Under a Broken Sun (16 page)

“No,” he said, shaking his head.  “She’s suffering.  She has to be put down.”

“She’s not a fucking horse, Dad!”  I ran to him to stop him, but my feet would barely lift from the ground.  Suddenly he was yards away.  I couldn’t move fast – everything else moved at normal speed except my running.  I crawled at the ground to try and pull myself faster.  I couldn’t.

The crack of the rifle shot bounced off the cliffs and sent hundreds of seagulls flying.

I woke up in the car.  Louie shot up from the seats behind me.  “What was that?” he said.  My dream?  Did he hear it?  Where the hell was I?

The crack of a rifle shot.  Another one.  Not my dad's.  For real.  I looked at Louie.  Louie G. 

Car. 

Tunnel.

Tommy.

I bolted out of the car just as the rifle roared again.  Ashley crawled out of her car and met us at the tunnel entrance.  I had my machine gun with me, and fumbled with the safety switch.  Down the hill to our left Tommy stood near the horses, his rifle raised and aimed at something I couldn’t see.  I raised my gun too, but didn’t have a shot at anything.

“Tommy!” I shouted.  “What is it?”

“Dog.  A big.  Fucking.  Dog.”

I could barely make out his silhouette in the shadows of the dusk.  He raised the gun and took one more shot, but the dog dodged just before he pulled the trigger.  The metal clip sprang out of his rifle.  He was empty.  “Tommy!” I yelled at him.  I ran towards him.  As I got closer I saw the animal, larger than any dog I’d seen, baring fangs from its foaming mouth. 

The dog jumped at him, and I fired a random shot in its direction.  It dropped like a lead weight.  I couldn’t have done that.  I think I fired at the top of a tree.  Plus the dog fell the wrong way – the shot came from somewhere else.

I reached Tommy, whose shaking hands slowly lowered the rifle.  “Jesus,” he whispered.  “Holy shit, that was close.  Nice shot.”

“It wasn’t me,” I said. 

“It was me,” came a voice from the forest.  A few seconds later, a guy in full camo gear came out to the clearing where Tommy and I stood.  “Staff Sergeant James Tolbert.  First Infantry Division, Charlie Company.  Nice to meet you.”

He offered his hand.  He looked my age, early twenties, no later than twenty-five, and fit his outfit like a poster boy for “Army Strong”.  I shook his meat-hook of a hand, and eyed up his sniper rifle.

“Holy cow, is that a PSR-9?” Louie exclaimed from behind me.  He came around and I swear startled fondling the rifle. 

“Yeah, you know your weapons,” Tolbert said.

“Call to Duty, Special Ops version.  Wow.  A real army dude.”

Tolbert didn’t look too fond of being fawned over.  He introduced himself to Ashley, Tommy and finally to Louie, who he practically had to shove away from him.  Tommy straightened himself up, trying to match the guy in machismo. 

Something about Tolbert - I couldn’t say what – annoyed me. I shrugged off the first notion of jealousy.  That’s bullshit – I mean, this guy could really help us.  I'm no fucking leader.  Let him run the show. 

“Where’s your unit?” I said, hoisting my machine gun back over my shoulder.  I turned to walk back to the tunnel as he answered.

“Dunno.  We got broken up about five clicks east of here early yesterday morning.  Been looking for them ever since.”

“Broken up?” Ashley asked. 

“Yeah, we met some organized resistance near Johnstown, a local militia.  Heading west, one of them said.  Something about the second coming.  We took one prisoner and forgot about it.  Just another group of rebels, we thought.  But they were different – trained, almost.  They knew flanking maneuvers, two by two cover formations, it was eerie.  Someone was definitely pulling their strings, organizing them.  We never saw who.  Once they split us up they disappeared.  I headed west to follow them, but I’m not sure if anyone else did.”

We stopped in front of the horses.  “We’re heading west, too,” Tommy offered.  “I was thinking we’d try to stay ahead of them, or at least, ya know, on the same level.  Then outflank them and do a pincher move.” 
He
was thinking?  He didn’t even know what the fuck he was talking about.  Tolbert just smiled.

“Sounds good.  Mind if I follow?” Tolbert asked.

“No,” Ashley responded.

“Yeah, sure!"  Louie agreed and pointed to Tolbert’s sniper rifle.  “You got an extra one of those?”

Tolbert looked at me with a slight grin that I suddenly wanted slap off.  "What about you, honcho?  You ok if I tag along?"

I turned my back to him and walked on.  "No problem."

Except that it was a problem.  A big problem.  I didn’t trust him.

We sat in the tunnel in the convertible Ashley slept in.  Tommy went back to watching the horses – he insisted.  Didn’t want to seem shaken up, I guess, now that he had competition for

Ashley.  We did switch guns first though.  He didn't want to part with his rifle, but the old semiautomatic just wasn’t cutting it.  We weren't in home protection or hunting mode anymore, we were in survival mode.

The four of us sat up and talked for a bit, our conversations interrupted by frequent yawns.  Except for Captain America over there.  He looked ready to take on the world.

Louie spoke first.  “It’s Independence Day,” he said, creating a light round of snickers.

“Doesn’t mean much now,” I replied.  “Unless you’re a fan of the movie.”

“Hated it,” Louie said, flopping himself down on the front sleep and closing his eyes.

“So what’s going on?” I asked.  “Out there, I mean.  You hear anything?”

“The army’s getting organized,” he said.  “Took a while, no communications and all, but we’re getting there.”

“President still in charge?”

Tolbert nodded.  “Yeah, heading to Chicago.  Some professor dude got word to him that that was the safest place to be.  That’s where most of the country seems to be heading.  No technology, but rumors still spread like crazy.  They’re taking the President some secret way, split up from the Vice President.  No one knows their path.

“So everyone’s going to Chicago?”

“Most yeah.  Lot of dead people though.  I spent three days on body duty.  Tag ‘em and bag ‘em.  Must’ve put over a thousand people in body bags.  We ran out.”

Ashley looked at him.  “What killed them all?”

Tolbert looked away like he didn’t really want to remember.  “Just got too hot, or they starved, or refused to leave their cars.  Plus the oxygen depleted crazies out there.  Some just die; others go out with a bang.”

I thought about it.  We’ve met our share of crazies.  “Is there still a lot of looting and rioting?”  I looked at Ashley’s backpack, worried about all the stuff we stole.

“Yeah, but not so much.  People don’t go outside anymore, or there’s nothing left.  But we’ve arrested plenty of people.”

Ashley looked interested in that.  I guessed she had her share of run-ins with the law, too.  “What did you do with them all?”

“Put them in prisons, in holding cells, in anything we could find.  Some we just had to shoot, but they were mostly the crazies that wouldn’t listen.”

Ashley looked away.  “Why arrest them all?"

“This is still America.  And stealing is still against the law.  We’ll get order restored soon.  But not if we’re soft.”

“Is that where the soldiers are?  In the city?”

“Yeah.  The larger ones especially.  Seven million frightened, frying hungry people in New York City alone.  Takes a lot more than just the New York National Guard.”

“You gonna arrest us?” Ashley whispered.

Tolbert smiled for the first time.  “No.”

Ashley looked up at him, caught his smile and threw it back.  I figured they needed to be alone, and anger grew inside me like an alien, ready to burst out.  Not at him.  If he wants to be a child molester let him.  But before he showed up, for the first time in my life I had felt in control.  In charge.  This guy Tolbert reminded me that I didn't have that leadership quality.  The smarts, yes, but those came with a whole backpack full of 'I don't give a fuck'.  I jumped out of the car and headed towards the front entrance of the tunnel.

“Where you going?” Ashley called after me.

“Checkin’ stuff out.”  Just needed to get away.  Besides, with wonder-boy here they didn’t need me.  I could just keep on walking and they’d be fine.  I thought about doing just that.

I got to the front entrance and stared out at the landscape flowing downhill away from us.  The heat floated up off the road and created wavy images of the parked cars, forever frozen as a mechanical memorial to rush hour.

I sat on the hood of a Dodge Charger, wishing like hell that it worked and that I could just drive off. 
It’s true,
I thought to myself. 
They don't need me.  I’m not a fighter, and this is a fighter’s world now.  Ashley’s got the drive - hell, she actually wants to go home - but she’s still a kid, just like Tommy.  Those two need each other.  Luigi needs an older brother, not a father figure.  Tommy’s got that covered, too.  And if wasn’t for Tolbert Tommy would be dead.  If it wasn’t for me, Marilyn wouldn’t be
. 

I took off my cross necklace and stared at the ruby-colored skull in the middle.  Thought of Marilyn, what I told her about not cutting.  I was a fucking hypocrite.  And a loser.  Barely squeaked by in school despite having to work at failing.  Spent the past two years since graduation applying my knowledge to the art of fucking up.  Dad always tried to get me a job, sending me to seminars in astrophysics.  Trying to turn me into him.  And yet, all I really wanted was the freedom to choose my own destiny.  Now I have it, and all I’ve done is kill the first girl I really loved.

I slid the knife out.  My hand was shaking, and I could feel the tears coming, but that wasn’t allowed.  No crying, my dad said after my mom died.  Her death was inevitable, he said.  We cannot alter the ever-expanding path of the universe. 

I drew the blade across my arm, one of the last few areas left open.  I’d have to start on my other arm or maybe my chest.  I have to admit, that last thought was a little exciting.  Something new.  A new kind of pain.

The tears dried up and became blood dripping down my arm.  The other cut had healed, but was still red.  I knew this was stupid – one infection and I’d be done.  But being done didn’t seem like such a bad thing. 

Tommy came up behind me.  “Hey,” he said, startling me out of my stupor.  “Get some sleep.  We gotta hoof it at nightfall – only a few hours.”  I covered up my arm, like a boy getting caught jerking off by his mother.

I sniffed and nodded.  My nose was running – did a tear make it out?  Or was I catching a cold?  My eyes burned – I was too late with the cut.  A tear escaped.  That won’t happen again.

Tommy turned to go, but not before asking “You ok?”  I nodded again, walked back in to where the air was cooler, and found a Ford Pickup to lie in.  I climbed in the front seat, looked around, found a pile of clothes in the backseat.  I cut off a shirt sleeve and wrapped it around my arm good and tight. Then I leaned the driver’s side seat back, pulled out the book I got from the farmhouse, Kerouac’s
On the Road
.  

I loved the book.  I loved the character Dean Moriarity, who seemed to get a thrill at just being alive.  Kerouac started his trek west to find Dean, to grab the Holy Grail that Dean held full of life and drink its immortality.  I was heading west as well, but not for a holy grail at the end, or some damned key to immortal life.  The miles we trekked simply ticked down a countdown to extinction.  And the man I sought didn’t live life – he observed it through a telescope in awe and wonder.  I traveled west hoping beyond hope that somewhere there existed a small batch of Dean Moriarity elixir, but I couldn’t beat back the roar of knowing that it just didn’t exist.

The throbbing pain in my arm lulled me to sleep.

17.   

No dreams.  Just someone’s small hand on my shoulder, shaking.  “Wake up,” a voice in the distance said.  “Wake up!”  Harder shaking.

I opened my eyes, tried to gain focus.  Ashley looked down at me.  She noticed the arm.  “Jesus, Adam, again?  Really?”

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.  I could see the entrance to the tunnel, could see the reddish-orange glow coming inside.  Nearly dark out.  “C’mon, you gotta see this.”

I pulled myself up by the steering wheel, peered over the hood of the car, saw the others standing in front of the tunnel entrance.  Tolbert had my backpack next to him.  “What’s going on?” I yawned.

“Just look,” Ashley said pulling my hand.  I couldn’t read her face – excitement?  Panic? 

She held my hand the whole time as she ran to the tunnel entrance.  I stood next to Tommy and stared.

In front of us was the most brilliant, complex and dangerous looking cloud I’ve ever seen.  Tommy spoke: “Remember how you said there were no clouds in the sky?”

This one
was
the sky.  It covered the whole horizon, its white face betraying the storm it was bringing.  To us it looked peaceful, soft, like a bunched-up down comforter.  Underneath it, to the people in its path, it probably brought a helluva lot of destruction.

I turned to Tolbert: “How long do you think we have?”

“An hour tops,” Tolbert replied.  “Hard to say.” 

I didn’t want to wait to find out.  “Tommy, let's get the horses.  Tolbert and Ashley, come along.  We may need to move some cars out of the way.  Louie, you’re the brainiac.  Here.”  I handed him my map.  “Figure out how far it is to downtown.  Time the location of the cloud, see if you can gauge how fast it’s moving.  When that thing hits I wanna be in a reinforced steel building.”

“You wanna go downtown?” Ashley asked.  “We’re safer right here.  I don’t wanna go anywhere.”

I turned and looked at her.  “This tunnel is a tinderbox.  You saw what happened before when we met Tommy.  Who knows what that thing is bringing?  If we’re in here and a spark sets off a gas tank, we’re cooked.”

“It’s just rain,” she said.

I turned to look at the cloud.  “I don’t think so,” I said.