Tomorrow's Dream (18 page)

“Not to mention that Harry and Martha live not too far away,” Abigail added. “Or maybe we could convince them to let me renovate the gardener's cottage for them. It hasn't been lived in since Old Jim retired. With a new conservatory and a large upper story added, I'm sure it would make a lovely place for them.”

“But don't say anything yet to them,” Kyle added hastily. “We didn't want to speak with them until we'd heard what you think of the idea.” She reached over and took Ruthie's hand. “It would be so nice to see us gather together as a family. And Samuel and our . . . our baby can be playmates.”

Ruthie felt their eyes on her. She stammered, “I . . . I just don't know what to say.”

“There's something else, and this I will say for her.” Abigail looked at her daughter with loving concern. “Having a youngster around will help Kyle immensely. And having you nearby, Ruthie, will also help continue the healing. . . .”

Abigail did not finish the thought. She did not need to. Ruthie watched as Kyle turned and looked at Samuel, and in that instant the answer came to her heart. There in Kyle's look at her son was everything she needed to know.

No longer desperation, or grasping, or manipulation. Only love and friendship. Ruthie said, “I would love to. This is an answer to my prayers.”

32 

Her cry of fear signaled
the nightmare's release. She awoke gasping for air.

Kenneth was instantly awake and reaching for her. “It's all right, honey.”

“Oh, Kenneth, it . . . it was the dream again.”

“I know, I know, but that is all it was.” He sat up so he could cradle her with one arm. “Only a dream.”

For an instant, she was gripped by a powerful temptation to give in to the dark fears and the old feelings. But it was merely the last tendrils of the nightmare. She willed herself to relax into his embrace, letting him be strong for her, taking his confidence and his love and his peace and making it her own. “I was so afraid,” she murmured into his chest.

“I know, honey.” Not masking it, nor making light of it. Just being there, helping her through the dark moments, sharing both the joy and the heartache. “Would you like to pray?”

“You say the words.” She closed her eyes and listened as he asked for the Lord's peace and confidence to fill them. But in truth she was feeling more than hearing, letting the last whispers of nighttime dreads be swept away.

She opened her eyes to find Kenneth watching her. She confessed, “I was dreaming about little Charles.”

Kenneth did not speak. She knew he understood.

“But the pain was . . . was a clean pain. That probably doesn't make any sense, but that's how it felt.”

“It does make sense,” Kenneth said quietly.

“I know the doctor says everything seems fine.” Fear turned her so weak she had to draw away from him in order to continue. “But sometimes it just, I don't know . . .”

“All the past rises up and leaves you afraid.”

She looked at him in desperate appeal. “Do you really believe this baby will be all right? Do you?”

“I hope so. I pray so. That is all we can do.” He stroked her hair. “We pray that whatever happens, we will find our way through together. With God's help.”

“With God's help,” she agreed tremulously. “Oh, Kenneth, I don't know what I'd do without you.” She felt a pang as she remembered all that had happened in the past year. “I'm so sorry—”

He stopped her with a single finger to her lips and a smile that warmed her and filled her heart. “Yes, I know.”

She sighed her way back onto her pillow, loving him. Yes, whatever happened. With God's help.

She sat down by the small suitcase in the front hallway. She started to call to Kenneth but decided there was no need to rush him. Let him finish dressing and come down at his own pace. The morning would be fraught with enough hurry and tension for both of them without calling out now. Besides, she wanted to have a moment here by herself.

The tall hall mirror was directly across from where she sat in the high-backed chair. Kyle gave her reflection a frank inspection. There was fear in her eyes, certainly. And anticipation. But there was also peace. It gave her great assurance to see that in her eyes, to recognize it with an honesty that she knew came from beyond herself. She knew she was not alone. No matter what came, no matter what happened, she would face it with her Lord. And her husband. And her family.

And Goldie. The small dog padded down the hall and sat, as she usually did, so she could lean against Kyle's right leg. She was growing into a beautiful spaniel. And she was such a good friend. Kyle dropped her hand to the bright head and asked Goldie about the morning's weather. Goldie tipped her head and listened solemnly, only her tail twitching with her enthusiasm for life.

She seemed to catch Kyle's mood and laid her head on Kyle's knee. The chocolate eyes watched her calmly, as the clock on the living room mantel clicked steadily onward. Kyle rested her other hand on her abdomen and listened to the ticking sound and the sense of the future unfolding around her. She did not know what was coming. But knowing that she entered into it with God's love in and around her gave her the strength to be calm. Even here. Even now.

Kyle bowed her head. Her words were few. She sensed with a crystal clarity that the Lord already knew.

The sound of Kenneth descending the stairs lifted her head. He was still knotting his tie, but the instant he caught sight of her face, he stopped midstep.

She gave him a little smile and said, “It's time.”

33 

Kenneth sat in the hall
leading from the delivery room to the main ward. He felt as though all his muscles had given way. He watched Harry approach, knowing he should say something. But simply drawing breath took every bit of strength he had left.

One glance at Kenneth's face seemed to be enough for Harry to understand. He sat down beside his son-in-law and placed a hand on his shoulder. The two men sat there for a long moment in silence.

Thoughts jumbled upon one another in Kenneth's mind as he tried to find some way to express what he was feeling. How much their walks and talks had meant to him, how close he felt to Harry at this moment. But he simply could not find the words.

It was Harry who finally spoke, his voice quiet and shaky. “I've been meaning to tell you this for some time now. But talking never has come naturally to me. It's been easier to stay silent than speak. But I can't do that anymore.”

A long sigh seemed to force open the door within him, and Harry continued, “Back after I got home from the war, I found myself hurt more by my baby girl's absence than from my battle wounds. The inner part took a lot longer to heal, too. Years and years. Not until I found God was I able to cast aside all the anger and the hurt and the bitterness.” He was silent a moment, then added quietly, “And all the pain I caused my family.”

“Harry—”

“Hang on now, just let me get this out. When your baby died and you two were staring your own sadness in the face, I felt as though all the years had been peeled back and I was going to have to live through it all, right over again. It hurt me so bad, I can't tell you how tough it was to stand there and see you two in pain, and not have a thing I could do.”

The silence seemed to reach out from them, taking in the hall and the ward and the hospital beyond. Not even the rushing, clattering activity could breach the power of that quiet moment. Harry went on, “The only thing I could do was pray. Pray for you two to find your way out, pray for me to be there and help in whatever way I could.”

“You helped,” Kenneth managed to say. “You're helping now. More than you could ever know.”

“That's good. Real good. Because I found for myself that even though I couldn't do the healing for you, I could give what God gave to me. I could love you two. . . .” He had to stop then, gathering himself with one long breath before he could continue. “Love you as God has loved me. Show you the concern and the strength He has given me. I'm sorry you two had to endure what you have. But I want to tell you how close I feel I've come to you, as though loving you two has taught me how to love God, and praying for your healing and peace has brought a deeper peace into my own life.”

Harry stopped then and stared down at his hands. “I haven't said that well.”

“Oh but you have,” Kenneth said slowly. “You've said it wonderfully.”

“I feel like God has given me a new family,” Harry said. “A new son and a daughter I never deserved. And now—”

“Mr. Adams?” The nurse walked over to stand by Kenneth. “Dr. Pearce is ready for you.”

Kenneth and Harry jumped to their feet at the same instant. Kenneth felt his heart constrict. “Is everything . . . ?”

The nurse smiled. “Let's wait and have the doctor give you the news.”

The sounds of the maternity ward surrounded Kyle as she lay in the hospital bed. She strained to hear the footsteps that paused at her door. And then Kenneth and Dr. Pearce came hurrying into the room. As soon as she caught sight of the two faces, she raised both hands to her mouth. She knew before either of them said a word.

In a voice lacking his normal fatigue, even though he had been awake all night, Dr. Pearce declared, “She is fine. Has a perfect heart.”

Kyle closed her eyes just for an instant—she had to share this with the Lord.
Her heart is fine
, she told Him silently, as if He didn't know. The tears flowed freely down her cheeks.
Oh, thank you, Father. Thank you. Her heart is fine
.

She lifted her head and her eyes locked with Kenneth's. The tears were running down his cheeks as well. She reached out to him at the same time that he moved to embrace her.

“She's fine,” she heard him whisper, his voice choked. “Her heart is fine.”

Kyle's heart swelled with love and gratitude. Her mind rang with the thought that God was real.
God is here. God is forgiving
. She could feel Him with her in the room and sense His love. Not just because of their baby, but for many, many more reasons.

A new realization swept through her. Her bitterness and resentment were gone, entirely gone. Even the fear had left her. She had to stop and marvel a moment, there with her arms still wrapped around her husband. Her tears began again as she realized with utter certainty that even if the baby had not been healthy and whole, she still would have made it through the ordeal without giving up her faith. God was God, and He was with her.

As her arms tightened about Kenneth's neck, she whispered to him with such joy that it made her tremble, “My heart is fine, too. Just fine.”

“Mrs. Adams?” A woman's voice caused Kyle to release her husband and look up.

The nurse stood beside the bed, smiling and holding a little bundle toward her. “Would you like to hold your daughter?”

Kyle looked at the tiny face topped with dark hair, at the blue eyes peeking from the pink blanket. The small mouth puckered searchingly. Kyle felt a wave of love wash through her entire being. Her baby. Hers and Kenneth's. Their beautiful, healthy baby girl.

“Oh yes,” she said as she held out her arms. “Come see your mama, Abigail Martha.”