Toxic (27 page)

Jeremy dropped his head, still ignoring me as the elevator descended.

Uncertainty roared in my head. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get through to him in time. “I know you’re mad but so am I.”

“You’re mad because I didn’t tell you my father was a criminal who ruined people’s lives?”

“No, that is not what I’m upset about.”

He stood silent, acting like he didn’t care.

It hurt me to even give voice to my thoughts, much less think about it anymore but I knew I had to do this. “So much happened last night—the information about the condo, learning that it was owned by a Hanna Truman when I saw a return address with the same last name in your mail, and then finding out about the money to Stanford—and I needed some time to think.”

Unhappiness radiated from him. “Yeah, believe it or not I figured that much out for myself,” he practically growled.

I held my breath, I was worried he just didn’t care and I had to find out. A moment or two of silence passed until I let out a much needed exhale. “But that’s not the only reason I left. After I talked to Hunter, I took refuge in the bathroom. I wanted to clear my head before I saw you and somehow I ended up getting locked in a stall listening to a tape of you and Avery Lake having sex.”

He visibly cringed and I knew if he hadn’t been listening before, he was now.

The trembling spread throughout my entire body. “I had to sit there and listen to the sounds you made when you came with another woman. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”

He turned, his anger seemingly depleted. “I’m sorry about that, Phoebe.”

I chewed my lip in contemplation, not certain I should go on.

Jeremy took a tentative step toward me but perhaps feeling the same uncertainty, he stopped and pressed his back against the side of the elevator car, not daring to get too close. “I didn’t know she taped us.”

Anger flared within me as I relived the poignant picture I had created in my head. “I hated everything about it, from the fact that you couldn’t wait to have her, to the fact that you were in a car in the Hamptons, our place.
Ours.
But do you want to know what hurt the most?”

His eyes filled with tenderness and I could see the anguish on his face.

I didn’t wait for him to respond. “It was the way you told her to do the same things you told me to do just last night.”

He cut me off. “It’s not like that. I was so drunk, I don’t remember much about that night but—”

I put a hand up. “Let me finish.”

He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

At least we were communicating.

That was good.

“But listening to it helped me realize she couldn’t have meant that much to you.”

He propped a foot against the wall. “She didn’t. She doesn’t. I keep telling you that.”

I looked into his eyes. “I didn’t tell you that for reassurance. You had sex with someone before we got back together. I get that. And I had sex with other men before we got back together. Let’s just leave it at that. But you have to know, there’s nothing going on between Dawson and me. I know you know that. I called him last night to help me find out who the Trumans were. I wanted to trust you, but I saw that envelope on your counter from J Truman and then when I heard the information about the condo, and the Stanford money, I just didn’t know what was real anymore. I had to sort it out in my own mind before I could talk to you. I don’t know if you can understand that. But everything I learned made me question your true interest in me.”

He took two steps and resumed leaning again, this time against the back wall with his hip pressed to it. “Don’t ever doubt that. Ever. And don’t ever doubt that what we have is real.”

“I can’t help it. Talk to me, help me understand instead of walking away.”

Jeremy’s expression softened and he lifted my chin with his thumb. “I don’t want to walk away from you.”

I leaned into his touch. “Then don’t. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

He pressed
STOP
and the car came to a halt at the same time his gaze flashed dark. “We need to get one thing straight first, Phoebe.”

I held my breath and waited.

My back was to the wall before I knew it. “You’re mine. And I don’t share,” he whispered in a guttural tone.

I realized then that we both had jealously issues. “I only want you.”

His hard body pressed into mine as he pointed over his shoulder toward the elevator doors. “Whatever that was in there makes me doubt that you understand that.”

“Dawson’s just a friend.”

Jeremy practically growled at me in response. “He’s your ex-fiancé.”

I caressed his cheek. “Yes, ex,” I reassured him.

He threw me a doubtful look and stepped out of my reach.

“Don’t, Jeremy. Don’t pull away from me over something that means nothing,” I pleaded.

He just stared at me with those intense blue eyes.

“Please. I called him and he came to help. That’s it. There’s nothing left between us.”

He nodded and hit
L
again. As the car descended we looked at each other. Floor after floor we kept the visual connection until he cleared his throat and spoke. “My parental situation is so fucked up. I don’t like to talk about it. I’ve barely spoken to my mother in years and I don’t remember my father.”

“Why don’t you talk to your mother?”

Tension filled his body. “She had some odd sense of righteousness that came out of nowhere and felt the need to tell me about my father, but then refused to let me talk to him and at I first I let it go. But then, two years ago, out of the blue, she decided it was time for me to meet him.”

Confused, I inched my way toward him. “Why would she want that?”

He shrugged. “Because she’s fucked up in the head. Because she regrets her decision.” He threw his hands up in the air. “Who the fuck knows. All I know is she went to see him and came back informing me he wanted to be a part of my life. That letter you saw from my father, he sends me one once a month. I never read them. I just throw them away.”

“Why not?” I was shocked he would do that.

He looked at me like I had three eyes. “I don’t want anything to do with him. He purposely stole from people and hurt them.”

My heart broke for Jeremy and the tough exterior that did nothing to cover up the pain in his voice. I knew what he felt. I had been feeling it too. “He’s still your father. Maybe you should . . . open them.”

He shook his head. “Do you have any idea what it’s like growing up thinking you were a bastard and then learning you weren’t? Only to be left wondering which was actually worse? Being a bastard or knowing your mother lied to you because she was ashamed of your father?”

I moved closer and gently wrapped my arms around him. “None of that changes who you are.”

The doors opened. “Doesn’t it?” he said softly.

I pulled him tighter. “No, it doesn’t. You’re an amazing man. You’re strong and kind and generous.”

“I’m not.” He shook his head.

“Yes, you are. I mean it. I know you donated money in my name to New York City Ballet. Who does that when the girl lied to him about who she was five years earlier if they don’t have compassion?”

All he did was shrug. “We said we’d leave the past where it was.”

“I know. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate what you did.”

He didn’t seem to care but then he said, “I do.”

“Are you going up?” an older man with a suitcase asked.

I hadn’t even realized we’d reached the lobby. I nodded, not caring where the elevator went, and the man stepped in, pressing the button for the eighteenth floor. The man had his back to us and when the car started to ascend, Jeremy finally returned my embrace.

I let myself fall into him.

I breathed him in.

Relished the feel of his arms around me.

I didn’t care if I lost myself or found myself in him anymore. It didn’t matter. “I love you,” I told him for the very first time.

He pulled back and looked at me, studying me intently before speaking. “I love you too,” he whispered.

My stomach swirled with butterflies. “Do you like sushi?” I asked.

He laughed. “Once in a while, but it’s not my favorite.”

“What is?”

He raised a brow.

“Food,” I clarified with a smirk.

“Hands down, pizza.”

That hadn’t changed.

The older man spoke up. “Joe’s, I hope.”

Jeremy grinned. “You know it.”

The doors opened and the man got off the elevator. “Have a nice day,” he said with a huge smile on his face.

I waved good-bye. I could tell by the way he looked at us, he must have heard our declarations.

Who cared?

Not me.

With my own huge smile, I pressed the button for the lobby. “What’s your favorite color?”

Jeremy aligned his body with mine. “What’s with the twenty questions?”

My pulse was racing as our bodies connected in the most perfect way. “I felt like I didn’t know who you really were and it scared me. I want to know what has changed about you and what hasn’t.”

“Blue,” he said with that smirk that melted me. “I prefer still water to sparkling, I’d rather drink beer than wine, basketball is my favorite sport to watch on TV, but I love to go to baseball games. The White Stripes is one of my favorite bands. I’m all over the map when in comes to music. I like old-school hip-hop, Sublime, Nirvana, and old rock, but despise pop. I used to love watching
The Real World
. I’m a huge James Bond fan and watch every DiCaprio movie. There was a time I was addicted to Break.com. I hate doing laundry. Oh, and my favorite place to be is anywhere near a beach.”

I listened intently. Some things had changed. Some things were new. But through his words the familiarity of his voice rang true.

I knew him.

I had been focusing on his lips, those lips, from a distance long enough. Without hesitation, I got up on my toes and kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip before I stopped. “That last one I already knew, and the laundry too, that’s evident. And of course the music. And the pizza. Well, actually, I knew a lot of that already.”

He chuckled as he slid his lips down my neck. “See, I haven’t changed that much. So does any of that change the way you feel about me?”

I threw my head back as he kissed his way down my neck. “No.”

His hand went to the small of my back and drifted down.

The heat.

The need.

The want . . .

It was consuming me.

We had to work on the give and take between the two of us.

Trust.

But I knew we could.

Our gazes collided, all words gone as we looked into each other’s eyes. I was ready to throw him down right there by the time the elevator doors opened again. It was early and no one was moving around the hotel yet.

No, I chastised myself.

His hands lazily moved down my body. “We’ll get to know everything about one an other all over again, it just takes time. But I’m happy to do it now if you’d like.”

“Later is fine.” I let out a small moan at his touch.

Jeremy’s hands had moved to my hips and he pulled me into him.
Oh God, his erection was a hard, thick demand.

We were in trouble. “Jeremy?”

“Yeah,” he growled.

“We have to stop.” I was breathy and very unconvincing.

As if he knew what I needed, he pressed himself further into me so I could feel every square inch of him.

“We can’t, not here.” I pointed up. “Cameras.”

“Phoebe.” He looked up, then down at my bare feet. “We can’t get back up there, can we?” His tone was sensual, erotic.

I knew what was on his mind.

I shook my head. “Not without the key.”

“And we can’t leave because you aren’t wearing any shoes.”

I shook my head again.

Sweetly, he held me tighter and kissed me long and slow. His warm lips on mine felt so soft as he kissed me and kissed me and kissed me, until the doors opened again.

I wasn’t ready for the ride to end.

“Do you want to go for another ride?” I murmured.

He turned us and pressed me against the wall. “Absolutely,” he growled and blindly pushed a button that I wished was to heaven.

I could have kissed Jeremy all day in that elevator, but it was where I worked, and my mother was waiting upstairs—with Dawson, and things were starting to get a little too hot and heavy.

We never could just kiss.

When we landed on the lobby floor again, I pulled away. “I changed my mind. I do want to spend the day learning things about each other.”

Jeremy raised a highly arched brow. “Are you telling me no sex?”

I gave a little shrug. “Not a Lily and Preston thing if that’s what you’re thinking. But just for the day. Let’s explore the city together and tell each other stupid things about what we’ve done or want to do or what we like.”

His tongue licked up my throat. “I like the taste of you.”

I shivered and I might have moaned. I was about to tell him never mind when he stopped and took my hand. “But I’ll behave,” he said with a wink and led me out of the elevator—that glimpse of bad boy shining through that made me weak in the knees.

As we walked to the front desk, I knew that I had to tell Jeremy about the kiss with Dawson, but thought it was best to wait. He was going to be extremely upset either way, and I felt I owed it to Dawson to wait until after he had left the apartment.

With a new key card in hand, we rode the elevator up one more time. Jeremy pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to me. “You should text Jamie that you’re okay. He spent the night looking for you with me.”

“You looked for me all night?” I took his phone.

“Yeah, I was worried about you.”

Guilt festered inside me as I typed a short note to Jamie telling him I was okay and I’d call him tonight. When the elevator doors opened, Jeremy took my hand and led me back inside my father’s penthouse apartment.

My mother was still sitting on the couch and still visibly shaken. Dawson was sitting nervously beside her, not saying much. He stood immediately when he saw us and focused his gaze on me. “Listen, I’m going to leave the three of you to talk. But if you need me, you know how to reach me.”