Unfinished (8 page)

He turned and faced
me as he reached the door.  I wondered if my gaze matched his, dark and lusty. 
I noticed the slight shake of his head just before he pulled me towards him. 
Once again his mouth was on mine.  It was instantly more intense than the last kiss
and I moaned against him.  His hand moved to tangle with my hair.  He pulled me
closer and his mouth moved to my neck he turned me so I was pushed up against
the door.  He pressed against me as his mouth left a trail of electricity
across my skin.  I whimpered and didn’t even care.  His hands moved down along
my body as he found my mouth again.  I took the moment to explore the hard
lines of his body.  I wanted to unbutton his shirt; I wanted to feel the skin
beneath it. I reached for the buttons, but his hands found my wrists and pushed
them against the wall.  He leveled his gaze on me before he turned his
attention back to my throat. 

“Make me leave,
Ally. Tell me to get out.” He hummed the words across my skin and I was in no
position to listen.  “Oh God, you taste so sweet.  Please tell me to leave,” he
groaned. He released my hands and ran his own down my body, teasing me through
the thin fabric of my shirt. 

“Get out.” My
words were breathy as I found his mouth. The sound that escaped him made me
crazy. I wanted him badly.  So badly, that I didn’t even pause to think about
what that meant. It was raw and consuming.  It surprised me.  It took over all
of my logic and rational thought.  I was at the mercy of this man and whatever
he decided to do with me was completely fine with me. I moved my hands back to
his shirt and he caught them again.  He pulled away and rested his forehead to
mine. We were both breathing heavily.

“No.  You do
that and I’m not going to be able to walk out of here,” he said.  The huskiness
of his voice left goosebumps on my skin.

“Then don’t. 
Don’t leave,” I managed.  I knew it was stupid, to ask him to stay when he
obviously felt the need to go, but I was so lost in the sensation of him that I
just couldn’t keep the words in. 

“You are so
beautiful. I don’t want to walk away from you right now, but I just got you
back.  I don’t want to do anything to send you running again,” he said.  He met
my gaze and I knew he was referring to the last time we’d been in this
situation.  I had run then.  I had felt rejected and embarrassed when he’d
stopped and I had run.

“I’m not
running,” I said softly.

He closed his
eyes, took a deep breath and released it.  He looked back down at me and
smiled, “Neither am I.”

He stepped
back and I let him, knowing that he was right.  I didn’t want to do anything to
mess this up.

“I’ll call you
tomorrow.”  He looked me in the eye to make sure I could see he was serious. 
“You’ll answer this time.” He smirked at me and I laughed. 

“Promise,” I
agreed. He kissed my forehead and I let him go. When the door shut I rested my
forehead against it and took a moment to get my bearings. Not for the first
time since Owen had come back into my life, I felt as if my world had been
turned upside down.  I liked the feeling.

Chapter Ten

My
interactions with Owen had taken a shift since we had returned from Texas.  He had indeed called me the next morning to wish me a good flight home.  We didn’t
really bring up what had happened the night before, but the conversation was
easy which had taken away the worry that I’d had that things would turn weird
between us. 

We seemed to
talk more and more.  I would chat with him throughout the day over instant
message and it was almost like we were spending the day together.  We were both
very busy, but would find time to check in with each other.  Often he would
call me up late in the evening and we would talk for hours. It was strange,
knowing that we had cultivated such a strong relationship with only one face to
face meeting.  Some days it felt like the Owen I talked to every day was
someone different than the Owen who had left my hotel room a few weeks earlier.
When we talked things were so easy, and with him so far away I didn’t get as
distracted by the way he looked at me or the way his mouth felt pressed against
my skin. I saved those images for moments when I could replay them without
interruption.

Cassie was
totally invested in what was happening.  Each day she would come to my office
and ask me what we were talking about.  She’d ask me when I was going to see
him again and it was fun having someone to talk to about what was happening. 

“You are so
smitten,” she laughed one day as we had coffee.  I was staring down at my
phone, to see a text from Owen.  He’d sent a picture of himself with a beanie
on his head and thick gloves holding up a bag of marshmallows.
It’s flippin
cold as balls here…wanna meet for hot chocolate?  I’ll bring the marshmallows.

I laughed and
showed her the screen. “Damn, Al, he is hot as fuck!” Cassie took the phone
from me to get a better look.

“Hey now, back
off,” I laughed taking the phone back. I snuck another peek at the picture and
then put the phone back in my bag. 

“So, when are
you going to go see him?  It’s obvious that you like him. Chicago isn’t that
far away,” Cassie asked for the hundredth time since I’d got back from Texas. 

“Seven hours,”
I smiled over my coffee cup, “Not that I’ve checked or anything.”

She laughed. 
“Well, you can’t just go on with this digital relationship forever.  You need
to get up there and see what happens.  Plus, I need stories.  I’ve hit a dry
spell in my dating world and I’m bored.  At least let me live vicariously through
you for awhile,” she pouted. If Cassie was in a dry spell it simply meant she
was avoiding dating.  She was beautiful, charming, and had no shortage of
admirers. 

“We haven’t
really talked about it.  His work keeps him busy and well, it’s kind of nice
just getting to know each other this way.  It’s different, but it’s good I
think.”  I sounded so cheesy, even to my own ears. 

“Right.  Well,
I’d still want to get my hands on him again if I were you,” she said pointedly,
giving me a raised eyebrow for extra affect.

“Well there is
that,” I agreed.

Late that
night I lay in my bed talking to Owen. We were both sleepy and our voices were
quiet and slow.  “You should sleep now,” he said.  I loved his voice, deep and
sultry.

“Hmmm,” I
muttered noncommittally. He chuckled softly and I smiled at the sound. 

“You’re
falling asleep on me,” he accused.

“No, I’m not,”
I stifled a yawn.

“I bet your
eyes are closed.” I could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Nope.” They
were.

“I don’t
believe you,” he said, then I heard the phone disconnect.  I looked at the
phone.  Had I hit the end button?  Damn.  Just then it began to ring in my
hand.  Only this time, instead of just seeing Owen’s name I saw that he was
requesting a facetime chat. Great.  I looked a mess.  Stupid technology.

I straightened
my hair as best as I could. It was futile.  I hit connect and saw his face
appear on the screen. His hair was rumpled and I could tell he was shirtless. 
God, he looked good.

“Hi there,” he
said, a lopsided grin on his face.

“Hi.  You’re
sneaky,” I said.  I sat up a little so that I could hold the phone steady.

“This way I
can see you when you start to fall asleep.  I should have thought of this
sooner.  I like it. I’ve missed your face,” he said.  There was that flutter. 
Seeing his face as he spoke sweet words made them feel that much sweeter. 

“So this is
your way of checking up on me,” I smiled at his reflection. 

“Well that,
and my way of seeing you again.  I don’t want to forget what you look like when
you smile like that,” he said. 

I bit my lip
nervously. Sometimes his words made me feel shy, having him able to see me made
it harder to hide that.  I watched as he settled back into his pillows.  He
moved to his side and I could see how his face rested against the black pillowcase. 

“Turn onto
your side,” he instructed.  I did as he asked.

“You know this
is going to make me fall asleep faster, right?”

“It’s okay. 
This way it’s like you are lying here beside me,” he said. He was right. I
could almost imagine him here beside me, face to face.  He looked so handsome,
his face a perfect mix of hard lines and soft expression.  I wished I could
reach out and run my fingers across his jawline.  There was a soft shadow of
stubble there and I could imagine what it would feel like against my fingers. 

I heard him
sigh, and I wondered if my face had shown what I was thinking. 

“What is it?”
I asked. 

“You just keep
surprising me,” he said quietly.

“How so?” I
asked.  I liked that I could see his expression.

“I don’t know
how to explain it.  It’s just that…This thing with us just feels so different
than anything that I am used to. I don’t always know what to do with that,” he
admitted. 

I wish I knew
what that meant.  I tried to read beyond his words. “It’s just me,” I offered.

“Exactly. 
It’s you. You make me feel things that I’m not used to feeling.  It just takes
me by surprise sometimes.  Especially here, looking at you all sleepy eyed and
sweet.” His smile made my insides flip. 

“You sure know
how to talk to a girl,” I smiled sleepily. 

“You think? 
Cause I kind of feel like a bumbling idiot,” he chuckled.

I laughed.
“Don’t forget that I’ve known you for years.  I know how gifted you are with
the ladies,” I teased him.

“The difference
is, with you I mean the things that I say.  Not to mention that I show you my
weaknesses and I don’t show those to anyone.”  His face was serious and I felt
the air leave me as I processed his words.

“I like that
you let me in,” I admitted. 

“Good.  Now,
go to sleep.  I’ve kept you up way too long already,” he smiled. 

“But I’m not
tired anymore,” I protested.

“Yes you are. 
And I’ve said too much.  Sleep well, Kit Kat.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He
gave me a lazy smile and then the screen went black. 

I frowned at
his final words.  What did he mean, that he’d said too much? It wasn’t the
first time that he had pulled back after a particular turn in conversation.
Sometimes it felt like he was pushing me away, and other times I wrote it off
to him getting used to having strong emotions for someone.  It was no secret
that that was not his M.O.  Plus, we had the whole friendship land mine to
navigate. The whole situation was confusing. We were walking such a thin line
and neither of us seemed ready to try and define what was happening. 

I tried to
convince myself that that was okay, that I could just enjoy the ride, but
moments like this had me wondering if I was cut out for such a thing.

Chapter Eleven

The office was
quiet as I worked through my proposal, while chatting away with Owen on my
messenger.  My work days were longer when our schedules allowed us to chat
throughout the day. I loved days when we could keep up a constant stream of
conversation.  It wasn’t efficient to my work, but it made the day enjoyable. 
I loved when he would just pop in and ask me some random question. 

Things had
been going well with us.  Each day I felt like I knew him a little bit better. 
Most nights he was the last voice I heard before I went to sleep. We hadn’t really
addressed what it all meant, and most of the time I was okay with it.  He lived
in Chicago, I lived in Nashville.  We didn’t have an ideal situation to build
an actual relationship on, but I felt like it could get there at some point.

I was surprised
when my phone rang and I saw his name flash across the screen.  We’d been
chatting about movies that we loved only a few moments before.  “Hey,” I smiled
into the phone. 

“Hi,” he
replied.  His voice was deep.  “Getting close to heading home?” he asked. 

“Close.  I was
just finishing up a few things.  What about you?” I asked.  I knew that he
often worked a few more hours after I left.

“I’ll be here
for a bit.  Listen, Ally, there is something I have to talk to you about.” He
sounded serious.  I instantly sat up straighter, worry filling me.  He sounded
down. 

“Okay.  What
is it?  You sound weird.” My pulse picked up a little.  I could feel the
nervous knot in my stomach starting to take hold. His voice sounded hesitant,
almost pained.  It was scaring me.

“I just need
to talk to you about a few things.”  I heard him take a deep breath and I
braced myself for whatever it was he was going to say.

“Owen, just
tell me. Whatever it is,” I urged. 

“Alright.
These past few months have been really great.  You’ve opened up a whole new
side of me that I was pretty sure that I had shut down for good. All I have
done is work for my career.  I’ve been with this company since I left college
and I’ve put in countless hours to climb my way up.  And I’ve made a lot of
decisions along the way to make it even further.  It all seemed rational at the
time, but then you come along and you make me question it all.” He was
struggling with his words, and it made it that much stranger because,
typically, Owen didn’t want for the right words.

“You’re
starting to freak me out a little bit here,” I said, hoping he would get to the
point or reassure me. 

“I know.  I’m
sorry.  I just…I have to tell you something.  I’ve been trying to find a way to
tell you from the beginning of this whole thing, but then I would convince
myself that it wasn’t important.  But, I know that it is.  I know that it will
be important to you and I’m an asshole for not having told you before now.”  I could
almost see him running his hands through his hair in frustration.  I was really
nervous now.  This felt too big.  I had a feeling I was about to be pushed
right off cloud nine.

“I’m kind of
involved with someone.”  Yep, there it was. The world around me stopped and I
was frozen.  I was pretty sure that I had just stepped into an episode of the
twilight zone, or maybe I was being punked. That would be so much better than
the instant ache that was settling onto my heart,  He was with someone? 
With
someone?  What did that mean?  I instantly felt like someone had thrown cold
water all over me.

“Like a
girlfriend?” I managed. 

I heard him
sigh. “Sort of,” he said. 

I laughed and
I knew it probably sounded a bit hysterical.  “Sort of?  What is that supposed
to mean?” The shock of his words was starting to fade and I was left with
growing anger and disgust.

“It means that
my relationship with her is complicated.  She is Max’s daughter. For years he
has tried to push us together.  We went out a few times. She’s a really nice
girl.  Anyway, she has always wanted to be a part of the company, but Max keeps
her at arms length. He’s kind of sexist asshole like that.  But when we started
dating he got all kinds of excited about it and let her in. He gave her an
office and some projects and she’s been working hard to prove herself since
then.  Along the way, we kind of just became a team.  Max likes that I date his
daughter and he gives me more responsibility in the company and she gets to be
involved and get daddy’s attention.  It’s just kind of worked for us both. It’s
all kind of superficial, but…well, I know I should have told you about it a
long time ago, I just didn’t know how.  It’s just one of those things that I
fell into and it was helping me with my job.  I mean, it was kind of a perfect
set up for someone like me.  I guess I never expected us to happen.” He stopped
talking and I know he was waiting for some sort of response from me.  I just
didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even know how to feel about this news.  He
was with someone, but he made it sound like it was less than serious. But how
could I believe him?  Isn’t that what guys who cheated on their girlfriends
said to the fools that fell for them?  I thought back to all of the time that
we had spent talking to each other. We spent most nights talking to each other
late into the night, where was she then?

“What’s her
name?” I asked quietly.  It fell out of my mouth before I could think better of
it.  Did I want to know the details of his relationship?  This conversation was
making it glaring obvious that I had started to see a future with Owen.  I had
started to give into my feelings.  As much as I’d been trying to deny it to
myself, this moment was laughing at me. 

He sighed. 
“Her name is Anna,” he said.  Anna.  I tried to picture what she might look
like. But she was just a faceless image.  I needed some time to think about
this.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  Everything that I thought I knew, everything
that I thought was happening, had just been turned upside down.

“Ally,” his
voice startled me out of my thoughts.

“I’m here.” I
was buying time. I didn’t know what to say.  It felt like my reaction to this
news would shape whatever happened next. 

“I’m sorry.  I
know I should have mentioned it from the beginning.  But it’s such a
complicated situation.  I didn’t know how to bring it up or explain it,” he
said. I could hear the pain in his voice and I knew this conversation wasn’t an
easy one for either of us.

“How long have
you been seeing each other?  Is it exclusive?  Are you…with her?” I tried to
figure out how to ask what I needed to know. I knew he understood when he took
a steadying breath.

“Ally, I’m not
going to lie to you anymore.  I promise you that. We’ve been seeing each other
for about a year.  We went into the whole thing like a business deal.  It has
never been a big love affair. Yes, I’ve been with her.  We get along and
sometimes we play the part a little better than others.  I know it doesn’t make
sense. I know that for someone like you it just sounds slimy.  I guess it is.
But it fit into the life I thought I was looking for.  Work, success, and drama
free  pseudo relationships.  It’s who I’ve been for a long time. 

“Talking to
you all this time has me questioning a lot of that.  But the truth is I still
have that commitment to her and to my work.  I’m not sure how to get out of
it.  We are so close to getting what we wanted and now I am all a mess and…” He
searched for the right word.

“Distracted,”
I supplied. 

“Yeah.  I
guess so.  I don’t want to lose us…you and me.  I should never have lied to
you.  I was just so afraid that you would run and to be honest, I wasn’t ready
to risk that.  I meant it, when I said that you make me feel things that I
haven’t.  It’s confusing to me.  But I know that until I can make my life less
complicated that I have to step back.  I keep getting sidetracked and lost in
you and it’s not fair to anyone involved.” He sounded defeated. I knew how he
felt.  I had just had the rug pulled out from under me and I was spinning.

I tried to
process his words.  My heart wanted to read between the lines of what he was
saying and make my own convenient conclusions, but I knew that was foolish. 
Hearts are foolish. 

“Say
something,” he begged after the silence hung between us for a long moment.

“Owen, I’m not
sure what to say. This is a lot to process,” I admitted. “I need time.  I mean
what is it that you even want from me?” I asked.

“I just want
you around.  I want to talk to you.  I want to spend time with you when I can. 
I want my best friend…I want you to not run away,” he said.

I sighed, “I
need some time.”  It was all I could offer him right now. I needed to get away
and just think about what he had said.  I needed to see it all clearly and right
now it was just a big muddy mess.

“Okay.  I get
it,” he said softly. We sat in silence for another long moment, neither of us
ready to break the connection, afraid of what it meant for the relationship
that we’d been building. I thought I knew him so well, but this was making me
question everything.

“I’ll talk to
you…soon. Okay?” I asked. 

“Yeah, okay.” 
I ended the call and sank down in my seat.  I felt completely shell shocked. 
The message screen on my computer mocked me.  I could see our words from
earlier in the little box, they were carefree and easy.  Nothing felt carefree
and easy anymore.

What in the
world was I supposed to do with this?  Sure we could be friends, but could I go
back to that when each day I was falling for him a little more?  It seemed
impossible.  At the same time, I didn’t want to lose him again.  These last few
months had reminded me of how special our connection had always been.  I
couldn’t shake the feeling that he was supposed to be in my life.  Maybe he was
just meant to be my friend. Then I remembered his kiss and all thoughts of
friendship were gone.  You don’t kiss your friends that way.  This was
impossible.  I needed to think. I shut down my computer and headed home, trying
to shake the fog that settled over me.