Unbroken Pleasures (10 page)

He reached over
and set his hand over mine. The sparks that I felt were subtle but there was a definitely
a promise of something. I longed for intimacy. He stroked my fingers lightly
and we looked into each other’s eyes without saying a word.

“So I thought
maybe we could see a movie,” he said softly, “The night is still young and I’m
reluctant to give you up again so soon.”

“I think I’d
like to go home,” I said breathless. His fingers stopped stroking my hand and
he pulled away.

“Of course. I’m
sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“Adam, that’s
not what I meant.”

“What did you
mean?”

“I’m not in the
mood for a crowded movie theatre but I was wondering if maybe you’d like to
come back to my place? Maybe we could pick up a video on the way or something?”

I hoped I didn’t
come off as too desperate but I could tell by the way his eyes brightened that
he liked the idea. My house just the two of us set the stage for the
possibility for an evening of just about anything.

“Yes, I could
pick up another bottle of wine as well, if you’d like?” He had trouble
disguising the hope in his voice.

There it was
between us. Only our first date but I’d given him the opportunity to explore so
much more. Neither of us said anything for a full five minutes while we waited
for the waiter to return with his change so that we could leave. I think we
must have both been holding our breath and doing a mental inventory of
everything we needed to remember for a night of one-on-one. He was probably
afraid that I would change my mind and probably with good reason. Admittedly,
this plan of action didn’t make the most sense after our earlier conversation.

The waiter
returned with his change and Adam excused himself to visit the restroom before
we made our exit. I exhaled slowly as I watched him move toward the men’s room
and pulled out my phone to check for messages. I had only one text message from
Sylvia inquiring about my evening. I responded quickly telling her that I
planned to lure him back to my place and we were getting ready to head that way
now. She would be happy to read that.

I turned off the
phone and rested my chin against my hand and elbow on the table looking around
at the others eating their dinners and lost in their own conversations. I
wondered where they would end up. How many of the couples were only just
getting to know one other? How many had been married for years? How many would
be breaking up before the end of the year? I smiled to myself and happened to
looked back toward the restroom just in time to see a man coming out and
walking toward the far corner of the room. My heart stopped.

For a moment, I
simply froze in my seat with my mind going in a million different directions.
It couldn’t have been
him
. It couldn’t have been the stranger. I
searched my memory for the images I’d replayed so many times in my fantasies
since our encounter to try to make a match but the dim light of that night
coupled with the dim light and distance of the restaurant made it difficult to
be entirely certain. But somehow I just knew. Somehow I felt a force pulling me
forward, toward him. Was I only imagining it?

I didn’t think
so. I got up from my seat and hurried in his direction. I didn’t know what I
would say when I finally caught up to him but I couldn’t just let him slip
through my fingers again without even knowing his name. I saw him escort a
young woman toward the main exit. They were leaving the restaurant and I hadn’t
managed to close the distance between us yet. My heart thumped even faster. He
was with someone. A warning sounded somewhere in the back of my mind trying to
slow me down, trying to stop me from making a horrible mistake. I felt like the
world was moving in slow motion and I couldn’t catch my breath but I couldn’t
stop moving in his direction. Suddenly, in that moment, I knew that he was the
only thing I could possibly ever want. I didn’t know how or why but I felt it
with every fiber of my being.

“Alex?”

The voice came
from behind me but it might as well been a million miles away. I’d forgotten
where I was and what I was doing. I had only one goal in mind and I’d finally
made my way out into the open air where the coolness of night slapped me in the
face and woke me from my strange trance.

But he was still
there. The stranger was only a few feet away from me opening the passenger side
door of a car to let his female companion get in. She never looked in my
direction. I couldn’t see her face to know if she was prettier than I was, if
she was somehow more deserving of his affection than I was, and still, I didn’t
care.

“Alex? What are
you doing? Alexandra?”

The voice behind
me almost shouted, more frantic this time and desperate to make me stop and
turn around to look at him but I couldn’t. I was standing only inches away from
the stranger now and I put my hand out to touch his arm. I felt the jolt of
electricity pass between us and I knew by the way that he looked at me that he
felt it too. His face was a mixture of wonder, fear, and panic. I didn’t say
anything while I waited for recognition to take hold of him but if it ever did,
he didn’t admit to it.

We stood locked
in each other’s gaze frozen in time and space, unable to move or to speak. All
I could hear was the pounding of my heart as I looked at him and waited for the
entire world to open up and swallow me down. I was spiraling out of control.
The voice behind me didn’t speak. He must have been waiting, wondering what to
do, wondering like me what would happen next. My entire life hung in a delicate
balance. I needed him to look at me, remember me,
know
me. I needed to
have that connection or else I didn’t know how I could turn around and face the
life that I called my own anymore. The night we’d met in the rain, my life had
been inexplicably changed. Could he feel that too? Did he even remember me?

“Alex!” The
voice behind me said again, almost in a whisper. I felt coldness creep in as
the stranger’s eyes looked over at the man that stood only a few feet behind me
now distraught and determined to get my attention. He looked back at me and
something in his eyes had changed. There was tenderness there and maybe even
understanding. Did some part of him long to hold me? To touch me? For a brief
moment I felt like he would reach down and brush his lips against mine but
instead he broke the silence between us with the words that I dreaded to hear.

“Can I help you
with something?” he whispered to me.

I couldn’t find
my voice to speak. I was so certain that it was him. If I’d been the gambling
sort, I would have wagered everything that I owned that he was the stranger
that I’d wanted so desperately to find. Is this what madness felt like? To want
something so desperately that I knew that I could never have? I knew then in
that moment that when he got in the car and drove away from me, that I could
never think of him again. He didn’t want me in the same way that I wanted him.
The reality stabbed fiercely and for a moment I felt like I couldn’t catch my
breath. I was close to turning around and vomiting my entire meal over the
sidewalk of the little Italian place where only moments ago I was sharing a
lovely meal with a man that I considered to be a good match for me.

“I need to know
your name.”

He looked at me
for a long time and I wasn’t sure that he would answer me. He looked down at
his feet and tucked his hands into his pockets and snuck a glance back at the
man still waiting behind me to see how this scene would play out.

We all just
waited.

“Reese.”

“Reese,” I
repeated feeling the weight of his name making me dizzy and unstable.

“Now, if you’ll
excuse me, I need to go.” He looked at me with intensity in his eyes that made
me believe that he was trying to communicate something with the unspoken words
that hung between us. He nodded slightly and I felt my cheeks burn. With
another wary glance at my date he made his way to the driver side door and
disappeared into the darkness, putting the car into gear and leaving. I felt
empty and cold without him beside me but I clung to what he left behind.
Reese
.

“What on earth
was that all about?” Adam said breaking me from the trance I’d stumbled into. I
turned back to him reluctantly. I didn’t want to explain what just happened
when I didn’t even understand it myself. I am sure in Adam’s eyes, I must have
appeared completely irrational and maybe he was right but I was still on a high
after the way Reese had looked at me, after the feel of my hand against his arm
and I didn’t want to come back down to earth yet.

“I thought it
was someone I knew,” I said trying to brush it off as I made my way back into
the restaurant to collect my belongings. I needed to go home. Adam followed me
still confused, still looking for answers. He wanted to make sense of what he’d
just witnessed but there wasn’t anything I could say to justify my behavior.

“He must have
been someone pretty special,” he said once we’d gathered our things and made
our way back out into the parking lot. I waited as he opened the passenger side
door and I tried to come up with some rational explanation.

Adam got into
the driver side with a heavy sigh and pulled the door closed so that we were
alone in the darkness with our own thoughts. I realized that my breathing
hadn’t completely returned to normal since seeing Reese. I tried to focus on
the time that I was spending with Adam. I hadn’t meant to alienate him or push
him away but judging by the strange look on his face, that’s exactly what I’d
done. I took a deep breath as he drove without taking his eyes off the road
ahead of him.

“There is a
video store just a couple of blocks from my house,” I said softly without
turning my head in his direction. I knew without seeing his face that it had
disappointment etched all over it. The evening had not turned out the way he
hoped. Maybe he even doubted asking me out in the first place.

“Yeah?” he said
sounding a million miles away from me.

“I hear there is
a really good comedy that was just released. My friend Sylvia was telling me
that it’s one that I can’t miss. Maybe we could see if they have that?” I was
trying to push for something to help lighten the mood and erase the disastrous
end to our dinner even though my heart wasn’t really into the idea of spending
the evening curled up on the couch watching a movie. I wanted to be alone in my
bed. I needed time to think. I needed to absorb the scent and feel of Reese. I
needed to say his name a million times in my head until I couldn’t think of
anything else except for him. Insanity was quietly pulling me under and I
couldn’t break free no matter how hard I tried.

“I think I’ve
seen that,” he said.

“Oh. Okay. Well
I am sure there are others we could choose from.”

“Actually, Alex,
I’m feeling kind of tired so if it’s okay with you, I was just going to drop
you off at your place and maybe we could take a rain check on the movie? Next
time perhaps?”

“Of course,” I
said a little too eagerly. I was torn in two pieces feeling simultaneous relief
and regret. I wondered if I’d broken a record for the shortest time taken to
destroy a relationship. After all, we’d barely even got started on this whole
dating thing and I’d already dashed the poor guy’s heart to bits. No wonder I
hadn’t managed many relationships in my lifetime or managed to hang on to one
guy long enough to make it count.

He pulled into
my driveway as I sat lost in thought and I didn’t wait for him to get out to open
the passenger side door for me. I let myself out of the car and headed toward
my front door. He followed me in awkward silence. This was the part that I
hated the most. Somehow we had to say goodbye and I had the sinking feeling that
it was for good.

“I had a nice
time with you, Alex,” he told me.

“Are you sure
you don’t want to come in and maybe have a drink or something?” I asked
nervously. I felt strange standing on the front stoop with him. I didn’t know
what I should say or what I should do. Was it customary for a guy to kiss a
girl on the first date even when she obviously went insane?

“I’d really love
to but I should get home. It’s been a long day and who knows what sort of
surprises Tiger has left me.”

“Right,” I said
and laughed a little. “You should definitely get home to him.”

He leaned in
slowly and brushed his lips against mine. It was barely a kiss and it was over
before I had a chance to process it. He pulled away, smiled slightly and then
said goodnight. And just like that, he was walking away again. I wanted to tell
him that I was sorry for the way I’d behaved or the way that things had turned
out but I couldn’t find the right words. I stood on the stoop and watched his
car pull out of the driveway and waved as he drove down the road. I sighed. I’d
managed to make quite the mess of things. Not only did the stranger -
Reese
- not want me, really, but the one chance I’d had with a normal, decent guy
just went straight down the drain. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be happy.

I let myself
into the house and fed my fish and then went to the only place that I could
think to go at that moment. I went to my shower and I thought about Reese.

Chapter 10

“Spill your
guts. Tell me everything.” I’d barely sat down at our usual booth at Dino’s
before Sylvia pounced on me. I really wasn’t in the mood.

“We had a nice
time,” I said picking up the menu and pretending to be interested in the
specials even though we’d come here so many times that I knew the entire menu
off by heart.

“So… did you do
it?”

“Do what?” I
asked nonchalantly.

“Alexandra,
don’t play innocent with me. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”