To Russia With Love (Countermeasure Series) (63 page)

“No!” Stephan held the door open. “Please, Jessica. Give me a chance to explain.”

His eyes clung to hers and she found herself drowning in the longing and tenderness spilling from their depth.

“Jessica….” Without a word, she shook her head.

Stephan’s shoulders slumped and the light fled from his eyes. He turned his back and, with unsteady fingers, scrubbed through his hair before he turned again to face her. A new determination filled his eyes.

“I’m not running away from us anymore, Jessica. The few times I did only brought on more hurt. I’m staying put until you hear me out. I’ll camp on this doorstep if I have to. As you said, you may be the one declining the offer. But at least let me put it on the table.” He cast one last imploring look at her.

Jessica closed the door and sagged back against it. Her heart raced and her head spun. She couldn’t let him go without knowing what he wanted. With a huff, she jerked the door open and almost ran into him.

He stood at the door waiting for her, his arms folded across his chest and a muscle quivering at his jaw.
Stubborn man.
She opened the door wider and he stepped through.

“Upstairs?” His eyes carried a strong resolve as he waited for her answer.

When she nodded, Stephan gestured her to precede him. As she walked up the stairs, she had a sensation of floating, as if all the heartache she had been carrying had fallen from her shoulders. Her stomach rolled and she pressed a hand against it.

At the top, she hesitated and then led the way to the living room. The curtains framing the front windows fluttered as a soft breeze flowed across the sill and into the room, tickling her skin. The smell of cut grass, fabric warmed by sunshine, and the laughter of Dubliners walking the street eased her nerves. The hiss of steam followed by the whistle of the teakettle pierced the air. She took a deep breath and turned to face him. “Would you like some tea?”

Without waiting for his answer, she walked ahead of him in the direction of the well-equipped kitchen and, with trembling hands, opened the cabinet, pulling down two cups. A prickling sensation invaded her when his soles scuffed the floor as he approached her from behind. Her heart beat faster, her breath accelerated; her hands trembled even more when his breath caressed her shoulder. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“Stephan, don’t.”

“Don’t?”

“Don’t use the power you have over my heart to burrow your way back in it.”

“I wouldn’t do that. I want to earn your trust and your love again.”

“You will need to work much harder.”

“I know.” He set his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. His heart stuttered when his eyes met the hurt in hers. In a defensive gesture, she brushed his hands off and folded her arms across her chest.

“I was wrong.”

“About?”

“Everything.” He put his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up so he could clearly see her eyes. “I thought of my infertility”—he pressed his finger against her lips, blocking her protest—“as an irreparable defect. Mostly because of how I found out about it all those years ago. For most of my adulthood, in my mind, I didn’t measure up.” He paused. “Then you swept into it and blew all my preconceptions to smithereens. I wanted to be perfect for you.”

She bled for the man in front of her—a man who, despite his external confidence and harshness, was soft inside. Jessica began to place the pieces of the puzzle that hadn’t quite fit before. They now made a clearer picture, an understanding as to why he’d reacted so badly on seeing her walking beside another man. Someone he had considered to be better than himself. “You were perfect for me.”

“But above all, I wanted you to have everything you wanted in life, even if it meant letting you go. I didn’t want to. My conscience battled my heart over that decision. But in the end, my conscience won.” He squeezed his eyes.

“And you sent me away.” Understanding hit her full force. His reactions, his distance, a self-flagellation of sorts. She wanted to kick him for being so stubborn.

“I thought I was doing you a favor. Setting you free so you could find the perfect man. A younger man that would give you everything I couldn’t—or thought I couldn’t.”

“You had no right to take that decision out of my hands. I’m not a little kid. I’m a rational woman who makes her own decisions and knows what she wants. I wanted you.”

“I know that now. My patronizing behavior was inexcusable. I’m sorry for that. Last night, I had a long hard look at my life and discovered something I had deliberately ignored. I had spent it in fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being denied something I craved so much. In my misguided attempts to retain some semblance of control and avoid pain, I denied you. I rejected you. I hurt us both in the end. This morning, I knew I had to come to you, beg your forgiveness. Beg you to let me be a part of your lives. I didn’t care who the real father was, only that it was your child. A part of you. You have my heart, and any child of yours will too.”

His words rang true in her ears. The unwavering love in his eyes warmed her heart, melted the ice that had caged it since the day he had told her to leave. Jessica’s eyes clung to his. “What are you trying to say?”

“A good friend gave me a piece of sage advice. I’m here to say I’m a total and utter jackass. I’m here to grovel with the knowledge that you carry a small piece of me inside you.”

Her pulse careened and heart pounded at the weight of his admission. “What made you change your mind?”

Stephan shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. You were, are, and will always be the most important thing that has ever happened in my life. You tore down the walls I had built around my bruised heart and healed it. You made me whole even when I viewed myself as a lesser man. I want a life with you, Jessica. I need you.” Her eyes glittered with unshed tears and his hand slid down her arm, taking her hand to his lips. “I
love
you, Jessica Forrester. Please tell me I’m not too late.” Stephan could barely recognize his own strangled voice.

“I don’t think I have ever heard you say please.” Jessica’s expression grew serious and pensive.

“Please tell me you can still have some love left for me in your heart.”

“Wow. Twice.” A glint of humor crossed her eyes.

Her amused words drove him out of his mind. He all but growled, “This isn’t a joking matter, Jessica. Tell me what I need to hear.”

“Now, there’s the Stephan I know,” she nodded, and smoothed her hands on his chest, resting one above his heart. It beat erratically under her warm touch.

“You still haven’t answered,” he prompted again, barely able to say the words but hoping her touch signaled good things to come.

“I’m not sure what to say.”

“Say you love me.”

“Why should I?” She lifted her chin and a defiant spark shone in her eyes.

“Because I’m not leaving until you do. Even if I have to spend all day, all night reminding you of what we shared and rekindling love you once had for me.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“The only way I know.” He threaded his fingers through her hair and pulled her to him, covering her lips with his, taking her mouth in a ravenous kiss.

She melted, wrapping her arms around his neck, and cradling his head with her hands. A burning heat flared out of control and all the longing she’d held inside for the past week poured into that kiss. Her tongue flicked inside his hot, moist mouth as his hand moved to the back of her head and fisted her hair, holding her to him.

Stephan’s other hand edged down along her body, skimming her lower back and the curve of her ass, pressing her snug against the hard ridge of his erection trapped between them.

She broke the kiss and whispered against his lips, “I’ve missed you, Stephan—” Before she could finish, his mouth devoured hers again. Her heart raced out of control with each lick, each suck, each delicious nip.

Hungrier for her touch and her taste with every passing moment, Stephan lifted her off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his hips. His mind splintered when she plundered his mouth with her tongue, thrusting it deep. Undiluted desire speared through him. His legs bumped into the dining room table and he dropped her ass on it.

His hands flew to the buttons of the shirt she had stolen, shakily unfastening them and shoving it off her shoulders to reveal the skimpiest of lacey bras covering her now fuller breasts. Her silky skin glowed with a rosy blush in the soft sunlight filtering through the windows. The poignant picture shot straight through his heart.

Her breath came in harsh gasps as if her lungs were fighting for air. Blood surged again into his tight aching cock. He slipped his fingers under the straps and gently eased them from her shoulders, unwrapping the beautiful mounds to his appreciative eyes. His gaze was riveted to the rounder curves, darker nipples, and translucent skin. A deep groan echoed in the room.

He lowered his mouth to them and paid homage, suckling, nibbling, flicking them with his tongue. Teasing them into puckered tips, blowing his hot breath over the moist skin. Jessica’s moan was a sweet serenade to his ears. His cock jumped in synch with each hitched breath she took for each little bite at the pebbled nipples.

“Beautiful,” a reverent whisper escaped him.

Stephan’s heart hammered out of control as his hands skimmed along the curve of her calves to her hips and his fingers traced the sides of the tiny swatch of cloth still covering the juncture of her legs. His breath grew ragged and his pulse raced as his finger trailed from her belly button across the silk and down between her thighs. “So wet.”

The moisture on the fabric was a telltale sign, one he rejoiced to find. After hitching her ass to slip her panties off, he spread her thighs apart, baring her to him. “Mine.” A wicked smile spread on her face as her eyes met his.

“Has always been. Only yours.” She sat up and reached for his face, caressing his cheek. “I’ve missed you, Prince Charming.”

Stephan took a deep breath, pulled her hand to his lips, and placed a soft kiss in her palm. “I missed you too, Jessica. Let me show you how much.”

The bright sun shining through the windows was like a spotlight on the beautiful image in front of him, her mussed light hair a deep contrast with the dark wood of the table, her creamy skin rosy and flushed in the right places. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. His senses picked up on the sound of her accelerated breathing and the sweet honey essence of the desire coating her folds.

Jessica rose to her elbows and glanced down the length of her body. Anticipation twisted a knot in her stomach as he lowered his face and placed a chaste kiss on the tender skin below her belly button. Goose bumps bloomed across her skin at the first feather-light touch of his lips. Dragging deep gasps of air, Jessica spilled back to the table, her fingers flexing and tightening around the edge. “Stephan…” His name escaped her lips in a low, drawn-out, needy moan.

His hands were everywhere, palming, squeezing, gripping her flesh. Skimming along her still flat stomach to her swollen, sensitive breast. His fingertips circled her achy nipple before taking it between them, tugging and pinching. Her breath hissed through her teeth as the combination of the sensitivity from the first weeks of pregnancy and the pleasure of his fingers playing her like a piano sent shooting electric pulses straight to her throbbing clit.

Stephan’s cock twitched and pulsed in a sensual echo of Jessica’s soft cry as he rolled the beaded nipple, playing with it, twisting it between his fingers while laving the other with his tongue.

“Stephan!” she cried out as he deepened his explorations, slipping his fingers between her thighs and into her heat. Jessica pushed from the table and reached for him. Tangling her hands in his hair, she jerked his mouth to hers in a deep searing kiss. Her hand dropped to his side, caressing the length of his body, stroking and brushing along his skin. The scent of her juices flooded him with need. He withdrew from the contact to shed his clothes hurriedly, stripping his shirt, undoing his pants, and releasing his throbbing cock while tracing the curvy lines of her body with his eyes.

She pushed back and followed his blazing gaze as it burned a path on her already fevered skin. “It’s been a hell of a week. I’ve wished for this way too long.” Her heart flipped in her chest. She spread her thighs wider in invitation, cradling his heavy erection against her when he took his position between them. She circled his waist with her legs and hooked her ankles at his back.

Another low moan rumbled deep in his chest and his breath hissed between his teeth. “You’re killing me,” he ground out harshly as his hips surged, driving his cock deep inside her. Jessica’s body arched into his and their groans mingled as she ground her clit against his groin.

Her engulfing heat almost brought him to his knees. “Oh, God!” The words burst from his mouth as he drove inside her, alternating between quick short thrusts and long hard ones. The feel of her hands roaming his body, pinching his nipples, coupled with the rippling of her impending orgasm around his cock were enough to drive him crazy.

He closed his eyes and absorbed the whole of the moment. The moans and soft gasps of breaths mingled with the wet sounds of flesh against flesh, the scent of arousal permeating the air around them, the fire in his blood burning hotter with each deep thrust. Reaching for the juncture of their bodies, he rubbed her clit in circular motions in synch with his driving thrusts.

“Stephan!” Her little screams escalated his pleasure. His balls pulled tight inside him and a pulsing tingle radiated from his spine, signaling the approaching edge of oblivion. “Stephan! I love you!” she cried out. Her inner muscles flexed and clamped down on his engorged cock, squeezing him tight.

“Sweet Mary, Jessica!” She wrapped her arms around his back and held him tight, meeting him thrust for thrust as he bucked out of control. “Jessica!” he yelled out as his hot sperm spurted inside her.

Her body squeezed his, milking each pulse of his cock to the last drop, holding on to him as if she would never let go. He leaned over her, holding her eyes with his, caging her as he supported his weight on his splayed hands.