Undefeated (Unexpected Book 5) (29 page)

The long silence stretches out as I regulate my breathing, try to organize my thoughts. All of them are scattered throughout my mind. Images of my past. Leo. My present. Harper and Finn. My future. My kids along with Porter. Is he my future? That’s a question I can’t imagine answering, but how I wish I could say yes.

A simple
yes
without second-guessing myself.

“Do you have pets, Mackenzie?” I shake my head. “I do, a parrot.”

“A parrot?” I question puzzled. “Does he talk back to you?”

“He can only say cracker,” he says laughing. “Such a cliché, my children are allergic to animal dander. My now ex-wife and I thought that a parrot would make a great pet.”

“Was it?”

“No, and I got the parrot during the divorce settlement,” he complains.

“Leo didn’t want to own a pet,” I confess. “At least not until the kids were old enough to help with the chores. I’m glad because after he died I could barely take care of our kids. A pet wouldn’t have survived my depression.”

“Leo is your husband?” I nod. “How long ago did he die?”

“Almost three years,” I say, drying my sweaty palms with my jeans. “It’s hard to look at the big picture. Guilt engulfs me each time I try to think outside the lives we . . . We had so many plans and he’s gone. He won’t reach his thirtieth birthday, see his children grow up, graduate, or get married.”

I take a tissue from the box on top of the coffee table, wiping the tears that fall as I speak. It’s useless, the more I wipe, the more fall, and I hear myself sobbing. I’m not sure how long I cry, but once I am able to stop the waterworks, I look at my counselor who continues to watch me with concern.

“Sorry, talking about him is difficult,” I whisper.

“What made you come to visit me today?”

“My kids, my . . .” I don’t say Porter. But he’s another reason why I decided to come. I hurt him with my behavior. Everyone is paying for the grief I’m going through. “Everyone deserves a better version of myself—I know I do.”

He nods. “Alright, so it appears we have a tentative goal. Our time for today is over, but if you’re comfortable, we can schedule another appointment for next week. We can continue identifying what you need to work on and the goals you’d like to achieve through counseling.”

Mac,

I heard about Finn and I imagine you’re not taking the news well. There’s not much I can do from here, only hope that they’ll find whatever is going on with him soon. If not, we can continue searching for the right specialist. He’ll talk again, I promise, babe.

Thank you for sending me pictures of them on New Year’s. I had one laminated and I now carry it in my wallet.

Miss you,

Porter

I
haven’t found a job, Molly called me because they need to do more testing on Finn and I had to send her the remaining amount I had in the bank. The doctor thinks he might be deaf. I’m no doctor, but I know he can hear. Mac must be upset and feeling alone. I wish she’d let me in. For now, I will do what I can. Like, find a way to make money. Bars are a great way to do so; they usually tip the bartender a load of money. I don’t know shit about that, but maybe Reed, the owner of Silver Moon is willing to teach me. He and I go way back. I played at his joint when I was seventeen. A way to draw fans from the beginning, Chris used to say.

My excitement stops when, in place of the old bar, I find a Tudor style brick building that takes up the entire block. The sign reads Silver Moon, but the naked silhouette lying on a crescent moon has been replaced. It’s a Silver Moon, but with a violet butterfly on the side. A modern logo that gives the place a different feel. I walk around the block until I find the back door. I ring twice; the third time a man a couple of inches taller than me opens the door, his green eyes staring at me intensely.

“Can I help you?”

“I was looking for Reed, the owner.”

He angles his face from left to right and frowns. “What do you need him for?”

“Reed and I go way back and, now that I’ve moved to Seattle, I was hoping he could hire me,” I explain.

“Jax?” His frown deepens; I shake my head,
who the hell is Jax?
“Sorry, he was an old bartender who I never met. Come on in; let’s talk about your qualifications.”

“Butterfly, can you tell Reed to meet me by the ’70s bar, please.” He talks through his radio. “There’s someone looking for a job that used to work here. Maybe the two of you should join too.”

“He’s on his way.” A feminine voice responds on the other side. “We’ll meet you there as soon as I’m done placing this week’s order.”

I whistle as we go through the corridors leading to the different rooms. I take a look at everything that they’ve added. “You guys have a set up for concert venues?”

He nods, swipes a door, and opens it for me. “Yes. We have vintage bars. ’20s, ’40s, ’70s and ’80s. But we also have a small venue that can be used to do acoustic recordings.” He points at one of the bar stools for me to sit. “So what is it that you used to do for Reed?”

I shake my head. “No, I never said that I worked for him before. Back when this used to be smaller, I played from time to time. My qualifications are shitty. I’m finishing my college degree—business with a minor in information technology.”

“Kendrick, kid!” Reed enters through the back of the bar, smiling at me. As he reaches me, he gives me a tight fatherly hug, patting my back a few times. The man in front of me steps back, as his jaw sets. “Did I hear right; you’re looking for a job?” I nod at him. “Sound engineer, DJ, only music shit, because we can’t have you working by the bars.”

“Kendrick?” Matthew’s voice comes from behind me and when I turn around I spot him, looking almost the same, holding a pink bundle and the doctor I met a couple of weeks ago is by his side. He stops, takes a deep breath and the woman, who now I think is his wife, shakes her head. “Why are you looking for a job at a bar?”

“Because I need it, and the only person I know in town that still likes me is Reed,” I say honestly.

The guy who opened the door, Matthew, and his wife glance at each other. They nod, tilt their heads and I watch an entire conversation go on without one word being exchanged.

“No.” The man, whose name I’ve yet to learn, or why he’s making a decision says, “I’ve heard too much about you, and I can’t have the liability. My fathers-in-law might believe in you, but I don’t know you, and my husband doesn’t trust you.” I frown, looking at the three of them, while Matthew shrugs.

“I’m confused,” I exclaim. “Who owns the bar, and who is your husband?” I ask the dude.

“The three of us own the bar,” Matthew answers, pointing at his wife, then at the man I’ve yet to formally meet. “I’m his husband, her husband and Reed is the manager of Silver Moon. Tristan does the hiring. Tristan, meet Porter. Thea you can officially meet Porter, and Porter, meet Thea and Tristan. My other halves.”

That introduction clears up all my questions, mostly why Tristan changed from friendly to cautious after Reed said my name. The in-laws must’ve warned him. Matthew marrying two people, that doesn’t surprise me. That’s his nature and he looks happy, but shit, can’t he see that I need a place to work? What happened to the trustful Matthew I grew up with? Yes, I fucked up but I’ve changed.

“So I can’t have a job because you don’t trust me?” I confirm with Matthew.

“He doesn’t trust you around alcohol,” Thea clarifies, resting her head on his shoulder. Man, she’s tall. “The OD episode and, Porter, the family is trying to support Chris and Gabe’s decision, but we’re weary about you. Try to understand our position the same way we’re trying to keep an open mind. You have to earn our trust.”

“How many semesters until you finish your degree?” Tristan asks.

“Four classes, it can be one or two semesters, depending on my income.”

He pulls a business card from his wallet and hands it over. “Be there tomorrow by nine, tell Scott, my assistant, that we have a meeting. Bring your résumé in case I find something for you, because I’ll hire you on the spot.”

I read the card, then lift my gaze to find his deep green eyes studying me. “You trust me enough to hire me at Cooperson Corporation but not here?”

“It’s the alcohol. But I do want to give you a chance. An opportunity to win our trust. Plus, we believe in second chances in my company.” He walks to Matt, kisses his lips, and takes the pink bundle from him. “Here is different. I rather not take the chance, and my company has a program. We might be able to cover the cost of college—whatever it is that you have left.”

Matt walks close to Reed and gives him a hug. “Time to go. Reed, see you in a couple of weeks. Call if you need anything, but you can also try Arthur, or my parents.”

Reed walks to Thea and hugs her too. “Have fun, T, and take care of my little princess.” Then he kisses the baby Tristan holds. “Don’t worry about anything, boy, you four have a nice vacation.”

“We will, Reed,” he says, turning his attention to me. “Tomorrow, nine o’clock.”

I nod, shaking his hand and looking at the sleeping baby he carries. She looks beautiful, peaceful. The way Harper and Finn look when they’re asleep. Fuck, I miss them. This is harder than when I lost AJ and James. Loss never gets better, does it?

Mac,

I have a job. It’s an entry-level position in the accounts payable department. Not my dream job, but it’ll pay the bills. The benefits are good too. Much better than working at Big Savings. I don’t smell like fuel after my shifts, or have to clean up the slushy machine every weekend. Talking isn’t a requirement either. I can be silent, listening to my music for the entire eight-hour shift and there are no complaints.

Things with Gabe and Chris are fine. I’ve seen them a couple of times since I arrived. We’ve talked about my feelings, mostly. Not sure if I told you this, but Chris is a therapist. He likes to analyze people sometimes and I think he’s doing that, at least until he feels like he can trust me.

How are you? I miss you and the kids. Say hi to them.

Love,

Porter

Porter,

We’re fine. Harper is at a new stage. She refuses to talk to anyone but Finn. They’re a pair. There is no news about Finn. The speech therapist that I found isn’t accepting new patients. I’m applying for some government help, but there are no guarantees that I’ll get much help.

On the bright side, I have a new job. Well, it’s still at the flower shop, but I’m now working the morning and afternoon shift. It gives me plenty of time to be with the kids while I stay at home at night.

I’m happy to hear that things are working out for you. If you talk to Harper, please tell her that maybe collecting rocks is a better hobby than not speaking to her mother.

Hugs,

Mac