Toxic (37 page)

“I’m out having coffee right now, just clearing my head. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

“I love you, Phoebs.”

I exhaled a breath. “I love you too.” I hung up and scrolled through my calls and hit one of the recent ongoing calls.

“Jet Set Miami,” the familiar voice answered.

“Kat, it’s Phoebe again,” I said tentatively.

Silence.

Uneasiness stuck in my throat. “I don’t want to keep you but I wanted to—”
I wanted to what?
I paused, not sure exactly what I was doing. I wanted to make sure Jeremy was okay but telling that to Kat didn’t make any sense.

“Hey, listen, Phoebe. I know I’m some sort of link to Jeremy for you and I don’t mind you calling me but I haven’t talked to him.”

My hands were trembling. “Really?”

She sighed. “Yeah, he’s shut me out.”

I rubbed my palms on my pants. “I’m worried about him to be honest.”

“I am too.” She sounded choked up.

“Well, you have my number if anything comes up.”

“Yeah, and Phoebe . . .”

“Yes,” I said.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out,” she said as she hung up.

Those damn tears scalded my cheeks. “Yeah, me too.”

•   •   •

Monday rolled around like a slap in the face and I couldn’t believe I had to go in to work. I’d tried to contact Jeremy again but he still didn’t return my calls.

He needed time.

Time heals all wounds.

I had to believe it—otherwise I would wither away.

But then Monday passed and Tuesday came, and days later I’d still heard nothing from him. The only sighting of him had been that damn picture with Avery. It had been a week and nothing. That’s when realization finally hit. I really, truly had lost him. It was the Hamptons, all over again.

And it was time to accept that truth.

He’d left and wasn’t coming back.

The dawning was brutal and I felt so alone. It was early morning, but I picked up the phone anyway and made a call I should have made a week ago.

“Mom,” I cried.

We’d talked earlier in the week but I wasn’t ready to go through everything that had happened. It was still too raw. But in this dire time of need, I finally told her everything I hadn’t been able to admit over the last week. I’d never leaned on my mother before but I did now. I told her what had happened five years ago all the way up until last Friday and she listened without judgment.

“Phoebe,” she said before we hung up.

“Yes.”

“Don’t lose faith in him. He needs someone to believe in him for who he is. If you stay strong and just do that, I know he’ll come around.”

Her words were like a hand reaching into my chest and squeezing my heart. I hadn’t done that, and that’s why he left me. My tears fell anew as I dragged myself out of bed to start yet another day without him.

I called him another time and left another message that said, “I love you.” I called after I took a shower but this time said, “I should have believed in you.” I did it again before I left for work and said, “I love you and I believe in you.” And again after I got home but this time as I spoke to his voice mail, I felt the finality of it all and after I’d hung up, I sat on my couch and typed out one final message.

Me: I will believe in you until my dying days.

Just as I set my phone down, it rang. “Hello?” I answered anxiously without looking at who it was.

“Hey, Lindsay and I are bringing dinner over and you can’t say no.”

“Jamie,” I sighed. “I won’t be good company.”

Jamie huffed, “If you think we’re friends for the company, I might need to enlighten you on what a pain in the ass you are.”

I glowered at his words but felt the corners of my mouth tip up nonetheless. “See you soon,” I conceded.

“You know I love you,” he said, and hung up.

Yeah, if I hadn’t known it before, I did now—I was surrounded by people who cared about me.

That’s What Friends Are For

There’s this little thing called self-preservation that I felt compelled to embrace.

It was early afternoon and I had come home before lunch. I just wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it through an entire day. Things at work were on autopilot now, as the sell-off was in place, and we were at a standstill until it was complete.

I had just lain back on the couch when someone knocked. I knew who it was because there were only a handful of people the doorman would let up without calling me, and even fewer that weren’t working.

“Come in,” I called.

Lily poked her head in. “Good, you’re home. I went to your office first and they told me you went home sick. Did you hear the news?”

I sat up, surprised she was back and happy because I’d missed her. “Depends on which news you’re referring to.”

“Lars. His picture is all over the news. He was taken in for questioning when cops pulled him over and found Rohypnol in his possession.”

“So he did slip that to me,” I said, not entirely surprised.

Lily was carrying a big bag of food in her hands. “That would be my guess. Rumor has it, he’s been doing this since college but none of his victims will come forward, so he’s going to be let go.”

“Why would he do that?”

I just didn’t get it.

“People do things for all kinds of crazy reasons.”

She had a point.

I heaved a heavy sigh of relief that I hadn’t been one of his victims but I felt bad for those who had been.

“You look like shit, by the way. Have you eaten?”

I shook my head.

She set the bag down. “Soup and crackers for lunch.”

I rolled over. “I’m not hungry.”

She pulled me up. “I know, but you have to eat anyway.”

The note was beneath me and I pulled it out.

“What’s that?”

“The destruction of my relationship,” I sighed.

“Let me see,” she said.

I handed it to her. I’d told her about it on the phone. Why she needed to see it firsthand, I didn’t know.

She sat down next to me and began to cry as she read it, and in response, the tears flowed from my eyes as well.

Damn it. I was trying to be strong.

When she was finished, she turned to me. “You know it’s not over.”

I slanted her a look through blurry vision. “If the fact that he won’t have anything to do with me isn’t enough, that picture should have enlightened you.”

She shrugged. “It doesn’t mean anything.” She looked sympathetic. “You just have to give him some time.”

I sighed. “That’s what I thought yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that one, and so on. But then this morning, I realized time isn’t going to fix anything. In fact, time will only make things worse.”

“It hasn’t been that long.”

I scowled. “It took five years the first time. I’ll be old and gray this time around.” It was the first time I was brutally honest with myself. There wasn’t going to be another
this time around
.

“You don’t know that.”

I looked at my optimistic friend. “Yes, I do. This isn’t
Pretty Woman
. Jeremy’s not going to stride in here and carry me off into the sunset. He doesn’t want to see me. Ever again. He made that very clear.”

“It’s only been a week. How many times have I done things that hurt Preston? It never stopped him from trying to get me back.”

I gave her a little smile. “He’s not Preston.”

“No, he’s not.” Her voice had a chill to it.

I jerked my head up and looked more closely at her. Her mascara was smudged and she had circles under her eyes. “What’s going on with you two?”

She batted her hand. “We’ll talk about it later.”

A pang of guilt flashed through me. “No, tell me now.”

She raised a bowl of the soup. “If you eat, I’ll tell you.”

I took the bowl and lifted the lid. “Crab bisque?”

She nodded.

I reached for a spoon.

She grabbed the other soup and kicked her shoes off.

I did the same.

Lily sat Indian style next to me and inhaled a deep breath. “So, it turned out Preston was having anatomical problems.”

My eyes widened. Jeremy was right.

“And, for some reason, he . . . stirred, only if he saw me, well, you know.”

I almost choked on my spoonful of bisque. “He got a hard-on if he saw you kissing another girl?”

She dipped her spoon in her own soup. “Yes, anatomically speaking, it seemed he was only able to become erect when the pressure was off him to perform.”

“Cut the therapist lingo, Lily, and tell me what’s going on.”

She fixed me with a look that said she was trying. “Well, obviously we couldn’t keep inviting women into our bedroom to jump-start him. I mean we could but it would really take the fun out of spontaneity, not to mention frequency would suffer.”

I shook my head.

With a slight shrug of one shoulder, she said, “Hey, I’m just being honest.”

I blew on my soup. “Okay, so?”

“So, we went to talk to a sex therapist and after listening to us, he explained to us that my domineering ways were emasculating to Preston and he suggested that I give up some of my control.”

I pursed my lips. “Makes sense.”

She huffed. “Well, if Preston knew how to take control it would.”

I bit back my laugher. “So that didn’t work.”

She shook her head. “Nope. The therapist then suggested we try things Preston’s way for a prescribed period of time.”

I set my soup down. “Wait, the therapist wanted you to keep kissing girls?”

“Yes, it was the control Preston needed over our relationship is how he described it.” She uncrossed her legs. “So that’s what we did.”

“And you found women who were happy with just a kiss?” I asked cautiously.

She pointed to my soup. “Eat.”

I picked it up and stirred it with my spoon.

“It was Paris after all, and although the women would more than likely have left after just a kiss, I allowed them to stay and go further because it turned Preston on.”

“How much further?”

“At first, just fondling. We kissed. They touched me. I touched them. And Preston got it up. But after a few nights, that wasn’t enough.”

I inhaled, curious where this was going.

“He needed to see more.”

“What did the therapist say about that?”

She bit her lip. “We didn’t tell him that part.”

“Why not?”

“It was too embarrassing.”

“Okay, so what happened?”

She set her own soup bowl down. “He wanted me to let the other women, you know.”

I did know. I cleared my throat. “Did you?”

“No. I told him I couldn’t do that and he let the idea die for a bit and we spent the next couple of nights trying the exercises the therapist gave us.”

I opened a package of crackers. “How’d that work?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Not very well. It’s just not in his nature to be the dominant one. That’s why I had to take that role on in the first place. We both ended up extremely frustrated. He kept going down to the bar, and I kept pulling out my vibrator.”

Cracker crumbs fell on my lap as I bit into one. “And?”

“A couple of nights ago, when I was already in bed, he brought a young thing up to our suite and into my room. She was pretty, but young, like twenty-one young.”

“I get it, she was young and pretty.”

Lily nodded her head. “I looked at him and his eyes pleaded with me and I thought, what the hell. I could do this for love. So, I let her kiss me, and then I let her slip my nightgown off and play with my breasts like I knew Preston liked. But this time, I undressed her. Preston watched us and I could see his excitement. After she was naked, the thrill in his eyes made me curious, so I invited him over.”

I tried not to gasp but I couldn’t help it.

She ignored me. “Once he undressed, there was no mistaking his desire. He was rock hard and it made me wonder.”

She puffed a breath that blew her bangs and left me anticipating just what exactly she wondered about.

“He joined us and I backed off, and he never even noticed, he was so into this girl. I realized then, I was the problem—not his anatomy, not us, but me. It wasn’t me kissing girls that turned him on. It was the other girls. So I ended things for real this time.”

I put my food down and hugged her. “I’m so sorry.”

She shrugged off my hug. “You know what, I’m okay. It was time—there had been too many breakups and reconciliations. If we truly loved each other, we’d have been in it for the long haul from the start.”

Out of nowhere, I started to cry.

“Hey, there are no parallels here. None at all. Jeremy and Preston are completely different men.”

I shook my head, and then really started to fall apart. “It was my fault. I believed the worst in him. How could I not have trusted him?”

She pulled me in for a hug this time. “You were manipulated.”

I laid my head on her shoulder. “I’m not sure he sees it that way. And anyway, excuses don’t matter. I should have believed in him.”

She sighed. “You never know.”

I closed my eyes.

Maybe.

Maybe someday they would matter, but not today. He was too hurt to see anything but that. I knew that. He had yet to respond to me in any way.

It wrecked me.

Turned my heart inside out and upside down but I had to move forward.

“So Dawson,” she said.

Annoyance took hold of me at his name. “I never want to see him again.”

“Are you going to press charges?”

“No, Hunter says there was nothing illegal done except the false signatures and Jeremy would have to pursue that legal battle. Dawson knew how to get my attention because he knew my weaknesses. He wanted me back and thought showing me Jeremy was devious would do that.”

She scoffed. “It kind of backfired.”

“Did it?” I let my words trail off, too exhausted to discuss Dawson any further.

After a few minutes, I looked up. Lily must have felt the same. She had let her head tip back and had fallen asleep. I followed suit and closed my eyes too. I just needed to shut it all out.

How could I have done those things to him?

A knock at my door woke me up.

“Come in,” I yelled and sat up.

“Hello, hello.” It was Mrs. Bardot.

“Not so loud.” Lily rubbed her head.

“You’re not hungover,” I reminded her.

“No, but I still have jet lag.”

Mrs. Bardot set down a couple of bottles of wine. “I thought it might be time for cocktail hour. And it just so happens, Gidget, it’s the best cure for jet lag.”

Lily popped up. She was used to her nickname. “I’ll get the glasses.”

I stretched and looked around. It was dark out. I glanced at my watch. It was six thirty. Jamie and Lindsay would be here soon with dinner.

Lily returned with a wine opener and three glasses. She set them next to the now cold soups.

Mrs. Bardot, who despised clutter almost as much as Dawson, picked up the trash and I stood to help her, following her to the kitchen with the soup bowls. As I was pouring one down the drain, Jamie came in with Lindsay behind him, each carrying a bag full of food. Behind Lindsay came Danny, then Logan, and Emmy too.

“You have the most amazing friends, my dear,” Mrs. Bardot whispered in my ear.

I looked at them all. “I do.”

I had that to be thankful for.

“Where’s Phoebs?” Jamie asked Lily.

She pointed over her shoulder.

He turned toward the kitchen. “Hey,” he said with a smile. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited a few people.”

“No, I don’t mind at—”

I dropped the container in the sink.

My heart stopped beating.

My brain stopped processing any thoughts.

Behind Jamie stood another tall figure.

I tilted my head to be certain it was him.

He looked tired.

He looked worn.

He looked amazing.

Jeremy walked toward me with trepidation in his intense blue eyes.

I didn’t care.

I ran as fast as I could around the counter and launched myself at him. My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms snaked around his neck. My pulse sped up as he gripped me back in return, holding me as tightly as I was holding him.

Was I dreaming?

After a few moments, I pulled back to look at him. I just had to make sure he was real.

He was.

And he looked beautiful.

“Hi,” I breathed.

“Hi,” he said back with a quirk of his lips.

I flushed under his intense gaze and for some reason, I felt so nervous in his presence that I had to avert my eyes from his lustful stare. That’s when I noticed everyone was watching us.

I didn’t care.

My mother had come in too, and surprised to see her, I waved to her.

She waved back. “I hope you don’t mind, but Jeremy invited me.”

“No,” I answered in astonishment and refocused on the man in question. “What are you doing here?” My voice was still so breathy.

He took my face in his hands. “I promised you once that I’d never leave, and I don’t go back on my promises.”

I blinked back tears. “But what I did—it was unforgiveable.”

He shook his head. “Not true. Nothing between two people who love each other should be unforgiveable.”

I started to cry in front of everyone.

Jeremy’s hands moved to the back of my head and he pulled me to him. “Shh . . . don’t cry. I’m sorry I didn’t come back sooner.”

I couldn’t stop myself.

“Can we talk?” he whispered in my ear.

Shivers chased down my spine at the feel of his breath on my skin. I never thought I’d feel it again.

I nodded toward my room in a motion that indicated he should take us there. I wasn’t getting down and I wasn’t letting go of him for one minute, not ever. Not if I had anything to say about it, that is.

“Excuse us,” he said to everyone.

Lily clasped her hands together. “See, your prince came for you.”

Logan gave me a smile like I’d never seen from him before.

And Jamie pretended to choke and then joked, “Don’t mind us out here listening.”