Under My Thumb (Serenade Series #1) (12 page)

“Good
night.”

She walked inside then gave me one more smile before she shut the door. I stood there, staring at the wood. After a full minute, I finally turned away. It took all my restraint not to barge in there and pull her right out.

Chapter Fifteen

♬

Prudence Clearwater

I’ve never been fucked like that. And damn, it felt amazing.

I was so hesitant about pursuing the unorthodox relationship, but I’m so glad I did. For the first time, I could say I was happy. I really was. Our relationship would end in a few months, but knowing it would end made it better. There was no pain and no commitment. He couldn’t cheat on me because we weren’t together. It was perfect.

I finished my laundry and tuned all my instruments that day. Plus, I needed a day to rest. Desi questioned me about my amazing night with Cash. Of course, I told her everything.

“I’m so fucking jealous,” she blurted. “Does he have a brother? Tell me he has a brother.”

“He does. But I know nothing about him.”

“Well, find out something about him. I’m desperate.”

“What about Mason? He’s single.”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “He’s more interested in chasing pussy.”

“And don’t you want to be chased?”

“Since we work together, that would be too weird. You could cut Cash out of your life at any time and he wouldn’t put up a fight.”

She had a point. “I’m sure you’ll meet someone at one of our shows. We seem to be getting fans.”

“I better.”

After we had dinner together, Mason went into his bedroom and shut the door. Sometimes he could be moody and preferred his solitude. Desi went to the gym because she insisted she was
getting fat. She wasn’t. At all. That left me and Gavin in the living room. We hadn’t spoken since the horrible incident. And I wasn’t sure if I should say anything.

I
rinsed the dishes in the sink then placed them in the dishwasher. He approached the counter then leaned against it. He didn’t look at me but I suspected a conversation was about to happen. I sincerely hoped it would be a good one.

I washed my hands then patted them dry.

Gavin cleared his throat. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah…of course.”

“Do you want to get a cup of coffee?”

I didn’t see why that was necessary. Mason was home but he was in his bedroom.

“I just don’t want to be interrupted.”

I knew I needed to repair our relationship to save the band. “Sure.” I grabbed my jacket then we left the apartment. A coffee shop was just across the street, so we walked in silence until we reached it. Gavin ordered my favorite drink then sat across from me.

I met his gaze for a moment before I looked at my hands in my lap. The awkwardness set in. His brown hair was a little longer than it normally was. He was just too busy to get a haircut. His bright green eyes were the same color they always were. Gavin wasn’t a bad looking guy. Actually, there was nothing wrong with him. I just never had the heart to give him a chance—anyone a chance. Cash was the only person who understood exactly what I wanted. It was easy and uncomplicated.

“Thanks for
talking to me.” He drank his black coffee then returned it to the table.

I sipped my chai tea latte. “I hope we can work this out, Gavin. If not for me, at least for Desi and Mason.”

He nodded. “I want to apologize—for everything. I’ve been a total arse. And I’m truly sorry.”

Thank
god. This conversation was going to go well. “It’s okay.”

“I just liked you so much that I became obsessed. When you hooked up
with Cash, it drove me crazy—not that it’s an excuse.”

Definitely not.

“After you broke up with Isaac, I gave you space to get over the relationship. But I wanted to swoop in at the first opportunity. Unfortunately, the timing just wasn’t right.”

That
, among other things
.

“And now I understand that I’ll never have you. You made your feelings for me clear—and blunt.”

Ouch.
“I didn’t mean to be so mean, Gavin.”

He raised a hand. “No, it’s okay. I deserved it. I
was being a jerk. I’m sorry for my behavior. But as twisted and dark as it sounds, I did it because I love you.”

He loves me?
That part made me uncomfortable. “Let’s just forget about it, Gavin.”

“No,” he said firmly. “I don’t want to brush this under the rug. The connection between us is powerful—as musicians. That bond and trust needs to be there for our music and performance
s to soar. We had that until I ruined it. I need to get that back.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“So you’ll work on it with me?”

“Of course.”

“Because you’re still my best friend.”

“You’re mine too.”

He nodded. “I’m glad we could work this out.”

“Gavin, you’re special to me—as well as Desi and Mason—and I want to be happy again.”

“You’re special to me too.” He took a long drink then licked his lips. “How’s it going with Cash?”

We are going to do this now?
I think a grace period would be appropriate. Whatever. “Good.”

“So you like him?”

Duh.
“Yeah.”

“Is that where you went last night?”

This is starting to feel like an interrogation. “What are you asking, Gavin?”

“Nothing,” he said quickly. “I’m trying to act like I always do.”

“If you’re uncomfortable with my relationship with Cash, we don’t have to talk about it.”

“But I want to be comfortable with it.”

“You can’t force it,” I said gently.

He sighed. “Do you love him? That’s what I really want to know.”

“No.”

“You’re okay with a summer romance? When we leave, you’ll never see him again.”

“I was aware of the parameters of the relationship when I decided to be in it.” My voice came out cold and I immediately regretted it. I knew Gavin was trying.

“I’m sorry. I’m just concerned for you. I don’t want you to get hurt. You don’t deserve anything less than the best.”

Damn. He could be sweet sometimes.
”Thank you. I appreciate your concern. But really, I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry I was rude to Cash. You were always nice to Brooke.”

Completely different situations but whatever.
  “Are you going to try to get her back?”

“No.”

That surprised me. “No?”

“I didn’t love her. I thought I would eventually but it never happened. I should
n’t waste anymore time, especially hers.”

I nodded. “That makes sense.”

“And I want to be with someone that really means something to me.” He held my gaze and gave me a serious look.

I hoped he didn’t have me in mind.

“I know you’re with Cash, and that’s fine. You obviously like him. But…”

No. No. No.

“I really hope you give me a chance later. Maybe when we get home.”

“Gavin…”

“Just hear me out, alright? I’m one of your closest friends. I understand you, what you need, and what you’ve already been through. You don’t need to hide from me. If we have this much chemistry making music together, imagine the chemistry we would have in other ways. I don’t mean to pressure you, but I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I can’t just give up, so to speak.”

“Gavin, I don’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry.”

“Now. Now you don’t feel that way about me. But you may change your mind.”

“I really don’t think I will.”

He sighed. “Don’t completely rule it out.”

“I don’t want you to waste your time on me. I don’t want a relationship with you or anyone. I never want to get married or have kids. Even if I did want to be with you, it’d only be tem
porary, and I couldn’t give you what you really wanted; a family.”

Confusion moved into his face while he looked at me. “Pru, what are you saying? You want to be single for the rest of your life?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Good. He finally gets it.

“But you’re with Cash.”

“It’s nothing serious.”

“You’re just sleeping together.” His words came out quietly, full of pain and despair.

I hated hurting him. “It’s what I want—what we both want.”

“But you deserve more than that.”

“Really, I’m fine. I’m happy.”

“Don’t let Isaac ruin your life, Pru.”

No. I’m not having this conversation again.
“Gavin, drop it.”

“I could be the man you need. I’ll give you everything you want.”

“Stop.”

He released his frustration through a deep breath. “I sincerely hope you change your mind. Cash doesn’t ca
re about you. He’s just using you to get what he wants. I would never do that. Because I love you. Really love you.”

I looked away, unable to see the hurt in his eyes. “Gavin, I’m really lucky I have the love of the people I’ve surrounded myself with. Through the years, that pool has grown smaller and smaller. I can’t afford to let it shrink. Please don’t say these things to me. I need you as my friend—nothing more.”

“The reason I say these things is because of that very reason. It kills me to sit by and see you in pain, especially knowing I could make it all better.”

“No one can make me better. Only I can. And I’m not in pain anymore. I’ve chosen a lifestyle that fits my needs. Maybe it’s unusual and unorthodox, but it works for me and makes me happy.”

“For now. What about ten years from now?”

“If my desires change, I’ll pursue them. Although, I doubt they ever will.”

“You’re killing me…”

“Gavin, let’s drop this. That will be the best way we can return to our friendship.”

“Okay.” He rested his hands on the table. “But I’m here if you ever change your mind.”

“I know, Gavin.”

He leaned back in his chair and stared me down. The sadness and disappointment was obvious in his eyes. But there was no resignation in the look. I suspected he would tone down his emotions and respect my arrangement with Cash, but it would never quench the hope he had for him and I. There was nothing I could do about that. But I was glad I had my friend back—I think.

Chapter Sixteen

♬

Cash Matthews

I’ve never been jealous before. At least in a really long time. And I was unnerved by the idea of Prudence living under the same roof as Gavin. I had no idea what was wrong with me.

I went to the jewelry store and picked up the necklace I got my sister for her birthday. It was white gold with a large pendant in the front. I thought it was a good birthday gift. I just hoped it wasn’t too excessive.

When I arrived at my parents’ house in Burbank, they both pulled me in for a hug.

“How’s work?” My dad clapped me on the shoulder then drank his scotch. He was always drinking scotch.
That’s where I got it from.

“Busy.”

“Sounds about right.”

My mom squeezed my hand then kissed me on the cheek. She was always affectionate and warm. She made up for my dad’s coldness. “Did you bring anyone?”

I never brought anyone nor would I ever. But my mom still waited for the day when I would say otherwise. “Just me.”

Her eyes sagged slightly. “Maybe next time.”

It was annoying. I was happy being single. For some reason, my parents thought I was lonely and devastated. I was just fine. More than fine. That’s when I thought about Prudence. I wondered what that beautiful musician was doing. If I stayed home, I could be fucking her right now, not being grilled by my parents.

I went to the backyard and sat on the patio. When my little sister saw me, she jumped up and gave me a big hug.

“It’s my birthday!”

I laughed. “I know. Hence, the reason for the dinner.”

“I just like saying it.”

“Aren’t you a little old for birthday parties?”

“Never.” She flipped her black hair to one shoulder. She was much shorter than me, getting her petite size from our mom. It was another reason I was so protective of her. “What did you get me?”

“Always right to the point, huh?”

“Duh.”

I pulled out the box then handed it to her. “You can’t exchange this or get store credit.”

She frowned. “It better be good, then.”

My sister could be a brat but I still loved her.
Probably because I had to.

She opened the box then
pulled out the necklace. When her eyes lit up, illuminating the entire backyard, I knew she loved it. She grabbed the pendant then looked at the engraving. That’s when the tears started to well up. “Cash…”

“You like it?”

She pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. “I love it.”

“You better.”

“I’m being serious.” She pulled away then placed it around her neck. After she clasped it, she felt it in her fingers. It looked good against her skin tone. “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, baby sister.”

“I don’t want to return it.”

“That’s a first,” I said with a smile.

My mom came outside and placed the food on the table.

“Mom, look what Cash got me.”

My mom examined it. “It’s beautiful.” She looked at the engraving then smiled. “It seems like your brother does like you after all.”

“I knew it,” my sister said.

We took our seats when my brother joined us, his daughter on his shoulders. “Macaroni salad. I was hoping you made it.”

My mom jumped up and grabbed Natalia from his shoulders. She coddled her granddaughter and showered her with kisses. My dad was just as fond of her.

My brother clapped me on the shoulder. “Cash.”

“Denver.” He was the only one who didn’t give me shit for being single. It was a relief. “Where’s Vivian?”

“She couldn’t get off work. The hospital needs her.” My brother went above and beyond when he bagged a hot doctor for a wife. I was a little jealous when we were younger. Now I just saw her as a sister.

Natalia ran to me then wrapped her arms around my knee. She was four and pretty damn cute.

“Uncle Cash, pick me up.”

“You lazybones.” I picked her up then held her in my arms. “What’s happening, kid?”

“Do I get a present?”

“It’s not your birthday,” I reminded her.

“But you always get me presents.”

This kid had the memory of an elephant. “You’re right. I do.”

She held up her arms and squealed. “What is it?”

“You spoil my daughter more than I do,” Denver said.

“She’s my niece.” I shrugged.

“Where’s my present?”

“Hey!” McKenzie said. “This is my birthday party.”

Natalia stuck her tongue out. “Too bad.”

Everyone laughed. My parents beamed at her like she was the most precious thing in the world—which she was. I carried her inside then back to the front door. I left the bag in the closet so she wouldn’t see it. After I pulled it out, I put it on the floor so she could tear it apart.

Natalia ripped through the packaging until the box was free.

“Yay!”

I knew she
’d like it.

“I want to play with it now!”

I grabbed the box and tore it open with my bare hands.

“What is it this time?” Denver asked while he sipped a beer.

“Princess dresses!” Natalia yelled. “Look at them.”

Denver glared at me. “You make me look bad, man.”

“I’m just fulfilling my duties.”

Natalia ran to me and jumped in my arms. “Thank you, Uncle Cash.”

She almost knocked me over because I wasn’t expecting it. I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug. My heart throbbed with warmth at her touch. “You’re welcome, kid.”

“I love you.”

The words killed me every time. “I love you too.”

She returned to her present and started taking out all the dresses and accessories. She pulled them over her clothes and placed the tiara on her head. I watched her, content with being an observer. I felt my brother’s gaze.

“Anyone special in your life?”

That was the first time he’s asked me that in years. “Not you too.”

“I’m not pestering you. I’m just curious.”

Prudence’s face came to my mind. “No.”

Denver kneeled down and watched his daughter. “I didn’t want kids for the longest time.”

Great. I knew what was coming.

“Until I found the right person.”

“You’re very fortunate, Denver.” I didn’t want to be rude to my brother. We didn’t talk about personal girly shit, but we were close. He was my number one guy for sporting events, marathons, and fighting shows, at least when he wasn’t busy being a full-time husband and dad.

“You can be fortunate too. If you gave someone a chance.”

I didn’t respond. Maybe if I didn’t speak, he would drop it.

“I’m worried about you.”

Ugh.
“Denver, I’m very happy with my life. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m not buying it. I’ve been patient but you need to move on.”

Now I was getting angry. “Knock it off.”

He stared me down. “Looks like I hit a nerve.”

I wanted to blow up and tell him to fuck off, but his daughter was sitting on the floor. Like a good uncle, I held my tongue.

“Vivian has a friend from work. We think you’d hit it off.”

“I can get my own dates. Thanks.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

It was getting more difficult for me to contain my rage. This was why I preferred my friends instead of my family. They didn’t question my marital status, with the exception of Parker. “There is no problem. I’m very happy with my life.”

“Bullshit.”

I glanced at Natalia. She didn’t notice the curse word, too absorbed in her present.

“I’m done with this conversation.”

Denver glared at me then drank from his beer. “Then die alone as an old man. I don’t care.”

“We all die alone. And we’re lucky if we’re old when it happens.”

He walked back to the patio and joined the rest of my family. I was happy where I was, with the one family member I felt comfortable with. I watched her put a veil on her head then plastic rings on her fingers. It was easy with her. Married or not, I was still the best uncle in the world. And that was enough for me.