True Control 4.2 (4 page)

Chapter 7 HER

I wasn’t aware of Jake sitting next to me. Or of him pulling my upper body onto his lap, my tears staining his jeans. His hands rubbing from my head down my back, over and over. I wasn’t aware of his soothing sounds and touch until my sobs quieted.

I take a last shaky breath and pull my body up, keeping my face covered with my hands. I wipe my cheeks with my palms, but avoid looking at him. He lifts my chin to look at him though and wipes my wet cheek with gentle fingers. “You are beautiful when you cry.” Same words Max would use.

This somehow adds a spark to my sadness. I realize that I’m not only afraid, but angry. Angrier than I’ve been in a long time. How dare he?! I yank my face away and push myself to sitting a little further away on the sofa. “You don’t have the right to touch me like that, Jake. Or to say any of that…” My anger is short lived. I end weakly.

He grins at me though. That’s his response?! To grin?! I actually feel my hand moving before I can even think. But he stops my wrist inches from his face. I was going to slap him? I swallow. He doesn’t let go of my wrist, only squeezes a little harder. “Say you’re sorry.”

“I...I’m sorry.” He squeezes a little more, then drops my hand onto my lap. I look and see that my wrist is a little pink from his fingers, but not like when Max grabs me.

When I look back at him, he has the same grin. But this time, I’m only confused. I don’t know what to think or feel. “I shouldn’t have touched you. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. You’re right.” But he turns a little to face me more. “You’ve made a big mess for yourself, little girl.” I catch my breath at being called this by him, but he keeps talking. “You can’t keep going on like you’re perfectly fine with everything, but then still question it. That’s not fair. To Max.”

I can feel my anger again. “To Max? What about me?!”

His look darkens only a little, the grin stays, but stretches slightly. I can feel my instant reaction. I calm my face, hide my anger. “Yes. To Max. He’s never been anything but honest with you, right?” I nod. I know this is true. I’ve never questioned what he wanted…only if I could meet his demands.

“So it’s you that’s been dishonest with him.” I start to open my mouth to protest, but his glare stops me. “You’ve been hiding from him all these months…your fears, your…your apprehensions about your future…about a baby.” His look turns to a cold stare of anger. I shudder a little watching his handsome features turn to stone. “All the while, you’ve been
trying
to have a baby with him. Now…when you think you
might
actually be pregnant…you choose
now
to come here and talk to me…like this?!”

I breathe my answer, frozen in his stare, “I had to.”

He leans forward and before I can stop him, he pulls the back of my head, my face to his and kisses me. On the lips. Just a slight pressure. Almost chaste. Just the slightest touching of wet lips together. He slowly moves my head back. I open my eyes. I didn’t even realize I’d closed them. Or that I’d held my breath.

“I’ll help you, Lucy. Tonight at least. I’ll talk to Max.”

I lower my head and he gets up to grab his phone. He comes back to sit in front of me with it, but he doesn’t make the call yet.

He lifts my chin, gently this time. He grins at me again, but this time it’s more like his gentle smile. I don’t know how, but I return it. Jake has this ability to pull me out of myself no matter. Even when I was hurting after Max beat me. I was able to laugh with him. I don’t remember about what. But I remember that it felt good to laugh, even when it hurt to move.

“But you know I’m not going to be able to convince him to change. Max isn’t ever going to change, Lucy...” I only nod. I do. He sits up a little more. “And you need to decide for yourself if this is really what you want. No more indecision. Because if you
are
carrying his child, I won’t be able to help you again.” I only blink at him for a moment.

“And if I’m not?”

He just rubs his chin again.

Chapter 8 HIM

My phone vibrates on the table. All eyes fix on it. Jake’s white teeth smile up at us. A dumb photo he took of himself last year with my phone as a joke.

I don’t want to talk to him now, but I don’t like how Killaney is looking at me, waiting for me to pick up. I grab my phone and get up, heading outside. When I’m on the terrace and out of hearing, “Yeah. What’s up?”

“Lucy’s here.”

It takes me a moment to comprehend what he’s said. I still don’t get it. “What?!”

“Lucy. She’s safe. She’s here. With me.” I feel too much at once to think. I don’t even respond. I sit down, slowly. Relief and anger flood my nerves. He doesn’t say anything more.

I try to breathe. Deep breath in. Out. I swallow. “Where are you?”

“My place.” His tone is blank. Trying for calm.

“Your place?” I squeeze the phone; I’m surprised that it doesn’t break. I stand up again, pacing in front of the low wall, not seeing the skyline. “Tell her to get her
ass
home now.” I try for a calm voice, but I’m beyond that. I’m yelling into the phone. I turn and see Dad, Jake, and Killaney looking in my direction. I turn around again so my back is to them. “Put her on.”

“I won’t do that, Max.” Red. Pure red. That’s all I see for a moment. “I’m bringing her home. But you need to calm down.”

I swallow. “Don’t tell me to be calm, Jake. What the fuck?!”

“I’ll explain it when I’m there. Just…just try to get control of your anger. Ok?” He hangs up before I can say anything more.

I turn with my phone raised to throw towards the wall. Dad is standing in the doorway, staring at me. I stop. “What did Jake have to say?”

“Lucy.” My teeth are grinding with the words. I can’t stop my anger from tearing my lips back, my whole body tensed to hit something. “She’s with him. At his place. He’s bringing her here now.”

Chapter 8 HER

I can hear Max’s voice. I can hear him yelling into Jake’s phone. I put my hands over my ears. Too scared to move, even when Jake puts the phone down on the coffee table next to him.

He pulls my hands away from my head and I finally look at him. His face is neutral. A mask I’ve seen before. When he’s around a lot of people or family. When he doesn’t want to show how he feels. Or he’s getting control of his anger. I think he’s trying to be calm for my sake. I almost laugh, a little jerk of a gruff sound escapes my lips. I frown at him.

“We need to go. Now.” I only nod. His voice is commanding. A deep, dark voice…I’m familiar with its sound…an echo I’ve heard.

“I…I need to use your bathroom first…” He nods down a dark hall. I stumble up. Feeling a crazy amount of lead in my legs. I’m dizzy with fear. I don’t know if I can face Max right now. And all that’s happened here with Jake…I’ve made such a mess. I just keep thinking this same thing over and over.

I get to the bathroom and turn on the light. After peeing, I just stand in front of the counter, staring at myself for a second. I splash a little cold water on my face finally. I’m too scared, too shocked even to cry more. But my body shakes. I grip the counter to stop myself. I laugh. A scary hysterical sound. Is this what a death row convict feels like? I’m walking to my judgment?!

I head back down the hall. Jake is in the kitchen, just setting down the bottle of beer he finished. He looks strange. A mix of anger and…and I don’t know. Determination? Guilt? I have no idea. I thought I knew him…

He doesn’t look at me, just goes into the bathroom and doesn’t bother closing the door. I can hear him pee in the dark. I can hear him wash his hands.

When he comes out, he grabs my arm in a firm grip. The same, tight, almost painful grip from before. “Let’s go.”

And he keeps this hold all the way down the stairs, out the door, down the block, into a cab. I only stare at him. Trying to see his look budge from the same stern, strong look. It doesn’t.

In the cab, he takes my hand and holds it, pulling my hand onto his knee. He doesn’t look at me though. He just looks straight ahead.

I’ve really messed up today.

Chapter 9 HIM

Dad doesn’t say anything for a moment. He moves instead to stand in front of me, close to me. Blocking any view of me from Jeff and Killaney. “Get ahold of yourself, boy.” I have a second of rage at this. He sounds like Jake. But he puts his hand on my arm, the one not holding my phone. His grip has always been like a vise. His voice calm, in control, commanding as usual. Too many years raised under his belt, his complete power. I don’t move.

I want to tell him to fuck off. I thought it plenty of times growing up. But he’s the reason I am who I am. He saved our family. I can’t disrespect him no matter what. Even now.

I take a breath. I lower my phone. I shrug my shoulders and head, loosening up the hold my anger has on my body. I meet his eyes again. I nod.

He lets go of my arm. We turn together to head back inside.

Jeff is trying not to show his question. He’s trying to look neutral. He saw my anger. So did Killaney.

Killaney raises his eyebrows, waiting. When I’m closer to the table, he finally speaks. “So…news?”

Dad answers for me. He keeps his voice calm, neutral. “Yes. It appears Lucy is with my other son. She’s safe and sound.”

Killaney doesn’t stop appraising me though. I walk by him into the kitchen to give myself a few more moments alone with my anger.

Chapter 9 HER

Jake takes my elevator card from me. He hasn’t let go of my arm again. A firm grip, pushing and pulling me along. I guess this makes him my executioner. He’s walking me to face Max’s anger.

I’m numb. I’m not really sure that I’d be able to walk without his holding me up, without his strong force moving me along. I keep staring at him, trying to see any change in his expression. So far, he’s been this strange mix of anger and determination. But somehow neutral too. His looking through me look…with only a touch of anger. But I don’t know if it’s directed at me or Max…probably both.

Just before the elevator door opens on the top floor though, he turns his head slightly to me. And he grins again. I’m weak. I lean against the wall, pulling on his arm, but the doors open at the same time and he pulls me forward.

I can see that our door is open. Jake pauses for a second, pulling me closer to him. He whispers to me, an angry edge, a command not to be argued with, “Shut up. Not a word until I tell you to speak.” I only nod, but he doesn’t even wait for this. He leads me into the apartment.

As we walk down the hall, I’m aware of two things. Silence. And a face I don’t know. The other three faces are all angry. Ron, Jeff…and Max. I swallow, looking down quickly to avoid eye contact with anyone.

Jake doesn’t let go of my arm, keeps it close to his chest, hiding his grip though.

Chapter 10 HIM

I imagined all sorts of ways tonight would end. I didn’t allow myself to imagine the worse cases. The ones where Lucy didn’t walk in that door…but this?! Fuck! I never thought I’d see my brother holding the arm of my wife…Where’s she been? What’s she been up to since this afternoon?!

Jake nods at Dad, but doesn’t say anything. He stays close to Lucy. She at least has the decency to look ashamed, to look down. I step forward, but Dad speaks first. His words halt me.

“Lucy. It’s good to see you’re safe and sound!” Dad moves to put his hands on her shoulders and kiss her cheek. She looks scared, pressing more into Jake’s side.

Jake answers, nudging her. “She was stuck in my elevator this whole time. I really need to get that damn thing fixed!” Her smile at the nudge quickly disappears and she looks down again.

Dad doesn’t respond, just moves so I can see his look of warning. His back to Killaney and Jeff. I nod before he’s turned enough to not block their view of me anymore.

I move forward, ignoring Jake and Lucy. “Looks like you were right, Killaney…the wife always does show up in these cases…” I try for a light-hearted laugh, but I know I fall far short of this. I nod to Jeff, who stands.

Killaney stays seated though, looking from me to Lucy behind me. “Mrs. Traeger? Do you mind answering a few questions?”

I don’t turn to see Lucy’s face, and I don’t wait for her to respond. “Thought you weren’t
technically
on duty, Detective?”

He turns his eyes to me again. “You’re right.” He smiles. “I can come back tomorrow if you’d prefer something more formal, Max.”

I shake my head and lift my hands open in front of me. I sit down at the table to face Killaney. He has a clear view of Lucy now, my back is still to her. I don’t trust keeping my anger in check if I look at her. I can picture her look of fear and how her body tried to shrivel seeing me.

I watch Jeff’s face. He stays standing, but doesn’t move away from the table.

Chapter 10 HER

I shake in Jake’s hold. Thankfully, Max moves away. I can’t see his face. I can see that his body is tense, filled with anger still. But for some reason he’s pretending to be calm. So is Ron. He’s still standing close to us and looking so calm.

This only makes me shake more. I can feel Jakes hand gripping harder. I steal a glance up at him, but he doesn’t look away from the short man at the table.

Jake leads me to sit at the table, he takes a seat right next to me. I’m glad that he stays close. Max is to our right, the detective to our left.

“Mrs. Traeger, I’m Detective Killaney…a friend of Jeff’s.” The man nods up towards Jeff, who’s standing a little ways down the table. “Your husband and Jeff called me to check up on you…after they found your purse…they thought something might’ve happened to you…?”

I look at Jake. I know I shouldn’t. I can tell by his look, staring straight at this detective, not turning to me, he only nods a little. I quickly look back. “I…I’m sorry that I had everyone so worried.”

Jake thankfully speaks up, “Her purse and phone were stolen. Lucy didn’t have any money to get home…so she walked to my place. To find me.” I can see that he glances at Max. I don’t follow his eyes. I can’t. “She was stuck in my elevator for hours before I got there.”

I don’t say anything. That was a partial lie, a partial truth. I’m not a good liar. I won’t be able to lie to Max if he questions me. I don’t know what I was thinking…stupid!

“That must’ve been some ordeal, Mrs. Traeger…?” Killaney leans forward. I only nod. I notice that his breath has alcohol and notice the empty glasses and nearly empty bottle on the table.

For some reason, this makes me angry. While he was so worried about me, Max sat around here drinking?!

I stand up, grabbing the glasses angrily as I do; they clink together loudly. I head into the kitchen, walking by Ron as I do. I ignore his stern look.

I make noise putting the glasses in the sink loudly. I return, but don’t sit down again. I stand away from everyone, with my arms crossed. “If you don’t mind…it’s been a long day…”

I don’t know where this is coming from. How I’m able to stand, let alone come across as upset with everyone. It’s like I’m watching myself from afar. I can see that I want to get this over with. I want to get to the part where…No. I’m not brave enough to say that…the part where Max can unleash the anger he’s holding in….There. I said it. I shake again though, all bravery gone.

Max gets up. I look at Jake, but see that he’s wearing his neutral mask, only the hint of a shake to his head is given to me.

Max comes to stand next to me, putting his arm gently around me. He kisses my head and I melt into his arm for a moment. His gentleness…it’s what I crave most right now. “Lucy’s right. I’m going to have to ask everyone to leave. I appreciate your staying…and helping. But she’s home where she belongs now.” He looks at me and I can see the dark look he’s burying. “And she needs to get to bed.”

Jeff moves to leave, nodding at Killaney. Killaney reluctantly gets up, putting his notepad away.

He stops in front of us though. “I’ll have prints on her phone tomorrow or the next day at the latest…I’ll let you know if we find anything. But you’ll need to come file a report with the precinct too.” I see Max nod. Killaney keeps staring at me, but I keep my look composed. I don’t know how. But I manage not to shake or cry or scream…only in my head.