Unavoidable (13 page)
Authors: Yara Greathouse
Chapter 11
Colton
Brianna’s opening up to me about herself took me by surprise. I could not say anything.
I didn’t know
what
to say. I knew, I just
knew
that I needed to let her know that it was okay. I accept her for who she is. So,
I took her hand and held it tight. Even though she was not looking at me, I saw her
take a deep breath when I kissed her hand. And then, when she finally was ready to
look at me, I saw sadness and relief all at once. Her eyes were filled with tears
that threatened to spill.
“It’s one hundred and ten percent okay. I will take what you want to give me when
you are ready. I’m not going anywhere. One day you will see yourself through my eyes.
When that day comes you will see the kind, amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman that
I see. And we are going to look back at this day and laugh about it
together
.”
She smiles and a lonely tear runs down her cheek. I wipe it with our joined hands.
Then she smiles brightly and I knew she was back. She briefly went to her dark place.
We all have them whether we want to admit them or not. I think she wanted to see if
I was ready to deal with things that are complicated. When it comes to Brianna, I
am willing to follow her anywhere, even if it is inside her dark place, I will be
her safety. I will be there to light the path and pull her out. She never has to be
in her darkness alone again.
We arrive at the little diner and since it was a beautiful day and the diner is across
from the ocean, we ask for an outside table. Brianna reaches to take off her jacket,
and I help her, brushing my fingers against her skin in the process. So beautiful.
I place the jacket on the back of her chair, she sits and I push her chair in, giving
me the opportunity to lean over and kiss her shoulder and take a deep breath, smelling
coconut. Delicious.
I decide to let Brianna order for me, she could not go wrong, I liked everything on
the menu. She chooses fried shrimp po’ boys – the house specialty – with fries and
Coke to drink. Perfect. I like that she is not complicated and takes me at face value.
I don’t have to second guess or think about what I need to say before saying it. I
feel like I can be myself around her. She is not judging what I do and I absolutely
love it.
“What are Traxx and Notso doing today?”
“I think they were going to a baseball game and then they were going to pick up some
girls and go to a sports bar, have a few drinks and play some darts and pool.”
“Do you need to get back and meet them at a certain time?”
I look and smile. “Not at all. Those things are always fun, but I’m having a great
day with you. I can always go out with them some other time. Besides, I already know
their schtick.”
The food comes and we start to dig in. “Where did you meet Traxx?” she asks me.
“We have been tight since elementary school. He’s the ying to my yang.” She laughs
at my theatrics, “We used to get in trouble all the time. I actually feel sorry for
all the teachers played pranks on. We had this math teacher, man, he was smart but
he was a prick. We saved up our lunch money, pooled it together and went to a store
in the mall that sold all kinds of crazy things so we bought a ‘fart in a bottle’
and the next time we had class we poured it in the trashcan and every corner of the
classroom before class started.”
“Oh, no! That is horrible!”
“Nah, it was priceless. The face on that man. He wanted to kill somebody. Oooh, and
the stink! It was so strong, we had to evacuate the room.” I start to belly laugh
remembering that day. Brianna was giggling too. “We met Notso in high school. Gave
him the nickname, actually.”
“How did that happen?” She pops a couple of fries in her mouth after dunking them
in ketchup.
“Well, one time he had a particular bad day during football practice. Coach pulled
him to the side and started ragging on him ‘You are not so sharp! You are not so good!
You are not so fast!’ and on, and on he went. So by the end of practice he was Notso…”
“Poor thing!”
“Meh, at first would get really pissed about it, but he likes it now. However, never
say a word about your knowledge of the origin of his nickname. I may be strong but
the man can still kick my ass if he really wants to.”
“Yeah. I can see that…” She giggles. What the hell?
“What do you mean you can see that? Is it because of his size? He is only a little
bigger than me. We bench press almost the same…”
“Whoa! Testosterone overboard! Reel it back in, big boy! This has nothing to do with
manhood or anything like that. It’s about skill. Even
I
could kick your ass if I
really
wanted to.” She sits back on her chair and gives me a smug smile.
“I call bullshit. I have at least one hundred pounds on you. How do you plan to achieve
this?” Now I am the one sitting back in my chair with a smug smile on my face.
“Well, I have never been much of a boaster. I prefer to demonstrate how easy it can
be done. So let’s agree to disagree for today, and next time I head to the gym, you
can stop by, we can spar and see who wins. Besides, you are going to need the protective
gear ‘cause I fight dirty.” She raises an eyebrow at me and at the same time pops
a fried shrimp on her mouth and all I want to do is to grab her face and kiss those
lips. And now I’m popping a tent in my pants. Crap! This girl drives me crazy!
We finish eating and talking a whole lot about nothing. When it’s time to go, I again
hold her hand. I help her up to the truck and inside it, I continue to hold her hand.
She is telling me stories about her and Ciara, all the gimmicks they have done together.
I find that I am happy she has Ciara in her life, especially if she has no family.
Such a sweet soul like Brianna deserves to have a great friend, a soul sister. Me?
I want to be her constant. I want to be her steady. I want to be her safety. I realize
that I want to be her first love. She was fast becoming mine. I questioned if I was
just infatuated, and that’s always a possibility, but what I am feeling is stronger
than what I have ever felt for anyone, and I realize that I am happy.
The sun is going down fast as we drive around aimlessly. I don’t want the day to be
over, but I am not sure about what she has in mind and I don’t want to push, but...
I want her so bad!
We park the truck in front of her building.
“Can I walk you to your place?” I ask hopefully.
“Sure.” She smiles coyly.
When we get to her door, she unlocks it and cracks it open, then turns to face me.
“I’ve had a great ‘non-date’ date today. I hope my craziness does not scare you too
badly.”
I hear her radio playing music. It makes me smile. “It does not scare me at all. It
makes me want you more. You are complicated and exciting all at the same time. Beautiful
and easygoing. Challenging and pleasing. You are all of that and more.” She smiles
and I still see insecurity and indecision in her eyes.
“Brianna,” I grab her hands, “I need to look at you carefully. I need to mark this
moment in the timeline of my life. I have been waiting for this, for you. We have
something special. The way my feelings have devoted all their intensity for you lets
me know
you
are special.
This
we are sharing right here, right now, it’s more than meant to be. If it is not today,
it will be another day, but it will happen, Brianna. This is the beginning of our
forever. You and me, what we have… is unavoidable.”
“Colton, this is the sticky part. I don’t know if we should… I mean… If you ever know
the horrible things that I’ve done, you wouldn’t be so hopeful and willing to get
in a relationship with me. My past will make you hate me forever. It scares me, because
I, too, think that we have something special, but I do not want to get my heart broken…
but most of all, I don’t want to break your heart, and it’s going to take time for
me to able to open up to you. Not because you can’t be trusted, but because when I
speak of it, it is raw and emotional and I have to relive it all over again. I am
not ready for that.” She takes her hands away from mine and turns around to push the
door open. I am looking at her, and the only thing I am hating is that there is nothing
I can do to convince her that I am what she needs. The past is gone. We have a future
together. Suddenly a new song plays on her radio and I hear Ed Sheeran singing “Kiss
Me.” I am standing there with my thumbs inside my front pockets, trying to mentally
persuade her to look at me again, and I find myself talking.
“Please stop looking for excuses. Stop wishing for us to be something else. Close
your eyes and feel. Close your eyes and listen. You are scared for the same reason
that I am scared: we have never connected to another person from our past the way
you and I connect to each other - and it is scary. We have been walking through life
avoiding anything that makes us feel deeply. But this is it, Brianna, no more avoiding,
no more running. I’m here to stay. I am not willing to give up on this. I will not
give up on you. I am yours to do as you see fit. I don’t want anyone else. Brianna,
I only want you.”
All this time she has been standing in her doorway, looking down but facing her apartment.
When I finally see her move, she turns around slowly and she looks at me in a way
that no one ever has looked at me before. She is looking at me with love. I can actually
feel it rolling off of her with the usual discharge of energy we have towards each
other - only with
and
for each other. I see her arm lifting towards me, palm down, she is reaching for
me. She is also shaking. Her entire hand is trembling. Is it fear? Once her arm is
level with her chest, it stretches out towards me, she raises her palm and I can see
the tremors. Her fingers are spread open, and her eyes are on mine. I reach out to
her the same way until our fingertips touch, and slowly, oh so slowly our palms touch
and our fingers intertwine tightly holding us together. I look at our hands, and I’m
thinking how good it is to touch her. Suddenly Brianna is not trembling anymore.
Brianna pulls me to her, so close that we are breathing the same air. My forehead
is on hers. As much as I want her, I don’t want her to rush into anything if she is
not ready. I start to tell her this, “Brianna, you don’t…” She puts one finger to
my lips and my words go away.
With our intertwined hands she pulls me into her apartment, closing the door behind
us. I can’t take it anymore, I cover her lips with mine. Slowly at first, they are
so soft. I hear a growl and open my eyes to find Brianna looking at me, only to I
realize that I was the one growling… I push her slowly against the door, and take
her lips again, chaste at first, then probing. I did not have to coax her, when my
tongue touched hers, my whole body felt as if it was on fire. I kiss her deeply, brazenly
– I just can’t get enough of her. She is mine! I growl again and I push myself against
her, grabbing her hair with one hand near the nape of her neck and with the other
I grip her thigh and lift her knee to my waist. This allows me to push in closer and
I can feel her heat… I want to touch her! I release her leg and let my hand trail
alongside her body, when suddenly she pulls away and grabs my hand.
She leads me down the hall to her bedroom, it smells like her. There is a large four
post bed made with dark wood and it’s covered by a silky gray comforter. Dusky sunlight
is coming through the semi closed blinds giving me enough light to see the beauty
standing in front of me. I can’t look at anything else. My eyes are caught in Brianna’s
gaze and I am unexpectedly nervous.
She reaches for me and starts to pull up my shirt. I lift my arms, letting her undress
me. As my shirt falls to the floor, her fingers run over my chest and abdomen, searing
my skin in their passing, I close my eyes briefly and breathe her in. Then her hot
lips are on my skin. She kisses me on my chest and takes tiny bites of my flesh. I
see that her eyes are half lidded with need. I take my right hand and wrap it in the
back of her hair, and slowly pull her face towards mine, until our lips are lightly
touching, my left hand pushes her hips against mine, and then it starts a slow trail
up, touching her waist, arm, shoulder, until I get to the side of her face. Her hands
are on my waist, keeping us close, sealing one against the other. I kiss the silky
smooth skin, right below her earlobe. My lips continue the road of exploration leaving
light kisses on her cheek, her jawline, her chin. When my lips finally find hers,
with the tip of my tongue I softly, tentatively, taste the opening between her lips
and smile against her mouth when I hear a soft moan escape her.
Colton
Brianna’s opening up to me about herself took me by surprise. I could not say anything.
I didn’t know
what
to say. I knew, I just
knew
that I needed to let her know that it was okay. I accept her for who she is. So,
I took her hand and held it tight. Even though she was not looking at me, I saw her
take a deep breath when I kissed her hand. And then, when she finally was ready to
look at me, I saw sadness and relief all at once. Her eyes were filled with tears
that threatened to spill.
“It’s one hundred and ten percent okay. I will take what you want to give me when
you are ready. I’m not going anywhere. One day you will see yourself through my eyes.
When that day comes you will see the kind, amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman that
I see. And we are going to look back at this day and laugh about it
together
.”
She smiles and a lonely tear runs down her cheek. I wipe it with our joined hands.
Then she smiles brightly and I knew she was back. She briefly went to her dark place.
We all have them whether we want to admit them or not. I think she wanted to see if
I was ready to deal with things that are complicated. When it comes to Brianna, I
am willing to follow her anywhere, even if it is inside her dark place, I will be
her safety. I will be there to light the path and pull her out. She never has to be
in her darkness alone again.
We arrive at the little diner and since it was a beautiful day and the diner is across
from the ocean, we ask for an outside table. Brianna reaches to take off her jacket,
and I help her, brushing my fingers against her skin in the process. So beautiful.
I place the jacket on the back of her chair, she sits and I push her chair in, giving
me the opportunity to lean over and kiss her shoulder and take a deep breath, smelling
coconut. Delicious.
I decide to let Brianna order for me, she could not go wrong, I liked everything on
the menu. She chooses fried shrimp po’ boys – the house specialty – with fries and
Coke to drink. Perfect. I like that she is not complicated and takes me at face value.
I don’t have to second guess or think about what I need to say before saying it. I
feel like I can be myself around her. She is not judging what I do and I absolutely
love it.
“What are Traxx and Notso doing today?”
“I think they were going to a baseball game and then they were going to pick up some
girls and go to a sports bar, have a few drinks and play some darts and pool.”
“Do you need to get back and meet them at a certain time?”
I look and smile. “Not at all. Those things are always fun, but I’m having a great
day with you. I can always go out with them some other time. Besides, I already know
their schtick.”
The food comes and we start to dig in. “Where did you meet Traxx?” she asks me.
“We have been tight since elementary school. He’s the ying to my yang.” She laughs
at my theatrics, “We used to get in trouble all the time. I actually feel sorry for
all the teachers played pranks on. We had this math teacher, man, he was smart but
he was a prick. We saved up our lunch money, pooled it together and went to a store
in the mall that sold all kinds of crazy things so we bought a ‘fart in a bottle’
and the next time we had class we poured it in the trashcan and every corner of the
classroom before class started.”
“Oh, no! That is horrible!”
“Nah, it was priceless. The face on that man. He wanted to kill somebody. Oooh, and
the stink! It was so strong, we had to evacuate the room.” I start to belly laugh
remembering that day. Brianna was giggling too. “We met Notso in high school. Gave
him the nickname, actually.”
“How did that happen?” She pops a couple of fries in her mouth after dunking them
in ketchup.
“Well, one time he had a particular bad day during football practice. Coach pulled
him to the side and started ragging on him ‘You are not so sharp! You are not so good!
You are not so fast!’ and on, and on he went. So by the end of practice he was Notso…”
“Poor thing!”
“Meh, at first would get really pissed about it, but he likes it now. However, never
say a word about your knowledge of the origin of his nickname. I may be strong but
the man can still kick my ass if he really wants to.”
“Yeah. I can see that…” She giggles. What the hell?
“What do you mean you can see that? Is it because of his size? He is only a little
bigger than me. We bench press almost the same…”
“Whoa! Testosterone overboard! Reel it back in, big boy! This has nothing to do with
manhood or anything like that. It’s about skill. Even
I
could kick your ass if I
really
wanted to.” She sits back on her chair and gives me a smug smile.
“I call bullshit. I have at least one hundred pounds on you. How do you plan to achieve
this?” Now I am the one sitting back in my chair with a smug smile on my face.
“Well, I have never been much of a boaster. I prefer to demonstrate how easy it can
be done. So let’s agree to disagree for today, and next time I head to the gym, you
can stop by, we can spar and see who wins. Besides, you are going to need the protective
gear ‘cause I fight dirty.” She raises an eyebrow at me and at the same time pops
a fried shrimp on her mouth and all I want to do is to grab her face and kiss those
lips. And now I’m popping a tent in my pants. Crap! This girl drives me crazy!
We finish eating and talking a whole lot about nothing. When it’s time to go, I again
hold her hand. I help her up to the truck and inside it, I continue to hold her hand.
She is telling me stories about her and Ciara, all the gimmicks they have done together.
I find that I am happy she has Ciara in her life, especially if she has no family.
Such a sweet soul like Brianna deserves to have a great friend, a soul sister. Me?
I want to be her constant. I want to be her steady. I want to be her safety. I realize
that I want to be her first love. She was fast becoming mine. I questioned if I was
just infatuated, and that’s always a possibility, but what I am feeling is stronger
than what I have ever felt for anyone, and I realize that I am happy.
The sun is going down fast as we drive around aimlessly. I don’t want the day to be
over, but I am not sure about what she has in mind and I don’t want to push, but...
I want her so bad!
We park the truck in front of her building.
“Can I walk you to your place?” I ask hopefully.
“Sure.” She smiles coyly.
When we get to her door, she unlocks it and cracks it open, then turns to face me.
“I’ve had a great ‘non-date’ date today. I hope my craziness does not scare you too
badly.”
I hear her radio playing music. It makes me smile. “It does not scare me at all. It
makes me want you more. You are complicated and exciting all at the same time. Beautiful
and easygoing. Challenging and pleasing. You are all of that and more.” She smiles
and I still see insecurity and indecision in her eyes.
“Brianna,” I grab her hands, “I need to look at you carefully. I need to mark this
moment in the timeline of my life. I have been waiting for this, for you. We have
something special. The way my feelings have devoted all their intensity for you lets
me know
you
are special.
This
we are sharing right here, right now, it’s more than meant to be. If it is not today,
it will be another day, but it will happen, Brianna. This is the beginning of our
forever. You and me, what we have… is unavoidable.”
“Colton, this is the sticky part. I don’t know if we should… I mean… If you ever know
the horrible things that I’ve done, you wouldn’t be so hopeful and willing to get
in a relationship with me. My past will make you hate me forever. It scares me, because
I, too, think that we have something special, but I do not want to get my heart broken…
but most of all, I don’t want to break your heart, and it’s going to take time for
me to able to open up to you. Not because you can’t be trusted, but because when I
speak of it, it is raw and emotional and I have to relive it all over again. I am
not ready for that.” She takes her hands away from mine and turns around to push the
door open. I am looking at her, and the only thing I am hating is that there is nothing
I can do to convince her that I am what she needs. The past is gone. We have a future
together. Suddenly a new song plays on her radio and I hear Ed Sheeran singing “Kiss
Me.” I am standing there with my thumbs inside my front pockets, trying to mentally
persuade her to look at me again, and I find myself talking.
“Please stop looking for excuses. Stop wishing for us to be something else. Close
your eyes and feel. Close your eyes and listen. You are scared for the same reason
that I am scared: we have never connected to another person from our past the way
you and I connect to each other - and it is scary. We have been walking through life
avoiding anything that makes us feel deeply. But this is it, Brianna, no more avoiding,
no more running. I’m here to stay. I am not willing to give up on this. I will not
give up on you. I am yours to do as you see fit. I don’t want anyone else. Brianna,
I only want you.”
All this time she has been standing in her doorway, looking down but facing her apartment.
When I finally see her move, she turns around slowly and she looks at me in a way
that no one ever has looked at me before. She is looking at me with love. I can actually
feel it rolling off of her with the usual discharge of energy we have towards each
other - only with
and
for each other. I see her arm lifting towards me, palm down, she is reaching for
me. She is also shaking. Her entire hand is trembling. Is it fear? Once her arm is
level with her chest, it stretches out towards me, she raises her palm and I can see
the tremors. Her fingers are spread open, and her eyes are on mine. I reach out to
her the same way until our fingertips touch, and slowly, oh so slowly our palms touch
and our fingers intertwine tightly holding us together. I look at our hands, and I’m
thinking how good it is to touch her. Suddenly Brianna is not trembling anymore.
Brianna pulls me to her, so close that we are breathing the same air. My forehead
is on hers. As much as I want her, I don’t want her to rush into anything if she is
not ready. I start to tell her this, “Brianna, you don’t…” She puts one finger to
my lips and my words go away.
With our intertwined hands she pulls me into her apartment, closing the door behind
us. I can’t take it anymore, I cover her lips with mine. Slowly at first, they are
so soft. I hear a growl and open my eyes to find Brianna looking at me, only to I
realize that I was the one growling… I push her slowly against the door, and take
her lips again, chaste at first, then probing. I did not have to coax her, when my
tongue touched hers, my whole body felt as if it was on fire. I kiss her deeply, brazenly
– I just can’t get enough of her. She is mine! I growl again and I push myself against
her, grabbing her hair with one hand near the nape of her neck and with the other
I grip her thigh and lift her knee to my waist. This allows me to push in closer and
I can feel her heat… I want to touch her! I release her leg and let my hand trail
alongside her body, when suddenly she pulls away and grabs my hand.
She leads me down the hall to her bedroom, it smells like her. There is a large four
post bed made with dark wood and it’s covered by a silky gray comforter. Dusky sunlight
is coming through the semi closed blinds giving me enough light to see the beauty
standing in front of me. I can’t look at anything else. My eyes are caught in Brianna’s
gaze and I am unexpectedly nervous.
She reaches for me and starts to pull up my shirt. I lift my arms, letting her undress
me. As my shirt falls to the floor, her fingers run over my chest and abdomen, searing
my skin in their passing, I close my eyes briefly and breathe her in. Then her hot
lips are on my skin. She kisses me on my chest and takes tiny bites of my flesh. I
see that her eyes are half lidded with need. I take my right hand and wrap it in the
back of her hair, and slowly pull her face towards mine, until our lips are lightly
touching, my left hand pushes her hips against mine, and then it starts a slow trail
up, touching her waist, arm, shoulder, until I get to the side of her face. Her hands
are on my waist, keeping us close, sealing one against the other. I kiss the silky
smooth skin, right below her earlobe. My lips continue the road of exploration leaving
light kisses on her cheek, her jawline, her chin. When my lips finally find hers,
with the tip of my tongue I softly, tentatively, taste the opening between her lips
and smile against her mouth when I hear a soft moan escape her.
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