Unfriending My Ex: And Other Things I'll Never Do (21 page)

I want to thank my mom and dad who are the best friends and parents I could ask for. Not only did they both provide inspiration and great stories to draw from, but they were supportive every step of the way. Thank you to my dad for giving the best advice, for being my role model, for pushing me to be the best I could be, and for always making me laugh in the best of times and the worst of times. Thank you to my mom for being the warmest and kindest person I’ve ever met and for her smart and creative mind, which never ceases to amaze me. You are the best and coolest and funniest parents out there. I’m so honored to have you as my best friends.

Last but certainly not least, I want to thank Lexi for being my rock, for always being supportive, and for making every day better. I am ever grateful for the constant laughter, encouragement, and love we share. I should also probably thank you for letting me write a book about my exes. I’m aware that was a bit rude. Thank you for letting me pursue this and all of my dreams and for being one of them. And finally, thank you to Izzy and Emme, the amazing Stolz dogs, for being the best additions to a family anyone could ask for. I forgive you for falling asleep every time I try to read you this book.

© ROBIN ROEMER PHOTOGRAP

KIM STOLZ
is a former contestant on
America’s Next Top Model
, MTV news anchor, and current vice president of equity derivatives at Citigroup. She is a graduate of the Brearley School and Wesleyan University. In 2012, she was named one of the 100 Most Compelling People of the Year by Out magazine. She lives in New York City.

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authors.simonandschuster.com/Kim-Stolz

1: The Experiment

“withdrawal.”
Merriam-Webster.com
. Merriam-Webster, n.d., 15 Jan. 2014.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/withdrawal
.

“the simplest programs”
: Benny Evangelista, “Attention Loss Feared as High-Tech Rewires Brain,”
San Francisco Chronicle
, November 15, 2009.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/11/14/BUNI1AB1G2.DTL
.

2: Generation, Interrupted

“the same neural pathways”
: Gary Small, “Techno Addicts,”
PsychologyToday.com
, July 22, 2009.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brain-bootcamp/200907/techno-addicts
.

some in the psychiatric community
: Bill Davidow, “Internet Compulsion Disorder: Should We Include It in the DSM?,”
Atlantic
, December 13,
2011.
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2011/12/internet-compulsion-disorder-should-we-include-it-in-the-dsm/249905/
.

the tech giant Cisco surveyed members
: Cisco, “Toothpaste, Toilet Paper, and Texting—Say Good Morning to Gen Y,” press release, December 12, 2012.
http://newsroom.cisco.com/release/1114955
.

Keane Angle, a digital strategist at 360i
: Keane Angle, e-mail interview with the author, July 26, 2011.

“the constant checking”
: Matt Richtel, “It Don’t Mean a Thing If You Ain’t Got That Ping,”
New York Times
, April 22, 2007.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/22/weekinreview/22richtel.html?_r=1
.

“accustomed to a constant stream”
: Ibid.

“The more we become used to”
: Evangelista, “Attention Loss Feared.”

In his comprehensive and entertaining book
: Elias Aboujaoude,
Virtually You: The Dangerous Powers of the E-Personality
(New York: W. W. Norton, 2011), 210.

Aboujaoude notes a 2004 study
: Ibid., 210–11.

“exhibit signs and symptoms
:” Larry D. Rosen, “Face the Facts: We Are All Headed for an iDisorder,”
Lifehack.org
, March 28, 2012.
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/face-the-facts-we-are-all-headed-for-an-idisorder.html
.

“Drug addicts don’t think”
: Richtel, “It Don’t Mean a Thing.”

My friend Dr. Amy Wicker
: The CAGE questionnaire was developed by Dr. John Ewing. CAGE is an internationally used assessment instrument for identifying problems with alcoholism. “The CAGE Questionnaire,”
JAMA
, 252, 1905-1907.

“There is something satisfying”
: William Powers, interview with the author, November 10, 2011.

The constant distractions and all our time online
: Matt Richtel, “Growing Up Digital, Wired for Distraction,”
New York Times
, November 21, 2010.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/21/technology/21brain.html?
.

According to a 2011 study by Cisco
: Stacey Higginbotham, “Social Media, Multi-tasking & Ending Billable Hours,”
GigaOm.com
, September 21, 2011.
http://gigaom.com/2011/09/21/social-media-multi-tasking-and-the-death-of-the-billable-hour/
. See also: “Cisco Connected World Technology Report,”
http://www.cisco.com/c/en/us/solutions/enterprise/connected-world-technology-report/index.html#~2012
.

Further, a recent study of university students
: Eyal Ophir et al., “Cognitive Control in Media Multitaskers,”
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America
, August 24, 2009.
http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2009/08/21/0903620106.abstract
.

“processing multiple incoming streams”
: Ibid.

“mythical activity in which people believe”
: Edward M. Hallowell,
Crazy Busy: Overstretched, Overbooked, and
About to Snap! Strategies for Handling Your Fast-Paced Life
(New York: Ballantine Books, 2007).

why some companies are now preventing
: Emily Glazer, “P&G Curbs Employees’ Internet Use,”
Wall Street Journal
, April 4, 2012.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304072004577324142847006340.html
.

“The same inefficiency that freezes”
: Richard E. Cytowic, “The Key to Efficient Multitasking: One Thing at a Time,”
Fallible Mind
(blog),
Psychology Today
, March 23, 2013.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-fallible-mind/201203/the-key-efficient-multitasking-one-thing-time
.

scientists in California found
: Matt Richtel, “Digital Devices Deprive Brain of Needed Downtime,”
New York Times
, August 24, 2010.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/25/technology/25brain.html
.

“memory can be boosted”
: Sarah O’Meara, “ ‘Wakeful Resting’ More Effective Than Crosswords to Fight Memory Loss,”
Huffington Post UK
, July 24, 2012.
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/07/24/wakeful-resting-more-effective-crosswords_n_1697311.html?ir=UK+Lifestyle
.

A University of Michigan study revealed
: Richtel, “Digital Devices Deprive Brain.”

3: Facebook Is Ruining My Life

In an article titled
: Leon Neyfakh, “The Power of Lonely,”
The Boston Globe,
March 6, 2012. Retrieved from
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2011/03/06/the_power_of_lonely/?page=1
.

Nielsen found that between 2003 and 2009
: NielsenWire, “Report: Social Media and Video Site Engagement Reshapes the Web,” April 22, 2009.
http://blog.nielsen.com/nielsenwire/nielsen-news/online-global-landscape-0409/
.

“growing at a rate”
: NielsenWire, “New Mobile Obsession: U.S. Teens Triple Data Usage,” December 15, 2011.
http://blog.nielsen.com/nielsenwire/online_mobile/new-mobile-obsession-u-s-teens-triple-data-usage/
.

They also found that the average teenager
: Ibid.

25 percent of teens
: Common Sense Media, “Is Technology Networking Changing Childhood?” press release, August 10, 2009.
http://www.commonsensemedia.org/about-us/news/press-releases/social-networking-changing-childhood
.

Americans in general spent
: Nielsen,
State of the Media: The Social Media Report, Q3 2011,
September 9, 2011.
http://cn.nielsen.com/documents/Nielsen-Social-Media-Report_FINAL_090911.pdf
.

A June 2011 Pew Research Center poll
: Pew Internet and American Life Project, “Americans and Their Cell Phones,” August 15, 2011.
http://www.pewinternet.org/Press-Releases/2011/Cell-Phones-2011.aspx
.

31 percent of American adults
: Pew Internet and American Life Project, “Americans and Text Messaging,” September 19, 2011.
http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Cell-Phone-Texting-2011.aspx
.

“emotional closeness declines”
: Robin Dunbar, “You’ve Got to Have (150) Friends,”
New York Times
, December 25, 2010.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/26/opinion/26dunbar.html
.

For instance, compared to students
:
http://ns.umich.edu/new/releases/7724
.

a number of people described
: Jenna Wortham, “The Facebook Resisters,”
New York Times,
December 13, 2011.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/14/technology/shunning-facebook-and-living-to-tell-about-it.html
.

“the faux friendships of Facebook”
: Bill Keller, “Wising Up to Facebook,”
New York Times
, June 10, 2012.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/11/opinion/wising-up-to-facebook.html?_r=0
.

believes that our generation is lonelier
: Tom Meltzer, “Social Networking: Failure to Connect,”
Guardian
, August 6, 2010.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2010/aug/07/social-networking-friends-lonely
.

In an aptly titled
Atlantic
article
: Stephen Marche, “Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?”
Atlantic
, May 1, 2012.

In 2010, the UK-based
: Mental Health Foundation, “The Lonely Society?” May 2010.

In a medical study printed in
Pediatrics
: Gwen Schurgin O’Keefe, Kathleen Clarke-Pearson, and Council on Communications and Media, “The Impact of Social Media
on Children, Adolescents, and Families,”
Pediatrics
127 (2011): 800.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2011/03/28/peds.2011-0054.abstract
.

“[Facebook is] creating a den”
: Daniel Gulati, “Facebook Is Making Us Miserable,”
Harvard Business Review
, HBR Blog Network, December 9, 2011.

4: We’re “Friends”

examined how honest we are
: Meltzer, “Social Networking.”

“With so much of our facts readily available”
: Aboujaoude,
Virtually You
, 238.

One study completed at Western Illinois University
: Chenda Ngak, “Number of Facebook Friends Linked to Narcissism, Says Study,”
CBSNews.com
, March 20, 2012.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/facebook-may-cause-stress-study-says/
.

humans cannot process more than
: Aleks Krotoski, “Robin Dunbar: We Can Only Ever Have 150 Friends at Most . . . ,”
Guardian Observer
, March 13, 2010.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2010/mar/14/my-bright-idea-robin-dunbar
.

“You may find a time”
: Emily Post Institute, “Online Friending Etiquette,” Accessed 2012.
http://www.emilypost.com/social-life/social-networking/140-online-friending-etiquette-myspace-facebook
.

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