Unfaithful (60 page)

The room around me seemed to expand infinitely once Evan was gone. I sank my fingers into the leather couch cushions and clenched my fists. It was really about to happen. Everything was about to end. A shudder ran through my heart as the knowledge that the time had come sank in.

I was going to kill Drake, all alone. I didn’t know why I hadn’t been able to picture it in my mind before now. Maybe part of me had expected Evan to refuse to let me go through with it. What had I been thinking?

It was right that I should do it. The fact that Evan hadn’t objected only showed how much he trusted the plan. Otherwise I was sure he would never let me run such a risk. So why was I trembling? I tried to get up but my head started spinning again, making me pause.

It was a few minutes before seven and I hadn’t eaten for hours. I was sure it would do me good, but not so sure my body would be able to handle food. All this tension had left me nauseated. The room spun around me and I felt a pit in my stomach, showing that my body was protesting my decision. I leaned back, sank into the couch, and closed my eyes. The silence around me was bone chilling.

My hands shook. I couldn’t remember ever being so nervous before. A million things whirled in my mind. I just wanted to get off the merry-go-round, just for a few minutes. That’s all I was asking for.

I tried to think of Evan, the love I felt for him, the unforgettable moments we’d shared, and for a few seconds my tension eased. But that brief moment of peace made room for another thought that burst unexpectedly into my mind with devastating effect.

I bolted upright as the thought raced through my aching head, triggering a storm of conflicting emotions I wasn’t sure I could handle, especially not right now.

A question throbbed in my temples.

When had I had my last period?

I desperately tried to do the math, to sort through the dates, but anxiety overwhelmed me and I kept getting confused. For a long moment I couldn’t breathe.

The day Evan and I had made love for the first time had been the day I’d discovered they’d found me. Ever since then, my fears about their coming back to hunt me had absorbed all my energy and I hadn’t had the time or the strength to think about anything else. Still, it was ridiculous—it couldn’t be. Evan was an Angel, and I was just a mortal.

I instinctively rested my hand on my belly, my eyes unfocused as I considered the absurd notion. I hadn’t had any symptoms, any pain or discomfort that might make me suspect. Or maybe I’d been too wrapped up in everything else to pay attention to the signals my body had been sending me. I wasn’t sure.

The more I thought it over, the more I realized there was no mistake about it: my cycle had always been regular, and I was several weeks late.

How the hell could I not have realized it?
My suspicions turned to certainty. I cautiously covered my belly with both hands and uttered the words in a whisper: “A baby.”

I was expecting a baby.

Tears filled my eyes—tears born of a myriad of conflicting emotions. But foremost among them was a new fear: it wasn’t only my life at stake any more. How could I also risk our baby’s? Would Evan and Simon be able to save its tiny life too? My fingers gripped my belly more firmly as though that might protect it.

I blinked as three tears slid down my face. I had to tell Evan. All my certainties had slipped away and everything was more complicated now.

My legs trembling, I got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen. The clock on the wall was the first thing my eyes fell on as I dragged myself to the sink. It was seven sharp. The clock struck the hour just like the realization had struck my heart. Turning on the tap, I hung my head, leaning against the edge of the sink. I let the water run, listening to its comforting gurgle and hoping it would wash away my thoughts, my worries.

I couldn’t focus.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a glass near my hand. Almost unconsciously I picked it up and held it under the faucet, watching it as it filled. Turning off the tap, I drank a sip, then set the glass down and leaned over the edge of the sink again, resting all my weight on my arms while bowing my head and trying to think straight. But it was no use. It was like I’d fallen into a dark chasm. I looked for the light, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find the way out. The walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe. The chasm was so deep and dark it cut me off from my surroundings, and I didn’t hear him arrive. I jumped at the touch of his fingers on my waist.

“Miss me?” he whispered sweetly in my ear.

I spun around and found myself pinned between his body and the sink. I paled violently. It was Evan . . . or was it? I was riddled with doubt.

His lips smiled at me, but my heart rate accelerated and my breath came fast. “Hey . . . calm down. It’s only me.” He stroked my cheek, drying the tears on my face.

“Evan,” I whispered in a tiny voice filled with uncertainty. Suddenly I didn’t know what to do any more. I felt uncomfortable, confused, and not at all ready for this.

“Hey,” he whispered again, sweeping my hair over my shoulder. “Relax. You’re on edge. You don’t have to worry any more. Everything’s going to be fine. I’m here with you now.” He cupped my face in his hands.

His words aroused my suspicions. The real Evan shouldn’t have been there. He’d gone to alert the others. He moved closer until our bodies lightly touched, blocking my way by resting his hands on the sink behind me as he gently kissed my neck. I stood there, petrified.

“We’ll figure out a plan and everything will return to normal.” He leaned back and looked into my eyes. “Do you know if Ginevra or Simon came up with any ideas while I was gone?”

Drake is going to try to find out what we’re planning.
Evan’s voice rang in my head like an alarm bell. There he was, attempting to discover our plans as Evan had warned me he would. I looked into his eyes and tried to find Drake in them, but didn’t see a trace of him. Anxiety stifled my breathing.

“N-not yet,” I stammered.

Another kiss on my neck, this one more wary.

“Evan . . .” I whispered, almost without moving my lips.

“Yes?” he said softly.

My breath came even faster. I needed air. “How did you feel without me?” I whispered into his ear, my voice trembling.

He exhaled against my neck and his tone filled with pain. “Like I was in hell.”

My heart constricted.
Wrong answer.

He took my hand and squeezed it, rubbing his cheek against mine tenderly. “I felt like I was going mad,” he said in a barely audible voice, his tone almost desperate, as I stood there unable to move.

Everything will lead you to believe he’s me.
The real Evan’s words whirled through my head.
It doesn’t matter how much he acts like me.

I shook my head, in torment. It was obvious that after our last encounter Drake would be gentler, more cautious. I had to realize he would do or say anything to seem like Evan. Now I knew this wasn’t the real Evan. He was lying—I knew it.

The vial felt like a ton of bricks inside my pocket. The others knew by now. Evan had gone to warn them. It was time.

“Your heart’s beating so hard.” He rested his hand on my chest.

He was so sweet, and yet I knew he wasn’t really Evan. Why, then, was this still so difficult? Though I’d been trying hard not to do it, I inadvertently looked directly into his eyes, so close to mine, and my heart stopped. I wasn’t sure I was brave enough. After all, it was still Drake. But then again they were all counting on me. I couldn’t let this chance slip through my fingers. Drake was right there in front of me and the poison was burning a hole in my pocket. I couldn’t back down. I had to do it. I owed it to Evan, to Ginevra, to Simon. I owed it to the baby growing inside me. I owed it to myself.

He rested his forehead against mine. The gesture broke my heart in two. Raising his hand with mine still clasped in it, he looked into my eyes. Palm to palm, forehead to forehead. “It’ll all be over soon,” he whispered, his gaze locked onto mine. “I promise.”

I slid my free hand into my pocket and clenched the glass vial between my fingers. “I know,” I murmured, resting my chin on his shoulder so he wouldn’t see the teardrop streaking my face. “It’ll all be over soon.” I took the cap off inside my pocket. The smell of the poison rose into the air, so pungent it burned my throat. It took effort not to react. The aroma had suddenly captured my every thought. I felt an almost irresistible desire to move the vial closer and fill my nostrils with its scent.

Though I tried not to let myself get swept away by the strange sensation, there was no ignoring it. It was like a primitive instinct hidden in my gut.

This was wrong of me—I had to focus on Drake. But I could smell it, and it was going to my head.

I focused my attention on the body holding me close. I didn’t want to give him a name any more.

Evan’s voice whispered shyly in my ear: “You haven’t answered my question: did you miss me?”

I cringed in silence at the tenderness in his voice. I thought of Drake, remembering his real face, all the moments I’d shared with him, the sincere affection that had connected us before he’d gone over to the wrong side.

I dipped a trembling finger into the poison. “I’ll always miss you,” I breathed into his ear as I brushed my finger over my lips, feeling an iron weight on my heart. It was over. We were both about to die. “Evan,” I murmured, seeking his gaze. “Kiss me.”

His mouth moved toward mine, stopping a fraction of an inch away. I closed my eyes as a hot tear slid down my cheek and I felt his lips part and then press against mine.

“Jamie,”
he whispered in my mind with infinite sweetness, his lips still on mine.

A dagger cleaved my heart. I froze and tore my lips from his, my bulging eyes filled with shock and despair. A second later, his body jerked as if an electric charge had surged through it.

Simon and Ginevra appeared at the other end of the room. “NO!” Ginevra’s shriek died in her throat. She covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes petrified.

My heart burst in my chest, forcing me to hear its message of desperation. Overwhelmed with panic, I grabbed his shirt collar and bared his neck. The dog tag jingled against Evan’s skin. It was there. In its place.

No. It couldn’t be true. What had I done?!

“Evan,” I murmured in anguish, my tears overflowing while his eyes stared at me, full of terror. “Evan, no . . .”

His body began to shudder and he staggered backwards to the kitchen table. He tried to grab its edge but fell to the floor. I rushed to him, my hands shaking as I caressed his face and hair.

No! No! No! This was all wrong. Not Evan. No. Profound, violent torment consumed me. “You—You came back,” I sobbed. “You told me to—”

Almost imperceptibly he shook his head as his body jerked again. “I left you a message,” he murmured between spasms as I moved my hands over his body desperately. I had no idea what to do.

“Evan, no—Please!” I struggled between numbness and despair.

The spasms racking his body grew more violent. I grabbed his face with both hands. “Look at me.
Look at me!”
I pleaded. “Evan, I’m begging you—” Tears filled my eyes.
Maybe I can take back the poison
, I thought. “Kiss me.” In torment, I pressed my lips to his, but his body continued to shudder. “Evan . . .” I sobbed.

“It doesn’t matter,” he whispered, kissing the palm with which I had been caressing his cheek. He pulled his dog tag off his neck and pressed it into my hand. “Maybe this is my punishment, but it”—his face was a mask of agony though he tried to hide it—“it was worth it.”

“No!” I shook my head over and over, my eyes locked onto his in a hopeless attempt to keep him there. “I’m begging you, Evan, don’t die! Stay with me!” My tears fell on his face as I clung to him in desperation. “Don’t leave me, please. You can’t leave me now!” I sobbed. “You can’t, because . . . ”

He rested his finger on my lips, his eyes probing mine. Like a miracle, a crystal tear slid from his eye.
“I love you,”
his voice whispered in my mind.
“Wherever I go, that will never change.”

I squeezed his hand tighter, but I couldn’t keep him with me. “You can’t . . . I’m having your baby!” The desperate whisper broke through my tears, but Evan vanished before he could hear it.

I fell forward, desolate, paralyzed by his sudden absence. I pressed my palms against the ground, my eyes staring unseeingly at the empty floor beneath me. My heart shattered. A maelstrom of memories hit me like a tornado, dragging me back in time. The first time he’d smiled at me, his gaze sweetening only for me, him shaking his wet hair as he came out of the lake, his body entwined with mine.

His voice filled my head like a distorted echo, putting me into a trance.
My name is Evan James
. . .
I love you—love you—love you
. . .
Damn me, then, with a kiss
. . .
Close your eyes
. . .
Those are Sephires
. . .
—phires—phires
. . .
God, you’re beautiful
. . . To punish me, my mind was pulling me back through time.
Hold on tight—ight—ight
. . .
The Angel saw heaven for the first time
. . .
Everything’s going to be fine
. . .
You’re my star
. . .
Just to see you breathe—eathe—eathe
. . .
Don’t forget us—us—us
. . . 

I wanted it to stop; it was too painful. But Evan’s words continued to whirl in my head and tighten around my heart.
Did you miss me?
. . .
You’re all mine—ine—ine
. . .
I’ll always be at your side
. . .
Jamie
. . .
Marry me
.

The torrent of jumbled memories was killing me. They pierced my chest, as painful as thorns wound around my heart. The way he tenderly pressed his lips to mine, the scent of his skin, the gentle touch of his mouth when, behind the wheel, he would turn to look me in the eye while kissing the palm of my hand—he’d done that so often. It was a gesture that drove me wild—and one I would never experience again.