To Tame a Renegade (40 page)

“Damn you, Chad Delaney! You can’t keep me away from Abner. Let me in!”

“I sent Murray to town for the doctor,” Chad called through the door. “Don’t worry, love, I won’t let anything happen to Abner.”

When it became apparent that Chad wasn’t going to let her inside the sickroom, Sarah slid down the length of the door to the floor. She wasn’t going to move until Chad let her in. Ryan stayed with her but didn’t try to move her. Two hours later, Doctor Adams arrived and found her huddled against the door with Ryan sitting beside her.

“This is Doc Adams, Sarah,” Ryan said, helping her to her feet. “He’s going to take care of Abner. Move away so he can go inside.”

“Thank God you’re here,” Sarah said on a sob. “I’m Sarah Temple. Abner is my son. Chad won’t let me in the room.”

The rotund doctor gazed at Sarah with compassion. “Let me go in first, Sarah. If I think it’s safe for you to go inside, you’ll be allowed in immediately. Am I right to assume you’ve never had smallpox?”

“Yes, but…”

“Ryan said you’re pregnant.”

Sarah slid Ryan a reproachful glance. “That’s true, but…”

“Let me be the judge of matters pertaining to health,” the doctor said kindly.

Chad must have heard voices in the hallway, for he appeared in the open doorway and motioned the doctor inside. Before Sarah could follow, the door closed in her face and the key turned in the lock. “Damn you, Chad,” she muttered darkly.

“Cookie has a pot of coffee going, why don’t you go down to the kitchen and wait. You’re not accomplishing anything up here,” Ryan said.

“I can’t accomplish anything down there, either,” Sarah said crossly. “I want to see Abner. I’m his mother, Ryan. Why can’t anyone see that he needs me? This wouldn’t have happened if Chad hadn’t taken me away from Abner against my will.”

“Now that’s downright stupid,” Ryan chided. “You could have done nothing to prevent this. Besides, you might have fallen ill yourself. Think of the consequences, Sarah. Chad did the right thing.”

Sarah turned away, refusing to bandy words with Ryan. Chad and his brother were cut from the same fabric; she expected them to stick together.

As the minutes ticked by, Ryan was unable to coax Sarah from the hallway outside Abner’s closed door. She paced restlessly, hardly noticing when Ryan gave up and returned downstairs. A good hour passed before the door opened and Doctor Adams stepped into the hallway to speak to Sarah.

“How is he, Doctor? Can I go inside now?”

“Abner is holding his own, Sarah. He’s young and healthy. I expect him to make a full recovery. Chad is doing a fine job of caring for him.”

“Chad isn’t his mother. I want to see Abner.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible. Abner is still contagious. I’ve left medicine and instructions for its use. And I’ve instructed Chad to bathe the lad with a baking soda mixture to ease the itching. We don’t want Abner to carry scars the rest of his life, do we?”

“How long are you going to keep me from my son?” Sarah asked, refusing to be humored.

Suddenly the door opened and Chad stepped into the hallway. Sarah ignored him.

“Until Abner’s no longer contagious,” the doctor said. “Two weeks, perhaps longer, depending on Abner’s progress. There’s nothing more I can do right now, so I’ll leave Abner in Chad’s capable hands. Send someone to town for me if the lad takes a turn for the worse,” he called over his shoulder.

That’s all Sarah had to hear. She made a mad dash for the bedroom. Chad stepped in front of her. “For once in your life follow orders, Sarah. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you or our child. Smallpox is a serious illness. You’re going to have to trust me to take care of Abner.”

“Trust you!” Sarah spat. “I don’t even like you, Chad Delaney. Unfortunately I have no choice in the matter. You’re all I have right now. Until Abner is out of danger, I’m going to park myself outside this door, so get used to it.”

“You’ll make yourself sick,” Chad warned. “Dammit, Sarah, I love you. You’re carrying my child. I’d do anything to protect you and our children. Once we marry, Abner will be as much mine as the new baby you carry. I’ve gone through hell to work through my demons. I wouldn’t have succeeded without you. I’m not going to lose you no matter how difficult you make this for me. However,” he warned, “if you try to get into Abner’s room, I won’t hesitate to have you forcibly restrained.”

“You can’t…”

He stopped her complaint with a kiss. He kissed her until her head spun and her blood thickened. Until she melted against him, forgetting everything but the heat and hardness of his body, until she forgot exactly why she was angry with him.

Chapter 20

S
arah broke off the kiss while she could still recall her own name. She had been seduced by Chad’s intoxicating kisses before and knew how fatal they were. She didn’t want to fall in love with him all over again. She couldn’t bear the pain of loving him.

“Sarah,” Chad murmured when Sarah pushed away from him. “Don’t do this to us.”

Sarah sighed and gave him her back. Her words were crisp and to the point “I’m going downstairs to see about getting some broth for Abner. He needs plenty of nourishing liquids to strengthen him until he can take solid food.”

Chad watched her walk away, sick at heart and unable to do anything about it. If he had to play the villain in order to keep Sarah from catching smallpox, then so be it.

Sarah was pleased to learn that Cookie already had a pot of chicken broth simmering on the back of the stove. She sat down to wait for it while Cookie bustled about the kitchen preparing supper for the family.

“You missed lunch, Miz Sarah. Would you like a sandwich to hold you over till supper?”

“I couldn’t eat a thing, Cookie. Perhaps later. Do you suppose the broth is finished yet? I’d like to take it up to Abner now.”

“You can take it to the door and no further,” Cookie warned.

“I know,” Sarah said, disheartened. She had finally resigned herself to the fact that she wasn’t going to see her son until he was no longer contagious.

Sarah languished in profound anxiety during the following days. She knew Abner was feeling better when the sound of his voice drifted to her through the closed door. Doc Adams returned twice. The second time he had pronounced Abner out of danger and praised Chad and Ryan for taking such good care of the lad. Abner continued to be contagious, however, and Sarah was still barred from his room. Though she talked to him through the door, it wasn’t the same as seeing his dear little face.

Sarah saw little of Chad during the days and nights he spent nursing Abner. Chad and Ryan had taken turns sleeping on a cot in Abner’s room. On the rare occassions she encountered Chad, she thought he appeared drawn and exhausted.

Sarah had no complaints about the care Abner was receiving. She couldn’t have done better herself. But it was galling to have to depend on others to do things she should be doing herself. She still believed a mother’s care was the best medicine, and she fumed ceaselessly at being denied access to his room. But more importantly, she should have been with Abner when he had first fallen ill. She was still upset with Chad for forcing her to desert her son. True, she might have become ill herself, but she’d been willing to risk exposure to the disease for Abner’s sake.

One evening Chad joined her for supper. He was freshly shaven; his hair had been trimmed and was wet from a dunking. He looked tired but happy as he took a seat at the table.

“I hope you cooked a lot, Cookie,” Chad said, eyeing the pot roast sitting on the stove. “I could eat a good-sized steer tonight”

“I didn’t cook the whole steer, but I don’t think you’ll go away hungry,” Cookie said with a twinkle. He set the dish on the table with a flourish, revealing a succulent cut of beef surrounded by potatoes, turnips, and onions.

Chad’s mouth watered as he sliced the beef into man-sized slices. “You’ve outdone yourself, Cookie.” He placed a slab of beef, along with a portion of potatoes and turnips on Sarah’s plate, then served himself.

“I’ll take something up to Ryan,” Cookie said as he filled a plate and departed.

“Is Ryan with Abner?” Sarah asked, toying with the food on her plate.

“It’s Ryan’s turn to stay with the boy tonight,” Chad said. “Actually, Abner is well enough to get up now. He’s made a remarkable recovery. We’re all pleased with his progress.”

Sarah leaped from her chair, her face suffused with joy. “Does that mean I can see him now?”

“I suspect it does, but the final word has to come from the doctor. He’ll be out tomorrow. I know how anxious you are, sweetheart, but one more day isn’t too much to ask, is it?”

“One minute is too much!” Sarah exclaimed. “I’m going up there now.”

“Ryan won’t let you in. Sit down and enjoy your supper. You’re eating for two, remember?”

“How could I forget?” Sarah said bitterly. “If I wasn’t carrying this child, I wouldn’t have been denied my son.” She touched her stomach. “This baby has brought me nothing but grief.”

Chad’s face contorted with anguish and his eyes went cold. Sarah saw and wanted to call back her words. She’d been overwrought and worried and hadn’t been aware of what she was saying. Her words had tumbled out before she realized what she’d said. She wanted this baby. She loved it already, and she’d be as fiercely protective of it as she was of Abner.

“I’m sorry my baby is such a burden to you,” Chad said with cool disdain. “After it’s born, you may leave it with me and go wherever you please. I’d prefer to keep Abner, too, but unfortunately I have no say in his future.”

Leave her baby?
Sarah shuddered at the thought “No one is taking my children from me,” she said fiercely.

“We’ll see. Finish your supper. I know you don’t care for my child, but I intend for you to deliver a healthy babe.” His expression hardened and he turned away.

Sarah knew exactly what he was thinking and it frightened her. She couldn’t let Chad revisit the past, to succumb to those terrible demons that had plagued him for so long. He’d fought a fierce battle to banish them and she prayed that her careless words wouldn’t return him to his former state of self-loathing.

Sarah managed to consume enough food to satisfy Chad. From the corner of her eye she watched him chew and swallow his own dinner, his fork moving mechanically from his plate to his mouth. Sarah wondered if he tasted anything as he stared off into space.

“Chad, I didn’t mean what I said about the baby. I’ve been upset, you know that.”

Finally he looked at her, but Sarah wished he hadn’t. His eyes were dark with pain and shadowed with disillusionment. She hadn’t seen that particular look in a long time. Not since the day they had visited the Doolittle house and made love on Cora Lee’s bed.

“You hate me, don’t you, Sarah? And you hate my child. I made you leave Abner with the Indians and kept you away from him during his illness for a very good reason. Why can’t you understand that? I should have learned my lesson where women are concerned. Trying to do what is right never pays off. I listened to my heart instead of my head. Love is for fools, and I’m the biggest fool of all.” He pushed his chair away from the table.

“Chad, wait! I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. Pregnant women often say things they don’t mean.”

Chad sent her an inscrutable look, then turned away. “Good night, Sarah.”

Speechless, Sarah watched Chad stride from the room. She was stunned at the change in him. It was true that Chad had taken her from her son and kept her away during his illness, but she realized now that he had been right to do so. God, what had she done to him? How could he believe she hated him when she was crazy in love with him? No other man would have nursed Abner back to health as tirelessly and with as much compassion as Chad. Only a stupid woman would become upset with a man who had done so much for her. He’d dragged her from the depths of poverty and despair, even though he was fighting a battle of his own at the time.

Cookie walked into the kitchen, took one look at Sarah, and poured her a fresh cup of coffee. “Are you all right, Miz Sarah?”

Sarah shook her head. “I’m afraid not, Cookie. I’ve been stubborn and foolish and realize now that I said tilings I didn’t mean. I don’t think Chad will ever forgive me.”