Top 10 Treats of Trusty Girlfriendship

How to Shore Up Your Life When It Wobbles

Janet Grosshandler

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 by Janet Grosshandler.

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How to Shore Up Your Life When It Wobbles

Are you feeling like you’re stuck in a black pit
barely peering out the top and so, so bogged down in a huge
drama/trauma?

Are you all-night-sleepless, tossing and turning
trying to figure out how to deal with a possible devastating change
in your life?

Do you stare out over your morning coffee just
trying to get up the energy to face another day with the same
problems?

Girlfriendships to the rescue!

Pick up that phone, text a short SOS, or walk
down the block and connect with that girlfriend (you know who she
is) who will
always
help you pick up the pieces and soldier
on.

Whether we are in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or
60+’s, we have those mega-girlfriends who define
“There for you
whenever you need me!”

These are the ones who:

* Come running when we whimper.

* Listen to every last hiccough at the end of our
tears.

* Bleed their hearts as ours does.

* Hold on when we are totally loosing it.

When life hands us the “wobbles,” these
girlfriends are the glue, the cement who help put us back together
when we feel like we are shattered into a zillion pieces.

When we have our trusty girlfriendships, there’s
a little bit of sunshine making its way through those yucky clouds
and we breathe easier knowing she’s right there when we need her
most.

Trusty girlfriendships come in all types and
packages. There is no “one-size-fits-all.” But the treats we get
from these relationships put our heads back on straight, bandage up
our shredded hearts, and put a tiny ghost of a smile back on our
faces because we are not in this alone.

We can make it through one more day.

1.
Safe haven

She is the comfort in the storms of life.

Death of a loved one, a painful divorce, angry
argument with a child, being laid off from a much needed job- the
hurricane winds of life that blow us off course make us feel that
we’ll never get our life straightened out ever again. Who will
shelter us? She will.

When Kath found out that her
just-about-ex-husband had hooked back up with his other ex-wife
during their battling divorce process, she was devastated.

“That woman caused us so much grief about shared
custody, canceling weekends on us without any notice, money
draining- we were pulling out our hair most of the time to deal
with her. Then when I found out he had been back together with her
for a few months, it just gutted my last shred of sanity!

When I heard the news, I left the party, drove
home like a crazy maniac and crumpled up on the floor of my foyer
screaming at the unfairness of it all.

Little did I know that Elise had followed me
home and was there banging on my door yelling that she wasn’t going
to leave and I better let her in. I crawled over to the door to
unlock it and Elise dropped on the floor with me and held me as I
cried for hours.

She just kept saying, ‘I’m here. It’s gonna be
OK. I’m here. It’s gonna be OK.’

I might have gone totally out of my mind with
grief that night if Elise hadn’t been there to save me.”

*

2.
Locked vault

She is the secret keeper. She is THE one that
when we say, ”Don’t tell anyone this but…” we know she won’t.

We need our secret-keeper girlfriend because
many times we need to
tell someone.
Whether it is a minor
secret or a major confidence, she is the vault where we can put our
secret and absolutely know it is safe.

We can go back to our vault and take out our
secret to reexamine it, ponder over it or try to figure out the
real depth of meaning behind it, with or without her input. She
knows when to talk with us about it and when to keep quiet.

Her heart is the soft home for our deepest
secrets.

*

3.
Mirth machine

She is so good for a cheer-up laugh when we need
it the most.

OMG, we’re LOLing when we were just crying. She
can see the absurdity in the situation, can bring up a funny
memory, or just dish the dirt that brings the mirth.

Sasha has a true mirth machine in her girlfriend
Bets. “Bets can turn any horrible situation into one that’s not
such a huge deal in the big life picture. Her usual response when I
am obsessing over a situation that I absolutely cannot change, is,
‘What if I had 20 kids and had to move in with you?’

Just that visual (since I live in a small city
studio apartment with a tiny shower in a closet) stops my rant cold
and we go off into all the “what ifs” we would have to contend with
to fit 22 of us in my studio. Silly, but it slows down my energy
combusting perspective and brings me back to reality.”

Now not every situation can be solved by humor,
but some laughter always helps ease the pain.

*

4.
Quick answerer

With this girlfriend, there is no waiting, no
Googling.

If you need:

* The recipe for that vegetarian dish- your brother
and his new veggie girlfriend are stopping over unexpectedly.

* The name of the goop she used for her baby’s
diaper rash because your baby just got a major breakout.

* The info for the woman’s shelter ASAP to take in
your cousin who just was beat up again by her boyfriend.

* The divorce lawyer she knows because you can’t
take your husband’s serial cheating anymore.

The answers, exactly as you need them, come via
phone, text, email, in person or by messenger. Because your
insightful girlfriend understands you need the information NOW. She
knows you well and tells you what you need. ASAP.

No explanations needed. No thank-you necessary.
She totally understands and gets it.

*

5.
Mirror magic

What you see is what you get, thank goodness, in
this girlfriend.

With this treat you get clear vision of who and
what your girlfriend is- no game playing, no bait-and-switch
friendship.

She is just as she seems and mirrors back to you
exactly what you expect from her: honesty, love, support, loyalty,
and dependability when all else fails.

This is not the “call me anytime” person who
never answers your calls or texts because she got “too busy”. The
mirror magic girlfriend reflects back to you the clear vision of
goodness and love.

*

6.
Truth serum

No fudging, tell-it-to-me-straight girlfriends
give us the gift of truth. No exaggerating, downplaying or lying
when we really need to take off those blinders and face our
truths.

“No I don’t think you should stay with him if he
is so verbally mean to you. Yes, that’s exactly what it is when he
screams those nasty accusations at you! Listen to me now.”

“If you’re worried your baby might be autistic,
go for the evaluation. I’ll go with you. But you need to know for
sure. I’ll be there for you, you know that.”

“It’s not going to be all right. Not 100%, maybe
50% for now, but it will get better, I promise.”

Helping us face the truth no matter how much
sadness or pain it confirms is a girlfriend gift because we know
she’ll be there to prop us up through the worst of it.

*

7.
Garbage dump

This girlfriend makes it OK to dump any yucky
confidence or thought on her and she doesn’t flinch an eyelash.

“Am I a bad mother if I want to run away from
home sometimes?”

“I am so raging mad I might get violent!”

“Whenever he touches me I want to vomit.”

She understands your erupting or deeply
suppressed emotions for what they are- whether they be true or a
manifestation of something else wrong in your life. And this
girlfriend can take you dumping the worst on her and help you deal
with it, as you need to.

*

8.
Comfort station

Not the restroom but a “rest room,” this
girlfriend treat gives us the place where we can relax, chill and
soak in solace. She is a hot cup of tea when you’re shaking from
emotional chills or a fuzzy, ancient bathrobe that wraps around you
with love and comfort in your hour of need.

“I call my best friend for 20 years - my ‘spa’,”
Jennifer said. “She’ll give me a pedicure, a glass of wine, or fill
up the tub with bubbles whenever I’m crazy upset. She knows
instinctively to get my mind off the crap and focus on taking care
of myself.”

Girlfriends who provide our “comfort station”
give us the treat of self-care and solace when we are struggling.
Ahhhhhhhh. Just breathe.

*

9.
Advice ally

She dispenses trusty advice and guidance because
she has our back. Sometimes it’s advice we’re not always wanting to
hear but we have to listen because it really is “for our own
good.”

When we asked others about the best girlfriend
advice they had received, here’s what they said:

“Get rid of my boyfriend. That he was being
emotionally abusive to me. I didn’t want to hear that, but it turns
out she was 100% right. He was selfish and terrible to me. I
finally got out of that relationship.“

“That my little girl wasn’t thriving and I
needed to switch pediatricians. Sure enough, our new doctor helped
us with a healthier regimen for our picky eater and she’s doing
much better. At first I felt like she was saying I was failing as a
mother. Now I know it was because she loved us so much that she
took the risk and said that.”

“I almost bought a fixer-upper house convincing
myself I could do all the work myself and save money. She made up a
four-page list of what the house needed, how much it would cost,
materials and stuff to do it, and how much time each project would
take. Once I read that over, I knew I was being totally unrealistic
and stopped the purchase. She saved me from a huge mistake. Thank
you Heather!”

*

10.
Whatever-ness

This catchall is not the vague “Whatevah” that
we get from some disconnected others. This girlfriend treat is the
absolute guarantee that WHATEVER we need, want, and “got-to-have”,
she will deliver.

A shoulder to cry on at 3AM? She’s there in her
jammies with a full box of tissues.

Your baby was just rushed to the hospital and
the two older kids need a caretaker? She’s picking them up from
school and holding them with love until you are ready.

You’re going to rejoin the dating world after a
painful divorce? She’s on speed-dial, ready to text you away on an
emergency if it turns out to be a dud experience.

WHATEVER comes up, this girlfriend is Girl-Scout
ready to:

* Help you pick up the pieces.

* Solve problems big and small.

* Make the tough decisions.

* Love and support you in any upheaval.

Here’s a little reinvention of a piece of wisdom
from a master poet.

*

On Friendship