To Kill the Duke (40 page)

“When he started sneaking up on Wayne and company, he was still doing dumbbell shrugs. And he wasn’t carrying wimpy weight either. He had to have been carrying 45-pound dumbbells in each hand,” Alexei said.

“I guess you’re right about what all those loud grunts were,” Ivan said.

“That Douglas is as big a work-out freak as Wayne is a practical joker. Even after Wayne and his friends ran off, I was amazed at what Douglas did once he discovered what had happened to his car’s windows,” Alexei said.

“Go on,” urged Ivan.

“The first thing he did was hurl one of the dumbbells in the direction that Wayne and his friends ran to, which was right at you. We were right in how we staked this one out, if that is any consolation,” Alexei said.

“Not really, but it sounds good. How far did he throw the dumbbell?”

“It looked like it was going to go for miles, because of how far up in the air he threw it, but it only went five feet and landed with a thud on his driveway, where it left a big hole. Then Douglas starts doing curls with his right arm while he retreated back into his house,” Alexei said.

“Probably to call the cops,” Ivan guessed.

“That’s what I thought, because he had to have figured that something was wrong with his alarm. I was getting ready to circle back towards you, when I heard more grunting noises coming from Douglas’ house,” Alexei said.

“He started working out again?” Ivan asked.

“You
could
say that. He was lugging a pail of water with his left hand and of course the dumbbell was still in his right hand. He walked over to his car and was continuing to do curls with that dumbbell. He put the pail of water down and switched the dumbbell to his left hand and did some curls. Then, to my astonishment, he started trying to clean off the windows that Wayne had soaped and chalked up,” Alexei said.

“Why were you astonished?” questioned Ivan.

“That he was doing it himself at such a late hour, when he could have just finished his workout and waited for the morning to take it to a car wash… after all he is a prima donna,” Alexei said.

“
All
actors and actresses are prima donnas in America, even the ones who have starred in our pictures,” Ivan said with a laugh.

“There was something extra special about watching Kirk Douglas try to clean the soaped and chalked up windows of his car, though. I mean he would scrub one window like crazy and then do exercises,” Alexei said.

Ivan shot a confused glance back at his partner.

“I watched him put the dumbbell down, do 50 jumping jacks, stretch, do 50 push-ups, stretch, do 50 sit-ups and then scrub a window. That man is intense. He would be my choice to play Mr. Zavert if we ever get a chance to make that movie,” Alexei said with a chuckle.

“The way we’re going,
that
won’t happen,” Ivan said as he joined in on the laughter. “What’s our next plan?”

“First we have to send the bad-news pun to Boris,” Alexei said.

“You take care of that, my friend. I have to get our gangster movie back on track. Barney is about to put some real bullets in the guns and start shooting,” Ivan said.

Alexei hated sending the codes to Boris. Not because they were instruments of bad news. On the contrary, there had been many good-news
coded puns. It was the neighborhood in Los Angeles that he had to send the messages from that he despised.

Alexei sent the coded message from an old horse racing wire service company that served many capacities for its customers. In the world according to Alexei Aleksandra it was the neighborhood of South Los Angeles and its inhabitants that pissed him off when he had to visit the old wire service place in Echo Park.

“How can such a wealthy country have so many down-and-out people?” he asked Ivan after he had returned from sending the pun.

Here we go again,
Ivan thought, knowing his partner’s soft spot for the less fortunate, which Ivan had grown to ignore with each passing day in America.

“America loves winners and hates losers. The people in that neighborhood are losers,” Ivan pointed out.

“I wish I could change that,” Alexei said.

And on his way to deliver the pun, he had made a few people’s day better in the seedy neighborhood where the international cable was available.

For instance, he came across a man who was severely sunburned on his face and upper body. Alexei asked him how he got so sunburned, but the man wouldn’t answer. Alexei took him to a consignment shop that he had seen many times before during his visits to the cable service operator and bought him a few shirts, sunglasses and a hat with a visor. The man nodded his appreciation and cried when Alexei drove him to a pharmacy, which was on the outskirts of the bad neighborhood, and proceeded to buy him not only sunscreen, but also a gel that cooled sunburns. When the man wasn’t looking, Alexei hid a $50 bill in the front pocket of one of the shirts. After driving this man to the Santa Monica pier, Alexei drove back to the neighborhood and parked his car. He was a block from where he had to go when he was almost knocked over by three young youths who were running from a shopkeeper. The shopkeeper stopped to help Alexei and to see if he was okay.

“Are you okay?” the man asked Alexei.

“Never better,” Alexei said, after all,
how could three young American youths hurt him?
He thought. “What is all this running and bumping about?”

“These kids around here! All they do is steal, steal and steal some more. No discipline, no parents and no cops around when you need one,” the shopkeeper said with a sigh.

“You seem like a nice fellow,” Alexei began “what do you own?”

“A grocery store. And you, what are you doing in this neighborhood?” the grocery store owner asked Alexei.

“I’m wiring some money back to my grandparents,” Alexei lied.

“You would never survive around here. Around here, most people
steal
from their grandparents,” the grocery store owner said.

“That’s too bad. How much did they steal from you?” Alexei asked.

“Let’s see… three oranges, a pack of cigarettes, four cokes…,” the man began.

“No, not items, how much did it cost you in money?” Alexei asked.

The man who owned the grocery store looked at Alexei — totally stunned that someone would ask him a question like that.

“Well?” demanded Alexei.

“Twenty-five dollars,” the man said.

“Here’s $50,” said Alexei as he reached into his pocket, opened his wallet and gave the man a $50 bill.

“God bless you,” the man said as he walked back to his store.

Alexei smiled and tried to pick up the trail of the youths. He was going to find them, help them and then place the cable to Gila.

“I wonder if Communism would work better if God and religion were allowed?” he said as he found himself trailing the youths in an even worse part of the neighborhood. He looked around and thought
God certainly isn’t helping these people
.

He thought he had come to a dead end, marked by a high, chain-link fence, when he heard some voices bitching about not having matches. He knew he had found his prey, who were leaning up against a building that was too close for comfort to the chain-link fence. Alexei immediately knew it was a good location for the youths, because a man of his size could never come straight in at them: by the time he reached where the youths were, they would have bolted through a hole in the fence.

“Hello,” he yelled out to the three teenagers.

They froze, thinking that Alexei was a cop. Gave him the once-over and turned their backs on him.

“Hello again,” he yelled out.

“Fuck off, birdbrain,” one of the youths yelled back.

“Is that any way to treat a stranger in a strange land?” Alexei yelled back.

The three boys stopped trying to light their butts, turned to Alexei and walked in his direction.

“What was that again, birdbrain?” the one boy, who Alexei assumed was their leader, said.

“Look, I just met the man you guys stole from,” Alexei said. “He’s a decent guy trying to carve out a living. Leave him alone. He hasn’t done anything to you boys, has he?”

“This is our turf, birdbrain. We take from who want to,” said the leader.

“How about if we play a game. You boys decide who is the strongest. He gets a free punch at me. If he knocks me down, I’ll give you each $50. If he doesn’t, then it’s my turn,” Alexei said.

“I was wrong. You’re not a birdbrain,” said the leader, “you are shit for brains.”

His two companions nodded their heads in agreement. The one with the big mouth took off his jacket and walked toward Alexei. Alexei knew that the big mouth would be the one they would send.

Big mouth punched Alexei on the left side of his face. Alexei didn’t move a muscle and before the boys could react he punched all three of them in their stomachs and knocked them all down.

“Who has shit-for-brains now?” Alexei asked them.

The boys said nothing, they were too busy moaning, rubbing where they had been belted and catching their breath.

Alexei helped each boy get up. They were too scared and in pain to run off or fight him.

“Everyone okay?” he asked them after they were all standing and breathing easy.

They nodded.

“There are better things to do than robbing little stores, no matter where the turf is,” Alexei lectured them.

“Easy for you to say. You don’t starve around here,” the leader of the three boys said.

Alexei reached into his pocket and took out three $50 bills. He handed each boy one of the bills.

“Thanks,” said the leader. “What’s the catch?”

“Try to find another hobby,” Alexei said as he turned to send the cable to his boss.

“Hey mister!” yelled the leader “for another $50, you can hit us again!”

Alexei chuckled and picked up his pace. He had other things to do.

Alexei arrived at the international cable office and couldn’t get started on his task.

Maybe it’s the fact I failed? Maybe I need to realize that killing John Wayne isn’t going to happen? Maybe I need to leave this business? Maybe I need to leave America? Maybe I have to accept the fact that I can’t save everyone with a fifty-dollar bill? Maybe I need to stop asking so many questions?
He pondered all this as he took a deep breath, straightened up and went to the window to place his international cable.

“Can I help you?” the clerk asked.

Alexei sent the cable. Of course it didn’t go directly to Moscow. It went to a little town in Eastern Poland named YaYa. In YaYa, Poland his cable would be picked up by the organization that he worked for and sent directly to Boris Gila’s office. YaYa, Poland was the chief training ground for people like Alexei who were being readied to work for Mr. Zavert’s organization. Ivan had been sent there for a crash course in everything that he had learned before they departed for Hollywood.

“That’s a funny cable,” the clerk said to Alexei.

“My family is full of comedians. We always try to make each other laugh,” Alexei said.

“I understand,” the clerk said as he rolled his eyes at the cable he was sending.

This is what Alexei’s cable said to Boris: “A fish with no eyes is fsh”.