drew loves you, Nicholas", she gasps. And I flinch.

I had suspected but hadn't purposely dwelled on the idea. And now it was out in the open, and I couldn't not face it.

"Why do you think that?" I ask cautiously, not willing to show my cards before she unfolded hers. I was a grade A coward.

“Because I know that look. The look she has in her eyes when she watches you. I know it intimately, as I’ve often felt it mirrored in my own, and reflected in yours when I was fortunate enough to deserve it.”

"And you think I don't look at you the same now?" I speak, incredulous. I had never made a secret of my feelings for her. I straight out told her I loved her for God's sake. What else do I do?

I palm her face and clearly outline my intentions, I cannot afford to leave doubts hanging between us, "I love you, Beth. You, only you. Drew knows that, has always known that. We are better suited as friends and we realized that a long time before you showed up. And I still look at you the same way. I will always look at you this way. There's no helping it, no escaping it. And I'm not wasting my breath trying. You'll always be it for me."

"I know", she whispers." I know and it's terrifying and exhilarating and breathtaking, and wonderful. Even when a part of me, a small inconspicuous noble part wishes you didn't feel that way, I know. But she still doesn't deserve to have those feelings thrown at her face."

Wait, what?

"You wish I didn't love you"? Man, this was beginning to hurt me. An old familiar pain crept up in my chest, laced with a heavy dose of panic. What did she mean by that? Did she wish to undo my feelings for her?

She must have read the pain in my eyes as she presses her fingers to my face, the way mine were pressed against her.

“I love you Nicholas, and I
know
you're it for me too. What's more, I never tried to escape it. Not even when I felt broken inside, my love for you was whole, and it healed me. Slowly and gradually, it healed me. But things have changed. How much ever we may pretend otherwise, things will never be the same. Before, when you used to look at me, I could see everything in your eyes, the love - that crazy heady feeling, the happiness, and the hope. So much hope we had Nicholas, and so little time. The love is there, and maybe there are threads of happiness, but I lost the hope, Nick. You lost the hope", she speaks softly, still looking at my eyes. And still not being able to read them accurately. She thought I had no hope for us? The girl is absolutely clueless.

"Is that what you think? That I have no hope? That I've lost it? You couldn't be more wrong and that's partly my fault." I must not have conveyed it to her, must have failed to explain to her just how much she meant to me and how much I relied on hope to see things through.

"I
have
hope, Beth, hope that we’ll get past it. Hope that one day you’d be able to look into my eyes and see our future in there. Hope that one day you’d be ready to love me the way I love you, ready to bear my touch and feel nothing but pleasure. Hope, that you’ll trust me enough to let go, and we’ll lose control together. I have hope that you’ll one day sleep in my arms and trust me to take care of you, to let me chase away the nightmares, to let me love you, sooth you, cherish you the way I want to, the way you deserve, and you’ll look at me with all the love you feel, and no regret.”

She smiles at me through the sheen of tears coating her eyes and dripping down her face. She freaking smiles at me, that beautiful shy smile. And then, I don't know what happens, I lose control of my senses and leap at her, pressing my lips firmly to hers, drowning in the scent that is so uniquely Beth's. We kiss and kiss and kiss, nibbling and sucking and biting as we go. She's more than ready to unleash her own assault on my senses as she kisses my nose, my lips, my throat, then comes back to my mouth for more. I grab a fistful of her unruly hair, changing unchanging the angles of the kiss while I scoop her up onto my lap. She clutches my shoulders. I throw away my jacket. I press her against my body. She moans in my mouth. I think at some point we lose our balance and end up on the floor, but I can't find it in me to care. My heart beats like a batwing, my breath comes in puffs, my senses are hyper alert of her feel, her scent and her body pressed against every inch of mine and things down south become a tad bit uncomfortable.

She must have sensed it, because a minute later she literally springs from my lap like a ping-pong ball, working up a nice red blush. I laugh and pull her towards me for one last kiss before leaping back to pick up my discarded jacket.

“That was unexpected”.

“Hmm”

“I guess we got carried away”

“Hmm”

“And things got out of hand, literally”

"Uh-hu"

"And you got so overwhelmed, you lost your speech", I grin and she sticks her tongue out at me.

"There you are, my very own duchess." I declare with a smirk before sweeping her up in a flourish and depositing her on the sofa.

"And you're my very own Roarke", she whispers, and I'm secretly thrilled with the comparison to her best book boyfriend.

"And Drew deserves her own Roarke, you tell her that", she adds with a smile. And hope.

“You won’t change your mind?”

She shakes her head. "Not this time. But I'll work towards it. Hurry back to me."

“Always. Wait up for me, will you.”

"Always"

Final Chapter. Outsider

Dinner at Hamilton's is as dinners in Cider valley are expected to be. Conversations are flowing from one end to the other, and everybody is talking at the same time. Food is brought in bowls decorated with tasteful colors and disappears at an awesome speed. Glasses are filled and refilled with a platoon of cocktails and mocktails and everybody chats away merrily. The festivities have finally caught up with us. Dad is busy praising everything he eats and eating everything he praised, Heather and Joanna have probably taken a thousand selfies wearing the same cake with different expressions. Jack sits a little embarrassed by her parents blatant display of affections as they smooch after every course, and Derek is practically joined at the hip with Prudence.

Some people were missing, but most were in attendance. Taylor was at home battling a cold, and Ryder and Kate were running late from a last minute shopping spree. Uncle Luke asks about them in the parlor and even makes a discreet inquiry about Beth. After reassuring him about Beth, which earns me a smile and a light pat, I walk towards the kitchen and come face to face with Drew.

"Hey", I smile at her waving my empty plate.

"Hey', she smiles back before gesturing towards the dishwasher. And immediately turns her back on me, fiddling with the apple pie and lemon meringue.

"What's wrong, Drew", I lightly tap her shoulders sensing her withdrawal.

"Am I the reason she didn't come? I haven't exactly been Ms. friendly these past couple of days", she blurts out, her shoulders getting more rigid with tension.

I don't pretend to misunderstand her. But I do try to assuage her guilt.

"No, you are not the reason. She has plenty, but you are not one of them. And I promise you she doesn't feel anything but friendship and respect for you. Actually, she has been feeling a little guilty herself, for poaching on us."

“There wasn’t anything to poach.”

"Yeah, she understands that now when I explained it to her. But I figured I do owe you an apology."

"For what?" she demands, scrunching her brows in confusion.

“For not appreciating you. For not being able to give us a hundred percent. For not being able to reciprocate your feelings. I tried to, but in the end____”

"But you were always in love with her. It couldn't be helped and I was well aware of it. If anyone should feel guilty for poaching, it should be me. You have no reason to apologize", she assures me and I can see that she means it. It's like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I feel lighter for it. Better.

"And neither do you", I promise, coaxing a smile out of her.

“I’m over you, you know. I figured I deserved my own fairly tale.”

“Hah, well, that’s exactly what she said, with a little variation. She asked me to tell you that you deserve your Roarke, who by the way is….”

"I know who is. Who do you think introduced her to the 'In death' series?", she retorts with a haughty lift of her chin which I promptly shuck with a little tap. She twists my nose in rebellion and laughs when I yelp in pain.

“ Tell her I hope she’s right and that I’m waiting.”

"And no hard feelings", I extend my palms.

"No hard feelings", she repeats, grasping mine in a handshake.

Oh, what the hell. I shake my head and pull her in for a quick hug which she returns in between giggles.

“Nicholas?”

I turn at the sound of my name spoken with trepidation, coming from my sister's lips, and my mind immediately races to Beth.

"What?" I croak, grasping and shaking her shoulders as she practically leaps in front of me. "Beth?" I anxiously whisper and a thousand horrible mental pictures circulate in my head, each worse than the other. I push Kate to one side and prepare to race my way back to her, to my Beth.

"Wait, wait, Nick", she cries, frantic, running and clutching my now numb hands in hers.

"Is something wrong with her, is Beth okay?" I demand, not willing to acknowledge what it'll do to me if she wasn't. She was fine a minute ago, my mind tells me. I left her happy. And then a god-awful thought takes root. "Did she do something to herself? Did she harm herself? Was it a relapse of suicidal tendencies? Speak up Kate, for God's sake", I snap hysterical, unlatching my hands from her grasp.