Trying to Find Chinatown: The Selected Plays of David Henry Hwang (16 page)
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Authors: David Henry Hwang
BOOK: Trying to Find Chinatown: The Selected Plays of David Henry Hwang
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AMA: And from then on, no more ghost, no more opium.
POPO: You—you so happy, then. You say, you will also cast out the demon.
DI-GOU: We were all just children.
(He lines the toys up on the floor)
(He lines the toys up on the floor)
AMA: But you have faith of a child.
DI-GOU: Ah Hong didn’t stop eating opium, though. He just needed money. That’s why two years later, he was fired.
AMA: Ah Hong never fired!
POPO: I do not think so.
DI-GOU: Yes, my tenth, eleventh birthday, he was fired.
AMA: No—remember? Ah Hong die many year later—just before you come to America for college.
DI-GOU: No, he was fired before then.
POPO: No. Before you leave, go to college, you must prepare your own suitcase.
(To Ama)
Bad memory.
(To Ama)
Bad memory.
AMA: Brainwash.
(Robert and Wilbur enter; Chester exits off the tennis court. Robert and Wilbur surround Di-gou.)
ROBERT AND WILBUR: Welcome!
WILBUR: How you doing, Di-gow?
ROBERT
(Correcting Wilbur)
: Di-gou!
(Correcting Wilbur)
: Di-gou!
WILBUR: Oh, right. “Di-gou.”
ROBERT
(To Di-gou)
: We tried to find you at the airport.
(To Di-gou)
: We tried to find you at the airport.
WILBUR
(To Di-gou)
: That means “second brother.”
(To Di-gou)
: That means “second brother.”
ROBERT: So, you escaped the Communists, huh?
WILBUR: Robert and I were just—
ROBERT: Little joke, there.
WILBUR:—looking at my collection of tax shelters.
ROBERT: China’s pretty different now, huh?
WILBUR: You care to take a look?
ROBERT: I guess there’s never a dull moment—
WILBUR: Probably no tax shelters, either.
ROBERT:—waiting for the next cultural revolution.
WILBUR: Oh, Robert!
ROBERT: Little joke, there.
WILBUR
(To Di-gou, referring to Robert)
: That’s how he does business.
(To Di-gou, referring to Robert)
: That’s how he does business.
ROBERT: Of course, I respect China.
WILBUR: He says these totally outrageous things.
ROBERT: But your airlines—so inefficient.
WILBUR: And people remember him.
ROBERT: How long were you in Guam?
WILBUR
(To Robert)
: He wasn’t in Guam!
(To Robert)
: He wasn’t in Guam!
ROBERT: No?
WILBUR
(To Di-gou)
: Well, we’re going to finish up the tour.
(To Di-gou)
: Well, we’re going to finish up the tour.
ROBERT: My shelters are all at my house.
WILBUR: Feel free to come along.
ROBERT
(Referring to Wilbur)
: His are kid stuff. Who wants land in Montana?
(Referring to Wilbur)
: His are kid stuff. Who wants land in Montana?
WILBUR
(To Robert)
: Hey—I told you. I need the loss.
(To Robert)
: Hey—I told you. I need the loss.
(Wilbur and Robert exit, leaving Di-gou with Ama and Popo. There is a long silence.)
DI-GOU: Who are they?
POPO: Servants.
AMA: Don’t worry. They will eat outside. In America, servants do not take over their masters’ house.
DI-GOU: What are you talking about?
AMA: We know. In China now, servants beat their masters.
DI-GOU: Don’t be ridiculous. I have a servant. A chauffeur.
(Robert reenters.)
ROBERT: Hey, Di-gou—we didn’t even introduce ourselves.
DI-GOU: Oh, my sisters explained it to me.
ROBERT: I’m Robert. Hannah’s my wife.
(He puts his arm around Di-gou)
When we married, I had nothing. I was working in grocery stores, fired from one job after another. But she could tell—I had a good heart.
(He puts his arm around Di-gou)
When we married, I had nothing. I was working in grocery stores, fired from one job after another. But she could tell—I had a good heart.
DI-GOU: It is good to see servants marrying into the moneyed ranks. We are not aware of such progress by even the lowest classes.
(Pause.)
ROBERT: Huh?
DI-GOU: To come to this—from the absolute bottom of society. R
OBERT: Wait, wait. I mean, sure, I made progress, but “the bottom of society”? That’s stretching it some, wouldn’t you say?
DI-GOU: Did you meet Hannah while preparing her food?
ROBERT: Huh? No, we met at a foreign students’ dance at UCLA.
DI-GOU: Oh. You attended university?
ROBERT: Look, I’m not a country kid. It’s not like I was that poor. I’m from Shanghai, you know.
POPO
(To Robert)
: Ssssh! Neighbors will hear!
(To Robert)
: Ssssh! Neighbors will hear!
ROBERT: I’m cosmopolitan. So when I went to college, I just played around at first. That’s the beauty of the free enterprise system, Di-gou. If you wanna be a bum, it lets you be a bum. I wasted my time, went out with all these American girls.
POPO: One girl.
ROBERT: Well, one was more serious, a longer commitment...
POPO: Minor.
DI-GOU: What?
POPO: He go out with one girl—only fifteen year old.
ROBERT: I didn’t know!
POPO
(To Robert)
: How come you cannot ask?
(To Robert)
: How come you cannot ask?
ROBERT: I was just an FOB. This American girl—she talked to me—asked me out—kissed me on first date—and I thought, “Land of Opportunity!” Anyway, I decided to turn my back on China.
POPO
(To Di-gou)
: He cannot even ask girl how old.
(To Di-gou)
: He cannot even ask girl how old.
ROBERT: This is my home. When I wanted to stop being a bum, make money, it let me. That’s America!
DI-GOU: I also attended American university. Columbia Medical School.
ROBERT: Right. My wife told me.
POPO
(To Robert)
: But he does not date the minor!
(To Robert)
: But he does not date the minor!
ROBERT
(To Popo)
: How was I supposed to know? She looked fully developed!
(To Popo)
: How was I supposed to know? She looked fully developed!
(Ama and Popo exit in disgust, leaving Robert alone with Di-gou.)(To Di-gou)
Well, then, you must understand American ways.
DI-GOU: It has been some time since I was in America.
ROBERT: Well, it’s improved a lot, lemme tell you. Look, I have a friend who’s an immigration lawyer. If you want to stay here, he can arrange it.
DI-GOU: Oh, no. The thought never even—
ROBERT: I know, but listen. I did it. Never had any regrets. We might be able to get your family over, too.
DI-GOU: Robert, I cannot leave China.
ROBERT: Huh? Look, Di-gou, people risk their lives to come to America. If only you could talk to—to the boat people.
DI-GOU: Uh—the food here looks very nice.
ROBERT: Huh? Oh, help yourself. Go ahead.
DI-GOU: Thank you. I will wait.
ROBERT: No, go on!
DI-GOU: Thank you, but—
ROBERT: Look, in America, there’s so much, we don’t have to be polite at all!
DI-GOU: Please—I’m not yet hungry.
ROBERT: Us Chinese, we love to eat, right? Well, here in America, we can be pigs!
DI-GOU: I’m not hungry.
ROBERT: I don’t see why you can’t—? Look.
(He picks up a
bao
)
See?
(He stuffs the whole thing into his mouth)
Pigs!
(He picks up a
bao
)
See?
(He stuffs the whole thing into his mouth)
Pigs!
DI-GOU: Do you mind? I told you, I’m not—
ROBERT: I know. You’re not hungry. Think I’m hungry? No, sir! What do I have to do to convince you? Here.
(He drops a tray of
guo-tieh
on the ground, begins stomping them)
This is the land of plenty!
(He drops a tray of
guo-tieh
on the ground, begins stomping them)
This is the land of plenty!
DI-GOU: Ai! Robert!
(Robert continues stomping the guo-tieh like roaches.)
ROBERT: There’s one next to your foot!
(He stomps it)
Gotcha!
(He stomps it)
Gotcha!
DI-GOU: Please! It is not right to step on food!
ROBERT: “Right”? Now, see, that’s your problem in the P.R.C.—lots of justice, but you don’t produce.
(Wilbur enters, catching Robert in the act.)
WILBUR: Robert? What are you—? What’s all this?
ROBERT
(Stops stomping)
: What’s the big deal? You got a cleaning woman, don’t you?
(Stops stomping)
: What’s the big deal? You got a cleaning woman, don’t you?
(Jenny enters
.
)
JENNY: Time to eat yet?
(She sees the mess)
Blaagh.
(She sees the mess)
Blaagh.
(Hannah enters
.
)
HANNAH: What’s all this?
JENNY: Never mind.
(Jenny exits; Wilbur points to Robert, indicating to Hannah that Robert is responsible for the mess. Ama and Popo also enter at this moment and see Wilbur’s indication
.
)
DI-GOU: In China, the psychological problems of wealth are a great concern.
POPO: Ai! Who can clean up after man like this!
WILBUR: Robert, I just don’t think this is proper.
AMA: Wilbur—not clean himself.
ROBERT: Quiet! You all make a big deal out of nothing!
DI-GOU: I am a doctor. I understand.
POPO: But Robert—he also has the fungus feet.
ROBERT: Shut up, everybody! Will you all just shut up? I was showing Di-gou American ways!
(Wilbur takes Di-gou’s arm
.
)
WILBUR
(To Di-gou)
: Uh—come out here. I’ll show you some American ways.
(To Di-gou)
: Uh—come out here. I’ll show you some American ways.
(Wilbur and Di-gou go out to the tennis court.)
ROBERT
(To Wilbur)
: What do you know about American ways? You were born here!
(To Wilbur)
: What do you know about American ways? You were born here!
POPO
(To Ama)
: Exercise—good for him.
(To Ama)
: Exercise—good for him.
ROBERT: Only us immigrants really know American ways!
POPO
(To Ama, pinching her belly)
: Good for here.
(To Ama, pinching her belly)
: Good for here.
HANNAH
(To Robert)
: Shut up, dear. You’ve done enough damage today.
(To Robert)
: Shut up, dear. You’ve done enough damage today.
(Wilbur gets Di-gou a tennis racket.)
AMA
(To Popo, referring to Di-gou)
: In China, he receives plenty exercise. Whenever Communists, they come torture him.
(To Popo, referring to Di-gou)
: In China, he receives plenty exercise. Whenever Communists, they come torture him.
WILBUR
(On tennis court, to Di-gou)
: I’ll set up the machine.
(He goes off)
(On tennis court, to Di-gou)
: I’ll set up the machine.
(He goes off)
ROBERT
(Looking through the glass walls at the tennis court)
: What’s so American about tennis?
(Looking through the glass walls at the tennis court)
: What’s so American about tennis?
HANNAH
(To Robert)
: Yes, dear.
(To Robert)
: Yes, dear.
ROBERT: You all ruined it!
HANNAH: You ruined the
guo-tieh
, dear.
guo-tieh
, dear.
ROBERT: What’s a few
guo-tieh
in defense of America?
guo-tieh
in defense of America?
DI-GOU
(To Wilbur)
: I have not played tennis since my college days at Columbia.
(To Wilbur)
: I have not played tennis since my college days at Columbia.
ROBERT
(To Hannah, referring to Di-gou)
: He was being so cheap! Like this was a poor country!
(To Hannah, referring to Di-gou)
: He was being so cheap! Like this was a poor country!
HANNAH: He’s lived in America before, dear.
ROBERT: That was years ago. When we couldn’t even buy a house in a place like this.
HANNAH: We still can’t.
ROBERT: What?
HANNAH: Let’s face it. We still can’t afford—
ROBERT: That’s not what I mean, stupid! I mean, when we wouldn’t be able to because we’re Chinese! He doesn’t know the new America. I was making a point and you all ruined it!
HANNAH: Yes, dear. Now let’s go in and watch the Betamax.
ROBERT: No!
HANNAH: C’mon!
(Robert and Hannah exit.On the tennis court, Di-gou and Wilbur stand next to each other, facing offstage. A machine offstage begins to shoot tennis balls at them, each ball accompanied by a small explosive sound. A ball goes by; Di-gou tries to hit it, but it is too high for him. Two more balls go by, but they are also out of Di-gou’s reach. A fourth ball is shot out; it hits Wilbur.)
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