Unconditional (9 page)

Keith would be the one putting together the financing. He was good at that sort of thing. And she was good at helping him relax. She’d started to notice how tense he was at the beginning of their sessions. At the end, he was just as relaxed as she was and he hadn’t even had an orgasm.

“Could we get back to the part where Keith is taking advantage of my sister-in-law?” Ryan said with a frown. He neatly sidestepped the baby, managing to place a kiss on the top of her head without allowing her to grab on to his suit.

Emily had left little handprints on more than one of his formfitting suits.

She had to get her brother-in-law under control and fast. “He isn’t taking advantage of me. We have a contract.”

“I want to see it. Who the hell wrote it?”

“Ian did.”

Ryan held a hand out as though trying to get her to take a time-out while he processed. “Taggart wrote a contract for you? Without consulting me? That son of a bitch.”

One of the things she’d learned about the lifestyle was that Doms tended to think it was the year 1503 and the gender laws were still rigidly enforced. Because he’d married her sister, in Ryan’s head that made him responsible for her, and Emily too, because she didn’t have a father or a man in her life.

Except she kind of did.

“I wouldn’t have let you write a contract for me, Ryan. If you had come to me with the idea, I would have turned you down flat because there was no way I would ever have talked about those things with either of you.” She cleaned up Emily and reached down to lift her. Something about having her daughter in her arms always gave her strength. And it took strength to admit the truth. “I wouldn’t have told you how lonely I am. I wouldn’t have told you how weak and inconsequential I feel. I wouldn’t have admitted that I’ve never enjoyed sex.”

“Oh, honey.” Her sister had tears in her eyes. “Why wouldn’t you talk to me about that?”

“Because I was ashamed. Because I felt like I wasn’t much of a woman. I couldn’t hold on to Trevor. I wasn’t even strong enough to force him to pay child support. Jill talked Simon into doing that for me.” And even that hadn’t lasted. He’d stopped sending checks months ago and had turned off his cell phone. She’d been too embarrassed to do anything about it. “I need this.”

Ryan sighed. “Fine. But I reserve the right to beat the holy living shit out of him if he hurts you. And I want to read that contract. Sometimes Taggart forgets I run that damn club. This is one of his plots. The man is always plotting. Sometimes I pray for the CIA to call and put him on assignment so I can get some fucking peace around here.” He put a hand on her shoulder, visibly calming. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

She had no idea. She only knew that she was happier than she’d been before. “He’s helping me and with way more than the orgasms.”

Ryan turned a little green. “Please don’t say that word in front of me.”

He was shaking his head as he left the room.

“Wow. How is he going to handle tonight? Master Keith and I are supposed to scene together.” She hadn’t really thought about how she would feel being naked in front of her brother-in-law.

“He’ll manage. He’s been in the lifestyle a long time now. So you said he was teaching you more than orgasms?”

Emily settled onto her lap. Ashley patted the pretty cap of dark hair. “He’s giving me some homework. You know how I get a little distracted and disorganized?”

“A little?” Her sister laughed, probably remembering how bad Ashley’s room had been when they were kids.

It was a problem. “So Master Keith and I sat down and I’m supposed to turn off everything for two hours a night so I can get my work done. He’s a monster, too. He checks my laptop. Did you know that they can tell where you’ve been on the Internet and what time you went there?”

That had been an unpleasant spanking when he’d caught her checking a social networking site during the two hours she’d promised to spend on her work. The upside was she’d managed to get everything done because she hadn’t been distracted.

“Uhm, yes, hon. There are about a million ways for your Dom to keep track of you these days. So this is working for you? I have to admit, I always thought Keith was a little cold.”

He wasn’t cold. A little aloof, maybe, and he seemed to prefer to talk about her instead of himself. With one exception.

He changed the subject any time she mentioned her daughter.

But then he was a guy who didn’t have kids. He probably didn’t know many either. When he met Emily, he would fall in love.

She stopped herself because that was a long ways down the line. But she was starting to care about him, starting to plan her days around the time they spent together.

He seemed to really like her.

“There is one problem though,” Ashley admitted.

“What?”

“He’s been very generous with the sex stuff.”

Her sister’s eyes rolled. “You have to stop calling it the ‘sex stuff.’”

She ignored her sister. “But he hasn’t taken, if you know what I mean.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously. And at first I was pretty sure I just wanted him to teach me discipline, but I think I want to have sex with him.” She wanted more. She wanted to give to him.

“And we’re talking about Keith?”

She grabbed all of her patience. “Yes, we’re talking about Keith, and I know exactly who he is to you. He’s the man Ryan turned you over to when he decided to become Dom Douchebag. He’s also the Keith who made sure you got home. He’s the Keith who would never have touched you because you were his friend’s. So I am talking about that Keith. I’m also talking about the Keith who has been very patient with me, who walks me to my car every night and then makes me call him to be sure I made it home all right. He’s the same Keith who nearly spanked me when he realized I had that light thingee on in my car and have had it for a good six months because I haven’t had the money to change the oil. So guess who met me before my psych class and took my car down and got it completely maintenanced? Yes, Keith again.”

She didn’t like to be reminded that Jillian had once been given the choice of belonging to Ashley’s Dom.

“Oh, shit. You’re already falling for him.”

“No,” she lied. “I like him a lot.” Outside of taking care of her car, he didn’t seem to want to see her in the real world. Or he could just be very busy. He worked a lot. “I’m taking our contract seriously. We’re just playing together. I’m trying to see what a relationship like this would feel like. I can watch you and Ryan all day, but I wouldn’t know what it really meant to be involved in a D/s relationship. So far, it’s been very helpful to me.”

It involved far more than sex. It was an exchange of responsibilities and she wanted more. More responsibility. More connection to the man who was rapidly changing her life.

Jill reached out and touched her knee, her face softening the way it used to. She might not have had a great mother, but she’d been blessed with the best sister anyone could have. “All right. I’ll deal with Ryan because if you think he’s just going to back off, you don’t know him well yet. And I’ll give you some tips on how to get Keith to give you what you want. And Ash, if he breaks your heart, I’ll be here for that, too, honey.”

She held her sister’s hand. She might be finding a new family among the people at Sanctum, but she was so grateful for the one she’d always had.

* * * *

Three hours later, she looked into her rearview mirror as she pulled out of the parking lot of the school. Her test scores had come back and hallelujah, she was going to pull an
A
in her hardest class thanks to Master Keith’s new discipline program. Her studying prior to the threat of spanking had lacked a certain intensity. She’d allowed everything to disrupt her concentration.

Because she’d placed herself last. She understood that now. A tiny part of her still rebelled. She’d been taught to put her own needs last, but this wasn’t just for her. Getting through college would make a better life for Em.

It wasn’t the spanking that really spurred her, either. It was disappointing Keith.

Her cell trilled and she pushed the button that brought the signal through the car speakers. Her brother-in-law had installed the system himself so she wouldn’t try to drive while holding a phone.

She had to admit it was kind of nice to have people who looked out for her. “Hello, Sir.”

There was a deep chuckle that came over the line. It did crazy things to her girl parts. “Hello, my sweet little sub. How did your test come out?”

Keith didn’t forget things. He remembered damn near everything she ever told him and asked about the details later. It made her feel special, like someone was really interested in her. She pulled to the stop sign in front of her feeling a smile on her face. “I made a ninety-six.”

“Oh, Ashley, I’m very proud of you. I told you you could do it if you concentrated.”

It was stupid to get so glowy over a man who was basically serving as a really pervy mentor, but she didn’t even try to stop. No teacher she’d ever had before looked like Keith. And none had ever been so good at oral. She giggled, feeling younger than she had in forever. “Does that mean I get a treat?”

She turned down the street that would take her to the highway.

“I do remember I promised you something sweet.”

She glanced in the rearview mirror. Worry hit her again. There it was. A black SUV had been following her for days. Not that there weren’t plenty of black SUVs in Dallas. There were tons, but this one had a small dent in the front bumper. At first she’d thought it was just another student, but she didn’t see a student or faculty parking sticker in the front window. And then she’d seen the same car at the grocery store and Emily’s day care.

“You don’t want something sweet? Perhaps you would prefer something with a little bite.”

She forced herself back to the conversation at hand. “Actually, I’d like to talk to you about that.”

She pulled into the nearest parking lot. Maybe she was just seeing things. The SUV drove right by.

“I’m listening.”

“I want to do the stuff you do to me to you.” God, that sounded dorky.

There was a long pause on the line. “I do a lot of things to you, pet. Several of them are going to be completely off the table. Subs don’t spank Doms. It would ruin my reputation.”

“I wasn’t talking about spanking. I was talking about the other stuff.”

“Other stuff?”

She blushed even though no one else was around. “You know, like when you kiss me.”

“Honey, you can kiss me anytime you like.”

He was obviously enjoying this. “I wasn’t talking about your lips. I was talking about when you kiss me, you know, down there.”

“Ashley.” His voice hit that deep, dark place that let her know he was losing patience. “You know my rules.”

Speak plainly. Honestly. He was big on communication. “I would like to perform oral sex on you.” She cringed. So bad. That was so not sexy. “I want to suck your cock, Sir. I want you to teach me how you like it. I want to learn how to please you that way.”

A long pause came over the line. Shit. Maybe he didn’t want that from her. A little panic threatened to overtake her. What if he was doing all the sex stuff to her because he thought it was a good control method and he didn’t really want her? He seemed to like touching her, but he never really allowed her to touch him. It was becoming a little hollow to receive pleasure and never give it back.

She wasn’t ready for it to end. She shouldn’t have pushed it. She should have let it go, let him do what he liked.

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“You should be. I damn near just came in my pants. I have a meeting with an investment group in ten minutes. How would I explain that? You’re lucky I have control, pet, or you would be hustling your ass off to find me some slacks and get them downtown before my meeting.”

She laughed, relief flooding her. “So you don’t hate the idea.”

There was the slightest pause before he spoke again. “No. I just wanted it to be your idea. Ashley, I’m very attracted to you, but I don’t know how much I can offer you outside the D/s relationship. You need to understand that. I’ve been hesitant to take anything because I’m not ready to get really serious. You have other responsibilities.”

“You’re talking about Emily.”

He sighed. “I’m not father material, Ashley.”

She took a deep breath. Wow. That hurt more than she thought it would. “Then it’s good I’m not asking for that.”

“I’m not husband material either,” he said quickly, as though trying to cut her off at the pass.

“If you’re asking me to let you go, I will.” She didn’t want to be anyone’s burden. Never again.

“I’m asking you to be honest. I don’t want to hurt you. I like the hell out of you, but I know my limitations. I want you. I want you so badly I can barely breathe sometimes, but I can’t be more than your Dom.”

Maybe she didn’t need more than that. Most men didn’t want ready-made families. She didn’t have time to date. Keith was offering her the chance to explore, to spend a couple of hours a week where she wasn’t just Emily’s mom. She loved her daughter. Was it selfish to want this little thing for herself?

“I understand.” She knew what she wanted. She knew it wouldn’t last forever.

“Then I would love to teach you.” He sighed a little over the line and she could practically see that sexy smile of his. “I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

“Me, too.”

“Be good the rest of the day,” he said. “And know that I’m thinking about you.”

He hung up and she sniffled a little. It wouldn’t last forever, but nothing did. At least he was honest with her. Trevor had said he loved her, asked her to marry him, and then dumped her the minute she became an inconvenience.

They had never talked. Not really. She could see that now. She’d had a crush on him, and her puppy love and deep need for affection had led her to make some really bad choices.

Was it a bad choice to keep going with a relationship that wouldn’t go anywhere outside of a sex club? She could say she understood all she liked, but she knew her limitations, too. She was falling for him. It was going to end in heartache.