Traded for Love (40 page)

“He taught me I'm worth more than this. I don't deserve to be treated like a slave.”

“He filled your head with a bunch of shit.” He shook his head. “You seem to forget that if you go, you'll be giving up your daughter. By the time you see Katherine again, she won't even know who you are. Is that what you want? How do you think she'd feel knowing her mother missed out on her life because she wanted to
fuck
someone else? Imagine the look on her face when she finds out.”

His words were a knife directly aimed at my heart. “Stop it!”

Jack's eyes narrowed. “It's the truth … and I'll make sure she knows it.”

I choked on my own breath as a fresh torrent of tears rushed from my eyes.

“Now, are you ready to stop talking about this nonsense and get back to fulfilling your duties?”

I struggled to stay standing. I'd been defeated by him for the millionth time.

Miserable that I couldn't see a way out of this, I fled the room, leaving the door swinging on its hinges.

I went to the only place I knew to go, straight to the kitchen, straight to Drake. I masked my tears as I stood in the servants’ hallway. A few servers came and went, some pushing hot carts, others carrying trays.

Finally, Drake emerged from the kitchen. “Emily! What's wrong?”

Seeing his kind face just made things worse. “It's Jack … he … ”

He took me by the shoulders. “What'd that bastard do to you now?”

I was so upset that I could hardly speak.

“Come on, let's go somewhere more private.” He whisked me up to his room, and luckily, we weren't seen by anyone. Once inside, he guided me over to the bed and sat me down. He went into the bathroom and came back with a glass of water. I took a big sip.

“Now, tell me what he did,” he said.

“He told me he wouldn't let me go. He said if I leave on my own, he'd poison Katherine against me.” My shoulders sank as I tried to grasp the concept of losing her. “I can't do it. I can't leave him. I can't lose my daughter.”

He took me in his arms. “I told you I'd find a way. It might take some time, but I promise I will.”

Out of my mind with worry and grief, I clung to him. “I can't imagine my life without her. I can't live if she thinks I abandoned her.”

“Shhh.” He stroked my head. “Everything will be okay. I promise.”

'You can't promise that', I wanted to say. Instead I lost myself in my sorrow, in my desire for him and for the love I could never have.

I'd been traded for love … and now I was stuck forever in an endless cycle of longing.

“Lie down here and rest,” he said, easing me down onto the bed. He took my water glass and set it on the side table. “Let me give instructions to the staff on what to make for dinner and I'll be right back, okay?”

His face was blurry through the tears in my eyes, but I nodded to let him know I'd heard him.

A moment later, he was gone.

I'd cried so many tears for Jack. I'd mourned the loss of his love, and now, because of him, I was mourning the loss of my happiness. I knew that no matter how hard Drake tried, he couldn't fight Jack's money or power. We'd lose. I'd lose … the one person that meant more to me than anybody else.

I got up and went to the writing desk in the corner, found a pen and paper, then began to write.

(Jack)

I need you. Come see me.

I couldn't have sent a more desperate text, but I didn't care anymore. I wanted Chastity and if she didn't obey my order to come see me, I was sure I'd storm down to wherever she was and take her by force.

C: I'm in my room. I'm on my lunch break.

Without delay, I got up and went to her room. The rest of the serving staff was busy preparing, which was good for me, since I didn't want to be seen.

I knocked on her door.

“Come in.”

I stepped in and saw her lying on the bed naked—just the way I wanted her.

“We don't have much time. You'd better come in.” She put out the cigarette she was smoking and I quickly stripped.

Our lovemaking was frantic. I wasn't even sure she had an orgasm. For the first time since our initial meeting at the club, I took from her selfishly and with reckless abandon.

When I lifted away, she was flushed and smiling. “Enjoy yourself?”

“Yes.” I sighed contentedly and collapsed beside her. I cuddled into her side, feathering soft kisses to the outer swell of her breast.

She let out a dark, velvety laugh.

I could sense something hidden behind that sound. "What's funny?" I asked quietly, basking in the ethereal warmth of her touch.

"I own you ... "

I opened my eyes. "I think I heard you wrong." I chuckled. "Nobody owns me, honey."

"Then go away," she said, stroking my forehead with a grin.

"I don't want to go," I insisted, nestling my face into the valley between her breasts.

"You don't want to go because you're hooked. I have you, Jack. I've had you from the start." Her smile turned wicked. She'd worn that mask several times and I’d never quite known why.

“I don't know what you mean by ‘had’. If you mean you were a good lay, then sure.” I tucked my nose against her ribs.

"You're mine, alright. The hilarious part is, you're too blind to see it. I knew I had you, from the first moment you begged to see me again. You couldn't stop coming back to me. I give you something you can't find anywhere else. The truth I've known since I met you is that you're rotten to the core. That slave you used to drag around on a leash knew it. And that puppet wife of yours that you seduced into marriage knows it, too. I pity them both for falling in love with a monster, but I suppose it's their own fault for being too weak to resist your charms."

I sat up and frowned. "You're not talking like yourself. What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, nothing. I just enjoy seeing you writhe." A glint of light stabbed the perfect dark of her irises as she smirked. "I've met so many men like you, Jack. So many men have wanted to control me, own me. You aren't the first. None of them could, and neither can you, though there's no doubt in my mind that you'll keep trying. I may be a sub, but I'm a hell of a sub. You try to ride me outside the bedroom, and I'll buck you off. The truth is, Jack, that you can't own me. You can't control who I am, even if I do obey during sessions. The thing that frustrates you most is that I belong to myself when the lights come on and the handcuffs come off." She bared her teeth, which seemed sharper than before. "You're just a mad dog chasing meat. And I'm as prime as it gets. What you fail to realize is that I only keep you around because I love seeing that hunger in your eyes. You crave me, but you'll never have all of me. I can see into your soul, Jack Duncan. In your eyes I see every woman you've ever hurt. I see every ugly thing you've ever done, every sin you've committed, and I'm the judge who gets to sentence you. Want to know what your punishment is?"

Frozen by her terrifying words, I couldn't even blink.

"You'll love me, for the rest of your life. And you won't be able to stop. Even if you somehow work up the courage to stop seeing me, every time you fuck someone else, you'll think of me. You'll want me instead of her. You'll want my eyes looking into yours as you feel yourself on the edge. You'll want to lay your hands on me. You'll pray in your dreams that you can even catch a glimpse of me. That's your punishment. No matter how fast, and how hard you run, Jack, you won't be able to get away."

I suddenly couldn't breathe. "Bullshit."

"Go ahead and test it. Try going without me for a week. Feel the burn … ”

“You're insane,” I said, rolling out of bed and going to get my clothes.

She giggled. “Go ahead and keep telling yourself that, honey.”

As soon as my pants were on, I left.

My judge? Sentence me? What a crazy bitch!

A thought crossed my mind that I hadn't had since I was at least five-years-old …
Maybe my mother was right.

(Drake)

I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Until I saw that the bed was empty, I assumed she'd fallen asleep.

No such luck.

Instead, on the pillows was a folded note with my name on it. My heart sank. I sat down, opened it and began to read.

Dear Drake,

I can't begin to tell you how hard this is. I know it's awful that I'm doing this in a note. You deserve better.

The truth is, I don't think we can make this work. What we had was beautiful. I'll always remember it. I'll always think of you fondly, but I can't live with Katherine. She's everything to me. I don't have it in me to abandon her.

I know you told me you'd fix this, but I don't think you can. Jack is cruel and he'll do whatever it takes to get his way.

I'm sorry. I wish I could say more.

Don't forget me.

Love,

Emily.

(Jack)

I lay in bed with my eyes shut and my limbs spread out wide.

I heard the door open and close.

A weight settled down in the bed beside me.

The scent of Emily's perfume wafted into my nose.

For the next twenty minutes all I heard was the sound of her breathing.

“I ended it,” she said softly. “We can go back to normal. We can get on with our lives.”

For some reason her words hurt, they weighed down my heart and made me wish I were dead. I rolled over and wrapped my arms around her.

“What's wrong? What happened?” she asked.

I buried my face in the folds of her dress, feeling the warmth of her skin through the fabric. “I don't want to lose you. You're all I have left. I love you.”

“You're lying. Don't worry, Jack, you don't have to lie to me anymore.” She stroked my head gently. “Why don't you tell me what happened with her?”

“Nothing,” I muttered as I buried my face deeper into her side.

“Did she break up with you?” She continued to run her fingers over my temples sweetly. A minute of silence passed between us. “You love her don't you?”

I shook my head.

“It’s okay, Jack. We're both in love with people we can't be with … ”

(Emily)

Jack eventually let go of me and left to take a shower.

Someone knocked at the door, and I went to answer it.

It was Joanna. “Oh. Hello.”

“I was hoping I could speak to you for a few minutes. Do you have some time?” she asked.

“Of course.” I gestured for her to enter, but she turned her eyes toward the bathroom.

“Let's go into the library,” she suggested.

“Sure.”

I followed her to the library, unsure of what she wanted to talk about but ready to hear it.

Once we were seated, she poured herself a drink, as she usually did. Jack and his mother shared the trait of being heavy drinkers.

“I'm leaving soon, and I didn't want to leave without talking to you first about your marriage to my son.”

“Oh. What about it?” I clasped my fingers in my lap to keep them still.

“It's become evident to me that he doesn't love you. If I'm aware, then it can be no secret to you.” She was dead serious, so serious that I was caught completely off guard.

“I assure you that Jack and I are happy,” I lied.

“Emily, don't lie to me. I may be an old woman, but I know what true love looks like. And while I think you love my son, I don't believe he reciprocates it. I don't think he has the capacity to love.”

I chuckled. “He does, but you're right, the love he has is not for me.”

Joanna sat back in her chair. “What do you intend to do about it?”

“Do?” I laughed sarcastically. “What
can
I do? He has all the power in this situation. He has all the money and the lawyers. I'm staying for Katherine.”

Her face went stone still. “He's threatened you, hasn't he?”

I pursed my lips, unsure of whether I should answer. I decided there was no point in hiding it. She might as well know the whole, ugly truth. “Yes.”

“I see why you're staying, but haven't you thought of the alternatives to legal action?”

“What do you mean?”

“He obviously thinks he'd be able to prove you're an unfit mother in court so he can get sole custody. What do you suppose would be the ideal response to that? What would negate his defense?”

The heavy weight in my chest seemed to lift. “If you know a way, please tell me.”

“Isn't it obvious? All you have to do is find proof that he'd be an unfit father.”

What Love Is

Two Weeks Later

(Drake)

“Ah!” I yanked my hand away from the knife's blade.

“That's the second time you've cut yourself today. What's wrong?” Chastity asked.

“I don't know. My mind's not … right.” I threw the bread dough I'd been scoring into the garbage.

Chastity accompanied me to the employee bathroom. “You're thinking of her again, aren't you?”

“No.” I washed the cut with soap and water.

She leaned against the tile wall. “You can't hide the truth from me, Drake. It's written all over your face.”

I yanked a paper towel from the dispenser on the wall. “Of course I'm thinking about her. I can't
stop
thinking about her.”

She laughed. “It seems kind of fun to be in love.”