Traded for Love (32 page)

“Yeah, but
you
can't help it.”

“True. It's all I've ever known.” She took a long sip and crushed the butt of her cigarette in a nearby ashtray. “Still, I wanted to know if it was possible.”

“And that's it? Nothing else?”

She considered what I'd said for a moment. “I think we're similar. I think I'd be a little sad if he ever showed signs of having a heart.”

“Why?”

“Because … then I'd have to break it.”

(Jack)

At the bottom of the dark stairs, the club awaited, all bright lights and music. On the stage, a dancer was stripping, but I didn't bother looking at her. My eyes were busy scanning the room for Chastity.

Emily looked unsettled. She had during the drive over, too.

I set my hand on her back. “Everything alright, honey?”

“Hm? Oh. Yeah. Everything's fine.” She stared straight ahead, like a deer caught in headlights.

Finally, I came across Chastity talking to another woman. They looked awfully chummy. I'd never asked her what her sexual preferences were. Until now, I'd thought she was exclusively straight. Of course, with a woman like Chastity, one could never tell right off what she liked or didn't like.

“This way, my little one.” I guided my wife across the room. She went willingly and obediently. “Here you are, Chastity,” I said as we stepped up behind the couple.

“Oh, Mr. Doe!” She gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. “How good to see you. Lily and I were just talking about going into the back.”

“I see.” Whether she meant to include me or not was the question. If she told me no, she'd better have a convincing explanation.

“Would you like to come back with us?”

That
was exactly what I was looking for. “I'd love to,” I replied.

Drake was paying us no mind but sat reading a book at the far side of the lounge section.

“Emily, honey, why don't you go keep Master Drake some company?”

“I … I'd rather not, Master.” Emily mumbled from behind her mask. “Is there some other way I could please you? Could I come back with you and the other ladies?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Are you refusing a direct order?”

She chewed the inside of her lip, “No, Sir.”

“Don't make me humiliate you in front of all these people,” I threatened.

“I just … ” she began.

“You just?” I questioned her with a raised brow.

“N—nothing, Sir.” She wrung her hands. “Have a good time.”

“What a good girl she is,” Lily cooed, stroking Emily's cheek. “She might be fun to bring along.”

“I'll have my hands full as it is,” I interjected. “Maybe next time.”

Emily smiled nervously, her cheeks flushing as she scooted away from us.

“Shy thing, isn't she?” Lily remarked.

I nodded. “She is.” I gestured toward the side-hall door. “Shall we?”

(Emily)

There I was, doing exactly what I said I
wasn't
going to do. He had glasses on, presumably the same ones I'd seen him wearing on the day we met. He wore the same type of outfit he had last time. Black t-shirt and black pants.

God, he's so hot, I thought as I paced toward him, completely uncertain of whether he'd even be happy to see me.

Then he looked up, and light caught his eyes. He smiled at me, as I stood in my stupid plum dress, the one I was sure he liked.

“You're back.” He'd said it as if he was only half surprised.

“I was hoping I wouldn't have to bother you tonight, but Jack went back with Chastity.” I shifted uncomfortably. “I think I'm just going to sit at the bar until he's done.”

I about-faced and only got two steps before Drake grabbed me by the wrist. “Obviously, your
Master
hasn't explained the rules.”

I swallowed hard as the heat from his skin sunk into mine. “Rules?”

“If he takes my date, I get his. That's the rule.” He stood and came up beside me. Just feeling him next to me was enough to disorient me.

Apparently, he wouldn't brook refusal. He swept me off to the bar and we sat exactly where we had last time. He ordered my drink for me, the same one I'd had last time, and refrained from drinking anything but water himself.

“No tequila tonight?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I think we had enough last time. I'd rather things stay relaxed between us this time.”

“Do we … should we go … ?”

“Into the back room like last time?” He finished my question.

I stared at him, trying to read the expression on his face. He looked so serious, and it occurred to me that he might have thought what I'd said was too forward. “I'm sorry.”

His head ticked to the side. “Sorry? For what?”

Our drinks arrived and I took a big sip of mine.

“I shouldn't have suggested it.”

Drake glanced around the room. “Why not? I think it'd be nice to get away from the maddening crowd.”

“You … want to—”

“We won't be doing anything you don't want to do. I'd like to finish my chapter. We could just sit together and talk if you want.”

I couldn't lie. Knowing that the pressure was off was comforting. “That'd be nice.”

He stood and offered me his arm. “I've even got a crossword puzzle book you can fill out if you want.”

I laughed as we walked arm-in-arm to the room we'd been in before. This time it seemed far less threatening and suspicious. Its trappings were no longer alien. Even though I'd only been there once, I was much more at ease there this time.

He sat at the dressing-table and watched as I reclined in the bed. I smiled, though there was no particular reason why I should. He snickered, opened a drawer, and took out a book of crossword puzzles.

I was laughing all over again.

“You thought I was kidding?” he asked. “I have all kinds of strange crap in this drawer.”

I opened to the first empty page and steadied my pencil to begin killing time.

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Once in a while, my eyes drifted to the cover of his book. His fingers were curled around the cover. The light glinted off the frames of his glasses and sat like a halo in his blond hair.

Suddenly his eyes darted up from the page. “You're staring.”

“Oh. Sorry.” I looked back down at my crossword. I hadn't written down a single word.

(Drake)

That dress could make a priest renounce his vows.

No, don't look at her. Keep your eye on your book.

I wonder if she's thinking about it, too—about the fact that we're alone. I can't seem to
stop
thinking about it. I'll be damned if this woman hasn't been on my mind ever since the last time we were together. I can't understand how this woman, one who's so quiet and unassuming, can affect me so heavily. I think it was in her kiss. Yeah … That was the moment I realized she'd shone light on a dark spot in my heart. I've never been kissed like that. I've never been needed like that.

“You haven't turned a page in fifteen minutes,” she said from across the room.

“That's because I'm reading very carefully.” I turned the page slowly—even though I wasn't done reading it.

Her eyes lit up as she giggled. “What's your book about?”

“Bees.”

Her face twisted adorably. “Bees!?”

“I'm interested in animal interaction.”

Her face softened. “Oh.”

The silence was becoming awkward, and finally I shut my book and set it aside. “Need any help with the puzzle?”

Her face reddened. “No.”

I quirked a brow and held out my hand for the book. “Let me see.”

“No!” She hugged it to her chest.

“Come on. Hand it over!” I grinned and made a swipe for it.

She held it over her head. “You can see it when I'm done!”

I made a mad grab and got it. “You haven't filled anything out!” I exclaimed.

“Well! Those are hard!” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“A likely story.” I set the book down on the vanity. “Why don't we talk?”

“Okay.” She leaned her temple against the wall.

Her mouth formed the most kissable looking pout I'd ever seen. A lesser man would have pounced on her. I was worried about where I stood on the honor scale at that moment, because the sexual gravity was strong.

“Why do you come here?” I asked. “You obviously hate it. You obviously have no interest in sleeping around. Why do you do it?”

She averted her eyes and picked at her fingernails, which were perfectly manicured. “I told you before, I'm following orders.”

“You live the lifestyle, huh? Twenty-four hours a day?”

“Is there an alternative?”

I was shocked by the question. “Not all couples engage in D/s relationships constantly. Many do sessions and then take breaks. Outside the bedroom, they're equals. They have a relationship of equality with role-playing being a side-activity.”

She shook her head. “That's definitely not us.”

“To each his own, I suppose.” I sat back in my chair. “And you're okay with it? How do you feel about it?”

“How do I feel?” She laid her head back. “Hm. He's never asked me how I felt.”

“What?”

“He's just Jack. And I'm just … me. We're in each other's lives and … this is how it is.” She shrugged. “I love him, so I do what he says.”

“Even if it hurts you to do it? Even when he sends you to men you barely know, so that he can be with someone else?” I immediately wished I could take those words back, but they were already out.

She hugged her knees close to her chest. “If he's happy, it's worth it.”

“What about
your
happiness?” I argued. “Doesn't that matter?”

“I'm happy if he's happy.”

“That's ridiculous. Those are the words of a woman who's given up, not one with a healthy sense of self-worth.” I was incensed by how this asshole had brainwashed her. “He's walking all over you and treating you like garbage. It's one thing to be in a 24/7 dom-sub relationship, but those are founded on respect and trust. Don't you see what he's done to you? Aren't you pissed off?”

She buried her face in her knees. “Please stop.”

I clenched my fists. “I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. It's just … I can't believe he's done this to such a wonderful woman.”

“Wonderful? You don't even know me.” Her voice was muffled by the skin and clothing between us.

“I know you better than you think. You're caring, sweet, considerate, and yes, obedient. But you're more than that. I can see the person inside that husk, behind the mask. She's peeking out and she wants so much more. She wants to get out of this. She wants better.”

“Yeah, well
she
has a daughter,” she bit out. “
She
can't get away.
She has
to listen to her Master.
She
… can't exist.” When her eyes met mine, tears spilled from them. “Can't you see he owns me? Who I am here and who I am outside of this place are different. What I want here and what I want when I leave are different.”

“What
do
you want?”

“I just want to be loved.” A look of surprise and shock replaced her melancholic expression. “I want to be loved,” she repeated softly. “That's all I've ever wanted.”

I couldn't hold back anymore, and yet I was still cautious as I moved to sit in front of her on the bed. “I know I'm not the one you want, but I'm here. Now. I can't offer … much.” I sighed. “This isn't coming out right.”

“I can't.” She wiped her face on her arm. “I can't have any of that. I'll lose her. I'll lose Katherine. My little girl.” The last sentence came out quiet like a secret prayer.

I sighed and reached for her hand. She rested it in my palm, and I felt her pulse racing. “I told you before that you're free when you're in this room.” I smoothed my thumb over her knuckles. “That won't ever change.” I brought my hand up to her face. “I'm sorry I can't give you more.”

“I can't afford more.”

I dragged a soothing fingertip over her cheek. “I want you, Emily. I'm not sure when it started or why it's here, but I do. I can't keep lying. I can't watch you get torn up every time he walks away with Chastity.” She sniffed loudly at the mention of him deserting her, but it was the undeniable truth. “I can't stand sitting in this room with you and pretending I don't want to make love to you. I can't anymore.” My hand drifted to the back of her neck, where her hair fell over my skin in soft silky strands. “If you don't want me to, then you need to tell me to go. Right now.”

Her knees dropped away from her chest. For a split second, I thought she would push me off the bed, get up and storm out. Instead, without confirming or denying my request, she answered with a chaste kiss.

“Don't leave me alone,” she whispered. “Stay with me.”

Once I took her in my arms, everything changed between us. This time she was sober. We chose this. Last time it'd been sexually exciting, but this touched me on a much deeper level. I was suddenly at a loss as to what to do, as if this were my first time with a woman. It was disarming and arousing all at the same time. There was uncertainty in her eyes, and I went still. “Are you afraid?”

“Terrified.”

“Of what?”

“Falling in love.”

I couldn't go another second without kissing those lips again. I hungered for them. I'd craved them, more than I cared to admit. I held her tight as we got lost in each other. Each time her head turned, her teeth scraped my lips. The sensation rocked me to my core.

I'd never waited so long to be with a woman, but she was worth it. Every flick of her tongue, every time she gripped me and guided me, it sent pure electricity through my body.

I ran my hands over that body, that gorgeous temple where her sweet soul resided. I wanted to love her from the inside out, not just the ignored exterior.

Though it hurt to do so, I broke our kiss. Her lips were swollen and pink in the aftermath.

I wanted to see the rest of her with an impatience that was foreign to me. I pulled the straps of her dress off her shoulders, tugging insistently until her chest was bared. Her nipples puckered in the cool air. I was so glad the lights were on. I wanted to drink in the sight of her, that gorgeous, tortured beauty who was so deserving of worship.

I'd show her what love was, if it was the last thing I ever did.