True Love (10 page)

She appreciated his trying to lighten her mood, but she didn’t like this radiation business one bit. “I want to go with you for your
treatments. What time’s your next appointment?”

“Every day at three-thirty, but I don’t want you to come.”

“But why?” His response surprised her.

“I’ve been thinking about it, Julie, and there’s nothing for you to do but sit in the lobby. I’d rather go on in by myself, get my treatment, then head to the gym.”

“The gym? But the doctor said you’d be tired.”

“I don’t care what the doctor said. So long as I’m able to function, I’m going to stick with my normal routine.”

“But there’s all that juice to drink and all those puzzles to work at the radiation center.” She hoped humor would persuade him to let her come along.

“Sitting around waiting is boring, Julie. I don’t want you to do it anymore.”

“But—”

“Please,” he interrupted. “It’s what I want.”

She was frustrated, but she didn’t argue.

Every afternoon that week, Luke left school as soon as classes were dismissed. He didn’t change his mind about Julie accompanying him to the cancer center; in fact, he kept to himself even at school, telling Julie that he
didn’t have much of an appetite and that he was skipping lunch. And in the evenings, he told her he was cramming for finals and thought it best he do it alone.

On Friday, he insisted he was tired and wanted to turn in early and that she should make other plans. Confused by his behavior, but determined not to let it dishearten her, Julie invited Solena to spend the night.

“I don’t get it,” Julie told her friend as they sat on her bedroom floor, sorting through old photos and nibbling on popcorn. “Why is he shutting me out this way?”

“It
is
kind of a mystery,” Solena agreed. “I mean, the whole time Luke was in the hospital and even when he went through chemo, he wanted you with him. Frankly, I can’t see the difference between radiation and the other.”

“Me either. I don’t understand him these days. He’s so moody. I can’t figure out what he wants from me.”

“Did you do something to make him angry?”

“Like what?”

“Like flirt with another guy.”

Julie rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Grow up, Solena. I haven’t
thought
about anybody
but Luke since he got sick. And even before that, I didn’t want to date anybody else.”

“Sorry … I lost my head. I know you and Luke are number one with each other.” Solena grew silent, contemplative. Finally, she said, “You know, what’s happened to Luke has brought Frank and me closer.”

“How so?”

“If something like cancer could happen to a guy like Luke, it could happen to any of us.”

“Nobody gets to pick what life gives them,” Julie said, toying with a photo of her and Luke from their ninth-grade dance. They both looked so young. And so happy. She sighed and tossed the photo aside.

“Frank’s gotten a little paranoid,” Solena continued. “Every time he feels a bump or lump, or even if he has a headache, he gets squirrelly. He says, ‘Solena, look at this. Do you think it’s anything serious?’ As if I’d know.”

“He can’t live his whole life thinking he’s going to get some dread disease.”

“That’s what I tell him, but he still worries. He’s always popping vitamins and eating health foods—as if that will keep him from ever getting sick.”

“It can’t hurt. Luke’s doctors have said that
his good physical condition helped him recover so quickly from chemo and the biopsies. And I know he’s working hard to get his fitness back so he can play ball next year.”

Solena began absently to arrange kernels of popcorn in a straight line on the carpet. “Can I ask you something?”

“Ask.”

“Did you and Luke ever talk about getting married someday?”

“He asked me to marry him in the sixth grade.”

Solena made a face at Julie. “I meant sometime more recent.”

Julie wasn’t sure how to answer. Sure, she’d been secretly planning to attend whatever college Luke chose, but she knew he wanted a shot at a career in professional football, and she wasn’t sure whether marriage and pro ball would mix. “You know my mother would croak if I got married before I climb some corporate ladder.”

“But do you want to marry Luke? Would you if he asked you?”

Unwilling to answer, Julie decided to go on the offensive. “You must be curious for a reason. Are you and Frank thinking about marriage?”

“Not exactly, but he’s been awfully nice to me lately.”

“You’re usually worried about him dumping you and dating someone else.”

“I told you this whole business with Luke has changed him.”

“Seems like a good change to me.”

“In some ways it is. But in some ways it’s scary.” Julie looked quizzical, and Solena hastened to explain. “It’s like he suddenly got old. Like life is serious business and he shouldn’t have fun anymore. As if having too much fun is something taboo.”

As Solena struggled to express her thoughts, Julie nodded. “You mean, if his best friend has to suffer then he should too.”

“Yes!” Solena cried. “That’s exactly what I mean. He feels guilty because he’s healthy and Luke isn’t.”

“Luke’s going to get well.”

“I know he is,” Solena said. Yet her tone wasn’t as convincing as her statement.

“And when he does then everything will be like it used to be. And everybody will act like they used to act.”

“You think so?”

“Absolutely.” Julie waved her hand and scattered the line of popcorn Solena had so
carefully arranged. “Hey, let’s say we sneak downstairs and watch a movie. My folks should be dead to the world by now.”

“Good idea.” Solena rose and scooped up the bowl of popcorn. She paused, saying, “I’m glad we talked, Julie. I didn’t have anybody else to tell about Frank, and I knew you’d understand.”

“Once Luke recovers, Frank will be his old self. Wait and see.”

“One more thing,” Solena added. “I’m glad you invited me over tonight. I’ve missed you. I know how involved you’ve been with Luke and that’s okay, but still, I miss the stuff we used to do together. Not just you and me, but you and Luke and Frank and me. We sure had some good times.”

“I’ve missed the old days too.”

Solena sighed and shrugged. “Oh, well, I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but I did want you to know how I feel.”

“Thanks.” Julie gave her friend a quick hug.

They pattered down the stairs and into the family room, popped a tape into the VCR, and settled down to watch. But Julie could hardly follow the story line because her mind kept wandering back to Luke. The cool way he was treating her had her mystified—and
worried. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t letting her remain close to him. Or why he insisted on going through his latest series of treatments by himself. It wasn’t like Luke. He
always
wanted her with him.

The next day she casually asked her father how he thought Luke was behaving.

“Like he wants to put this whole mess behind him and get on with his life,” her father told her with a pleased smile. “He’s working hard in the gym. I’m impressed at the way he’s making a comeback.”

“Well, maybe he should be taking it easier.”

“Aw, Julie-girl, don’t go trying to turn Luke into a wimp. He’s doing just fine. No need to hover over him like some kind of watchdog.”

“Really, Dad, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m just questioning if he’s overdoing it or not.”

“No way,” her father said with a wave of dismissal, but Julie wasn’t so sure. She also didn’t know whether Luke’s new attitude came from a genuine desire to refocus his attention onto football or from a desire to back away from her. But she was determined to figure it out.

L
uke was halfway through his radiation treatments when school let out for the summer. On the last day of classes, Julie found him down at the construction site of the new stadium. Bulldozers were moving dirt and the rickety old bleachers had been partially torn down to make way for the new. “Hi,” she called over the noise of the big yellow machines.

“Hi yourself.”

“Looks like real progress, doesn’t it?”

“It’s going to be a great stadium.”

She gazed up at him longingly, wishing he’d take her in his arms the way he used to do. She recalled her vow to figure out what had gone wrong between them and realized that she was more perplexed than ever. Luke rarely asked her out these days, keeping to himself, shunning
contact with almost everybody. “So, what’s on your agenda for your first week of summer vacation?” she asked brightly, hoping to draw him into conversation.

“I’m doubling my efforts in the gym.”

“Can you do that?” She thought he looked tired.

“Dr. Laramore says I can do whatever I feel like doing, and I want to get back into shape as quick as I can.” He sounded cross with her for even asking.

They listened to the roar of the machines while Julie racked her brain for another topic. “I start my job at the library Monday.”

“I hope you like it.”

If this had been a normal summer, he’d be taking her to the library and making plans to pick her up afterward. If they’d been spending their spare time together, she wouldn’t feel so awkward around him. They’d be talking all the time and would know what was going on in each other’s lives. “Once the radiation’s over, what will you do?”

“I’ll have to go into Chicago for a day or so of testing.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” she asked anxiously, hoping he’d say yes.

“No. It’s not a big deal. Just all those boring tests and scans again.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Forget it. Mom and I’ll trudge through it.”

Again, the roar of a bulldozer broke into their conversation. Julie felt grateful for the interruption. His rejection stung, and she didn’t trust her voice. “And then?” she asked when the noise died down and she’d regained her composure. “Do you think you’ll take a summer job?” He had always worked summers to help out his mother.

“Who’s going to hire someone like me? I could get sick again.”

He sounded bitter, and she felt sorry for him. “So you won’t do anything?”

“Remember me telling you about Los Angeles?” She nodded. “Uncle Steve called and said he’ll send me a plane ticket the minute I agree to come.”

“So you’re going?”

“I’m going.”

“How long will you stay?”

“About a month. I’ll be home in time for August practice.”

“Of course.” Her stomach knotted. She remembered telling him to take the vacation, and after all he’d been through he deserved to
go somewhere and have fun. But she knew she’d miss him terribly, and that it wouldn’t be easy seeing him leave when she wanted to be with him so much. “I hope you have a good time in L.A. Do you still want me to write you?”

“If you’d like … but I won’t be leaving until July.”

Julie decided to try one more time to lure him out of his shell. “How about us doing something with each other tonight? Solena’s having a party to celebrate the end of the school year. Why don’t you take me?”

“Urn—I don’t think I feel up to it. You go on without me.”

“But you feel good enough to go to the gym this afternoon?”

She’d tripped him up, and his face flushed red. “Julie … I never know exactly how I’m going to feel.…”

“No problem,” she said, backing away. “I’ll go without you.”

“Julie, I—” He looked troubled, but she brushed it aside, suddenly wanting to get as far away as possible from the noise of the machinery and the pain Luke was causing her.

“I’ve got to go.” She turned and darted off.

“You’ll let me know about your first day of work?” he called as she fled.

She felt like saying,
Fat chance!
But she didn’t. Because no matter how badly he was hurting her, she knew she couldn’t hurt him. She couldn’t because she loved him. She couldn’t because something deep inside her kept saying that he still loved her too. And it was that ray of hope that she clung to.

The golden sunshine of Monday morning did little to dispel Julie’s gloom. The weekend had been long and difficult. She’d reached for the phone many times to call Luke, but each time she’d pulled back, telling herself that if he wanted to talk to her, he would call. Except that he hadn’t.

She left for her new job at the library, entered the hushed building, went to Mrs. Watson’s office, and knocked on the closed door. She was ushered inside by a heavyset woman with graying hair and lavender-framed eyeglasses.

“Julie! So glad you’ll be working with us this summer,” Mrs. Watson said with a smile as she pumped Julie’s hand.

“ ‘Us’?”

“Yes. Meet my nephew, Jason Lawrence.”
She gestured to a tall, slim boy with blond hair and green eyes. “Jason’s a sophomore at Ball State University in Muncie and he’ll be living with me this summer, and working here too.”

“Hello, Julie Ellis,” Jason said with a grin that sent her a message of approval.

She smiled politely, but coolly.

Mrs. Watson went on to discuss their respective duties. The work seemed simple enough to Julie, and by lunchtime she had begun to catalog a stack of new volumes while Jason manned the front checkout desk. He asked her to lunch, but she told him no. By the end of the workday, Julie could barely keep from dashing out the door. “Take you home?” Jason asked as she hurried past. “Maybe you could show me around town.”