Authors: Chris Jordan
you’re going through, Mrs. Garner. You can be sure they’ll
study the BOLO and they will in fact be very much on the
lookout. As I said before, if you had a probable destination,
or a point of origin, or a make and model of a motor vehicle
or motorcycle, we could start from there.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I feel so stupid.” No matter how hard
I try, another spasm of weeping comes along every few
minutes. Detective Berg has thoughtfully provided a box of
tissues and my lap is full of wadded-up Kleenex.
“You’re not stupid, Mrs. Garner,” he assures me. “Believe
me, the parent is often the last to know. And if this guy your
daughter is seeing is over eighteen, as you suspect, he might
even face charges.”
“I don’t care about that. I just want her back, safe and sound.”
“Of course. But there are legal ramifications. Let me read
you the statute,” he says, picking up a card from the desk. “If
the victim is under fifteen and the perpetrator is at least
eighteen, this constitutes a second degree sexual offense.
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However, if the defendant is less than four years older than
the victim, this may constitute an affirmative defense.’”
“What’s an ‘affirmative defense’?”
Berg reads from the back of the card. “‘Affirmative de-
fenses are those in which the defendant introduces evidence
which negates criminal liability.’”
“Meaning he gets away with it? Taking advantage?”
The detective shrugs. “The legal age of consent in the state
of New York is seventeen. Your daughter is sixteen, so it
depends on how much older he is. If he’s thirty, he can and
probably will be prosecuted. If he’s twenty or under, probably
not, unless your daughter testifies that he forced himself on her.”
“Oh God.” The whole thing feels like it’s spinning out of
control. All this talk about criminal liability and prosecutable
offenses, all I want is for Kelly to be okay. And I want every
cop in the known universe out looking for my daughter. I
want them a lot more proactive than Be On The Lookout.
“I told you the boy is a pilot. Can’t he be traced that way?
Can’t I look at pictures, pick him out?”
“You already have a photo of the guy,” he reminds me.
“We’ll post it with the BOLO.”
“A picture but no name. Can’t you like run it through a
computer or something?”
Berg chuckles. “Like on TV? Face-recognition software
isn’t that precise, not in the real world. Plus, you’d have to get
access to the right database. But there might be someone who
can help.” He rummages around in a desk drawer, hands me a
card. “Never met this guy, but he comes highly recommended.”
I check out the business card. Just a name, title and phone
number. Nothing fancy. “Says here he’s retired,” I say,
feeling stunned.
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The friendly, sympathetic detective is passing me off to
some geezer.
“He’s not a real cop,” I point out.
“Don’t let him hear that, these retired guys get very of-
fended.” Berg stands up. The interview is over. He’s palm-
ing me off, passing me along. “Get me a name, Mrs. Garner.
A last name for this bad boy who ran off with your daughter.
Give us a place to start and we’ll do the rest.”
He shows me the door.
10. Girl Talk
First thing I do when I get home is call Kelly’s best friend,
Sierra Wavell. I’m thinking I should have called her first,
before reporting Kelly missing. Call the girlfriend, that
should have been obvious. If I’d been thinking straight.
Which, admittedly, I’m not.
I’m instantly bumped to her voice mail, which means her
cell is already engaged, no surprise.
“Sierra? This is Jane Garner, Kelly’s mom. Please call me
when you get this. It’s an emergency, Sierra. Please?”
I leave my number, enunciating slowly.
Next task is Kelly’s computer. Seth will be on there some-
where. Name or number. Something to work with. Something
to give the cops.
My computer skills are, by the standards of your average
ten-year-old, modest. I know how to work my spreadsheet
software, how to send and receive e-mails, even, with
Kelly’s coaching, how to download digital photographs
from my little Nikon, which comes in handy for taking
pictures of first fittings. I know how to search for stuff on
Google, all of it business related—fabrics, suppliers, manu-
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facturers and so on. I have a pretty good understanding of
how computerized cutting and sewing machines operate,
how the information is fed in one end and the complete item
comes out the other.
That’s pretty much it. A recreational computer person I am
not. I don’t game or chat or role-play. If I have an hour to
myself I’d rather read a book, or, if my brain is really stressed,
veg out watching one of my shows.
So I don’t know how to write code or mess with the hard-
ware or hack into encrypted programs. Which means I’m able
to open Kelly’s e-mail program, but I can’t get into the files
where she actually keeps her saved mail. Files marked with
enticing names like Girltalk, Junk-o-la, Facers, S-man.
Girltalk. Very clever, my daughter. This will be where she
keeps all the gossipy stuff. And every time I click on the file
it comes up
File locked, enter code.
Which I would gladly
do if I knew the code.
I try Kelly’s birthday.
Log-in did not complete for the following reason(s):
Log-in Information Is Missing Or Invalid
I try her never-to-be-mentioned middle name. (Edith, my
mother’s name—there I said it. Kelly Edith Garner. Live
with it.)
Log-in did not complete for the following reason(s):
Log-in Information Is Missing Or Invalid
I try the date when she got the all-clear from her cancer.
Hit return, fingers mentally crossed.
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Log-in did not complete for the following reason(s):
Log In Information Is Missing Or Invalid
I try, what the hell,
SETH.
Banging hard on the keys,
S-
E-T-H,
take that!
Log-in has timed out. Please exit program.
Three strikes, I’m out, and it’s all I can do not to push the
insolent little computer off her desk, thinking there ought to
be an emergency button for mothers.
Maybe it’s not being able to make the computer give up
its secrets; maybe it’s having been more or less dismissed by
the Nassau County cop. Whatever the reason, suddenly I’m
having my first major meltdown.
Heart racing, lungs gulping far too much air.
Panic attack.
It’s been years. Okay, weeks. Part of me able to make the
diagnosis, the rest of me huffing like a fish pulled out of water.
Paper bag. I’m supposed to get a paper bag, breathe into
it so I don’t pass out. But the bags are in the kitchen, a million
miles away. Can’t possibly make it down the stairs. Finally
I put my head between my knees, and that helps. Constrict-
ing the diaphragm.
Whoa, that’s better. Big sigh.
I’m in the kitchen, uncapping a spring water, when my
cell goes off.
I flip it open, hoping it’s Kelly. No such luck.
“Hi, Sierra. Thanks for calling back.” My heart instantly
tripping again, hands so slick it’s hard to hold the phone.
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“You said it was an emergency,” Sierra says, adopting a
tone of whiny accusation.
“It is an emergency. Kelly is missing and I think she’s in
trouble. I need to call Seth, do you know how I can do that?”
After a pause she says, “
Seth?
Seth who?”
“Her boyfriend, Sierra. She must have mentioned him.”
“Uh-uh. Nope. There’s a Seth in my math class but he’s
like fourteen. A freshman. Him?”
The very idea of a freshman boy offends her.
“This Seth is older,” I tell her. “He might be nineteen or
twenty. Maybe even older.”
“No
way!
”
“Way,” I insist. “I can’t believe she wouldn’t mention a
new boyfriend. You’re still best friends, right?”
Another long pause, I can sense her fidgeting, imagine the
face she’s making. “Not exactly?”
“Not exactly? What does that mean?”
“We’re, like, still friends and everything.”
“You’re not sharing?”
“Not exactly.”
Not exactly. The adolescent equivalent of “that’s for me
to know and you never to find out.”
“Please, Sierra, I need your help. Kelly took off in the mid-
dle of the night. I assume with Seth. I’ve reported her missing
but the police need somewhere to start. Like with the boy-
friend.”
Big gasp. “You’re going to have her arrested? Your own
daughter?
”
“No, of course not. I’m trying to find her. She called me
and said she needed help, but her cell phone got cut off before
she could tell me where she is.”
“Really?”
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“Yes, really. I wouldn’t bother you otherwise.”
“Mmm, okay, sure,” Sierra hems and haws for a while.
“It’s like, Mrs. Garner, it’s like you’re not bothering me ex-
actly. I just don’t know anything. Sorry.”
I tell her about the photo album, the images of Kelly sky-
diving. “You don’t know anything about that, Sierra? She
never mentioned skydiving?”
“No
way!
” she squeals, excited again. “She really jumped
out of a plane?”
“I think her friend Seth was flying the plane.”
“Oh. My.
God.
” And then, to whomever she’s with, a
shout to the side. “It’s Kelly Garner! She jumped out of a
plane! That’s so cool!”
And so it goes. There’s probably no way to know for sure,
not without hooking Sierra up to a lie detector—and maybe
not even then—but I’m starting to believe she really doesn’t
know anything. Not that she’d tell me if she did. At least not
directly.
We chat for another few minutes. According to Sierra, Kelly
has been like out of the group, you know? An older guy makes
like so much sense, because she never wants to hang with them
anymore even though she’s been like superficial friendly and
everything and one time Sierra went to Kelly, she went, what’s
up with you lately? and Kelly gave her this like Mona Lisa smile
thing that, I’m sorry, Mrs. Garner, but it really pissed me off.
I know that silent smile, how infuriating it can be.
“Sierra, can you do me a big favor? Can you ask around?”
“I guess.” Sounding like she’d rather extract one of her
own wisdom teeth with a pair of rusty pliers.
“It’s very important. Please?”
“Yeah, okay, whatever.”
Then she breaks the connection. Not goodbyes, just a
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hang-up. Not that she means to be rude, or even knows what
rude is. And I’m left with basically nothing, not a clue, or
even a sense of where to go next.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Where are you, baby?
11. When The Scream Stays Inside Your Mind
Kelly Garner wakes up dead. Dead and floating.
That’s the feeling. Her body isn’t there; she’s left it behind.
All that remains are a few dim thoughts flickering in the dark
nothing. The sensation of flying, of falling through the air.
His face, his voice holds her attention briefly, earnestly, then
fades. Can’t think of his name. Name on the tip of her tongue,
if only she had a tongue. Then gone, leaving nothing behind.
It’s just herself alone now, the part of her that lives inside
her mind, the dark, knotted core of her innermost self.
Warm.
There, she actually feels something, a physical sensation.
Where is it coming from? Is death warm? No, no, she’s
feeling the warm on her skin, on her forehead and scalp.
That’s where the warm message is coming from.
Beads of perspiration on her scalp. Sweat in her eyes. She
blinks instinctively, feels her eyelids respond.
How very strange. Her eyes are open but she sees nothing.
And although she’s starting to detect the numbing tingle of
a body beyond her face, it’s very distant, as if her limbs have
been hidden over the next horizon. Not that she can see the
horizon in the dark.
Dark.
That’s why she can’t see! It’s dark. The absence of light.
With that realization—she’s alive, in the dark, and some-
thing is terribly wrong with her body—comes a wave of
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sheer terror. A flood of icy adrenaline that freezes her brain
like an arctic blast.
Why can’t she feel her hands, her feet, what’s wrong with
her? Was there an accident?
The memory floats up like a bubble through honey: she
didn’t have an accident. There was an attack. Just as she and
Seth are disembarking the aircraft. She has the cell to her ear,
telling her mother something important. Something about
trouble, about calling the cops. Before she can finish asking
her mom for help, a man on the runway is pointing some-