Transparent (16 page)

“No, you aren’t. You didn’t know. Brady only left because he can’t talk about it without crying, and he hates crying.”

I don’t answer, figuring that sounds better than the real reason I feel stupid.

I can’t stop thinking about Mom. I left her, just assumed she wanted to go back. Without thinking twice. I wish I could apologize, save her, stop all this from happening. But I can’t do it by myself. I take a deep breath. I have to say it now or I won’t have the courage later. I have to trust him. “Seth?”

“Hmm?”

I pull back a little so I can look at him, but he doesn’t let go. “I need to tell you something, and you can’t tell Brady or Bea or anyone.”

“What is it?”

“Do you promise?”

He rolls his eyes. “Do you even have to ask?”

“Ugh. What did I say about the eye roll?”

He does it again. “Sorry.”

I scrunch my lips so I don’t laugh. This is not the time for him to act like a dork. “You were right about me. I did work for my dad. I stole things, spied … hurt people. All the time.” It hurts to say it out loud. I wait for him to lecture me. To gloat about being right. Something.

“But that wasn’t you.”

I stare at him, surprised. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“Fiona.” Seth’s fingers tighten around my waist. “You would never do that, not when you’re free from your dad’s influence.”

“I should have tried harder to resist, though.” I never realized how guilty I felt until I put it in words. How ashamed. I swallow hard and force myself to keep it together. I’m exposed enough as it is.

He shakes his head. “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

“Right. I forgot that’s
your
job.” I splash some water at him.

He smiles. “See, this is you—joking around, at ease. Whatever you did, like I said, that wasn’t you.”

For some reason, him being this nice makes it harder to say the next part. “I think my dad might be coming for me. Maybe even tonight.”

The smile drops. “What?”

I recap what Graham said. “I need a place to stay. Miles told me not to go home. Do you know somewhere safe I could hide?”

He nods slowly. “We’ll take you to Bea’s.”

“I don’t want to put them in danger.”

“You won’t. It’d be more suspicious if anyone saw us running into the desert to give you supplies. It’ll be easy to sneak you out of Bea’s house if he comes looking. Do you think he even knows about us?”

“No. Just Miles; he’s the only person I trust completely.” I gulp. “Will that be okay? Tomorrow’s Sunday and she said they don’t—”

“Are you kidding? It’s not a problem. Alejandro and Rosa are the nicest people in the world, and they won’t turn you out just because it’s Sunday. I don’t know what Brady and I would have done without them after …”

“You told her?” Brady’s voice comes from behind. I push away from Seth, suddenly worried about how that hug may have looked. It didn’t mean anything. Or did it? I don’t know anymore.

“Yeah,” Seth says. “You may continue pretending to be happy.”

Brady smiles. “Great.”

As he jumps into the water, I realize he’s not the guy I thought he was. But somehow, it makes me admire him all the more. It takes a strong person to smile through that. “Sorry about what I said.”

Brady shakes his head. “No worries. Now, where were we?”

“Forgetting our problems, I think.”

His eyes meet mine, undeniable mischief crossing his face. “Right.”

A splash war follows, and I end up using Seth as a shield half the time. Brady pummels us with water, thanks to his massive arms. As another wave comes, I jump behind Seth, grabbing on to his waist. I keep doing that, wondering if maybe this time I won’t like it. But I still do.

It takes a second to realize the sound filling my ears is a blow-dryer. I open one eye and see Bea standing at her long closet mirror. She didn’t even ask why Seth brought me over at almost midnight. All she did was complain about the guys trying to steal her friend; then she rolled out an air mattress, and we talked about my trip to the pools until we passed out.

I stay still, watching her. I’ll admit I like spying on people, even if it’s wrong. It’s fun seeing how they act when they think no one is looking.

It’s weird seeing her in a dress, but at the same time the lavender makes her more beautiful. She sticks her tongue out a little as she runs the brush through her hair. Then she puts on a necklace, the pendant a glittering cross.

“Why do I even try? Like he’ll notice,” she mumbles to herself.

My breath catches. I had no idea Bea liked someone. She’s not the kind of girl to gab about boys, at least not with her brothers always around. I wonder if she means Miles, since she said he was cute. They seem to get along well, though I’d rather he didn’t hit on my one female friend ever. Or could it be Brady? She doesn’t flirt with him, but they are best friends. I’m suddenly relieved she can’t see how much I stare at him.

She turns when I cough. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“It’s okay.” I sit up, the feel of her silky pajamas strange on my skin. “Probably should be getting up anyway.”

She smiles. “Yeah. Mass is in an hour, and it takes, like, thirty minutes to get there since it’s two towns over.”

“And you go every Sunday?” Religion has never been part of my life, and I find it amazing that she’s so dedicated.

She nods. “Mom goes twice a week—she makes us go, too, if she thinks we need it. Like Carlos. He goes to Wednesday Mass
a lot.
”

The door swings open. Revealing Carlos, shirtless. “I heard my name.”

“Get out!” Bea throws a brush at him. “And stop listening at my door!”

He dodges. “Hey, Fiona. I hope you had good dreams last night. Was I in any of them?”

Bea’s makeup bag doesn’t miss. “I said get out! I’ll tell Mom you—”

“Fine!” He winks in my general direction. “I’ll save you a seat at breakfast.” Then he shuts the door.

“What is his problem?” I ask.

She rolls her eyes. “No clue. He’s always liked girls, even when he was little. I mean, we’re talking he kissed some poor girl when he was in preschool.” She points over her shoulder. “You can shower in my bathroom. Pick whatever you want to wear. I’m gonna eat.”

“Okay.” The second she leaves, I jump for my phone to text Miles.

Is everything okay
?

I wait a few minutes, but no reply. I figure it’ll be fine if I shower quickly, as long as I leave the phone on the bathroom counter. The water is freezing, since all seven Navarros have probably showered already. I stare at my phone as I dry off, willing it to beep or ring or
something
.

It doesn’t.

I rummage through Bea’s clothes for something that fits, which isn’t an easy feat, since she’s several inches shorter and a size or two smaller than me. Finally, I manage to find a longish green tunic and some black leggings.

My phone still hasn’t made a sound. I check the battery and signal, just in case. My fingers sweat as I make sure I sent the text to Miles. It all seems to be working.

Something is wrong—it has to be. I almost send another message, but force myself not to. I take in a deep breath; I’m probably overreacting. It’s only fifteen past eight, and he’s not exactly an early riser. Maybe he just slept through it. I’ll start worrying if he hasn’t answered in a few hours.

Carlos really does save me a seat at breakfast, and I have no choice because all the other ones are full.

“I swear I tried, but he wouldn’t let me sit there,” Bea says.

“Because it’s Fiona’s seat!” Carlos passes me a box of sugary cereal. “Here, it’s my favorite.”

“No thanks.” I grab a banana, since cereal kind of grosses me out.

He frowns. “But I saved the last bowl for you.”

I stare at him, his yellow cat eyes almost earning my sympathy. At least until he attempts to play footsie with me. I kick him. “Will you quit it?”

“Quit what?” He grabs his foot, his face contorted in pain.

Hector rolls his eyes. “Please tell me you weren’t doing what I think you were doing.”

Tony takes the cereal box from Carlos and pours the last bowl for himself. As Carlos sulks, Joey shakes his head. “You better take the hint, bro, before Fiona sneaks up on you and beats your ass.”

My eyes go wide. “I wouldn’t do that!”

Joey flinches with surprise, and then it clicks. “Oh, Fi, I didn’t mean it. Just because of your past … uh …”

I squirm in my chair, wanting to leave. Maybe they’re just like Seth—they know I’m a criminal even if I haven’t said it. Maybe they’re only being nice because they’re afraid.

Hector clears his throat. “I think what Joey is trying to say is that you’d beat Carlos not because you’re syndicate-born, but just because he’s that annoying.”

“Yes!” Joey says. “And pushy.”

“And pigheaded,” Bea adds.

Carlos smiles, as if the insults don’t even register. “Don’t forget devastatingly handsome.”

Everyone groans. “See, Fiona?” Joey says. “We all want to beat his ass, so really we’d just consider you part of the family if you did.”

I laugh as warmth spreads through me. “So that’s how you become a Navarro?”

They all nod, even Carlos.

I can’t help but smack the back of his head. Hard. He gives me this shocked look, but then they’re all laughing and so am I.

Just like that, I
feel
like I’m part of the family.

“So,” Bea says. “You can either come to Mass with us or hang out at Brady and Seth’s house.”

Carlos clasps his hands. “Mass!”

“Hmm.” I tap the table, like this is actually a hard decision. “I think I’ll hang out with Seth and Brady.”

“Surprise, surprise. C’mon, I’ll walk you over.”

No one answers the first time we ring the doorbell. I’m starting to wonder if the Navarros are the only ones up this early on a Sunday.

“Stupid boys.” Bea rings it three times in a row, and finally I hear heavy footsteps coming. She runs a hand through her hair. I shuffle from side to side, surprised by how anxious I am to see Seth. I need to tell him about Miles, so we can figure out what I should do.

The door swings open, revealing a shirtless and groggy Brady. I can’t deny that he looks even cuter this way, but I’m still looking over his shoulder for Seth. I don’t see him.

Brady smiles. “Hey, my two favorite people. Even if you woke me up.” He runs his eyes over Bea. “Look at you, Trixy. I forgot you wore dresses.”

Bea scoffs, though a smirk still touches her lips. “Only because Mom makes me.” She pushes me forward. “Fiona doesn’t want to go to Mass, just like you heathens.”

“Ah.” He opens the door wider. “You can hang out with me, then. Hell just got a little better.”

“Better or not, it still sucks.” Bea takes a step back just as a car honks. “See you later. Unless, of course, the apocalypse comes first.”

Brady nods. “Either way, wear the dress.”

She laughs as she disappears around the corner.

Brady lets me inside, and I’m glad he can’t see my reaction. The place is a disaster. No flooring, some walls torn out, wires hanging out where lights should be. I knew they were remodeling, but I pictured something more like redecorating. “Sorry about the mess. Though you should have seen it last week. Seth had me pull out all the old drywall; the place was basically one huge room.”

“Wow.” I almost say something about how amazing it is that they got so much work done so fast, but then remember it’s Brady. His hands are wrecking balls.

“Let me grab a shirt. You can wait in the kitchen.”

“Sure.” The kitchen is the only thing intact, and it looks like something out of a showroom. Smooth granite counters reflect the morning light, and the brushed metal appliances all look new.

The first thing Brady does when he gets back is open the fridge. “You had breakfast? I’m starving.”

“I ate at Bea’s.”

Brady proceeds to devour a whole box of cereal and three bananas. I watch, fascinated by how much he can eat and how fast. He must need more food than normal people to maintain that body.

I search for conversation topics, but nothing comes to mind except questions about his mom or worries over Miles. Neither of which I should bring up.

“Where’s Seth?” I finally choke out.

“Grocery shopping, probably some other errands, too.” Brady tosses the empty cereal box in the trash. He sighs. “Dad’s passed out. I found an empty liquor bottle in the trash this morning, so I guess we weren’t the only ones busy last night.”

“Oh.”

He rolls his eyes. “Stop being so quiet. I know you’re worried about what to say, but don’t be. It is what it
is.”

“Okay.” I only speak because I don’t have glasses or a headband or anything to show my nodding.

He shakes his head, like he’s not satisfied with my answer. “You wanna watch TV or something? We moved the old furniture to the study while we clean up out here.”

“That sounds great.”

I follow him down a narrow hall to a room packed with tacky stuff that looks decades out of fashion. I almost poke fun, but then I wonder if their mother picked it out, and they’re just starting to replace it. That must be it—that’s why Bea said Seth was renovating the house. His dad probably wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

Brady sits on the long brown couch, his weight making it creak. I sit next to him. We’re finally alone, which is what I’ve wanted for weeks, and yet … it’s not what I thought it would be.

He grabs the remote. “Any preferences?”

“Not really.”

He flips through channels and settles on a baseball game. “This okay?”

“Sure.” Despite Miles’s efforts, I’m still not a baseball fan, not the gifted league or the normal league. It just seems so blah.

As Brady watches, I find myself more interested in my phone than him. It still hasn’t rung. I want more than anything to believe Miles just slept in or forgot to charge it or something, but in the back of my head the worry creeps in.

Miles is hurt.

Graham lied.

This is my last day of freedom.

The last day ever with my friends.

My last day with … Seth.

The thought hits me right in the gut. I did not see this coming, but now that it’s here I can’t ignore it. I should be worried about Mom and Miles—I am—but I’m dying here with just Brady and no Seth. He’s the one I want to be around. The one I can talk to and be real with.