To the Steadfast (25 page)

 “You’re cheating on
me, aren’t you? I knew it. It was too good to be true.” I slump down against
the bed and bury my head in my knees. “I thought this time would be different.
I thought you were different, but you’re just like every other guy out there.
You only use me and hurt me!”

It’s hard to speak
through the sobs coming out. I can feel Bassam lowering himself down next to
me. He’s delicately stroking my hair. “I could kill him. I could kill him for
turning you into this girl. I will never hurt you, Cody. I need you to
understand this. It’s okay to let people in.”

“No, everyone always
hurts me and eventually you will, too. How could you think going on a trip with
some random girl is ever okay?”

“I won’t. Those text
messages mean nothing. You have to believe me.”

A part of me wants to
trust him and wants to believe that I’ve grown up enough to know the difference
and be able to spot a man’s lies.

“You liar!” I scream.
“What else are you hiding? Who are you screwing at your apartment?”

“Are you fucking
kidding me? I work and when I’m not working I’m going to school. My parents
keep pressuring me to do more, learn more, study more. I don’t have time to
bring any girls home.” His voice perpetually gets louder.

Then I remember
something that seemed so innocent before but now makes so much sense. “You’ve
never let me see your apartment. You’ve never let me come visit you. You always
visit me.”

He inhales deeply
before calmly speaking. “You are overreacting.”

“What are you trying to
hide?”

“I’m not taking this,”
he mumbles. He walks over to his suitcase and begins packing his stuff. “You
can find your own ride home. I can’t do this anymore.”

“You’re not leaving
until you answer the question. What are you hiding from me?” I pull the clothes
out of his bag just as quickly as he throws them in.

“Stop being a child,
Cody.” He steps in front of me so I can’t touch his stuff.  “Why are you
picking a fight? Why are you trying to ruin us? Is this because of Killian? I
saw your face when your mother said he was engaged. Do you know how much it
hurt to see your reaction over another guy? Why are you so afraid of getting
hurt? I’m not your father. I’m not your ex. You know what, maybe we aren’t
soulmates. Maybe we aren’t meant to be together forever, but I love you and no
matter what the future holds I wouldn’t take back our time together.”

Everything hurts, but
I’m so angry, I’m sort of numb. How dare he say I’m sabotaging our relationship.
Sure, I felt that old comfortable familiarity with Killian today, but he’s
moved on. Tugging on his shirt, I push him away from the clothes. “I’m letting
you in as much as I can.”

“I know, and I thought
I could be patient enough to wait, but I’m not. You frustrate me.”

“I need more time to
figure it out.” I bite my bottom lip, hoping he’ll understand what I’m saying.
I’m just so confused right now. I’m twenty, I’m not supposed to have love and
life figured out.

Bassam grabs his bag,
but not before leaning over and kissing me on the forehead. As he speaks, his
voice is oddly cold and composed. “I have nothing to hide, call me or don’t, I
don’t care, but don’t call me unless you’re ready to give me your entire heart
and stop saving pieces for some guy in your past.”

That’s when all the
pain kicks in, previously dulled by all the adrenaline running through my body.
I allow one sob to come out followed by another. Holding them back feels like
I’m being suffocated. I have to allow them out just to breathe. I don’t know how
long I sit there crying, but it has to be a while.

I wipe my tearstained
face on the pillow. I let Killian get away because my heart wasn’t available.
Am I going to do the same thing to Bassam? It feels like I’m always living for
yesterday and waiting for tomorrow, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I want
happiness now. I deserve it.

Throwing the sheets off
me, I slip on a pair of shoes and sneak out of the hotel room. I
need…something. Fresh air? Noise to dull the thoughts in my head? I run to the
stairwell and practically fly down the stairs. By the time the cool air hits my
face, I’m out of breath. I slump on the sidewalk in front of the only red light
in Betty and watch it switch from green to yellow then red and then back to
green again. Main Street is empty at this time of night, and the only noise
that can be heard is from the bar next door to the hotel. I guess some could
call it the town hot spot, that is if you’re into playing pool and drinking
beer. The door to the bar opens and a few drunk people stumble out. Not wanting
anyone to see my pitiful state, all swollen and red-eyed, I begin walking. I
don’t know where I’m going. I only know I won’t be turning back. The door to
the bar opens again, and a guy in a leather jacket strides out. I step aside so
we can pass on opposite sides of the street, but a pair of familiar green eyes
catch mine.
Mischa.
He looks just as miserable as I feel.

 
As our eyes meet, I
hold his gaze for a split second. Just long enough to spark recognition, but
not long enough to spark conversation. Looking away is simple, and I find that
the pain is no longer there. My heart doesn’t lurch, my breath doesn’t halt,
and my skin doesn’t clam up. The love I clung to for so many years is but a
distant memory. He doesn’t smile at me, and I don’t smile at him. We only pass
through the street like two faultless strangers.

Findcody.blogspot.com

Mischa Cromwell

As we pass, I dart
my eyes toward the ground. I’m too ashamed to look at
her, too ashamed of the things I said before she left. It was the only way out
though, and the only way to save my family. I’d do anything for them, and she’d
do anything to get away from hers.

I let out a staggered
exhale as I walk down Main Street away from the bar I frequent every night.
It’s the only thing that helps me forget. Seeing her brings back so many
memories.

She gave me the
opportunity to pack up and leave with her, but I couldn’t leave them behind.
Violet needed me. My little brother needed me. My mom needed me. And…Kate
needed me. She still needs me. I’m not a sentimental guy, but I like to believe
that everyone has one person meant for them. A person that balances the other
so perfectly, bringing what each other lacks. Cody Lombardi was that person for
me. She believed in me, and though I discouraged it, she encouraged me to be a
better person.

Regret.

 That’s what I’ll
always feel about the way things ended.

I told her I didn’t
love her. I pushed her away, in exchange for money. Money from her father that
kept a roof over my family's head. I don’t know if I can ever explain why I did
it or how much it pained me to say it, but if I could take it all back, I
would. I’d find another way to get that money, but I was already in so much
debt, I wasn’t thinking straight. When her father came to me with that proposal,
I meant to turn it down. I initially told him to go to hell, but all those
zeros and all the things Violet and Daffy could get with that money—it was
supposed to be their ticket out of Betty. All I had to do was leave Cody alone.
Those better than me would have taken the high road. They would have never let
money stand in the way of those they love, but we’ve already established that I’m
not better than most. I’d have only brought her down.

She didn’t even flinch
when she saw me just now, eyes that once held admiration for me were now empty.

 I never moved on.
Sure, I’ve got a loving girlfriend and kid at home so don't misunderstand me
and call Kate the consolation prize,
she
was the prize I chose.

I still love Cody. I’ll
always love her.

So here’s to the girl
whose heart I broke. Here’s to the girl who loved me no matter how much I hurt
her. Here’s to the girl who could have been mine. Here’s to the girl I let go.

Here’s to the
steadfast.

I accept that sometimes
not all love stories get a happy ending. Can you?

About The Author

Briana
Gaitan is the bestselling author of the Hollywood Timelines series (The Last
Thing and The One Thing) and coauthor of the Ethereal Underground series.
 
Briana is a southern native and
self-proclaimed geek. She has never wanted anything but to create whether it be
composing music, decorating her house, or giving voices to the characters
inside her head. Her days are spent obsessing over a good read, raising her
three kids, and watching anything on the SyFy channel. Through her writing, she
hopes to inspire others to believe in the impossible.
Find out more about her books at
www.brianagaitan.info
 

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Acknowledgements

If you are familiar with my books, you know that these
“thank yous” are always hard for me. Writing this book was like putting out a
piece of my soul, but I suppose I have to thank the man who broke my heart, and
the hearts I broke for the inspiration to write a book with this type of
ending. This past year has been a whirlwind, allowing me to live my dream.
Thank you to my family, friends, fans, Street Team members, and all the
bloggers who supported this endeavor. From the moment I announced this book, so
many people jumped on board for a book about heartache and steadfast love.
Thank you for allowing me to share this story and thank you for reading it.