Undone (16 page)

Embry pulled her car into Luke’s driveway and took a deep breath, trying in vain to calm her rapid heartbeat. The butterflies from last night were back and her nerves were spiraling out of control.
We’re just going to talk. That’s all.
She sat for a moment to gather her thoughts.

When she’d woken up, she turned on her phone to find a text from Luke asking to talk that afternoon. She suggested waiting until school on Monday since she wanted to spend as little time alone with him as possible. But he didn’t think it would be appropriate to have a conversation about their relationship at Whitman, and he was right. Since she lived closer to campus, Embry agreed to meet at his place.

Grabbing her purse, she got out of the car, and walked to the front door. She took another deep breath and rang the doorbell. There was no answer. Just as she lifted her hand to knock again, Luke swung the door open.

“Hey,” he said, out of breath.

“Hi.”

He wore distressed jeans, a tight white tee that showcased every curve of his muscles, and a worn Georgia ball cap that looked as though it’d seen better days. He looked far younger than his thirty-one years and absolutely gorgeous. “Were you waiting long?” He leaned in to kiss her cheek as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Embry froze, not knowing how to respond. She pulled in a breath, loving how he smelled, and savored his nearness. It took everything she had to back away instead of leaning into his warmth. “Not long. Just a minute.”

“Sorry about that.” He guided her through the door, his hand on the small of her back. His touch seared through the thin material of her top and set fire to her skin. He was completely oblivious to the effect he had on her. “I was pulling my rods out of the basement.”

She looked at him in confusion.

“Fishing rods,” he said hurriedly. “I thought we could go down to the dock and talk. I think better with a fishing pole in my hand.”

“Oh, um, okay.” She didn’t care where they talked. She just wanted to get it over with. After just a minute together, the sexual tension was thick between them, and Embry didn’t want to stay a minute longer than she had to.

They walked through his town home and out onto the back deck where he’d stashed two fishing poles and a small bucket of night crawlers. Luke led the way down the stairs and toward the dock in silence.

As they reached the end of the dock where two fold-out camp chairs were waiting, he looked over his shoulder and shot her a wide grin. “Have you ever been fishing before?” He was all innocence and charm.

In that moment, she couldn’t remember why she’d been upset with him. “Nope, I haven’t.”

“Want to try?” he asked, hope in his voice.

“Sure, I’ll give it a shot.” She looked into the bait bucket. “But can you, um, put the bait on?”

Luke chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll do the dirty work,” he said, giving her a wink.

She didn’t know what his game was. They were supposed to be having a talk, hashing things out. Instead, he acted as though nothing had happened. She leaned against one of the pilings and watched him bait the hook. The wind picked up, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

“Cold?” Luke asked.

“A little,” she admitted.

Reaching into the back pocket of the fold-out chair, he pulled out the Georgia sweatshirt he’d snuck over her head on the beach. “I thought you might be.”

She eyed the sweatshirt. “No funny business?”

He held his hands up in mock surrender. “No funny business. I thought you’d be cold. I don’t have any Gator sweaters lying around,” he joked.

“Thanks.” She pulled it over her head and was engulfed in him. Taking a deep breath, she lost herself in his scent.

“Here,” he said, coming up behind her and startling her. He held the fishing rod in front of her, waiting for her to grab it. “Cradle the pole in your arm like this, and use your thumb to control the spool.” He took her hand in his, positioned her fingers where he wanted them, and lightly stroked his thumb over hers.

The feel of his body against her back and the warmth of his touch was suddenly too much. She was surrounded by him. He was invading every one of her senses and putting cracks in the walls she had put back up. She was frustrated, confused. She felt so good being near him, but it hurt, too.

“Luke,” she said sharply, wiggling out of his grasp. Turning to face him, she tried to ignore the hurt on his face. “You told me if I wanted the research position, then I needed to hear you out. I’m willing to do that. I’m here. But I can’t do this.” She motioned between them. “
We
can’t do this.”

He propped the fishing pole against the chair, took off his hat, and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” Leaning against the railing, he gestured to the chair. “Sit. Let’s talk.”

She immediately regretted speaking up. The spell was broken, and Luke’s demeanor had changed. She wanted nothing more than for him to wrap his arms around her again and show her how to fish. But as much it hurt to lose what could have been, a relationship wasn’t worth risking their futures. She sat down, and he stared out at the bay. Knowing how hard the conversation would be, Embry sat patiently, giving Luke time to gather his thoughts.

He turned toward her, his apprehension palpable. “Where should I start?”

“At the beginning. Tell me why you lied.”

“Short version or long?” He laughed nervously, grabbing at his neck.

She eyed him, waiting for a serious answer.

He let out a breath and settled in the chair beside her. “Because I didn’t want to lose you.”

“
Lose
me?” Embry’s eyebrows pushed into her hairline. “But you didn’t even know me.”

“I know, but—”

“But what?” All of her feelings, buried deep under her desire for him, rushed to the surface. “I was just another girl. A student. You didn’t know me, but you knew I was a student.”

“I know.”

“And you’re a professor.”

“Yeah.”

“Then why? Why approach me at all?”

“Because I couldn’t stay away,” he said, scrubbing his hands down his face. His blue eyes burned bright. “Because you were never just another girl to me.”

Embry balked at his statement. She snapped her mouth shut and waited for him to elaborate.

“I was drawn to you, Bree. I wanted you from the moment I saw you.” His eyes held hers, refusing to let go. “I can’t explain it. I just knew I had to be near you.”

“But you knew I was a student.”

A crooked smile formed on his lips. “Yes, beautiful, we’ve established that.”

His endearment cut her to the core. “I just don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?” he asked. “I was falling for you the minute I saw you.”

Throat thick with emotion, she was once again stunned into silence by his candidness. If she had any question about whether their feelings were mutual, she had her answer.

“You think I didn’t know the risk? That I didn’t think about it?” he asked. “It was all I could think about. The first time I saw you in that hallway, I cursed you in my head. I didn’t want to want you; I didn’t want this. But here we are.” Pain streaked across his face.

“Here we are,” Embry said, her voice barely audible. She remembered their first encounter in the hallway, his hesitation, the emotions that passed across his face before he could hide them.

“I planned on telling you. When I asked you to have dinner the other night, I was going to come clean, tell you everything. We’d established our feelings, and I didn’t want to keep it from you any longer. “

“But you kept it from me for over a month, Luke
.
”

“Do you think I wanted to lie to you? That I enjoyed it?”

She saw he was becoming frustrated, but his frustration only served to stoke the embers of her anger. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to think.”

“You wouldn’t have given me a chance, Bree.”

“How do you know?” she responded, indignation clear in her voice.

“Seriously?” He chuckled. “You’re the most determined, motivated, dedicated person I know. You were born to be an attorney, and you worked so hard to get here. If I’d told you I was a professor, I’d never have convinced you to spend time with me. I wanted you to see
me
, without the stupid title and school conduct code.”

Embry thought about it for a minute. As strongly as she felt for him, he was right. She never would have gone for it. But that didn’t excuse it.

He said, “Look, I know how important school is to you, and I respect that—”

“Do you, Luke? Because if you really cared, if you weren’t just thinking about yourself, you wouldn’t have put my whole future in jeopardy. You weren’t a professor - my professor - at the time, but you took away my choice in the matter.”

“I knew it was a risk,” he said quietly, “but you were worth it.”

She looked into his sad eyes, and just like that her anger dissipated. A dull ache took its place. She was upset that he had lied, but it wasn’t just to get her into bed. She knew his feelings were real. She knew because she felt the same.

“I was careful, Bree. I wasn’t even supposed to start teaching until next semester. I thought we had time. I never wanted you to find out like this.”

Tears welled in her eyes and slid slowly down her cheeks. “I just don’t get what the point of all of this was.”

“Because I need you, beautiful.” He tugged on her chin to bring her eyes to his. “I told you on Saturday that I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t have you.” He gently wiped away her tears. “I thought once you got to know me, it wouldn’t matter. I wasn’t supposed to ever be your professor. I thought we could find a way around my job. I know lying was wrong. I fucked up. But I couldn’t take the chance of letting you get away.”

Embry stared back at Luke, her Luke. She couldn’t let him go either; she just didn’t want to deal with the hurt anymore. She wanted to feel something good. Reaching out, she grabbed his face and brought his mouth to hers. Every nerve ending in her body flared to life as their lips connected. She knew he was holding back, letting her run the show. She parted her lips, allowing him access, and he slowly swept his tongue into her mouth. As he wrapped his arms around her, all of the feelings she’d been pushing down for the past week rose to the surface. Thoughts of Luke as her professor played through her head. She tried to push them away, tried to lose herself in the kiss, but it was too much. She pulled away, trying to catch her breath.

“Embry?” Luke questioned, his eyes searching.

She stared at her hands, unable to look at him.

“Hey,” he said, gently lifting her chin so their eyes met again.

“I … I can’t.” She shook her head as new tears threatened to fall.

It was Luke’s turn to be stunned into silence. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed thickly, pain and regret painted across his face.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I know you are. I’m sorry, too. I just can’t do this.” She rose from her chair.

“Bree, wait,” he pleaded, grabbing her arm. “Look, forget about the kiss. Stay. Let’s talk this out, okay?”

She hesitated, but nodded numbly as she folded back into the chair. Luke sat quietly as if he knew she needed time to process her thoughts.

“This is why I didn’t want to talk,” she explained. “I get why you lied. I’m not happy about it, but I get it. But where does that leave us? Being angry made it easier to ignore my feelings for you. I don’t know how to do this. How to feel the way I do and pretend I don’t.”

Luke’s hand went to his neck again. “I don’t know either, but we have no choice. I put us in this position. I’ll work it out.”

“How?” Embry asked, genuinely curious as to how Luke thought they could pull it off.

“I don’t know. But I have no intention of letting this affect you. Your future is too important. We’ll do what we have to. Keep it professional. You’ll assist me with Coleman’s research, and we won’t spend time together outside of school. We’ll make it work.”

The thought of losing Luke brought back the dull ache in her chest, but they had no choice. At least with her research position, she’d get to spend some time with him. “Okay, we’ll make it work.”

“And if after …” he said quietly, looking unsure.

Warmth unfurled in Embry’s belly. He didn’t have to finish his sentence; she was right there with him. Maybe once the semester was over and he was no longer her professor, they could be together. They’d have to keep it quiet, of course, but it could work. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She couldn’t believe she was actually thinking about having a relationship with a professor. A few months ago, she never would have entertained the possibility. Feeling the way she felt about Luke, she didn’t think she could just walk away. She snuggled into his sweatshirt and gazed out over the water. “Yeah, maybe after …”

They sat in silence until Embry became restless. Being in Luke’s presence was too easy and comfortable, and she needed to get used to not having a connection with him. She rose from the chair. “I should head out. I have some studying to do.”

Luke nodded, rising from his chair. “Okay, I’ll walk you out.”

She walked back toward the town house, Luke close behind. Stopping in front of her car, she turned and found herself staring into Luke’s hard chest. She stepped back, trying to create space between them, but found her back against the car door.

He lifted his hand toward her face but let it fall back to his side before making contact. He offered an apologetic smile instead. “Thanks for hearing me out. I’m glad we got to talk.”

“Me too.”

Luke didn’t move to leave, and he stared down at her intently.

“Well, I’ll see you Monday,” she offered awkwardly.

That seemed to snap him out of it. He stepped back and shoved his hands in his back pockets. “Yep, see you then.”

When she unlocked her car door, the sleeve of Luke’s sweatshirt fell past her hand. She spun around, pulling up on the sweater. “I should probably give this back.”

Luke caught Embry’s hands, stilling her movements. “It’s chilly out. Keep it.”

“You sure?”

He nodded and dropped his hands, his steel blue gaze boring into hers. She was rooted to the spot, once again lost in his eyes.