Truly Madly Deeply Boxed Set (20 page)

Comprehension came to him in a flash of insight, so strong he wondered why he hadn’t realized it sooner. Chelsie wasn’t the type to ignore family, to avoid a little girl. Not without strong personal reasons. “So that’s why you never visited, never spent time with Jared and Shannon.”

She nodded slowly and two teardrops coursed down her cheeks. “What can I say? I know now I was wrong... but she’s gone.”

Along with his brother. At least he’d had a semblance of closure with his sibling. “But I’m not. You can talk to me. I won’t judge you.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve spent the last five years doing just that. My entire career has been spent making up for thinking of myself first. When I let Jeff off the hook, I freed him to abuse some other woman. At the time, I wasn’t thinking that clearly. Sure, I thought about my own future, but not about anyone else. Each case I took that involved an abused woman, I told myself that I was making a difference.”

“You did.”

She twirled a strand of hair around one finger. “But I refused to allow myself to think about what Jeff did with his life after the divorce. Probably because deep down I knew.”

“You aren’t responsible for anyone but yourself.”

“Funny you should mention that.” Her bitter laugh sounded too harsh. “In the end, I didn’t do such a hot job in that area, either.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighed, placing her head in her hands. When she spoke, he could barely hear. “There were complications from the miscarriage. They gave me antibiotics when I left the hospital. I was supposed to finish the prescription and come back in to be checked. I finished the bottle, but I never went for the follow-up exam. I wanted to bury myself so deep in work that I never had time to think about Jeff Sutton, my failed marriage, or lost baby ever again.” She lifted her head. Tears streamed down her face. She let them fall. “I just wanted to forget the past, not destroy the future.”

He laid a hand over hers, startled by how cold her skin felt against his. “What happened?”

“A year went by. By the time I got around to that checkup, I had severe pelvic inflammatory disease. There was scarring. I can never have children of my own.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

He drew her into his arms, whispered all the right words, and caressed her until she seemed to relax, wishing he could do the same. Unfortunately, his tension had just begun.

He had fallen in love with Chelsie because she wanted nothing from him. Because she seemed to care for him unconditionally. Because unlike Deidre and his mother, Chelsie wanted Griff the man, not what he could give her. Or so he had thought.

She said she loved both him and Alix. Under ordinary circumstances, those would be the exact words he would want to hear from any woman he contemplated spending the rest of his life with. Though Alix was her niece and Chelsie would always play a role in her life, Griff had custody. Alix was a part of his life on a daily basis. Forever. The woman he loved had to love her, too. Had to want a little girl in her life.

But Chelsie couldn’t have children. And here he was, a man with a child, a ready-made family she could call her own. He couldn’t deny that the cynic in him lived on, created by women who’d used and betrayed him in the past. Had Chelsie fallen in love with the notion of family that he and Alix offered?

She’d said as much herself.
Family is a precious gift. You’ve both given me so much
. He didn’t believe Chelsie would deliberately use them to achieve something she couldn’t have on her own. But she hadn’t told him the facts up front, not even after they’d made love. Why not? Unless she, too, wanted something from him and was afraid of losing it by revealing all. Consciously or unconsciously, the truth remained, and so did his doubts.

“I love you,” she murmured.

Though he held her in his arms and brushed a kiss against her temple, Griff remained silent.

A few uncomfortable minutes later, he pulled away and stood.

“Griff?”

“I’ve got to get back to Alix.”

She blinked, pain flashing in her eyes for a millisecond before her expression changed to one of acceptance. Her mind had obviously assessed and discounted the truth of his statement. She knew as well as he did that Alix was well cared for in his absence. There was no rush, except for his sudden need to be alone.

The wounded look passed so quickly, he thought he’d been mistaken. The twisting in his gut told him otherwise. Before she banked the emotion, her vulnerability had shown plainly on her face. “Will you be all right?” he asked.

She pulled the lapels of her robe together, keeping her hands at her throat “Of course.”

The strain between them, the distance that hadn’t been there earlier, settled on his shoulders. He’d caused the tension. He could easily rectify matters. Two steps forward, a touch, and Chelsie would be in his arms.

She brushed past him to open the door. The soft scent of the bubble bath lingered in the air. Just two steps. It might as well have been two miles. He laid a hand on her cheek.

“ ‘Bye, Griff.” Despite her firm tone, he caught the sheen of moisture in her eyes and the way she’d locked her jaw to keep any emotions from showing on her face.

He swallowed hard. “I just need some time.”

She shrugged. He hadn’t taken half a step into the hallway when the door shut behind him. He waited until he heard the turning of the dead bolt and the rattle of the chain on the door. The sounds of Chelsie closing him out of her life. Only then did he head for the bank of elevators, alone.

* * *

Coming to work hadn’t been easy. Trying to deal with Griff had been even more of a trial. Looking at him hurt. Being in the same room but not being close to him hurt even more.

Every day business between them suffered as a result. Still, they owed their clients, including Amanda, their best. “Just make sure the judge grants the restraining order immediately,” Chelsie said. “I’ll handle things here.”

“No problem.” Griff picked up a stack of files and placed them in his briefcase without once meeting her gaze.

She pushed aside the waves of nausea and anxiety and kept herself busy instead. A few more minutes and she’d be alone. No more pretense, no more pretending it didn’t hurt.

Stepping outside his office, she poured two cups of coffee from the pot in the reception area before returning to face him. “Here. It’s decaf.”

He looked up and graced her with a scowl, the first true sign of recognition he’d given her all morning. “You’re wound so tight you’ll explode at the slightest problem,” she explained. “Besides, I won’t watch you overdose on caffeine.”

He grunted in response. Chelsie sighed. Ignoring the real problem wouldn’t solve anything, but she’d promised herself she’d try. For his sake, she had to do her best. After all, she understood. He needed time, so she’d give him time. Even if it turned out to be forever.

“You’d better get going or you’ll be late.” She handed him Amanda Sutton’s case file.

“Thanks.” Without glancing in her direction, he stuffed the papers in his briefcase and walked out.

With her heart lodged somewhere in her throat, Chelsie watched him go. Though she had expected this reaction, she couldn’t say his attitude didn’t hurt. But she’d lived without him before, and she would do so again.

Even as she’d realized that Griff’s silence didn’t bode well for their relationship, she finally felt a measure of self-worth that had nothing to do with her status as an attorney. Chelsie now accepted her mistakes. She had atoned for them as best as she knew how.

She would learn to live without children of her own, without hiding in a crystal palace that mocked her infertility and represented her poor judgment. If anything, that apartment now reminded her of Alix and the joy children could bring anywhere, even a place they weren’t meant to be.

She had Griff to thank for her new attitude. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to want to be a part of her life. When she let herself feel, the pain was almost unbearable. She knew she would have to deal with that, but first she needed to reestablish one other important relationship in her life. After flipping through her calendar, she placed a call to her parents at their vacation home in Florida. Minutes later, she’d booked a flight.

She spent the next few hours scrambling to organize her caseload, cram as much as she could into the coming week, and free up her weekend.

She glanced around her cluttered desk, but piles of manila folders blocked any productive search. “Where would I put those files?” she muttered.

If she managed to interview a few extra potential witnesses this week and postponed a messy divorce that was destined to carry on forever anyway, she could take three days off with no problem. But not if the expert witness file didn’t turn up sometime soon.

After ransacking her office and badgering their secretary, Chelsie went to Griff’s office, hoping he’d borrowed the list for Amanda’s case. She silently blessed him for his share-with-your-partner policy. The man didn’t care if she went through his desk, his books, or his papers, as long as she returned things so he could find them later.

As her partner, he had turned out to be great. As her lover... she shook her head, refusing to travel that path until she had time alone to think things through.

Unlike Chelsie, Griff kept the top of his desk meticulously clean, so she knew immediately she’d have to search the drawers. She opened the top one, hoping she wouldn’t have to search every file cabinet in the office.

She had no idea what order the files were in, so she flipped from the beginning. “What the hell?” The header on one contained her name in bold type and she withdrew a sheaf of papers.

She sifted through the assorted documents, sinking into his chair mid-way through. “Thorough background check, driving record, marriage license, divorce decree, hospital records, documentation of miscarriage and nurses’ notations of possible spousal abuse,” she read aloud.

Chelsie had discounted her ex-husband’s words, but obviously Jeff had been right. Someone had been digging into her past. The list of documents went on and on. Not a single aspect of her life had been untouched or considered sacred.

She pressed the folder to her chest feeling well and truly violated by the man she’d given her heart.

“Chelsie,” Griff called out, striding into his office. “Gloria said you’re looking for the list. I must have stuffed it into... What’s wrong?”

She raised her head and looked at him. “You ought to lock up private documents, or at least not be so liberal about sharing your office.” She tossed the file onto his empty desk, watching as the papers scattered across the dark wood. “Anything you wanted to know, all you had to do was ask. I never once lied to you. Omitted facts, maybe, but I never lied.”

Slowly, he lowered his briefcase into the nearest chair. His expression revealed nothing. “Anything I learned, I wanted to hear from you first.”

“So explain this.” She jerked her hands towards the documents, lifting one in her hand.

“A concerned friend.”

“Ryan,” she muttered.

He nodded. “But not my idea.”

“So you didn’t ask your best friend to dig up all the dirt on my sordid past?”

A muscle twitched in his cheek. “That hurts, Chelsie. I thought you knew me better than that. I turned down an opportunity to have Ryan investigate before we became partners.”

“So you had an attack of morality. But that didn’t stop you from reading the information when you had the chance.” Given the curiosity inherent in human nature, Chelsie wouldn’t be surprised if he had. She also wouldn’t blame him. He’d gone against his initial instincts.

Despite her mistake in suing for custody on her parents’ behalf, he’d taken her into his home and practically shared custody of Alix. With her family’s track record and his niece’s welfare at stake, Griff had a right to delve as deeply as he wanted into her life.

“It sure as hell did.” His dark eyes narrowed. Anger emanated from the arrogant tilt of his head to the hand he slammed against the desk. “Think about it.”

She paused. When she tried to view yesterday’s revelations from an unbiased perspective, she had no choice but to believe him. If he had known of her infertility, the information wouldn’t have thrown him as it had. There would have been no reason for him to take off or for him to need time on his own. Certainly, he would have had an opportunity to anticipate how to respond should she choose to confide in him. On the other hand, if he hadn’t known, he’d be shocked and react accordingly. And he had.

Only one question remained. How did Griff feel about her now? She’d laid her heart out for him, and he hadn’t accepted her love. But he hadn’t rejected it either.

“And now that you know everything?” she asked, her eyes never leaving his.

Griff wasn’t surprised that she’d all but asked his intentions. It was only a matter of time. As an attorney, he’d seen her question, cross-examine, and win the toughest cases. Only in her personal life had she seemed fragile, but that fragility cracked yesterday. She’d grown stronger since. When she’d admitted her past, she had faced her own demons. After that, cornering Griff about his feelings couldn’t be too tough.

He sat on the corner of his desk, watching as she swiveled her chair back and forth.

“I’m not pressuring you for an answer. I’m just curious about what’s going through your mind,” she said.

He decided on honesty. “Remember I told you I’d been engaged?”

She nodded. “You’re still in love with her?” Her voice nearly cracked under the strain of asking such a potentially devastating question.

“I don’t think I ever was. I think she fulfilled certain expectations,” he admitted, thinking of his selfish ex-fiancée.

“Such as?”

“She left me when things got rough. She wanted my six-figure salary and the perks that came along with the partnership. She wanted what I could give her, but she never wanted me.”

“Or Alix,” Chelsie murmured.

“Exactly. You, on the other hand, claim to want both.”

She narrowed her eyes and Griff could almost see her analytical mind sifting through the information. It was only a matter of time before she figured things out on her own. Griff waited.