Trigger (30 page)

Mom didn’t say anything for a second. Then, “Maybe is good. Let’s leave it at maybe and think about that closer to Christmas, okay?”

“Okay. Bottles. Hamburgers. Green day.”

“Want to have dinner with me next week? Maybe we can get—um—something other than hamburgers. Monday night?”

“Good day. Good! Yes. Thanks. Hamburgers. I mean,
not hamburgers.” I got excited so I almost dropped the phone. Fumbled it. Caught it. Got it back to my ear.

“—Tell your dad to call me,” Mom was saying. “I’d like to have dinner with him another night, if you’re all right with that.”

“Very all right. Hamburgers. Bottles. Green day.”

“Okay, honey. Well, I love you, and I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bottles. Love you, too, Mom.”

I hung up smiling my half-smile and not even caring that much. Hamburgers. It felt okay, half a smile. Bottles. It felt fine. Dad and I had a fine dinner, too. Later, I got into my new bed in my new room down the hall. I left the green bedspread and the football rug in the old room, at least for now. They were in a good place. Green day. A very good place for now.

acknowledgments

The journey to this book became a quest, and finally an odyssey, with many, many helpers along the way. Thanks to Kathleen Duey, who sat in the conference lobby at the 2001 SCBWI National Conference, patiently listening to a nervous, unpublished author rattling off an ambitious idea. Your interest helped me believe others might be interested. Thanks to Melissa Haber, who made a huge difference with a single critique comment. Thanks to Christine Taylor-Butler, who understood things nobody else did, and made me laugh when I wanted to scream. Thanks to Melissa Neal-Lunsford, who told me it was creepy. Huge, endless thanks to my critique warriors Debbie Federici, Sheri Gilbert, and my family, who screamed at me to finish this, read it at least one thousand times (Debbie probably double that much), told me the truth, and swore at me for making them cry.

I cannot offer enough gratitude to my agent, Erin Murphy, for helping me grow as a writer so I could write this, believing in the book, and helping me polish it. I would also like to announce to the world that my editor, Victoria Arms, is simply brilliant, and I so appreciate her becoming
Trigger
’s champion and working through the manuscript with such a deft, gentle hand. Thanks also to Donna Mark
and Jonathan Barkat for a beautiful cover, and to Stacy Cantor, Ele Fountain, Melanie Cecka, Diana Blough, and Deb Shapiro who fell in love with
Trigger
and helped make the book a reality.

Finally, I offer a humble thank you to every teen and young adult who trusted me enough to share their fears, pains, sorrows, and dreams. In the end, Jersey exists for all of you.

resources

Suicide remains one of the top three leading causes of death for teenagers in the United States. For every teen who dies from suicide, one to two hundred more make attempts. Many of those teens will suffer permanent injuries ranging from scarring to severe brain damage. Triggering events can seem trivial—fights with friends or parents, loss of romantic relationships, or even a bad grade. Often, teens who attempt suicide have underlying issues such as major depression, bipolar disorder, family conflict, recent losses, a history of abuse, a history of suicide in friends or family, or problems with substance abuse. Often … but not always. So what’s the bottom line? What can you do? The answer has two parts.

First,
know the more common warning signs:

• Withdrawing from friends, family, and typical activities

• Signs of depression, such as major changes in eating and sleeping habits, sadness, crying, hopelessness, boredom, low energy, irritability or anger, guilt, low self-esteem, poor concentration, and frequent complaints of physical symptoms like stomachache or headache

• Signs of mania or psychosis, such as hearing things, very unusual or magical thinking, rapid and pressured speech, agitation or very high activity level with little
to no sleep, risk taking (acting “bulletproof”), and extreme suspicion

• Acting out, such as running away or violent outbursts

• Deterioration in personal hygiene and/or appearance

• Significant personality change

• Throwing away, giving away, or abandoning important possessions

• Statements about feeling awful, feeling like a bad person, feeling dead or ruined inside

• Focusing on death or wanting to die in talking, writing, or art

• Indirect statements like
Everything will be okay soon; Nothing matters; It’s no use; Everything’s over; I have no future; I’ll be out of everybody’s way soon

Second
, take action. If you’re a teen thinking about suicide or a teen with a friend thinking about suicide, tell a trusted adult or use the resources below. If you’re a parent, educator, practitioner, or just an adult friend, get help for the teen.
Don’t wait
. There are many options and resources for immediate help, such as the following:

• If you believe an attempt is in progress, the police or 911

• If you believe the situation is imminent or urgent, your local emergency room

• Primary care physicians, especially pediatricians and family practitioners, who often can a) see patients on an emergency basis faster than anyone else, b) make initial assessments of risk, c) arrange for hospitalization if needed, d) match a teen to a counselor or psychiatrist quickly, and e) access or provide other medical help faster and more efficiently than a layperson

• A therapist or counselor, or local community health center, if the teen is already involved in such services

• Clergy members, if the teen or the teen’s family is involved in an organized religion

• Local 24-hour crisis lines often listed in the front of your phone book, or national 24-hour crisis hotlines with provisions for teens, including:

1-800-SUICIDE

1-800-273-TALK

1-800-999-9999 (Covenant House’s “Nine Line”)

If the situation isn’t immediately life threatening, be a friend and support—or find friends and supports for yourself. Seek information from suicide prevention organizations with a focus on teens, such as the following:

• The Jason Foundation (
www.thejasonfoundation.com
)

• Yellow Ribbon International Suicide Prevention (
www.yellowribbon.org
)

• Suicide Prevention Action Network USA (
www.spanusa.org
)

• Metanoia (
www.metanoia.org
)

• Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (
www.save.org
)

To explore choosing mental health services for yourself or a teen you’re helping, seek information from organizations such as the following:

• The American Psychological Association (
www.apa.org
)

• The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (
www.aacap.org
)

• The National Association of Social Workers (
www.naswdc.org
)

• The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (
www.nami.org
)

• The National Mental Health Association (
www.nmha.org
)

• The National Institute of Mental Health (
www.nimh.nih.gov
)

For more information about this book, the author, the subject of teen suicide, and choosing and working with counselors, as well as a more comprehensive resource listing, visit
www.susanvaught.com
.

Copyright © 2006 by Susan Vaught

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner
whatsoever without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

First published in the United States of America in September 2006
by Bloomsbury Books for Young Readers
E-book edition published in April 2011
www.bloomsburykids.com

For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to
Permissions, Bloomsbury BFYR, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010

The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Vaught, Susan.
Trigger / by Susan Vaught.—1st U.S. ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Teenager Jersey Hatch must work through his extensive brain damage to
figure out why he decided to shoot himself.
ISBN-10: 1-58234-920-7 • ISBN-13: 978-1-58234-920-6 (hardcover)
[1. Brains—Wounds and injuries—Fiction. 2. Brain damage—Patients—Rehabilitation—
Fiction. 3. Gunshot wounds—Fiction. 4. Suicide—Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.V4673 Tri 2006          [Fic]—dc22          2005032249

ISBN 978-1-59990-792-5 (e-book)