Undone (21 page)

She was thrown by the change in subject. “Seriously? Are you completely oblivious to how you affect me?”

His anger seemed to recede further as he stared at her with an unreadable expression.

“Do you need me to explain to you how hard it is for me to be around you? How I can’t think straight when you’re near me? How I can’t breathe when you get too close? That despite how hard it is, I find myself rationalizing all of this,”—she waved her hand around wildly—”just to find another excuse to be near you?”

Luke’s face fell. He stood from his desk and stalked toward her. He cupped her cheeks, and her hands flew up to his forearms, trying to steady herself.

“I didn’t know,” he said, his voice filled with sincerity.

“Didn’t know what?”

“How I affected you,” he said quietly.

“How can you even say that?”

He just shook his head, looking down. His proximity was distracting. Having him so close, his hands on her, was a heady feeling, but she refused to let it sidetrack her.

“Luke,” she said, wanting an explanation.

He met her eyes. “I’m going along with this because it’s what you want. I didn’t give you a choice to begin with, so I’m giving you one now. You say we can’t be together, and I’m trying to respect that. But then you play these games—”

“Games? You think this is a game to me? I’m not playing a game. I’m trying to stay away from you, and it’s impossible. I’m not playing a game,” she said again, barely a whisper. She saw the battle raging in his eyes.

“You want to stay away from me, Embry? It’s not impossible.” He dragged his hands down her body, coming to rest on her hips. “Tell me to stop.” He held her eyes for a minute before snaking his thumbs under the hem of her shirt, brushing gently across her bare skin and leaving a trail of heat. “Tell me you can’t work with me.” He gripped her hips and pulled her to him as he leaned in, nuzzling her neck. “Tell me not to touch you.”

Chills broke out across her skin.

He pulled back, flicking his eyes to hers once more before gently ghosting his lips against hers. “Tell me not to kiss you.”

She was rendered speechless as he ran his hands back up her body, tangled them in her hair, and settled his mouth fully on hers. She was putty in his hands, and her body responded without another thought. “I can’t. I can’t tell you to stop.”

He pulled her lip between his teeth and sucked gently, causing a tightening in her core. “Tell me why.” He released her lip to kiss down her neck, his hands finding their way under her sweater.

She could tell him to stop—
should
tell him to stop—but his lips were everywhere and she couldn’t think straight. She was forced to say the first thing that came to her muddled mind. The truth. “I don’t want you to.”

His eyes shot to hers and she gave a small nod, answering the question in his eyes. Luke growled as he found her mouth again. All thought left her mind, and she let her body take over. Digging her hands into his hair, she climbed his body, wrapping her legs around his waist as he walked her backward. Sweeping the files from his desk, he set her down, never breaking the kiss.

She pulled back to stare into those baby blues she’d missed so much. So many thoughts ran through her mind as she lost herself in his eyes. A nagging voice told her to slow down, but she pushed it back. She’d deal with the consequences later. She pulled him down, and he swept his tongue into her mouth again, demanding and unapologetic. Cupping her neck, he gently lowered her back onto the desk. He lifted her leg to his hip as he leaned over her, every hard inch of him pressed against her.

“Luke,” she whispered.

He rocked against her, creating a delicious friction that made her arch up off the desk. “Hmmm?” he mumbled as he trailed his tongue up her neck and nipped her ear lobe.

“I—” She was cut off by obnoxious dance music coming from her phone.
Morgan.
“Ignore it.” She worked the buttons on his shirt while the phone continued ringing in the background. He brought his mouth back to hers as she pushed past the buttons and ran her hands over the hard contours of his chest.

The techno beat pumped from her phone again, and Luke pulled away. “Morgan?” he asked, adjusting himself discreetly.

“Yeah, sorry. She’s probably checking to make sure I got home safe.”

He held his hand out and pulled her up from the desk. “Answer it.”

Embry sat up, smoothed out her clothes, and hopped off the desk in search of her phone. By the time she’d pulled it out of her bag, it had stopped ringing. She sent Morgan a quick text letting her know she had forgotten a book and was on her way home. When she looked up from her phone, she saw Luke staring out the window. She wished she knew what he was thinking. They’d pretty much destroyed all of their carefully drawn lines, and it could’ve gone a lot further had Morgan and her impeccable timing not interrupted. But she couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

She walked up to him and gave him a light nudge with her elbow. “Hey.”

He looked at her with a fondness in his eyes that she never got tired of seeing, but something under the surface worried her. “Hey, yourself,” he replied, managing a half smile.

The window looked out over the sprawling campus. In the middle of the grounds was a manmade lake with a fountain at the center. It was set aglow with multi-color lights and Embry was mesmerized as the falling water cast iridescent reflections across the glassy surface of the water.

“Beautiful,” Luke said.

She nodded and glanced up at him, but he wasn’t looking out at the fountain. His eyes were locked on her. She smiled shyly, not knowing what to say, and instead leaned into his side. He brought his arm around her, and they stood staring out the window in comfortable silence.

The loud ringing of Embry’s phone interrupted them once again.

“I swear to God, I’m going to take away her phone privileges,” Embry said.

“She’s probably just worried about you. Go answer it.”

Embry stalked back to her bag and grabbed her phone. “Hey, M, didn’t you get my text?”

“Yeah, but you were a little vague. What are you doing at school at this time of night?”

“I had to grab something from Luke’s office.” She turned toward Luke and rolled her eyes dramatically. A small smirk appeared on his lips.

“Grab something? Or
someone
? Are you grabbing Luke?”

Embry could practically hear Morgan’s eyebrows raising. “Hah, very funny.” She stared into Luke’s eyes, still burning bright with desire. “I left a book. He’s not even here.” She wasn’t ready to discuss her and Luke with Morgan until she figured out exactly what “her and Luke” were. But as soon as the lie rolled off her tongue, she saw his face fall.

By the time she hung up, his shirt was re-buttoned and he was packing his work bag. “We should probably get out of here, huh?” he suggested.

Looking at her watch, she realized the library would be closing soon. “Yeah, I guess.” She was confused by his mood change. Maybe he just needed some time to sort out his feelings. Embry slowly gatheri her things, unsure of what to say but not wanting to leave yet. They couldn’t continue the way they’d been going. They needed to talk. “Luke, I—”

“No, Bree,” he said, holding up a hand. He let out a long, low sigh. Digging his hands into his pockets and slumping his shoulders, he looked completely defeated. “It’s okay. I know what you’re going to say, and you’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you into that.”

“No, I wasn’t going to—”

“Really,” he rushed to say. “It was a mistake. It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”

She faltered, the words crashing into her as if she’d been hit.
A mistake?
She didn’t understand how he could think that after all she’d revealed to him. It was the farthest thing from what she was about to say. They had blurred the lines—or completely obliterated them—but she never considered being with Luke a mistake. She knew it was improper and against school rules. It was a huge risk because of their professor/student relationship, but being with Luke felt more right than anything else.

“Bree?”

“Yeah,” she answered, turning away. She pulled her keys from her bag and tried to compose herself. She’d never expected that. How was she supposed to respond?

He came up behind her his voice softening. “Hey.”

“Hi,” she answered, turning back to him. She stared at the solid wall of his chest, refusing to make eye contact.

“You all right?”

“Great,” she answered.

“Convincing,” he shot back. “What I said—”

“No, it’s fine. It’s not what I was going to say, but you’re right. We can’t keep this up.” She tilted her head up to look into his eyes, and noticed the light had gone right out of them.

“Yeah, okay. Well, let’s head out then.”

“We probably shouldn’t walk out together,” she suggested, throwing her bags over her shoulder.

“Okay, then I’ll follow you. Make sure you get to your car okay.”

He followed close behind her as she walked down the hallway. Each step carried her farther from where she wanted to be. She had to fight every instinct to turn around and throw herself into Luke’s arms, tell him that she didn’t care about the rules. He was where she wanted to be. But instead she kept walking, trying to ignore the ache creeping back into her chest.

Everything looks different in the light of day.
Embry saw the truth in that statement … if different meant worse. As the sun streamed in through her sheer curtains, she pulled the covers over her head and groaned. She’d left school last night and thrown herself in bed, trying as hard as she could to not think about what had happened in Luke’s office. Unfortunately, her brain had other plans and she’d tossed and turned all night.

She was mortified that she’d revealed her feelings to Luke, and he’d brushed her off. It was nobody’s fault but her own. How could she expect Luke to take her seriously when she’d been pushing him away for the better part of a month? She’d let him in, and as soon as he got too close, she pushed him away again.

Dragging herself out of bed, Embry made her way to the coffee maker and started a pot. She had no business thinking about love when her brain was barely awake.
A mistake.
Although the words made her wince, her gut told her he hadn’t meant them. The pain and desire in his soulful blue eyes had betrayed him. But it didn’t change the fact that they were stuck in the same holding pattern. The only way to stop the cycle was to avoid each other, but neither one of them seemed able to do that.

Embry took her coffee out to the balcony and called Morgan.

“Hey chicky! I was just gonna call you,” said her best friend.

“You’re way too enthusiastic for this early in the morning.”

“Early? It’s eleven o’clock. Rough night?”

“You could say that,” Embry responded. The fall breeze scattered leaves across the grass and left Embry chilled. She tucked herself into the lounge chair and pulled a blanket around herself, trying not to think about the warm arms she wished were wrapped around her instead. “I saw Luke last night.”

“You mean
after
he showed up at the bar with Trampy McBimbo?”

“Yeah. I lied. I was with him when you called.”

Morgan let out a fake gasp. “You don’t say!”

“You knew?”

“I had my suspicions,” Morgan admitted. “You’re a shit liar.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if there’s much I’m not shit at anymore.” Embry decided to come clean. She told Morgan about everything that had been going on for the past month. The flirting. The kisses. Jack. She felt especially guilty about keeping Morgan in the dark about her ex’s harassing phone calls.

“Are you kidding me?” Morgan’s voice lost its earlier playfulness. “How could you not tell me this was going on? Did you at least tell Luke?”

Embry let out a long sigh. “No. I don’t want him to know about Jack. He shouldn’t have to deal with my drama.”

“I seriously have my doubts about your intelligence sometimes,” Morgan said.

Embry winced. “That hurt.” She hadn’t expected such a strong reaction. She was used to Morgan’s light-hearted demeanor.

“This isn’t a joke, Bree. I can’t believe Jack’s been harassing you, and you haven’t told a single person! What if he knows where you live?”

“He doesn’t,” she said, becoming defensive.

“How do you know? Have you even talked to your mom about it yet?”

“No.” Embry dropped her head in shame. As much as she wanted to argue, she knew Morgan was right. She wasn’t making smart decisions when it came to dealing with Jack.

“Embry, I know running to Florida worked for you last time, but you can’t run again. You have to handle this. You need to come clean to your parents. Your mother would be mortified knowing she gave that abusive fuck your phone number.”

Embry worried at a frayed edge of her blanket. “I just don’t want to make them feel bad. She’ll blame herself; you know how my mom is.”

“Stop thinking about everyone else and worry about yourself for once. I’m telling Brett, and when you get yourself sorted out with Luke, I suggest you let him know what’s going on as well.”

“But he—”