Trigger (20 page)

Harriett answers the door and Michael and Suzanne
rush in. “Wow, look at that view. You are so high I can see
everything! It’s like being on top of the world!” Apparently
Suzanne likes Judy’s condo. “You are the luckiest woman in the
world!”

She hears Suzanne walking around and she has a
comment on everything.

“Suzanne, it’s not nice to nose around someone’s
home. What’s wrong with you? Please come over here and sit down
like a young lady.” Michael’s voice is low and his disapproval is
soft, but present.

“I’m sorry, Miss Mason. I think I’ve spoiled her too
much. Boss said he’d meet us here.”

“What are we doing?”

“Boss didn’t tell you?”

She shakes her head no.

“We’re going to a band concert in the park. It’s my
favorite country band and it’s for charity. It’ll be fun. Suzanne,
please put that down. Here draw something.”

Another knock and she feels Steven’s presence and
then he’s in front of her and his hands are on her shoulders.

“Hi there,” she hears his smile and then feels his
lips lightly kiss hers. “Did Michael tell you about the adventure
we’re going to have today?”

Her lips are tingling. She nods and then he pushes
her away and holds her at arm’s length.

“No this won’t do, definitely not for today.
Suzanne, take Miss Mason to her room and get her dressed in . . .
something else. Please.”

A small, soft hand takes hers and pulls Judy toward
her bedroom.

“Thank goodness, there’s an old rug in my bedroom
that looks better than this outfit.” She hears Steven laugh and
Michael shush him.

Suzanne is in her walk-in closet and talking about
the new dress she’s wearing that Michael bought for her. “Feel it.”
She brushes up against her. It’s soft and silky. “He got me cool
converse, too. They’re black with glitter all over them. Feel.”

She reaches out and a small foot is near her hand
covered with canvas and a perfect bow. “He got me socks to match my
dress.”

“Aren’t they cool?”

“Yes.”

“Michael’s the best brother any sister could ever
have. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he goes to college
next year. I told him I just go with him and skip middle school and
high school, but he doesn’t like the idea. I told him he could home
school me, because he’ll have his high school diploma and could do
that. He says he’ll think about it.”

Suzanne starts shoving clothes at her. The first is
a tank top. The second is another tank top.

“Go ahead. Put that one on over the first one.”

Who am I to argue? And then my shortest navy blue
skirt and tuck them in like she tells me.

“You don’t have any Converse, so your running shoes
will just have to do.” Her voice is frustrated with my lack of
appropriate clothing, according to a ten-year-old.

“You’re very tall. You’ll have to sit down so I can
reach you to do your hair.”

She brushes firm but it feels good and she brushes
it all to the right and puts it into a pony tail over Judy’s right
ear.

“Geeze, you don’t have any ribbons or bows or
nothing. Here you can use mine.”

It’s a long ribbon and Suzanne has tied it in a bow,
but the extra length tickles her ear. But who’s she to argue or
complain about someone who knows more about dressing that she
does.

“You don’t have any jewelry?”

“No.”

“Where’s your makeup?”

“I don’t have any.”

“No makeup?” She feels Suzanne staring at her. “You
didn’t have a mother to teach you things did you?”

Judy has no response.

“You can wear one of my bracelets. Jackie makes them
at school. They’re hand braided with lots of pretty colors.”

She ties it on Judy’s left wrist. “It’s a friendship
bracelet and means we’re friends now. Can I call you Judy instead
of Miss Mason?”

“Yes.” Her voice is unsteady and she feels a burning
in her eyes and quickly blinks.

“Okay that’s the best I can do. Stand up and let me
see.”

Judy can feel the young girl study her.

“You really are very beautiful. You don’t need any
makeup, but a smile wouldn’t hurt!”

Judy laughs without thinking about it.

“That’s better. Come on let’s get the guys and go.”
Suzanne takes her hand and pulls her back into the living room. “Ta
Da!” Suzanne says and drops her hand.

Steven laughs and Michael disapproves. “Don’t call
Miss Mason, Judy, and what have you done to her?”

“She looks good and ready for fun. What’s wrong with
her? She has ugly navy blue suits and that’s all. Her huge walk-in
closet is totally bare except for the suits and exercise clothes. I
didn’t have much to work with.”

“You actually look great Judy. Different but great,”
Steven says with a smile I can hear and feel and plants a soft kiss
on my lips. He takes my hand and tucks it through his arm. “Thank
you Suzanne. You did a great job.”

“It was a struggle. But she turned out good.”
Suzanne sighs loudly. “Judy is very beautiful, Steven.”

Steven laughs. “Come let’s go have some fun.”

The best part about being blind is you don’t have to
see what people think of you. There’s no embarrassment about what
you wear or how you look. You can’t see your mistakes in their
eyes.

She felt unsettled when Michael said they were going
out to a concert in the park, but as the elevator gets closer and
closer to the ground. She feels her anxiety starting to rise at an
alarming speed. The last time she was outside was the day she
caught a cab and checked out of the hospital against the doctors
who argued with her and brought in lawyers and made her sign a
thousand papers.

That was nearly a year ago. She never thought about
it, but she knew she’d never go out again. After all she was blind
and crippled and scared, no one wants to see or be with blind and
crippled people. Forgotten and tossed aside just like Simon and her
Mom in the alley. She feels a sob escape her. She didn’t know it
was there, it just happened.

“Hey, what’s the matter? You’re shaking Judy.”

“Scared.” It’s all she can say, she’s gasping for
air and she reaches out for Simon’s hand.

A small soft hand takes it instead. “It’s all right
Judy, we’re your friends and friends don’t let their friends get
scared or feel bad. Remember you’re wearing my friendship bracelet
and that means we’re BFFs.”

Steven laughs and puts his arm around her and holds
her tight. “My car is right out front. How do you get to your
doctor’s appointments?”

She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say
anything. She doesn’t go to doctors appointments. She feels
Steven’s deep crease that tells her he understands what she didn’t
say.

Suzanne squeezes her hand. “Stay close to me. I used
to be afraid all the time, but Michael always said that to me. You
feel better don’t you?”

Does it? Stay close to Suzanne, Michael and Steven?
She nods, but her knees feel weak as she walks out into the open
air. She feels the sun on her face for the first time in a year. It
hurts. Steven puts her in the front seat and buckles her in.

“Okay?” He asks.

She licks her lips and Steven kisses them like Simon
used to do.

“Okay then let’s get this show on the road!”
Steven’s voice sounds happy. Steven’s given her a pair of
sunglasses to wear saying that the sun is really bright today and
she’s not used to it. She doesn’t argue all she sees is black.
Steven put in a CD of the band we’re going to hear. Country isn’t
her thing, but really she doesn’t have favorite music. Maybe the
“Rocky” theme, but that’s all.

“Will you look at us? We look like a normal family.
Dad driving, Mom in the front and the kids in the back, we look
like a TV commercial.” Suzanne giggles and it sparks laughter from
all of us. “I’m sure glad there isn’t anything that’s normal, isn’t
that what you say Michael?”

Suzanne and Michael
talked and chatted, mostly Michael answering her questions. Steven
quietly held her hand as he drove. The traffic slowed and Steven
was inching forward. Outside with people she doesn’t know. She
knows why Steven didn’t tell her where they were going. He knew how
she would feel and he didn’t want her to say no. It’s another lie,
no matter how you look at it.

“Please don’t be mad. I was just thinking that you’d
enjoy being here and I didn’t want you to say no without trying.
Quite a turn around isn’t it? I was the one who always said no to
you.”

She’s sure he’d read her body. She didn’t say
anything out loud. He kisses her hand. “We’ll follow your lead,
Judy. When you want to go, or getting tired, or uncomfortable, just
tell us and we’ll all leave and take you home. No problem.
Understand?”

“Control freak.”

“Yes, but with good intentions.”

Steven has Michael take the car to find a parking
space. Steven takes charge of her and Suzanne as Michael drops them
off close to the bandstand.

“You do know that I probably run ten miles a
day?”

“This is different. It’s not running equipment.
You’ll feel the difference. Just trust me, please.” She can feel
the crease of disapproval between his eyes. She doesn’t care. She
doesn’t like to be treated like broken glass. She holds Steven’s
elbow like he shows her and she holds Suzanne’s hand.

“Don’t let go of me, Suzanne. I can’t see to find
you if you get lost.” Judy squeezes the little hand holding her and
suddenly afraid something bad will happen or bad people will find
them. For the first time, Judy realizes she can’t see danger
coming.

Her anxiety is still peaking when Steven settles her
and Suzanne on a thick and comfortable blanket. There are lots of
people near them, talking and laughing and paying no attention to
anyone but themselves. She’s beginning to relax and get into the
excitement, but Steven’s head keeps looking around for Michael.

Suzanne must see him first, she’s up and jumping and
yelling “Michael.”

“You guys were lucky, that was a nightmare. Didn’t
think I was ever going to get my turn to park,” Michael plops down
on the blanket.

“You and Suzanne want to look around and get us some
drinks or something. Steven must hand him some money. “Go
explore.”

“Stay close Suz,” and then they’re off.

“Its fun having kids isn’t, Judy?”

She’s leaning against his legs like he instructed
her to support her back. “It’s nice having Michael and Suzanne
around. Did you see my friendship bracelet? She said we were now
BFFs and could she call me Judy.” She laughs, while Steven admires
it and moves it around and around her wrist. “She’s worried, you
know.”

“About Michael going to college, yes, I know. Unlike
the rest of us, Suzanne doesn’t hide much does she? It’s very
refreshing and I compliment Michael on raising her to be open and
communicate freely. I think he’s probably the best parent I’ve ever
run into and he was seven when he started taking care of her.”

Judy lets Steven’s cryptic remark pass over them and
changes the subject. “Do you know their mother?”

“Yes, she’s a hooker who works the area where you
used to live. Michael and Suzanne have different fathers.”

“Does she take care of them at all?”

“Not really, they pretty much take care of her.
Fixing food for when she comes home, cleaning the apartment,
grocery shop and Michael pays the bills.”

“That’s harsh.”

“Better than you had it. She may ignore them but
she’s nice to them when she’s around and she doesn’t beat them or
let her pimp come in to the apartment. She never brings customers
in either, even if the kids aren’t home.”

“Nice woman, just an odd occupation?”

Then Steven abruptly changes the subject. “The
shelter program you are putting together is one of the reasons
we’re here today.”

“What?”

“Part of the proceeds has been designated for your
program?”

“How? Why didn’t I know about it?” That’s her only
ambition to get it funded and she should have been consulted.
“Steven I’m so angry and I could scream. It’s great, but I would
have supported this and we could have done better. This is a lost
opportunity.”

“I put your program on the list. I didn’t think you
would go for something like this.”

“Of course you didn’t know. You didn’t ask me did
you?” Judy’s temper flares. “Don’t think for me Steven. If you and
Simon had talked to me about my dad and brother, Simon would be
alive right now!”

She’s close to being out of control. Trembling and
so angry she can’t continue to sit still, but she can’t get up
without help. Without other recourse available, she begs. “Oh
Steven, don’t do this to me. If you are going to be around, you’ve
got to talk to me and I know you hate it, but you’ve got to share.
You just can’t come charging in like some idiot on a white horse
and a metal helmet and take over my life and think for me.”

Steven laughs and I quiet down because I can sense
the people around us starting are to pay attention. “You’re right.
I was wrong. I won’t made that mistake again, Judy.”

“So what other mistakes are you going to make,
Steven?” She spits.

Steven takes her hand and starts playing with her
fingers. “Please don’t push me away because I don’t know how.”

“Only one rule, Steven. Talk to me and be honest,
even if you think I won’t like it. We’ll argue and listen to each
other and then make up, okay?”

“Oh my God, Miss Mason.” She knows that voice. This
isn’t good.

Steven jumps up and pulls her to her feet. “Dr.
Harter, it’s good to see you again too.”

“Steven, keep Michael and Suzanne away. Go now.” She
whispers and pushes him. When she realizes he’s gone she turns to
the governor’s voice and holds out her hand. “How have you been?
Steven tells me you’ve been working out regularly and that you like
his green/gray sludge.” She laughs but it’s not her best. “Is Grace
with you?”