Trigger (12 page)

“Dylan! What are you up to?”

“I’m sitting at some random bar by the highway down in San Diego waiting for my food to come.”

“San Diego? What the hell are you doing down
there
?”

“Not sure. I just felt like driving really fast and far and ended up here.”

There was a pause. “Is everything all right?” Victor asked.

“No.”

“What’s going on?”

How was I going to explain to Victor that Nina had tried to push me off a cliff thirty yards above ground? For some inexplicable reason, I didn’t want my uncle to think badly of Nina. I laughed then. What was wrong with me? The chick had almost killed me and here I sat, wanting to
defend
her?

“Nina, the chick I met online, tried to kill me.”

“What? She tried to
kill you
? Are you sure?”

I snorted. “No, I just have a knack for telling bad jokes… Of course I’m
sure
. I was there and saw it happen! The chick’s fucking
nuts
.”

“Exactly what did she do?”

I told Victor everything from the second we started walking up the mountain, giving extra detail the closer to the top Nina and I got, in the story.

“Damn,” Victor said. “And you’re saying the push came totally out of the blue?”

“Yeah. And then she just took off, so there’s no question about it being intentional.”

“I was just about to say that maybe it was an accident, but then she would have stayed and tried to save you.”

“Yes, she would.” I sighed as I reminded myself of this once again.

“Man, I don’t know what to say. She does sound a little nuts.”

“A
little?
How about off her fucking rockers? Do you think it’s
ever
okay to try pushing someone off a cliff no matter what the person said or did?”

“No, I can’t say that I do.”

“
Exactly
. I think you’re gonna have to take me to Vegas next weekend and buy me a huge fucking dinner at the most expensive steakhouse in the city!
I’ve
won this fucking bet!”

“Dylan.”

“Yes?”

“Are you going to be okay to drive home from down there? You sound very upset. Not that I blame you—you have every reason to be. I just want to make sure you don’t do anything crazy, drive off the road or something. Maybe you should spend the night at a hotel and drive back tomorrow.”

I exhaled. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine. I’m driving back as soon as I’m done eating. I’ve only had one drink. I’ll be okay. Really. Besides, I wanna sleep in my own bed.”

“All right. As long as you’re sure. I don’t mind paying for a car service to get you back up tonight if it’s that important to you and have someone come pick up your car. After all, I was the one who encouraged you to contact this broad again.”

“Thanks for the offer, but, truly, I’ll be fine driving back on my own.”

We exchanged a few more words and then hung up.

Nina

I spent the rest of the day in bed, underneath my sheets, just like I had longed to do when hiding between an SUV and an ultramodern beetle in the parking lot at the bottom of the Santa Monica Mountains, waiting for Nixon to appear.

Now, almost eight at night, I crawled out from under my sheets and into my living room, plopping down on the couch there. I was glad this was one of those days when Lorna was gone. I was in no mood to explain why I was acting so strange. The terror that had kept me incapacitated for most of the day had faded and I could think more clearly now. The seriousness of what I had done to Dylan had begun to dawn on me.

I had almost pushed him off the fucking cliff.

I closed my eyes, shivering.
Oh God, I could have
killed
the guy
. I knew I hadn’t succeeded because an image of him standing at the cliff’s edge, looking back at me as I sprinted away from him, flashed through my mind. Still, the fact that I had pushed him like that at all was enough. What the hell was
wrong
with me? How could I have done such a thing, no matter how much he’d freaked me out? Was I going crazy? I must be. Only crazy people tried to push other people off mountains.

I buried my face in my hands. Yes, something was seriously wrong with me. There was no other explanation to what I had done today. Tears filled my eyes.
Oh God, what should I do?
The sound of my phone ringing somewhere reached me. I removed my hands from my face and looked around. Where was my phone?

I pricked up my ears, trying to determine where exactly the ringing was coming from.

I suddenly remembered that I’d thrown off my fanny pack in the bathroom when I got home. My phone was in my fanny pack. I walked over to the bathroom and picked up the fanny pack from the cool tile floor there.

Ricki was calling me.

“Hello…” My voice was barely audible.

“There you are finally!” Ricki said. “I’ve been calling you
for hours
. I was beginning to think something was wrong with your phone. I got a text from Nixon telling me to check in with you. It sounded like something bad had happened. Did it?”

“Yes.”

“With Dylan? Weren’t you guys supposed to go hiking?”

“Yes. We did go hiking.”

“Okay. And what happened? Did you freak out again or something?”

“Yes. So much I almost pushed him off a freaking
cliff
.” As soon as I had said those words, I began to cry again.

“Wait, what? You almost pushed him off a cliff?” Ricki paused. “Are you crying?”

The tears were streaming down my cheeks, my throat so twisted I couldn’t get a word out.

“Nina. Calm down. What do you mean you almost pushed him off a cliff? A high cliff? Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.”

I took a couple deep breaths, managing to calm down enough to be able to get some words out. “Oh, God, I pushed him so
hard
…”

“But he’s okay, right?” Ricki’s voice was grim.

I took another deep breath. “Yes. Well, at least he didn’t fall off the cliff.”

“Thank God for that.” I could hear Ricki inhaling. “Nina. Tell me from the beginning what happened. All of it.”

Ten minutes later, Ricki had a reasonably firm grip on what had occurred.

“Wow,” she said. “So it was something about his
face
that freaked you out then? The way you described it, his features suddenly changing, it sounds like he was turning into a
werewolf
or something.”

“Yeah, actually that wouldn’t be a bad way to describe it.” Dylan’s face up on the mountain flashed through my mind and that same feeling of suffocation filled me. I forced myself to calm down. “Yes, it
was
as though he was suddenly turning into a werewolf.”

“Nina, you know werewolves don’t really exist, right?”

I sighed. “I’m not so sure about that any longer.”

“You should see a doctor. It sounds like you were having some kind of a hallucination. Maybe you’re getting sick.
Something
’s obviously not right with you. I mean, this is the second time this happened.”

“Yeah…” I was probably going crazy.

“Definitely see a doctor. What about Dylan? Are you gonna call him and tell him you’re sorry? Or maybe telling him in person would be better.”

“In person? No. It’s better I just email. We shouldn’t see each other again.”

“Really? Only because of this? But the two of you seem so good together! Now that I think about it, it’s probably just your brain playing tricks with you again, making you see and feel things that aren’t there to sabotage you because things are going so well.” She paused. “Which I guess is a form of a hallucination.”

“I really don’t think that’s the case. It’s something else… Either way, it doesn’t matter. We’re clearly not meant for each other if I’m having these kinds of strong reactions to him.”

“I don’t know. I still think it might be your brain resisting the happiness he could bring you. You just need to fight through it. Not let it control you. Maybe you should talk to him about your childhood. So he gets that this might be a matter of fear of intimacy.”

“He already knows that my dad left when I was five and that my two stepdads were losers, too. It doesn’t matter. I seriously doubt he wants to see me again. I fucking almost killed the guy, Ricki!”

“Yeah, that’s true.” She sighed. “That
does
complicate the situation.”

I suddenly didn’t feel like talking about Dylan any longer. “What’s going on with you?”

We spoke a little about Ricki. Before disconnecting though, Ricki made me promise to at least think about calling instead of emailing Dylan to apologize.

I remained seated on my sofa, the phone in my lap. I felt a little better after talking to Ricki. Not great, but my mood had definitely improved. Ricki always had that effect on me.

My eyes found the photo with me and Hannah on the side table. Despite knowing better, I walked over to the silver-framed photo and picked it up. The photo displayed us when we were fourteen, right before all the horror in high school happened. This was how I wanted to remember Hannah, eyes burning and her lips smiling wide, like life was always going to be as great as it had been the day this photo was taken. Not like she had been less than a year later, cold and pale and serious, lying inside a white coffin.

As always, looking at that happy face for more than a couple of seconds made tears sting my eyes and that constricting blanket of guilt folded itself around me. I didn’t need this right now, so why had I gone over to look at Hannah?
I really must be a masochist, just like my mom liked to call me for choosing to pursue acting when there were so many better—safer—options in life.

I examined the feeling of guilt to see if it felt smaller than the last time I had experienced it, the morning after Dylan spent the night at my house.

It was as big as always.

Dylan

Six days had passed since Nina had tried to push me off the cliff. Six long days during which I was still dreaming about her, still finding her interrupting my thoughts. Wishing she was in my arms, her hungry mouth on mine, her naked skin against my body. It made me furious. What was the matter with me? The girl was obviously nuts, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about her? I needed help. Help as in a night out with the boys. It usually cleared away most issues.

I texted Jack, asking him what was going on for the evening.

We’re going to a party. They’re opening a new club on Sunset. You coming?

I texted back, saying that I would, glad nothing had changed with my friends. They were as eager to party as always.

A couple hours later, I was sitting in my car, driving in the direction of the club where I’d meet up with Jack and our other buddy, Ryan, at the bar. I left my car with the valet outside and walked into the loud club, pushing against all the people arriving at the same time. Getting inside took me a good ten minutes. I cursed myself silently for not having chosen to come earlier or later. I was well aware that eight o’clock was prime time for these kinds of openings where hors d’oeuvres were served, and I hated elbowing my way into venues.

By the time I reached the bar in question, I was exhausted. Ryan and Jack were already standing there, drinks in hand and talking to some scantily clad, heavily made up girls, most of whom looked surgically enhanced in their faces as well as their bodies. I wasn’t crazy about the look of silicon boobs, having always avoided girls endowed with them, at least if they were grotesquely obvious. Right now, though, I didn’t care if their fake boobs were the size of melons; I needed to talk to girls, any girl that would distract me from thinking any more of Nina. I greeted Jack and Ryan, who introduced me to a couple of the girls. Thankfully, the music wasn’t as loud where we were standing, allowing for all of us to have a conversation. I began with the platinum-blond girl closest to me. After speaking to her for a few minutes, or attempting to speak—it wasn’t easy as the girl was high on something and not really there—I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I sincerely hoped that when I got back, I’d find a better girl to talk to, someone who was in the same world as I at the moment. In most other places this wouldn’t be much to ask for. Unfortunately, at a major club opening in Hollywood, it was.

I hadn’t even reached the bathroom when I saw her. For the first time in over six months. Emma was walking arm in arm with another girl who wasn’t nearly as attractive. My tall model ex-girlfriend was dressed in a slinky black dress that showcased her long, slender legs and slim body. She hadn’t noticed me yet, and it was doubtful that she would since I was surrounded by lots of people in the darkness. I had stopped moving and was just watching her, surprised that I didn’t feel a thing. Nothing, not even anger at the way she had dumped me. I was truly over her.

She turned around for some reason, and, against all odds, her large gray eyes found me. The faint smile on her face died as she quickly turned away and continued walking with her friend, back into the club.

Nina

“Do we really have to?” I said, my heart sinking when I saw the crowds of people at the entrance of the Blue Moon
,
the new club opening on Sunset tonight. I couldn’t stand crowds. There were so many people hovering outside the building, the entrance was blocked beneath the huge neon sign that displayed the name. Ricki and I were standing in front of it, several yards away, about to enter. “Look at all these people. We won’t be able to
move
in there. We should just go home.”

“Come
on
,” Ricki said, pulling my arm. “I’m sure it’s not as packed inside. It’ll be
fun
. And you need to have fun right now, honey. A lot more than I do.”

I moaned. “
Fine
. But if I freak out inside, you better have my back, alright?”

“Don’t we always have each other’s backs?”

“Yeah, that’s true. We do.” I smiled. “Okay, let’s go then.” I hooked my arm through Ricki’s and, together, we worked ourselves toward the entrance.