Undone (13 page)

Embry put the car in gear and pulled out of the parking lot. She drove until she found herself at the beach. She grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and walked toward the ocean. It had always been the one place she could find peace, but every step she took on the soft, white sand was a memory. Walking with Luke, laughing with Luke, kissing Luke. She shut out her thoughts and settled by the water, wrapping herself in the blanket.

Her phone chirped. As much as she’d wanted to leave the phone in the car, she couldn’t help but wonder if Luke would call. She looked down at the text: Jeremy. She sighed, disappointment ripping through her. As hurt as she was, she couldn’t help wishing for Luke. Right back to the same old patterns.
How fucked up am I?

Her thoughts turned to Jack. He had ruined her. He’d done everything possible to break her down—and she was broken—but she wasn’t that girl anymore. Part of her wished Luke would comfort her, come running after her on his white horse with some crazy explanation. But there was no plausible explanation, and this wasn’t a fairy tale. He’d lied. For what reason, she didn’t know. Maybe he got off on fucking his students.

Oh my god! I fooled around with my professor.
Embry cringed. She didn’t want to remember those moments with Luke as anything other than beautiful. But she’d have to sit in his class for almost two hours a day, three days a week. She knew what he looked like under his clothes, knew what he felt like, had traced the hills and valleys of his chest. She knew the sounds he made when he came, knew how he tasted.

She threw a rock into the calm water, watching it skip across the surface and leave ripples in its wake. She sat and stared, letting her thoughts drift away. The sound of waves lapping at the shore calmed her and lulled her into a haze. Embry’s phone rang, and Luke’s face popped up on the display. Her heart ached, and she rubbed at her chest. Stupid picture. She hit ignore and threw the phone into the sand. She’d have to speak to him at some point, but not when she was so raw. His betrayal was still too fresh.

Minutes passed, maybe hours. She had no idea how much longer she sat there staring at the ocean, but as she watched the sun kiss the horizon, she knew she had to pull herself together. She headed home, trying not to think about the empty apartment waiting for her. Luke had called a few more times, and each time, she sent him to voicemail.

She drove down the highway, with the windows down, wind blowing through her hair, trying to focus her thoughts on anything else but Luke. Her phone danced across the passenger seat again, and Embry rolled her eyes, wishing he’d stop calling. She grabbed the phone to shut it off but saw Morgan’s face on the display.

“Hello?”

“Bree! Where’ve you been? Everyone is talking about what happened to Coleman and the hot new professor who took her place! Were you in class today? Is he seriously gorgeous? I hear he’s, like, seriously gorgeous! Why didn’t you call me?”

“It’s Luke.” Embry could barely get the words out. She took a deep breath and fought off the tears threatening to fall. Just saying his name hurt.

“What about Luke? I’m talking about your hot new professor. Did you hear anything I just said?”

Exasperated, Embry replied, “Yes, Morgan, I heard what you said.”

“So what are you talking about?”

“My hot new professor,” Embry said slowly.

“Yes?”

“Is Luke.”

Morgan shrieked, and Embry held the phone away from her ear. “Embry?
Embry
! Are you there? Helloooooo?” Morgan called.

She brought the phone back to her ear. “I’m here, Morgan.”

“Are you okay? What’s going on? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I just found out when I walked into class today.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That makes two of us,” Embry said flatly. She felt as if all of the life had been sucked out of her voice, along with the promise of what could have been between her and Luke.

“You’re not okay.” It wasn’t a question.

“No, I’m not.”

“Have you spoken to him?”

“He announced to the class that he was supposed to start as a professor next semester, but with Coleman out for the rest of this semester, they asked him to take over.”

“Wow, okay. But have you actually spoken to him? Outside of the classroom?”

“And say what?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe start with ‘What the fuck’ and go from there?” Morgan suggested. “Don’t you want to hear what he has to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Has he tried to get in touch?”

“Yeah, he’s called at least a half a dozen times. Sent some texts. I haven’t checked them.” Embry told Morgan about her morning: almost sleeping through class, Luke’s missed calls, and the text he sent right before she walked into class.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“I think you should at least hear him out. Clearly this was sprung on him, too,” Morgan said.

“I get that, but really, we’ve been together over a month. Don’t you think that in all the conversations we’ve had, the fact that he was going to be a professor next semester might have come up? It’s kind of an important piece of information. I was dating a fucking professor.”

Morgan went silent for a minute. “That’s kind of hot, Bree.”

“Shut up, M.”

“What? I’m just saying.”

“Not helping.”

“Well at least you with him. It would be much worse sitting in his classroom knowing what he looks like under those sexy clothes.”

Embry stayed silent. She and Morgan had both been working on big assignments over the weekend, so she hadn’t had a chance to catch her up on what went on with Luke.

“Embry?” Morgan questioned.

“Yes?”

“What aren’t you telling me?” Her friend’s tone was a combination of suspicion and curiosity.

“Nothing,” Embry said flatly.

“You dirty whore! You hooked up with him? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

Embry let out an audible sigh.

“How was it?”

“Again, not helping,” Embry deadpanned.

“Okay, okay. You want me to come over?”

“No, I’m just gonna go home and crash. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“You sure you’re all right?”

“No, but I will be. I always am.”

Embry hung up and pulled into her parking spot. She grabbed her things and made her way toward the stairs. When she looked up, she saw Luke sitting on the top step outside of her apartment. His arms rested on his knees, hands dangling between his legs, and his head hung low. At the sound of her footsteps, he lifted his eyes and sucked in a breath. Her heart thudded at the sight of him. His shirt was wrinkled, hanging untucked out of his pants. His eyes were bloodshot, and his normally perfect hair stuck up at odd angles as though he had been running his hands through it repeatedly. He still looked gorgeous.

“Embry,” he said.

“What are you doing here?” Her harsh tone left a bitter taste on her tongue.

“I tried to call.”

“I know. I didn’t answer for a reason.”

Luke stood, making space for Embry to move up the stairs. She juggled her bags as she pulled out her keys. Opening her door, she threw her stuff to the side, and turned back to Luke. He leaned against the door jamb, looking disheveled and delicious. It was impossible for the man to look bad. It only fueled her anger.

“What do you want, Luke?”

He stepped toward Embry, lifting his hand to gently cup her cheek. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Embry leaned into his touch for just a moment before she pulled away, shaking off his hand. “I can’t do this.”

“Please just let me explain.”

Embry shook her head. The tears she thought she had under control threatened to fall, and she didn’t want him to see her cry. “Just go.” She made the mistake of looking at Luke. He stared at her as though he could make it all go away if she’d just let him. “Please, Luke.”

At that moment, Reggie came down the stairs. Embry didn’t know how long he’d been listening in, but he’d heard enough.

“Hey, Bree. Everything okay here?” Reggie asked.

She quickly swiped at her eyes and turned to Reggie. “Yeah, Reggie, it’s fine.”

“You sure? You don’t look fine.”

“No, really,” she sniffled. “It’s fine.”

Reggie eyed Luke carefully. “Hey man, maybe you should go.”

Luke’s gaze didn’t leave Embry.

She stared back at him and realized he wasn’t going to go until he had explained himself, but she just couldn’t handle that yet. She was too angry, too hurt. “Maybe you should,” she said quietly.

Luke gaped at her. “Embry.”

“Come on, man, leave her alone,” Reggie said.

Embry had never been more thankful for her creepy upstairs neighbor.

“Bree, please,” Luke begged, his eyes reflecting his pain. “I just want to talk.”

“I can’t, Luke. Not right now.” Embry shook her head, trying to stay calm. She wanted to yell and scream and cry and yell some more. She wanted to ask him “why,” but she couldn’t. She was afraid of the answer. She took a deep breath, schooling her features back to neutral, and looked him in the eye. “Just leave.”

She saw the defeat in his eyes when he nodded. “Okay,” he whispered. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I’ll, um, talk to you some other time.” Shoulders slumped and head hung low, he turned and walked toward the stairs. Watching Luke walk away broke her. Tears streamed down her face as she stepped back into her apartment and collapsed against the door.

Thursday morning came too fast, and Embry decided to take a mental health day. Other than contracts the day before, she hadn’t missed a class yet, and Wednesday’s events seemed like as good an excuse as any to take time for herself.

Standing over her bathroom sink, Embry splashed cold water over her face and inspected herself in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy from crying and small, dark circles had formed from lack of sleep. After she had cried herself out the night before, she slipped into an uneasy sleep. She woke every few hours to check her phone. Luke hadn’t tried to contact her since she asked him to leave. Part of her was glad he was respecting her wishes. The other part still clung to what they had and wished he would call. Luke had torn down all of her carefully crafted walls, and she was determined to spend the day building them back up and focusing on herself.

She pulled back her long hair, threw on gym shorts, a tank, and running shoes, found some hard rock music on her iPod, and set out on a long, head-clearing run. Between Luke and school, she hadn’t taken enough time for herself, and she missed her runs. Arms pumping and shoes slapping against the pavement, she concentrated on matching the beat of Fall Out Boy
blasting through her headphones. She ran until she thought she’d collapse then caught a second wind and ran some more. By the time she jogged back into her complex, she was sweaty, spent, and feeling more like herself. She was ready to try to put Luke behind her and tackle the rest of the semester.

Checking her phone, she found texts from Jeremy and Morgan. She told Jeremy she’d come down with a bug, and he promised to send notes from the classes she missed. Morgan, being Morgan, wanted to make sure Embry wasn’t trying to drown herself in the bathtub. She suggested drowning in vodka instead.
Great friend.

Embry settled on the couch, caught up on her reading and legal briefs, and tried to mentally prepare herself for her first class with Luke as her professor.

Embry started Friday morning feeling great. She’d actually slept through the night instead of tossing and turning. Unfortunately, as she stared at her lunch and listened to Jeremy catch her up on what had happened in class the day before, Luke was all she could think about. She picked at her salad as Jeremy filled her in on what happened to their professor. Coleman had fainted on Tuesday evening and was taken to the hospital where they discovered a leaking aneurysm in her brain. She had emergency surgery to repair it and everything had gone well, but she wasn’t out of the woods yet. She’d be taking the rest of the semester off to recuperate, and that’s where Luke came in. Unfortunately, Luke’s appearance at Whitman was bigger news than Coleman’s medical emergency.

Apparently Embry wasn’t the only one with Luke Brody on the brain. It was painfully obvious that the girls in her class were bent on impressing their hot new professor. Embry studied the group at the next table and shook her head. Usually dressed for class in sweatpants with their hair a mess, the girls had gone extreme makeover crazy and were decked out in sweater sets and pearls. She felt underdressed in her messy ballerina bun and sundress. As if they weren’t annoying enough, Embry couldn’t escape their shrieks and whispers about Luke.
Her Luke.
She mentally slapped herself. She had to stop thinking about him. He wasn’t hers anymore. He couldn’t be.