Pushing me back as he intently looks into my eyes he says, “Tell her, because in doing so you’re releasing yourself from it. She can’t learn to accept something she doesn’t know, Brian. If you love her, you need to tell her. . . .”
“I’m afraid to lose her, Pa.”
Waiting, hoping I won’t interrupt him again, he continues, “You’re going to lose her if you don’t. You cannot share half of yourself with the woman you love. It just doesn’t work that way. Trust me when I tell you, Tami will understand; she’ll help you cope. Don’t ever let fear control you, because once you do, you stop living.”
I nod in agreement, understanding that I need to tell Tami, and accepting the importance of being truthful. Even if telling her could very well end my happiness.
I walk back to our room as slowly as possible. I even detour through the kitchen, just to kill time. By the time I step into our room, my angel is sleeping soundly. I look at the clock on the nightstand, shocked to find it’s later than I thought. I quickly undress, leaving only my boxers; and I pull Tami against my chest as I spread my hand over her stomach. She moans and scoots backward to get closer to me, and my heart smiles if that’s even possible.
I want her again, my body always craves her, and if she’s this close to me, there’s no way to stop the urge to be inside of her. My finger starts to go down south in search of her hot waiting core. A few flicks of my finger against her clit, and her walls are wet. My finger continues its strumming of her nub while my tongue licks it’s way to her trigger spot, that spot under her ear is a sure fire for Tami. Sure enough as I make a pass with my tongue, she moans and turns to face me, throwing her leg over my hip as she guides my hungry mouth to cover hers.
“I need you,” I say between kisses . . . wet hungry kisses.
Her kisses brighten everything in me.
Her moans call to me.
Her skin against mine makes me forget everything.
This is the essence of who Tami is, and I try to match them with everything I have . . . to be worthy of her love.
TAMI
It’s been a month and a half since Roxy’s wedding, and instead of the ‘quality time’ Brian said we should enjoy, he has been picking assignments that take him out of state. In the beginning, I tried not to put meaning into it; but as the weeks go by, I can’t help but think that maybe it does.
Thirty seven days . . . a lot can happen in that time, and in a split second everything can change. Jake and Trish moved back to San Diego into a newly built house across the street from my parents, and about a ten minute drive from Trish’s mom. Jake successfully convinced our dad to relocate the main office of their company to San Diego. According to Jake, raising kids in LA is a no go . . . a bad parental decision. Of course, my parents are on board with anything where the quads are concerned.
I’m back in our duplex. Instead of having the same arrangement as before, Cody and Roxy now occupy the west wing while Brian and I take the east. Since Brian has been gone a while, Roxy and Cody keep me company. According to Cody, he’ll die of starvation if he leaves it up to Roxy to cook, which his loving wife vehemently denies.
“I’m home, darlin’!” Roxy’s upbeat voice helps my down and out mood.
“In the kitchen.”
“Whatcha cookin’?”
“Salmon braised in white wine with Brussels sprouts.”
The front door slams shut, signaling Cody’s arrival. I sigh internally, happy that ‘my kids’ are home.
“What the hell smells like ass?”
Roxy and I start laughing, because Brussel sprouts do smell like fart. Cody comes in holding his nose while he opens the sliding glass door.
“How can you guys stand it? This smell is a contender against Trevor’s stinky ass!”
“Love, after dinner, we’re going to do the you-know-what,” Roxy says, wiggling her brows.
She pulls four different pregnancy test from her purse. I’m hoping she’s pregnant. They’ve been trying since their wedding, and while my heart hopes for her, I can’t help but feel jealous, wishing I would be too. I quickly brush that thought out of my mind, because it’s not the right time—for Brian. I’ve accepted that decision to wait for him, but at times I wished—oh how I wish—I didn’t take the left turn when I reached that crossroad.
A sad smile stretches my lips when I remember a conversion with my dad. Our conversations aren’t just food for my soul, they always serve as a compass for me when I’m lost—especially when my heart is lost.
“Life is full of forks in the road, sweetheart. There’s no escaping them. Sometimes, they’re easy choices, other times, they’re so hard you want to stay stuck standing in the middle of that road, kicking and screaming. But, you simply can’t. You can stay standing there weighing things out, and that’s fine, but you can’t do that for long; otherwise, your life becomes stagnant—heavy. Just make sure you can stand by your decisions without blaming yourself or anyone.”
“I don’t like choices.”
He counters quickly, “No one does. But, everyone makes them on a daily basis.”
I start plating our dinner, concentrating on what I’m doing instead of what I’m thinking. As soon as I put the salmon in my mouth, the taste hits me. I run to the kitchen sink and spit out everything, and then some. Roxy’s quick to stand by me, running her hands on my back while Cody hands me a glass of cold water. Wiping my mouth with my hand, Roxy eyes me warily. I know she’s putting two and two together since I was complaining of nausea and fatigue last week.
I put my hand up to silence her, or rather stop her from jumping to conclusions. “Please, don’t even say it.”
“It has to be, T. You’ve been complaining about nausea, fatigue, and now this. It adds up! One plus one equals two . . . and two times two is four . . . twelve divided by six is two. I’m not even Asian, and I know that!” She points at the sink and makes a face as if she’s about to throw up.
Shaking my head at her, she literally drags me to the bathroom armed with the pregnancy test boxes. A smile slowly creeps around the corner of my mouth when the idea of being a mother takes root. My brain doesn’t even try to squash the thought, knowing Brian is on a different baby making page.
“So, I pee, then you go. I’m super excited!” Roxy is practically bouncing like a bunny hyped up on drugs, or a hyperactive Chihuahua.
A few minutes later, we have her two sticks on the left, and mine on the right. While we stand waiting for the final verdict, Cody’s persistent questioning is about to drive us both mad.
“Love, is there a bun in the oven?”
“Cody, wait!”
A minute in and he starts again. “Is Pillsbury dough boy baking?”
This time we both shout. “Wait, Cody!”
Since she went first, hers start changing, and a pink line appears while I’m doing my own mental countdown before she screams.
“Oh my gosh! I’m preggo my eggo!”
We both hug each other, smiling as though we’ve won the lottery, while Cody bangs on the door getting our attention.
“We have a waffle, love? Damn! I’m high fiving Mr. Wham Bam right about now!”
Cody’s vocal monologue about waffle and Mr. Wham Bam is momentarily forgotten when two pink lines appear on my sticks. I clutch my stomach, instantly thanking God for this blessing. Roxy hugs me from behind, wetting my neck with her tears.
“I’m happy for you, T. You’ll be an amazing mom.”
I turn around to face her, hoping I can mask the sudden feeling of apprehension just thinking about Brian’s reaction. She frowns at me in defiance, while she does her hands to hip action, followed by her head cocking to the side.
“No! Brian will be happy. He loves kids, T.”
“But, he’s still young while I’m ready to start this part of my life. He’s made it clear he wants to enjoy us first. I’m afraid. What if. . . .”
Holding my face hostage with her hands she says, “When he comes home, you’ll sit down and talk about it. No secrets, remember what going half ass did to Cody and me. If he has a he-needs-to-wear-a-hug-myself-jacket type of reaction, allow him. It takes a while for guys to get with the program, but once everything sinks in, he’ll learn to deal.”
Not wanting to talk about it anymore, she unlocks the door and jumps straight into Cody’s waiting arms. As they share a kiss so sweet, the venom of envy starts seeping into my bloodstream. My eyes water seeing Cody’s reaction, hoping I’d get the same one from Brian. As I’m just standing there watching them hug it out, Cody releases Roxy. He opens his arms wide enough for me to slide in. “Come here.” Cody’s warm hugs are very inviting, but his words makes me shiver in tension, “You’re gonna tell him, right?”
I pull back looking him square in the eyes, I answer, “Of course. You know me, Cody.”
His smiling eyes are replaced by concern. “Just making sure, T.”
I try not to look at him after that, because I’m sure he knows Brian’s misgivings about having kids, or the right time to have kids. I push that thought aside, instead I focus on my own feelings. How happy and excited I am, and how much I want this. . . . how much I already love my little beanie.
BRIAN
AFTER TWO WEEKS IN SAN
Francisco, then another two weeks in Vegas, I’m ready to be back in L.A. The night life and constantly being around booze following a chick rock band gets tiring after a while. The only positive thing about our four week separation is, I’ve finally decided to talk to Tami about my secret. No matter how much running I do, my past will continue to catch up to me, anyway. After all, part of being a man is facing the shit I’ve created.
I think the time apart may have caused our conversation before my flight to be strained and awkward. I know as soon as Cody picks me up, I’ll grill him.
“Is Tami, okay?”
Cody takes his eyes off the road to look at me. He’s wearing his signature I-wanna-say-it-but-I-can’t look while his eyes say something else is always a red flag.
“I need more than a look, Cody,” I snap at him. My patience are hanging by a thread.
“What? I can’t look at my main man?” He snaps back at me.
“Something is up. So, ‘fess up, pussy mouth.”
Shaking his head, he says, “Roxy’s preggo, man.”
He looks at me with a shit eating grin on his face. The fool is as happy as the day he got married, and my anxiety over Tami disappears, making me feel good simply because one of my best friends is happy.
Slapping his shoulder. “Oh, man, congratulations! Let’s hope it’s a boy.”
Laughing out loud he asks, “What’s up with everyone wanting it to be a boy instead of a girl?”
Laughing along with him I answer, “Ah, that’s a no brainer. You having a girl will drive you completely crazy. You’ve witnessed Jake, right? You and Jake are cut from the same cloth, man. We only need one of you acting like a complete caveman.”
Cody becomes serious, and his words skin my already sensitive heart. “You know, I’m just glad I can see. Can you imagine if I’d lost my eyesight, and she got pregnant? I don’t think I could survive not knowing how my kid looks. God’s good, man. He is so good. Don’t ever forget it, B.”
His last statement made me look at him with an arched brow. “Why are you telling me not to forget how good He is, Cody? You’re freaking me out.”
Shrugging his shoulders, he explains, “Nothing. I’m just stating a fact; that’s all, B. Let that shit marinate in your brain, so you’ll know what to do when the time comes.”
Squinting my eyes at him I ask, “When the time comes for what?”
The only answer I get is another shrug. After that exchange, we remain quiet; and before I know it, we’re home. The front door swings open, and out comes my angel, walking as fast as she can to get to me. I welcome her with open arms. I’m breathing her in, cherishing the way she feels in my arms, and savoring the feel of her breath against my neck, making me want her more than I already do.
“I’ve missed you so much, honey.”
Tami’s eyes glaze over as she leans forward capturing my mouth, enveloping mine with hers. Our tongues glide and meld into one, hungrily seeking its partner. The weeks of separation are catching up to us, and before we both know it, we’re in a frenzy of groping hands, sexy nips mixed in with wild kisses. I carry Tami bridal style without disengaging my tongue from her mouth. I open the door leading to our room as I toe-off my shoes one after the other, I gently lay her on the bed, watching her watch me take my clothes off.
I’m almost shaking in anticipation of being inside her, and ‘the talk’ we’re supposed to have leaves my mind and out the door. I slam that door shut, because loving on her as she loves on me is the only thing my heart can comprehend right now. My love overpowers the desire to confess, because her love for me covers my guilt.
Completely naked, I start working on her shorts, quickly sliding them off her including her panties. Then my fingers go under her tank, ecstatic that she’s wearing one of those with a built in bra. Leaving my lips for a second, she takes her top off, and as soon as she tosses it over my head, she grabs my face tenderly, stops, and gazes at me . . . and that’s enough for me. No words need to be spoken.
I get her just as easily as she gets me.