Torch Red: Color Me Torn with Bonus Content (5 page)

“What’s up with you and Justin?” asks Kirsti as the dance team does their halftime performance.

“What do you mean?” I act like I’m clueless.

“I mean”—she glances over her shoulder—“are you like going out?”

“We came to the game together.”
Like duh, what do you think?

“So are you like a couple then?”

I just shrug and then wave at Emily and hurry over as if I have something important to tell her.

“Kirsti is totally baffled,” says Emily. “It’s like she just can’t believe it.”

I roll my eyes. “Like he’s too good for me?”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s it.”

“Or maybe she wishes she’d gotten to him first, since she’s temporarily out of a boyfriend.”

“Well, knowing Kirsti, that won’t last too long. But tell me, how’s it going? Do you really like him?”

I nod eagerly. “He is sooo nice, Emily. Right now he’s out there getting me a Coke, and you know how long those lines are during halftime.”

“Yeah, I’ve always thought Justin was a good guy.” Emily smiles. “I’m so happy for you!”

Then Justin comes back with my drink and we resume our spots on the bleachers and I am feeling like I’m on top of the world. So cool.

But the basketball game seems to literally fly by. And I’m having such a good time that I don’t even feel too bad that our team loses, although I do put on the obligatory act. I suppose I am sort of sad, but mostly because the game is over and my date with Justin will soon come to an end.

But then he invites me to go to Chevy’s with him and, of course, I agree. I mean why would I want this date to ever end? Chevy’s is this new fifties-style restaurant downtown. It’s partly owned by Coach Hampton (the football coach) and last fall he talked a lot of his players into hanging out here pretty often. It’s kind of funky with all its fifties memorabilia, and sometimes you feel like you should be wearing one of those skirts with a poodle on it, but it’s
better than nothing. And, believe me, I am totally jazzed to be here tonight.

“What’s up with you guys?” asks Andrea when I go to use the bathroom.

“Huh?”

“You and Justin.”

“We’re together,” I say. “Hadn’t you noticed?”

She nods. “Of course I noticed. But when did this happen?”

“We started hanging together during play rehearsals.” I’m willing to explain, since I really do respect Andrea and actually care what she thinks of me. “We have a lot of scenes together and we just sort of hit it off.”

“Cool.” Then she pats me on the back.

“Not cool when Katy finds out,” says Kirsti. She emerges from one of the stalls.

“But they broke up ages ago,” says Andrea.

“But Katy still likes him.”

“Like that matters.” Andrea puts on some lip gloss.

“Katy told me they were getting back together.”

“Doesn’t look that way to me,” says Andrea.

“I don’t really think Justin wants to get back with her,” I add. Then Andrea and I leave before Kirsti has a chance to say anything else.

“She’s probably just jealous,” says Andrea once we’re out of the bathroom. “Maybe she thought she’d have a chance.”

Suddenly it occurs to me that hanging on to Justin might not be as easy as I’d hoped. But my insecurity melts away when I sit back down at the table across from Justin and see him looking at me. There are lots of kids around and the room is hot and noisy, but for a few seconds it feels like it’s just the two of us. And somehow I
think this might be the real thing. This might be that big romance I’ve been hoping and waiting for.

“Want to get out of here?” he asks. I nod.

We go outside and instead of heading for his car, we walk down Main Street, just talking. He is holding my hand and I am so happy that I think I must be dreaming.

“I didn’t know what it’d be like, being in the play,” he says as we stop to look in the drugstore window. It’s set up with a Valentine’s Day display of two ice-skating bears surrounded by boxes of candy, stuffed toys, and balloons. Kind of silly, but sort of sweet and romantic too.

“Yeah, I was surprised that so many kids turned out for it,” I tell him. “But it makes it more fun.”

“I just figured, hey, it’s my senior year, why not do something totally different? Mix it up a little.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“So am I, Zoë.” He turns and looks at me now. “Just think what I would’ve missed.” Then he leans down and kisses me. And, naturally, I kiss him back. We stand there in the streetlights kissing like we’re starring in some old Hollywood flick. Honestly, I almost expect some old movie star to tap dance down the sidewalk, singing some old funny song. That’s how sweet this is.

Then we walk back to his car and climb inside, where we kiss some more and I feel like I’m being swept away. I mean I am feeling things I’ve never felt before, and Justin is totally in charge of this thing. And it feels like he knows what he’s doing.

Then his hand lands in a place that makes me feel uncomfortable and suddenly I am sitting up and sort of pushing him away. He looks startled, then nods as if he understands. “I’m sorry, Zoë.” He straightens himself in the driver’s seat. “I guess I got carried away.”

I start feeling pretty silly. Like maybe I’m totally lame or just
immature or maybe I
am
a real prude. Still, it’s like whatever was going on—I mean the moment, the magic—well, it’s all kind of lost on me now. “I’m sorry,” I mutter.

“No, Zoë,” he assures me. “It’s not your fault. I was just moving too fast.” He runs a hand through his dark silky hair. “I mean this is just our first date.”

I’m feeling like I can breathe again. “Yeah,” I agree. “And it’s been really cool. I’ve had a great time, Justin. My head is spinning.”

He laughs as he starts his car. “Yeah, mine too.” He turns and smiles at me as he backs out of the parking spot. “But it’s not a bad thing.”

He puts a good CD in and we both seem to relax as he drives me home. Then he walks me to my door and kisses me one more time, which I find very reassuring, like maybe I haven’t scared him off completely.

“Thanks for everything,” I tell him as I reach for the doorknob.

“Thank you,” he says as he slowly runs his forefinger down my cheek, giving me the good kind of shivers. “Maybe this will become a regular thing with us.”

And then we say good-night and I feel like I’m floating on a cloud as I go into my house.

“Out kind of late, aren’t you, Zoë?” asks my dad as he emerges from the kitchen wearing his bathrobe and holding a glass of milk.

“Is it that late?” I ask kind of absently.

He looks slightly amused. “Depends on your perspective, I suppose.”

Now here’s the good thing about being the baby in a family with three daughters: By the time you’re old enough to date, Mom and Dad have had plenty of time to loosen up. I mean I can remember this one night, back when I was still in middle school and my oldest
sister, Claire, missed her curfew. My parents just totally freaked. I think they actually called the hospital. And when Claire finally came home (only about thirty minutes late as I recall) she was thoroughly lectured then grounded for two weeks.

Next came my sister Amy. Well, she was the wild child and basically drove my parents bonkers by breaking curfews right and left. Amy pretty much did whatever she wanted until I thought both of my parents were going to fall completely apart. My dad’s hair actually turned gray during that era. Well, let me tell you, they were so relieved when Amy graduated high school without getting arrested or killed. And they seem to be breathing easier since she went off to college last year. So now I think my parents are pretty much worn out. Or else they figure if Claire and Amy survived, then I probably will too. Whatever it is, I’m finally thankful for being the baby in the family.

“Sorry,” I told my dad, “but I had a really great time tonight. And you should be happy to hear that Justin is a total gentleman.”

Dad smiles with what appears to be relief. “He seemed like a nice young man.”

“Oh, he is, Dad,” I assure him. “He really is.”

Dad holds up the milk glass. “That’s good to hear, honey. Now I better get this up to your mom.”

B
Y
M
ONDAY
I
FEEL LIKE
I’
VE BEEN ELEVATED A COUPLE OF RUNGS ON THE
social ladder. Justin drove me to school and walked me to my locker, and then he even hung with me for a while during lunch.

“So you and Justin are really a thing now?” asks Andrea as we’re all getting dressed in the locker room. The area right around us gets quiet and I can tell the other girls are listening in.

“I guess so.” I attempt nonchalance and pull on my jeans.

Kirsti leans over and puts her face close to mine. “So, have you done it yet?”

At first I’m confused, then I realize she’s talking about sex. Even so, I don’t answer.

“Are you kidding?” says Thea. “Zoë’s too much like Emily. She’ll probably hold out for months too.”

Emily just rolls her eyes as she reaches for her sweater. I wish I knew how to be as cool about this as she is.

“She’ll lose him then,” says Kirsti. “I have inside information that Justin’s not one to wait around.”

“From Katy?” asks Thea.

Kirsti nods.

“Where is that girl anyway?” asks Emily. “I haven’t seen Katy since before Christmas. Is she sick or something?”

Kirsti glances around, I’m sure to see if Mrs. Post, our PE teacher, is nearby. “Haven’t you heard?”

Thea smirks as if
she
has.

“Heard what?”

“Katy’s been doing a little Hoovering,” says Kirsti.

“Huh?” Now this intelligent response comes from me, but I wish I’d kept my mouth shut.

“Katy did some
Hoovering
last week,” says Kirsti in this sort of dramatic tone. Feeling like an idiot, I just nod as if I know what she’s talking about, which I totally don’t.

“You’re kidding,” says Emily and I can tell she’s shocked, but I still don’t get what they’re talking about.

Kirsti shakes her head. “No one’s supposed to know,” she says in a quiet voice.

“Then why are you telling
us
?
”
demands Andrea.

“Emily’s the one who asked. Besides, aren’t you Katy’s friends? I figured you’d want to know. Sheesh, don’t get all freaked at me.”

“Just because I asked about Katy doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone the explicit details of her personal life,” says Emily. “I can’t believe Katy thinks you’re her friend.”

“Yeah,” agrees Andrea. “You going to practice now, Emily?” And then those two take off and I’m left trying to sort it out.

“Ready to go to play practice?” asks Shawna. I’d forgotten she was here.

I nod as I shove my PE clothes back into my locker. I’m glad to get away from Kirsti and Thea, who are now going on about “how some girls are so sensitive and just need to grow up.”

“Do you know what Kirsti was talking about in there?” I ask Shawna once we’re out in the breezeway.

She nods. “Of course. Don’t you?”

I shrug. “Well, not really.”

Shawna turns and looks at me. “You really are pretty naive, aren’t you, Zoë?”

Somehow, maybe because she’s new here, I don’t mind so much that Shawna knows I’m not as “sophisticated” as some of my friends. “I guess so,” I admit. “I mean I kind of play along, but half the time I’m not sure what Thea and Kirsti are talking about. Or if I do know, I think it’s pretty gross. But I’ve learned to play along.”

Shawna laughs now. “No wonder you’re so good in drama.”

“Thanks. I guess.” Then I turn to her. “But really, I want to know what Hoovering is supposed to mean.”

“Probably that Katy got an abortion.” Then Shawna shrugs like it’s no big deal.

I feel my eyes growing wide. “You mean she was pregnant?”

Now Shawna looks mad. “Look, Zoë, I don’t even
know
this girl. I have no idea whether she was pregnant or not. Or whether she got an abortion. All I’m telling you is that’s what Hoovering means.” She pauses now. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to blast you. But sometimes I get so sick of gossipy girls. Like why can’t they just mind their own business?”

I nod. “Yeah, I totally get what you’re saying.” Then we’re at the auditorium and I’m feeling lousy. If it’s true—if Katy really was pregnant and really got an abortion—then it’s likely that Justin could’ve been the father. And this just totally freaks me.

I feel Shawna’s hand on my arm. “Zoë,” she says quietly, “it might not even be true, you know? I mean Kirsti might’ve just made up the whole thing to get to you.”

I nod as I consider this. “Yeah, that’s possible.”

“Some girls are like that. They just want to mess with your mind.”

Now I’m wondering if that might not be the reason Shawna left her old high school. I know where she lives now, and it’s not even
within our district. I wonder if someone over at Jackson had messed with her or gossiped about her or done some permanent damage. But Mr. Roberts is up on the stage yelling for everyone to get into place, and I realize I’ll have to ask her about that later. If at all.

Justin comes over to join me now and I suddenly feel uncomfortable around him. It’s like there’s this wall between us. I try to smile and act normal, but I can tell that I’m not very convincing.