UNBREAKABLE (ABLE SERIES) (9 page)

“Why, Trish? Because of an old fucking picture? You don’t even want to see me. Do you even believe me?” He yells, and without seeing him, I know his eyes are smoldering with anger.

“It’s better this way, Jake.”

His tone abruptly changes from calm to piss off. “How is it better, Trish? It’s only better for you, not for me! Remember, we agreed, just us…you and me. Well, right now, it’s you, me, and the damn phone. So, what’s it gonna be?”

“No, I’m not ready to see you, yet.”

“You want to play hard ass, fine.”

The line went dead, and the next thing I knew, my door opens. Jake charges toward me. “This is how it’s going to play out. You’ll listen to me, and I’ll answer whatever fucking questions you have, but we’re going to talk it out.” His terse tone breathes no room for arguing.

“How old is the picture, Jake?” I use the same clipped tone he’s been using on me.

“Six fucking months old, Trish! Obviously, someone wants to fuck with my life again, and you’re letting this bitch, who means nothing to me, mess things up between us!” He responds forcefully.

“Why didn’t you call me, using Cody’s phone, huh? It would’ve taken you less than five minutes, instead you didn’t bother to call me!” I’m getting more frustrated by the second.

He takes a deep breath. “You’re right, I should have just called you, but I didn’t think of it at that time. All I wanted to do was to get out of there to fix the problem at Area.”

“Obviously, Tiffany isn’t going away, anytime soon. Are you still not worried? Now, she’s bothering us through damn text messages. What’s next? Not only do I have to deal with her, but now, I have Portia to worry about. Why are they doing this?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care. All I care about is you. I hated not being able to sleep with you, see you, or talk to you last night. You decided, on your own, to fucking cut me off. Do you know how fucked up that is? I would never fucking do that to you! I can never be more to you! On top of that, you don’t even trust me.” He stands up to get away from me.

“What do you expect? Did you really think I would not get angry, seeing some bitch’s ass on your damn lap? Well sorry, I should have expected this, right, since you have a long list of bimbos after your ass. You don’t know how I feel because no one fucking sent you a picture of me with someone!” I scream at him, not caring anymore that this conversation is turning into a full blown fight.

“Oh okay, you want to go there. I’ll fucking go there! There’s no fucking list, okay, and I’ve never kept it a secret from you. You’ve seen it with your own eyes. Yes, no one has texted me any picture of you with anyone, because I fucking see it every day! Every fucking day when I wake up, I see it; when I kiss you, I fucking see it; when I make love to you, I fucking see it; in this room, which is supposed to be just you and me, I fucking see it! I’ll never be more to you, because even now, you can never let go of him. He is constantly here with us. I love you, so fucking much, Trish. I need all of you. I will always be the guy who comes second in your heart, won’t I? I don’t think I can live with that.”

He moves to his side of the bed and grabs a picture frame with a picture of Dylan, him, and me, tossing it on the bed. He turns around and faces the window, his head down, hands fisted at his side. He’s mad at me, and I don’t know what to say. I totally forgot about that picture, until now. Our living room has pictures of Dylan, not just with me, but with all our friends. Am I supposed to take them all down too? Heat went through my body and spread like wildfire; all I see is red.
The green light for crazy is a go, and we have lift off!

“You’re fucking kidding me, right now, right? That picture has your fucking face on it for crying out loud! Somehow, in that stupid brain of yours, you thought that Dylan’s picture and the bimbo on your lap are the same thing? You are jealous of a dead person, someone who meant something to both of us. I can’t erase my past; neither am I going to apologize for it. You want it gone, fine!”

I take the picture off the frame and start tearing it to pieces. I’m crying ugly tears, but I don’t care.

“Turn around and look at me!” I yell in between sobs.

He slowly turns around. His honey colored eyes I love so much, the ones I get lost in every time he looks at me, now only have hurt and anger in them. I’m sure mine reflect the same thing, except mine has disappointment mixed with them.

“I love you now, and tomorrow, until forever, but you won’t let me because you’re the one stuck in the past, not me. I love you, because you gave me the strength to overcome my fears. So, yes, I love you more, but you don’t believe it…you never have. Have you forgotten already what you told me? You said, just us. You.And.Me. It seems you never meant it.”

How can he say he loves me, but rip my heart out like that? Every time we were together, intimately or otherwise, never once have I thought about Dylan. Apparently, with him it’s been him, Dylan, and me all this damn time. Well, there you have it, my own personal threesome!

Jake

I go in her room with the intension of talking to her in a calm manner, but I lost my cool when she threw my past in my face. She does this every single time. Funny thing is we both use our pasts against each other.

Admitting my deepest insecurities to her is a bitter pill to swallow, but I don’t have a choice at this point. If our relationship is ever going to work, I need to tell her the truth about my fears, but more importantly, I need her to understand them. Right now, I’m looking at her and her eyes are watering full of fear, longing, and self-doubt shooting like arrows at me. Once again, she’s mirroring me, my eyes expressing the same feelings. This is my opening…I need to tell her.

“I know Dylan will always be a part of you, and I get that. You have to understand though, I’ve seen you two together, and I know how much you loved him. He has given you so many firsts, I’m afraid I’ll be forever stuck giving you seconds. Your relationship with him didn’t end because you wanted it to, but it was forced on you. So, in the back of my twisted, fucked-up brain, I’m thinking, maybe, you still love him. I just want you to love me more, Trish. And, I don’t know how to make you. Please, just for one second, please, put yourself in my shoes.”

She looks straight at me. Her eyes brimming with determination. “I love you, Jake, more than you’ll ever know. Dylan belongs in my past, not in my present or future. Do I remember things about him, sure I do, but it’s like remembering any memory. I loved him, past tense, Jake. He shouldn’t be between us, but you put him there. Your choice, not mine. This is our relationship, yours and mine, what happens here is between us. Yet, no matter what I do, doubt still lingers in your heart. I can tell you I love you a billion times, but it won’t mean anything until you believe it…until
you
believe me.”

“I know you love me, babe; trust me I know. I don’t doubt it. What I want to…need to know, is if you love me more than him. You might think I’m an insecure pussy, but your actions sometimes make me wonder. Like that damn picture, your room is supposed to be our place, Trish…just us, you and me; I don’t need to see his picture here, too. Some of his clothes are still in your closet. His watch is on your dresser. I feel when I come in your room, he is there with us. I didn’t put him here; you left him here. You know why I don’t make love to you in my room, or have you sleep there? It’s because that room is tainted with things I don’t want you to know, things that might hurt you. I don’t ever want you to question how important you are to me. I don’t want you to doubt your place in my heart. I don’t want you to ask me,
‘did she lie down on this side’
or whatever bullshit girls think about. I don’t leave pictures in my room or on my phone, because I don’t want you to see any of it… because no matter how you slice it, or whichever way you turn…when you see it, it hurts…it cuts deep, Trish.”

The reflection of clarity on her face gives me room to breathe. The intensity of anger subsides, offering my heart a relief from its choking hold.

“How about you, do you love me more than anyone?” She asks, this time she doesn’t look away, she looks straight at me.

My eyes never waver from hers. “You are my forever. Trish, you are it for me. Until I take my last breath, it will be you, and only you. You’re here.” I point to my head… “And you’re here...always” I point to my heart. “You are the only one I want to love like this, just you.”

She walks toward me, slowly climbs on my lap, straddles me, and tenderly cups my cheeks with both hands. She gazes into my eyes, and her look changes from grief to joy; at that moment, I know…I know.

“To be honest, Jake, when I look at that picture, I see you and me. I see us first. Sure, I see him, but I don’t focus on him. I’m so sorry for making you feel bad because that was never my intention. You’re it for me, too, and I can’t imagine life without you in it. You’ve put back the broken pieces of my heart and made it whole again. Please, never doubt how much I love you. If I’m your forever, you’re my everything. Your hold on me, Jake, without question, is
unbreakable
because you sealed all the cracks; you healed me, completely.”

“Don’t cry, please.” I start wiping her tears as she continues to cry. “I love you, baby, so much…so much. I know it now, okay; I see it in your eyes. From now on, we’ll talk shit out, alright?” She nuzzles her face on my neck, giving me butterfly kisses.

I missed her so much; I want to stay like this, forever. Two days without her lips touching mine, her touch calming my mind, and her soft body warming mine were the longest two days of my life. I grab her face and push my lips against hers. I graze her lips with my tongue, ever so slowly, teasing her, our tongues colliding, tasting each other. I hold the back of her head as I kiss her, passionately. We disengage long enough to take off our clothes. She captures my lips once again, and we slowly, make our way to the bed without breaking our kiss. The two days of pent up need, we’ve been suppressing, is clamoring for release. The moment I enter her waiting heat, our bodies move in synchronized, slow erotic motions, feeding our need and craving for each other. Each thrust, every caress, every single kiss sends a scorching heat across every single nerve in my body. I feel as if I am on fire.

“Baby, I’m sorry I can’t go slowly. I need you too much...” I say breathlessly.

We come together…breathless, sweaty, completely sated, and deliriously happy. We hold each other for a while, until our breaths even out. I’m finally at that place where I can honestly say my insecurities concerning Dylan are finally deeply buried.

Chapter 11

Trish

Spending three days at Lake Tahoe for Roxy’s birthday is a good escape after an emotional week of fighting over Tiffany. Jake drives every time we go on trips and I’m his navigator by default since I’m his girlfriend. His love affair with maps drives me insane. Why he doesn’t want to use the GPS is beyond me.

“Babe, can you open the map?” He asks.

“I hate maps, ok. Why can’t you just plug in the address and that sexy girly voice will tell you where to go?” I’m in full whining mode now.

I glance over my shoulder for someone to save me, but everyone’s sleeping. Great! Now, I have to deal with Mr. Mapquest all by myself. After plugging the address into the GPS, I start playing with my phone.

“Instead of playing with your phone, why don’t you just talk to me? You can tell me how much you love me.”

“I love you, Jake Oliver. You make me scream out loud, driving me insane with your tongue and….”

He covers my mouth interrupting me. “Damn, Trish! What are you doing?” He mutters.

“What? I’m just saying how much I love your tongue among other things. I thought guys like their girls talking about how badass they are in bed?” I wiggle my brows.

“What happens in the bedroom between us, stays there. I don’t want Cody and Brian hearing about it.”

“And your finger, when you do that thing, playing with my….”

He growls at me this time. “Trish, behave, please!” He grabs my hand and puts it on his groin so I can feel his hard on. “See what you did? Now, how am I supposed to drive?”

“Sorry, I can’t help it. I’ll stop.”

He doesn’t lets go of my hand; instead he intertwines our fingers, and lets them rest on his lap. Jake plays a mixed CD and
Edvin Berg’s I Will Be Here
starts playing. Every so often, he kisses my knuckles or the tips of my fingers. That’s just one of the things I love about him. He’s so affectionate to me; never failing to make me feel loved by him. Regardless of the fights we’ve had, he always makes up for it.

“Trish, I don’t want to waste time fighting anymore. I’ve waited so long for you. I’m not gonna waste it fighting about stupid things. Please don’t ever forget, whatever happens from here on out, I’ll be here, always. We’re putting the green eyed monster to rest, right?”

I turn to face him, and even though he’s driving and can’t look me in the eyes, I make sure to utter every word with as much conviction as I can muster.

“I can’t promise that, Jake, but I’ll try. For you, I will try.” I lean in and kiss him on his cheek.

How can someone promise not to be jealous? While I can’t promise anything, I have to try and move past it, or at the very least, try to understand it.

“Now that we’ve settled the green-eyed monster, we need food. Unlike you tooth decays, we can’t survive on love alone.”

“Stop whining already, Rox. I’m getting off the damn freeway!” Jake calls out.

“Hey, if love’s all you want, I can give you that! All you need to do is ask,” Cody seriously says.

“Did you just declare your undying love for Roxy, man?” Brian says, eyeing both.

Cody remains quiet while Roxy stares out the window; Jake and I share knowing looks. That was awkward to the tenth degree. Could there be anything going on there? Brunch is awkward, thanks to Cody’s declaration of love. Jake asking Brian to drive surprises me because he never ever does that.