Under My Thumb (Serenade Series #1) (15 page)

“You don’t,” I said firmly.

“Because you’re my best friend right now.”

My eyes softened. “I’m your best friend?”

“Well, what is a best friend? It’s someone you can open up to and be honest with. I don’t feel like I can tell anyone half the things I’ve told you.”

Warmth radiated through my body. I felt special.

“I love my brother more than anything, but I couldn’t tell him how I feel about relationships. He’d call me a whore or take me to a therapist.”

“He is your brother. It’s natural for him to look after you. I’m the same way with my sister.”

“But my brother and I are really close. But he wouldn’t respect that decision.”

I didn’t see the point in arguing with her. As an older brother, I knew I’d boss my sister around like crazy if I knew it was for her own good. But I decided to drop it.

“I can talk to you about my music and the fact I don’t see it going anywhere. I could never tell my bandmates that.”

That was true.

She shrugged. “I can explore my sexuality with you
and not feel judged. It’s always been taboo for women to enjoy sex. But I do. At least now I do.”

I liked that response. “You didn’t like it before?”

She shook her head. “Not under the circumstances.”

What did that mean?

“I know you’re honest and you wouldn’t lie to me. And that’s the most important thing to me. I can’t even trust Desi not to lie to me because everyone does it.”

Some
one lied to her, and they lied about something big—huge. “Has someone lied to you before?”

She averted her gaze and played with a strand of her hair. “Pass.”

I backed off. But I was extremely disappointed. “Well, it seems like my family is intent on me bringing you around. And it really would make them happy. I guess that’s all that matters. And then maybe they’ll leave me the hell alone.”

“What are you implying?” she asked.

“Come with me on Saturday.”

“What?
You want me to? I thought you were going to make up an excuse for my absence.”

I smiled at her. “You just told me to take a friend.”

“But I didn’t think I’d be that friend.”

“Do you not want to do it?” I couldn’t hide the disappointment in my voice.

“No, I’ll do it. I just assumed you’d ask someone you weren’t sleeping with and would be around a long time. That way you can use her over and over. After I’m gone, you’ll have to find a replacement for me.”

“That’s true.” I was having a hard time imagining my next lady friend after Prudence. “But they’ve already seen you. I shouldn’t blow them off and I definitely shouldn’t show up with a different girl. They’d all think I was a pig.”

“You are a pig,” she teased. A wide smile was on her face.

“I’m a pig for you.”

“I’ve noticed.”

I grabbed her face and rubbed my nose against hers. I quickly pulled away when I realized what I did.
That was a first.

“I’ll come,” she said. “Should I bring anything?”

“No. Your presence is a gift in itself.”

“Your sister-in-law is beautiful.” She said it without preamble. Her eyes looked out the French doors to my
patio, staring at something only she could see.

“She is.” I felt uncomfortable complimenting other women in front of Prudence
because it was disrespectful. But she didn’t seem to mind. I didn’t even look at other women when I was with her. Or without her…

“How’d they meet?”

“Through mutual friends. He claims it was love at first sight.” I rolled my eyes.

“That’s cute,” she said.

“They’ve been married for seven years and he still claims it’s true.”

“Maybe they are one of the rare people who should actually be married.”

I agreed with Prudence’s philosophy about people and relationships. Most people didn’t end up with the partners they really wanted, and as a result, they fell apart. But there were some people in the world who genuinely loved their partner with everything they had. And Denver and Vivian were some of those rare members of society. “Yeah.”

“What does your brother do for a living?”

“He works in advertising—something boring.”

“And business investing
is much better?” she said with a laugh.

“What? Oh. Yeah.”

She laughed again.

I felt bad for letting the lie continue. Technically, I was doing nothing wrong, but I
still felt deceitful. But I loved having Prudence in my life, and I cherished our rare relationship. I couldn’t afford to lose her. And I’d do anything to avoid it.

“And their daughter is adorable.”

I smiled just thinking about her. “She’s a good kid.”

Prudence studied my face. “You love her.”

“Guilty.”

“That’s so cute.”

I shrugged. “I take my responsibility as the uncle very seriously.”

She studied my face for a moment. “Do you want to have kids someday?”

“No,” I said immediately.

“That’s surprises me.”

“I love kids. They are great. But I don’t want one of my own.”

“Any reason why?”

“That would require me to marry.”

“No, not necessarily.”

I didn’t like where this conversation was going. “I’m very happy loving Natalia like my own. And that will suffice.”

Prudence understood my dismissal o
f the conversation. “I think your love for your niece is beyond sweet. That’s the last comment I have on the subject.”

She could read my mind. I swear she could.

“Will I be meeting your parents on Saturday?”

I was dreading this.
“Yes, unfortunately.”

“Do you have any specific requests?”

“Just be yourself. I’ll handle all the specifics.”

“Okay.” She
moved away slightly and snuggled with a pillow.

I stared at her, wishing she were in my arms again.

“I’m so tired.”

I leaned over and turned off the lamp. The room became black.

She sighed. “But I have to play for a little bit.”

What?
“Music?”

“Yeah.” She stood up then braided her hair quickly, putting it over one shoulder.  I noticed she always did this when she was in a certain mood, an artistic mood.

“Baby, if you’re tired, just go to bed.”

“It’s hard to explain, but I have to do this. I won’t be able to sleep unless I do. It’s an unbridled passion I can’t control. My heart beats to the sound of my own drum, literally.”

That made me more attracted to her, for some inexplicable reason. When she stopped our foreplay to write a song, I was slightly annoyed, but more turned on at the same time.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so.” She leaned over and kissed me.

“Can I watch?”

“Umm…”

“Forget I said anything.” Damn. I really loved watching her. When she played on the stage, she always stared at my face. I thought I comforted her, not intimidated her. I wasn’t sure why this would be any different.

“No, you can. Only under two conditions.”

This was a side to her I’d never seen. “Name them.”

“You can’t speak at all. And you can
’t ask me about my music now or ever—at least about the music I’m making at that time.”

Huh?
“Why?”

“When I write music, it’s really personal. I don’t like to share the process with anyone. It’s heartbreaking and painful. And it’s mine. But I’ll share it with you because I know you’ll respect my privacy and space. No one else.”

Wow. I was honored.
“That makes me feel special.”

“You are special.” She gave me
a fond look. “I have your word?”

“You always have my word.”

♫

Prudence didn’t turn on the lights. Only the faint light from the window drifted into the parlor, and it shined on the grand piano. A few pieces of paper were on the surface, and she scribbled a few notes before she hit the keys.

I wasn’t prepared for what was about to ensue.

Her words were soft while she hit the keys lightly. As soon as I heard the chords, I knew it would be a heartbreaking ballad. She didn’t look at me once as her fingers glided across the keyboard. And her tears broke my heart.

The first thing I wanted to do was rush to her and hold her in my arms, but I vowed to stay back and remain a bystander.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

Her lyrics were metaphorical, so I couldn’t determine exactly what it was about. But I knew one thing; someone ripped her heart to pieces, torched it in fire, and then fed the shattered remains to a cliff face. I never would have suspected she was broken, but she clearly was. How she kept it hidden from the world was beyond me.  Her music was beautiful. But damn, it hurt.

When she finished, she was still crying. She wiped the
tears away then stared at the piano, seeing something I couldn’t. With wet fingers, she folded her papers and crinkled them. She took a deep breath then walked past me, not looking at me.

I resisted the urge to hold her
but I did hold my tongue. I’d never experienced so much pain before, not like this. I’d been burned badly, had my world ruined, but her pain was a million times more sufferable. And I had no idea why.

When I went into the bedroom, she was already tucked under the sheet. After I lay beside her, I stared at her face. I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep, not after that torture.

I didn’t say a word or bring it up, but I didn’t let her sleep alone on her side of the bed. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. We shared one pillow and one blanket. When I heard a quiet sniff, I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t speak.

I comforted her silently, running my fingers through her hair and gripping her tightly. An hour later, she finally dozed off. But I stayed
wide awake, too disturbed to sleep.

Chapter Nineteen

♬

Prudence Clearwater

Cash kept his word and didn’t question me. He acted like nothing had changed, which was exactly what I wanted. But he did look at me differently. There was pain behind his eyes, a look of pity that I didn’t want to see. But I couldn’t change that.

I’d been through a lot of shit, but the last thing I wanted was sympathy. People had endured far worse than I had, and my sadness was excusable. I accepted that and tried to move on. As time wore on, I realized that would never happen. But it was my problem. No one else’s.

When I returned to the apartment, I played the song on the guitar. It was
a better ballad on the piano, but I could make it more upbeat through the strings of the guitar.

Desi and Mason went to a party with some people they met at one of
our gigs. Cash, my only friend, had to work late so he wasn’t available. Gavin didn’t go out either, so I was stuck with him at the apartment. I hoped it wouldn’t be a problem.

I made myself a frozen waffle th
en watched TV on the couch. I didn’t have a TV in my room, so I was stuck in the living room. And my fingers were singing with pain from plucking the strings so much. I needed a break.

“Wanna order a pizza?” Gavin came out of his bedroom shirtless.

I glanced at him then turned away. He had a nice body because he worked out so much, but I still didn’t stare. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. “Nah. I already made a waffle.”

He walked to the dryer and pulled out his clothes. He found a clean shirt and pulled it on. Most of us didn’t pack much because there wasn’t room. So I understood how Gavin could be out of clean clothes. “You’ll be hungry 30 minutes after you eat that. I’m ordering one.”

Whatever. I’d eat a free pizza.

He called and made the order. After he folded his laundry
, he opened a beer and sat next to me on the couch. “How are you?”

“Good. How are you?”

“I’m exhausted.”

“Good thing we have a night off.”

“Definitely.” He rested his feet on the coffee table. “Write any more music?”

“A few things.”

“Good. I’ve been writing too. We can put them on the next album.”

Like there ever would be one.
This was our last run. If we didn’t make it now, we’d never make it. It was time to move on and return to reality.

“Pru, is there something wrong?”

Damn. Gavin knew me too well.
“My fingers hurt.”

He eyed my hands. “Soak them in warm water.”

“It doesn’t work for me.” I finished my waffle then tossed the plate on the table.

Gavin drank from his beer then watched TV. “You aren’t going out with Cash tonight?”

Here we go.
“He has to work late tonight.”

“Oh.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned into the cushions.

“We could do something…”

That sounded like a bad idea.
“I’m too tired. I just want to stay in tonight.”

“We can go rent a movie.”

“Netflix.”

“Pick something.”

I should have just stayed in my room.

“Pru?”

I looked at him. “Yeah.”

“Give me a chance. You’re completely shutting me out.”

What did he mean by that?

“I can’t control my feelings, but I can respect your wishes. I really want to be friends again, but I can’t do that if you keep acting like this.”
His anger was palpable. Now I felt guilty.

“I’m sorry, Gavin.”

He looked away, anger still brewing in his eyes.

“You’re right. I guess I’m just on my guard.”

“Don’t be. I will make a move again, but I’ll wait until you’re available.”

“I’m not unavailable.”

He turned back to me. “Are you saying you want me to make a move now?”

T
hat was a stupid thing to say.
“No. I just meant that Cash and I aren’t serious. I would love to be your friend—nothing more.”

“Then start acting like a friend,” he said simply. “
Let’s eat a pizza together and watch a fucking movie.” He was pissed.

“I just don’t want to give you the wrong impression.”

“You aren’t.”

“You just said you’re going to try to get with me.”

“Later—not now. And only if I feel like you’ve changed your mind about me. Clearly, you haven’t.” He grabbed the remote and flipped through the selections on Netflix.

“Can we just start over?” I said with a sigh. “I want my lead guitarist back—and my friend.”

“Done,” he said. “Can we pretend that you have no idea I have feelings for you?”

“I can try.”

“Then let’s do it.” He picked a random movie and let it play.

My phone rang halfway into it. I hoped it was Cash inviting me over, but it wasn’t. It was my brother. He called me
a few times but I kept forgetting to call him back. I was a horrible sister.

“Hello?”

“I finally got a hold of you,” he said in an annoyed voice. “I know you’re busy—but damn.”

“I’m sorry, Jer.”

“It’s fine.”

No
, it wasn’t. I could tell he was still pissed.
“How are you?”

“Good. How are you?”

“Well.”

“How are the shows?”

“Great. We are having a lot of fun.” Talking to him made me miss him. My brother was the best guy I knew. But you’d never catch me saying that out loud, especially to him.

“No contracts?”

“It’s never going to happen,” I said with a sigh.

“It will,” he said firmly. “You’re like a girl version of Paul McCartney.”

I laughed loudly. “Thank you for the compliment, even though I really don’t deserve it.”

“I think so.”

“What’s new with you?”

“Well, I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, but you were a brat and didn’t call me back.”

“You’re talking to me now, Jer. Let’s move on.”

“I’m coming to Los Angeles tomorrow for business. I’ll be there for a few days.”

“You are?”

“And I really want to spend some time with my little sister.”

“Whatever. You just want a place to crash.”

He laughed. “No. My hotel is being paid for. I assumed you’d want to stay with me for a few days to get some space. Four people in a small apartment sounds like hell.”

Not when I was sleeping at Cash’s five nights a week. “It’s not so bad.”

“Either way, I want to see you. I have meetings
during the day, but I’m free every evening.”

“I guess I can show you the sights.”

“Do you know any sights?” he teased.

“Shut up. I’m cool and hip.”

“Sure…”

“And you can come to one of our shows.”

“I’d love that.” My brother was always so supportive of my music career. Both of my parents thought it was the dumbest thing in the world, but my brother, who had an MBA and never took risks if he could help it, didn’t. And that meant the world to me.

Now I really missed him. “When do you arrive?”

“I’m getting on the plane now.”

What? I guess I forgot about the time difference. “Do you need me to pick you up?”

“No, I made all the arrangements. I’ll see you after work.”

“Have a safe flight.”

“I will. Bye.”

“Bye.” I lowered the phone to my lap.

“Jeremy is coming?” Gavin asked.

“Yep.”

“Cool.” Gavin kissed my brother’s ass so much. In his twisted mind, he thought if he had Jeremy’s approval, it would win me over. My brother’s opinion was important to me, but it wasn’t everything.

After the movie was over, I went to bed. Gavin didn’t bring up our uncomfortable situation again and I thought the matter was settled. I hoped we could regain what we lost.

My phone rang once I was under the covers. A stupid grin stretched my face when I saw who it was.

“Hey.”

“Hey, baby.”

“How was work?”

He sighed into the phone. “Long night.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m just sorry I couldn’t be with you.”

We were spending a lot of time together,
so the space was probably a good thing. It wouldn’t be good if we got sick of each other.

“What did you do?”

“Gavin and I just watched
Lake Placid
. Dumbest movie I’ve ever seen.” I rolled my eyes just thinking about it.

“You and Gavin?”

I heard the jealousy in his voice.
Seriously?
“Yeah.”

“Where
are the other two?”

“At some party in the valley. They probably won’t be home until morning.”

The silence stretched for a moment. I didn’t think that was a good sign.

“Come over.”

“I’m already in bed.”

“You don’t need to get dressed up for me.”

I sighed. “I’m tired. I just want to go to bed. We don’t get much sleep over there.”

“I’ll make sure you do.”

Wow. This guy was not backing down.
“Cash, I’m fine.”

“I don’t want you sleeping there if it’s just you two.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“No, I’m not,” he snapped.

This was a new side of Cash. I’d never heard him so pissed. “Why are you acting like this?”

That seemed to bring him down. He said nothing for a full minute, probably trying to recover. “I’m just concerned for your safety.”

“Gavin would never hurt me.”

He was getting frustrated. “Baby, just come over.”

“No,” I said firmly. “Gavin and I talked. There’s nothing going on.”

“From your end, maybe.”

I couldn’t believe he was acting like this. But I loved how jealous he was. It was kinda a turn-on, but I was also shocked at the same time. Where was this coming from? Gavin may have feelings for me, but he’d never act on them. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Cash didn’t respond for a long time. “Good
night.”

“Good
night.”

He hung up
, pissed he didn’t get his way.
Too bad.

I snuggled with my teddy bear and closed my eyes. When I felt myself do
ze off, someone knocked on my door.

“Cash is here.” It was Gavin.

I sat up in bed then pulled the hair out of my face. What did he just say? I pulled on my pajama bottoms then opened my door. “What?”

“Cash is here.” Gavin walked into his bedroom then shut the door. At least he didn’t slam it. We were making progress.

I opened the front door and saw Cash standing there.

“What are you doing?”

He looked me straight in the eye, and his confidence returned. “If you won’t sleep with me, I’ll sleep with you.”

“Again, what?”

Cash stepped into the apartment without being invited. Then he shut the door and locked it. “Let’s get to bed.”

I turned on him, my annoyance bubbling to the surface. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Cash lost it. He grabbed me then pushed me against the wall, his other hand cushioning the back of my head so the impact wouldn’t hurt. “I don’t want you sleeping here alone. Period.” The crazed look in his eyes shut my mouth. “You’re mine. Fucking mine.” He released me and stepped back.

I was too shocked to say anything.

“Now let’s get to bed.”

Was this really happening?

He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bedroom. When we were alone, he stripped off his clothes and got into my twin-size bed. He barely fit. I had nowhere to lay except on top of him. I pulled off my bottoms then lay on his chest. Cash seemed to calm down after he got his way.

“You’re fucking crazy,” I whispered.

His hand moved through my hair.

“Why do you care?”

He moved slightly so my head had some pillow room. “I don’t trust him.”

“There’s a lock on my door.”

“That any idiot could pick.”

“Do you really think Gavin is the type of guy that would rape someone?”

Just the word made his eyes widen in rage. “I don’t know. But I’m not willing to risk it.”

“I’ve been alone with Gavin hundreds of times.”

That just pissed him off even more.
Wow, that was a stupid thing to say.

“I’m not sharing you with anyone.”

“So you don’t trust me?” I snapped.