To Save You (12 page)

“I love you.” He says.

“I love you, too.”

“Come on, I am sporting a massive headache, and I need to get to my hotel.” My mother says, dragging us to where there were cabs waiting.

“Hotel?” Last time we talked she said she was staying in my apartment, or flat as they call it here.

“I knew you two would want some privacy, so I’ll be at a hotel. Be warned, I will be there in the morning for breakfast.” I laugh, but I am blushing. She kisses my cheek. “I love you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” She gets into the first cab and we get into the second one with Bear out of the crate.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” I ask Mathew, running my fingers through his hair.

“It’s called a surprise for a reason, beautiful.” Even though I knew I was supposed to be happy, I felt something was off.

But I just smiled and let Mathew kiss my head.

Bear was going crazy in my flat. Mathew and I just watched him and laughed. Finally, he found his place on the couch, and he fell asleep, began to snore away.

“I think he’ll fit in really well here with you.” Mathew says. I look at him, and I could see he had trouble looking at me in the eye.

“Is something wrong?” Finally, he looks at me. His green eyes were filled with something, I don’t know what.

“No.” He smiles and kisses me.

Quickly, the kiss gets intense, and Mathew presses me onto the couch. I wrapped my legs around his waist. Mathew was acting different, and I knew.

He was going to break up with me. This was passionate goodbye sex. I’ve had it before with Finn. Of course with Finn it was always, until next time, goodbye for now sex.

My eyes quickly welled up with tears. As his mouth left mine to kiss my jaw and then neck, I couldn’t stop the sobs from coming.

“What’s wrong?” Mathew asks. In his eyes, I could see that he knew what this was about.

I push him off me and I sit up, I wasn’t going to cry. I was going to be strong until he left, then I would cry behind closed doors.

“You came to London to break up with me, didn’t you?” Silence. “Didn’t you?” I yelled. I was done.

“Originally, that was not the point of this trip. I wanted to come see you.” I covered my ears. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be a nightmare. “I’m just thinking of you, I love you, but I don’t want us to hold each other back.”

“You don’t hold me back, Matty. We pull each other forward. Unless, I’m wrong. Am I holding you back? Is that what you think?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” He says. I feel like my heart has been shattered in a million pieces.

“Don’t worry. You didn’t.” He is killing me instead. I have seconds before I lose it, and I just walk into my room. I slam the door, and I hear Mathew on the other side.

I knew the fear that would be running through him. If I could feel anything at this moment, I would cut myself. But I can’t. I’ve come to far. I knew if I did it, it’d set me back, maybe get me sent back to the hospital.

I was thriving here in London. My photographs were being published on covers. I was living my dream. Mathew should be able to do the same with his fathers family business, he would shoot for the moon and succeed.

“Presley, please open the door.”

“I’m fine.” I say, spouting the words I know he hates to hear coming out of my mouth. “I just need to think about things.”

“Are you going to hurt yourself, Presley?” The tears began to fall. It took me a few seconds before I could answer him. I could feel the panic attack coming, I haven’t had one in months, the drugs kept my anxiety at bay most of the time..

“No.” I was starting to breathe harder. Reality was catching up with me. Fuck. How delusional could I be?

Mathew doesn’t want me. Not fucked up me, not healthy me. Who would ever want a person as damaged as I am? No one. That’s who.

“Please, baby. Let me in.” My back is against the door. He won’t push through it if he knows I am there.

I’m done letting people in because all I get is a world of hurt, and I look like the fool in the end. It’s a small world, filled with people who all think the same. There are a few, like me, who see the world differently, and that scares them, so they push us down and hurt us. I say that only pushes us to rise higher.

So maybe this is a moment in my life when I get pushed to the ground, and I break a few bones. But I’ll be stronger in the end, and that’s the way I’ll end up looking at it in a few days, months, years. Right now though, my heart feels like it’s barely hanging on by a thread.

Chapter Twenty Six

Mathew Pennington

The day before…

I would be seeing Presley in less than ten hours, I would have her in my arms, and I would be able to kiss her and say I love you to her face and not just a computer screen. It was a surprise.

Surprisingly, Presley’s mother invited me. She seemed very eager to have me come with her, and I agreed in an instant. I wasn’t aware that she knew of our relationship.

It was an overnight flight, and we would be flying in the Masters family private jet. Now we were just waiting for take off, and I was getting ready to sleep.

I have been thinking about Presley and I’s relationship a lot this past month, and I’ve come to the conclusion that, although we are very wrong for each other, we’re also very right for each other.

I love her. As somebody famous once said, love will conquer all. We can get through any obstacle as long as we’re there for each other. At least, I think so.

After we took off, her mother sat in front of me. It’s crazy how much they look alike, but their personalities were so different.

“We need to talk.”

“About?”

“I love my daughter, and I’ll do everything I can to protect her.” I listened carefully to every word she was saying. “Including protecting her from you. Presley wants to pretend she can handle a relationship, but she’s in recovery. She wants to date you against my and the doctors insistence. If what you two have doesn’t work out, it will destroy her, maybe even set her back.” She was right.

“I love your daughter. I will never stop loving her.” I felt like I had to say that.

“Then you will understand where I am coming from. Wait. A year or two. Until she’s stable enough to provide for herself, and doesn’t have to rely on anyone. I want her a stronger woman before she decides to date again.” A year?

“I like you, Matty. You’ve always been a great friend and person to my son. This has nothing to do with you personally, I hope you understand that.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with having to rely on people. I can be there for her.” She sighs.

“I know you can and I know you have been. But just think about the future, the one thing that is known about it is that it is uncertain. You can’t promise forever to her. You’re right, there is nothing wrong with relying on people, every once in a while. Presley just has to learn to stand on her own two feet, and I’m not saying you can’t be her friend.”

“You want us to be friends, only friends?”

“Yes.”

Mrs. Masters let me think about it. She wanted me to make the decision about what was best for Presley. I had to admit that she had a point.

Who is to say that two months from now, Presley won’t have an urge to cut herself all because of an argument? Or because the distance is too much. What if I’m not there to help her through a panic attack?

When I looked into Presley’s blue eyes. I knew she knew. She’s very good at reading people, too good at reading me.

I listened to her gasps for air as I sat in front of the door where she has barricaded herself. I can’t leave her like this.

I call the one person I know can help me at a time like this. Lucky for me, she’s currently in London.

Chapter Twenty Seven

Ashton Pennington

Braxton’s mother was basically shoving cookies down my throat, and I just couldn’t tell her no. Brax had to tell her for me, and she was just flushed with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, lovely.” I grabbed her hand.

“No, don’t be. I know you want me to be healthy, and I know you’re very excited about the little baby inside me.” We told everyone on Christmas Day that I was expecting a baby. I’m a little over two months pregnant now, and I am less than a month away from my wedding here in London.

Braxton and I decided to stay in London for the month, we, and by we I mean me, still had lots of planning to do.

“You’re not even showing yet, you should be putting on a bit more weight, just to be safe.” I smiled.

“Doctor says I’m gaining weight just fine.” My dress for the wedding is not tight, it’s actually very loose against the waist.

“We actually came here to tell you a surprise, mom.” Braxton was beyond excited, and I was excited too, but more nervous.

“What is it? Come on, spill!”

“We’re having fraternal twins.” Imagine our surprise when the ultrasound technician spots two sacs with two little dots in my uterus. I nearly fainted when she pointed it out to us, I was in shock to say the least.

“Oh my god!” She jumps out of her seat and hugs me.

The sound of my phone ringing pulls us apart. Braxton hands me my phone, and I see Matty’s number. I knew he would be at Presley Masters apartment here in London, and his plane didn’t land too long ago.

“Excuse me, I have to take this.” I go into the bathroom and I answer.

“What is it, Matty?”

“I need your help. Can you please come to Presley’s flat?”

“What happened? Why do you need me there?” I was so confused as to what was going on over there. I could hear some cries.

“We broke up, and she won’t open up the door, and she’s having a panic attack. A really bad one.” I could sense the fear in his voice.

“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I promise him.

I sent Mathew to the hotel room Braxton and I were staying in as soon as I got to Presley’s apartment. He broke up with Presley, and she was feeling a lot, and I knew that she didn’t want to see Matty because it would be painful, her wounds were quite fresh. I would talk to her.

Presley was laying in bed with a big golden retriever who barely reacted when I came into the room. Her eyes moved to me, and widened with surprise.

“How are you doing?” I ask her. “I know you must hate that question.” She shrugged.

“I’m okay.” I sit down at the end of the bed.

“I remember a few years ago when that was all I used to say.”

“I find that hard to believe.” I’m not shocked by her response, not really.

“It’s true. Three years ago, something tragic happened to me at a party. I got depressed, sent myself in a downward spiral.”

“How did you get out of it?” She asks softly.

“I believed in myself, believed that I was worth something. I let in Braxton, my fiancé, and I let him love me. I thought pieces of me were gone, but Braxton helped me fill those voids.” I could see the silent tears falling down her face.

“I let myself believe Matty could be that person, and I didn’t see how I was hurting him. Tell him I’m so sorry.” I shake my head.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, sweetie. He loves you, and I think he’ll always love you, but maybe you two aren’t meant to be together, or if you are, maybe not right now.” She nodded.

“Thank you.”

I hesitated. “I am only asking because I promised Matty I would, I know this is your business.” She stops me.

“I’m not going to hurt myself. I haven’t hurt myself in months.” She shows me her scars, they were all healed.

I grabbed her hand and gave her a small smile.

Chapter Twenty Eight

Presley Masters

My heart was racing. It was Ashton Pennington’s wedding day. Matty went back to the States as soon as he broke up with me. That was over a month ago. I knew he’d be at her wedding, I knew that when I agreed to take the wedding photos for Ashton.

It was six in the evening and I had three cameras with me. I had an assistant, his name is Dexter. He’s an intern at the magazine I work for even though I am younger than him. I know he has a crush on me, but I can barely look at a guy since Mathew.

“You have a good eye, Dex. I’m going to let you roam while I take the portraits of the families, and the lovely couple.” He nods.

“Whatever you say, boss.” He takes his camera and I continue setting up in the garden. The church part of the wedding was over, I had rushed back to the venue soon after, I had every shot I needed, from the bride and groom getting ready, to the first kiss as a couple.

I didn’t see Mathew at the church, not that I was exactly looking for him. I was focused on Braxton and Ashton.

“You look beautiful.” I turn around and see Ashton talking to me. I smile.

“I feel like I should be saying that about you. You look absolutely stunning.” Her dress was beautiful, and you could see the outline of her bump.

“She’s right about that.” Braxton says, coming right behind her, hugging her and placing a kiss on her cheek.

“So photographer, what’s the plan here?” Ashton asks.

“The sun is setting, I think some sunset shots are in order. When does the rest of your family get here?” I ask.

“Reception is an hour, but close family will be here in twenty minutes.” Braxton says. His English accent doesn’t surprise me, all the accents had me overwhelmed me when I first got here, but I was now used to it. “Matty is here now.”

“Hello, Presley.” I turned and smiled at him. It hurt but I did it anyway. I knew we would never be together, but I had to act like it didn’t hurt.

“Hi, Matty.” I even kiss him on the cheek and he seems surprised.

I turn back to his sister. “Lets get started, the lighting is absolutely perfect right now, so we must take advantage of it.”